


What Are The Odds

by AntarcticBird



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 98,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntarcticBird/pseuds/AntarcticBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt had given up hope long ago, just waiting for the day he would finally move to New York, the day he could finally leave behind everything that was Ohio. Of course, Rachel had to pick that very day to introduce him to an 'old friend' of hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Kurt woke with a start as his phone started ringing the third time that night, almost falling off his bed as he reached for it blindly. Why on earth hadn't he remembered to turn it off? Quickly checking the caller ID, he buried his head in his pillow and let out a frustrated groan. Rachel. Again.

It was only two days until they were going to leave for New York and for the past week or so she had been calling him at all times of day (and night) to 'go over the details,' as she called it. Mostly, she had been reminding him at what time they were going to meet at the airport, or that he should remember to pack a toothbrush into his carry-on in case the airline lost their luggage, and just an hour ago she had actually called to ask his advice on what shoes to wear during the flight. And even though he had just hung up on her without even saying anything, she seemed far from discouraged, considering that she was actually calling again.

He shoved the phone under his pillow to muffle the sound, deciding to just ignore her. Didn't she ever go to sleep? How was she even human? How was he actually going to live with her? He _liked_ to sleep at night. It wasn't unusual. Unless you were Rachel, apparently.

Well, at some point she'd hopefully just pass out and leave him alone.

The ringing did stop eventually, just to start again about half a minute later.

Okay, so he should probably just get this over with now instead of having to deal with her anger at being ignored the next day and maybe then he could have a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep.

“What?” he barked into the phone, not even trying to conceal his annoyance.

“Oh, good, you're still awake.”

“I am now,” he yawned, rolling over onto his back,considering to just hang up again anyway. Seriously, this was becoming ridiculous. “What is it this time? Don't you ever sleep?”

“Oh my god.” Rachel sounded shocked. “We are leaving in two days. _Two days_ , Kurt! I haven't slept in a week. There is so much to do!”

Kurt sighed audibly, rubbing his face with his free hand. His bed was so warm, his pillows so soft, his eyelids so heavy... “I need my sleep. Sleep is good. Please tell me you have a good reason for calling me at this time of night.”

“They were all good reasons. Honestly, Kurt, I thought you'd be taking all of this a little more seriously...”

“I do take moving to New York very seriously, Rachel, but everything's already taken care of. Some of us are actually organized enough to get everything done in time, you know. We're leaving in two days. How are you not finished by now? How do you even manage to get dressed before leaving the house?” Dammit, he was tired. “Your organizational skills do leave something to be desired. And I swear to you, if you're calling me again to ask for packing advice, I'm going to – whatever,” he surrendered. “Just tell me what you want.” He'd finished his packing list three months ago, and even though in truth he did spend his days worrying and planning and re-planning and being freaked out about actually moving to New York – in a good way – it wasn't like he wasn't set to leave right this minute if he had to.

He heard Rachel humming into the phone and was sure he heard her typing something.

“Would you kindly stop ignoring me if you insist on keeping me awake all night?” Kurt snapped.

“Sorry, just needed to check something. Where was I.” She paused for a second, the clicking of the keys on her computer keyboard in the background. “Oh, yes – you'll never believe it, but did I tell you about this guy I met at that Six Flags audition last summer break? I just talked to him and –”

“Oh my god, Rachel.” Kurt cut her off. “First of all – how many people are you depriving of their beauty sleep tonight? I heard Finn talking to you on the phone not even an hour ago. Thanks for making him yell at you, by the way, the walls in this house are really thin and I absolutely _wanted_ to be woken up by my stepbrother yelling into the phone in the middle of the night. Second – no, I don't remember what guy you met at some audition over a year ago, sorry. I don't keep track of your weird love life.”

“Oh, no, it wasn't anything like that,” Rachel continued, not in the least discouraged by Kurt's obvious lack of enthusiasm. “Like I said, we met at this audition and I have to say, he's a really talented singer as well as very nice to look at. Okay, so we did have a brief affair. We sang a few duets together – it was breathtaking, you should have been there – but then he turned out to be gay. I wrote a song about it. It's very good, I should sing it to you sometime. Anyway, we still stayed in touch after that because of our incredible musical compatibility and he had mentioned that he was considering moving to New York after high school a few times, so I decided to call him tonight and he confirmed that he's indeed still going, and – believe it or not – we're actually on the same flight.” Even Rachel with her amazing lung capacity had to pause for breath after that and Kurt decided to use the opportunity to get a word in himself.

“Why is this so important that it couldn't wait until tomorrow? I'm sorry, I'm sure this is all very interesting, but it doesn't really qualify as an emergency. So, is there a point to this story or can I just hang up on you now and try to forget that I'm going to be living with a crazy person in two days?” Because. Seriously. Sleep. It was really high on his list of priorities right now. Definitely higher than listening to Rachel go on about song-inspiring failed romances.

“Technically, it already is tomorrow,” Rachel informed him, launching right into the second part of her speech. “So, if you have no objections, we're going to meet him at the airport the day after tomorrow and we'll all travel to New York together. He's a really nice guy, I'm sure you two will get along great. It will be nice for you to know someone else beside me. You know, friends are _so_ important. And I would have introduced you to him sooner or later anyway. Even if our brief romance was doomed from the start as I'm not exactly his type, I do think we'll continue our friendship once we're in New York. It would be really great if the two of you would become friends as well and I think this would be wonderful chance for you to – ”

“Oh no. Are you planning to set me up with someone? Really Rachel, I don't – ”

“Of course not!” Rachel at least managed to sound offended, but he didn't really buy it. After three years of knowing her, he could read her pretty well. “So, okay, he's cute, and he's gay – but no, I'm not telling you to date him. Absolutely not. I mean, if the two of you _do_ decide that you want to give it a shot, who am I to interfere. But that is _not_ why I want you to meet him, I promise. He's a good friend of mine and such a sweet guy and I'm just hoping the two of you will become friends. Like you and I are friends. Or like you and Mercedes are friends, or like – ”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Kurt just really wanted to get Rachel off the phone and get back to sleep. “Sounds great. Can't wait to meet him. Just please don't call me again. Like, ever,” he added, thinking this restriction might help reduce the calls to a reasonable number. No more than ten or twelve a day. He hoped.

“Fantastic. That's settled, then. I already sent him your picture and gave him your number and he's probably gonna call you sometime today, so...”

“You WHAT?” Kurt sat up straight, almost dropping his phone. “Why would you do that? How is that not trying to set me up with someone? What should it matter to him what I look like?”

Rachel did have the decency to be silent for a few seconds while trying to come up with an answer to that. “It's just in case you're both at the airport before me. How will you recognize each other?”

“Seriously, Rachel?”

“I'll let you get back to sleep now. So much to do! Bye, Kurt, see you in two days,” Rachel practically sang into the phone before simply hanging up on him.

Kurt let out a frustrated groan before slumping back into the pillows. He didn't really feel all that tired anymore, all of a sudden. Damn Rachel and her compulsion to stick her nose where it didn't belong. Not for the first time, he asked himself why he was friends with her again. Sure, she always meant well, but giving his picture to some random guy she met at some random audition over a year ago? Really? He did not need Rachel Berry, of all people, to find him a boyfriend. How pathetic was that? Whatever Rachel's intentions might have been for handing out his picture to random gay guys she'd once made out with, he'd have liked to grab her by the shoulders shake her right now. Waking him up for something like this? Giving his picture to a guy he had never even heard of? A guy who would most definitely not be interested in him? No one ever was. No one from Ohio.

Finally switching off his phone – he'd definitely had his fill of Rachel being crazy for one night – he rolled over onto his side, trying to distract himself with going over his packing list in his head until he had calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

It didn't work.

Why would Rachel think he wanted to be set up with someone? Why would Rachel think he wanted to be set up with someone _the day he finally moved to New York?_ A year ago, maybe. A year ago, he might have appreciated the thought. But Rachel knew what he'd been through. How hard it had been for him, always being alone, always being rejected.

She had witnessed it all, she had been his friend through some of it, she _knew_. She knew how he had struggled to accept who he was. She knew how it had hurt him to see all of his friends being able to act on their feelings, while he was damned to a life of loneliness.

He had tried, he really had. But after his crush on Finn, after his mistake about Sam, after all the teasing and bullying at McKinley, he had kind of lost faith. It was so hard to believe that he could have what everyone else was having one day, when the world he was living in insisted on reminding him, again and again, that he couldn't be loved, couldn't be wanted. What was the use of falling for someone when it was only going to break his heart? He was sick of the heartbreak, the hurt, the feeling of rejection.

If he was lucky enough, New York would be different. But right now, he just wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to take that step. Be brave enough to hope. It wasn't that he didn't want to... he just couldn't. Because it was going to end badly and he didn't think he could handle it. One day, the scars Lima had left would heal. One day. He definitely didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life. He also didn't want to get his hopes up just to be let down _yet again_. The start of his New York adventure would not involve any of _this_. It would be wonderful, amazing, everything he had ever imagined it to be. And doing it all on his own wasn't anything he wasn't used to. 'Lonely' was his default setting by now – maybe always had been – and while he wasn't fine with that, exactly, it was something he had learned to live with. It was better than being disappointed, rejected, heartbroken.

He didn't really feel tired anymore after talking to Rachel. Which was too bad, because he'd just had an amazing dream about singing in the Gershwin Theater again before the phone woke him up, only this time without having to break in and with an actual audience that was loving him, cheering for him. He'd like nothing more than to slip back into that dream. Instead, he was lying awake considering to leave his phone off for at least the next two days, in case Rachel's gay ex-boyfriend actually did try to call him. Or maybe he should be changing his flight so he wouldn't have to share a plane with either of them.

Oh god, the Mystery Guy probably was like a gay version of Jesse St. James – self-involved and as much in love with himself and his talent as Rachel was. Could he just maybe pretend to get sick and have to miss the flight? He really, really didn't want to meet a gay Jesse. Oh, and Rachel had actually given the guy his phone number, hadn't she? Well, he'd definitely need a new number now.

He checked the alarm clock on his nightstand. 2:53. Perfect. If Rachel was already keeping him awake while they were still in Lima, how much sleep would he be able to get once they were actually living together in New York?

He drew the covers up over his head and wished he'd decided to go to Los Angeles instead, or to Cleveland, or somewhere in Europe, or to the Moon, just anywhere that wasn't wherever Rachel Berry was going to live.


	2. Never Tell Me Dreams Come True

The day Kurt finally had to leave Lima came much too quickly, after all. He was looking forward to New York. So much. And yet, now that he was actually about to go there, he suddenly didn't feel ready anymore. It was terrifying, leaving behind everything he knew and heading into the unknown. He hadn't been happy in Lima. However, he was still going to miss it.

He knew he wouldn't be back before Christmas. And even then, when he'd be here again, he'd be a guest. Kind of. His room would still be here, his family would still be here, everything would be the same, and yet so, so different in ways he couldn't even imagine just yet. He was never going to truly live here again and that was a weird feeling. From now on, his entire life would be centered around a different place, there would be new experiences to shape it, new faces to surround him, new habits to pick up. It was exciting. It was scary.

All of a sudden, he felt very alone and very small and very young – and he was still standing in the familiar drive-way in front of his family's house, watching his dad closing the trunk of the car that now held everything he'd be taking with him to this new chapter of his life.

And then it was time to say goodbye and Carole was hugging him tight and he could feel her crying into his shoulder as his throat closed up with tears he didn't want to cry while he was clinging to his stepmother. Her eyes were a little red when she let go of him.

“I hope you have an amazing time in New York. I'm so proud of you. And I'll miss you, and -” another tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, smiling at him sadly. “Sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to cry. It's just that one of my sons is moving out, you know. Makes me a little emotional.”

Kurt felt something warm and heavy settle in his chest at the word 'son', a feeling of such safety and comfort it almost hurt. He quickly pulled Carole into another hug, not wanting her to see the tears he couldn't hold back any longer.

“Thank you. For everything,” he whispered.

Carole shook her head. “You never have to thank me, Kurt.”

Kurt smiled at her before turning towards Finn, who would be moving out a few days later. He was staying in Ohio, even though he knew Rachel had wanted him to come to New York with them.

So. How exactly did brothers say goodbye to each other? He was still new enough to this whole having-a-brother thing to suddenly feel kind of uncomfortable about it.

“Well.” He extended his hand awkwardly in Finn's direction. “See you at Christmas, I guess.”

Finn stared at his outstretched hand for a second, then shrugged. “Oh, whatever. Just come here, dude.” He pulled him into a rib-crushing bear-hug and patted his back hard enough to completely knock the breath out of Kurt for a second before taking a step back and grinning at him. “Have fun in New York. And keep an eye on Rachel. Like, don't let her do anything... crazy.”

“I'm not quite sure I know how to do that.” Kurt grinned back at him. “But I promise I'll do my best.”

“I appreciate that. And I'll come visit. Soon.”

“You know you're always welcome,” Kurt replied, finding, to his own surprise, that he really meant that. Maybe it hadn't been the easiest thing in the world for them to become brothers, but, Kurt thought, that was what they had become. It was nice. It was nice having a brother. And it didn't make leaving any easier.

“See you all in December,” Kurt said, before getting in the passenger seat of the car and quickly closing the door. He really, _really_ didn't like goodbyes. Hell, he wasn't even sure he really wanted to go, he didn't even know yet where he was going to find the courage and strength to get onto that damn plane and actually _leave_.

At least round one of goodbyes was over. It was just him and his dad now. Save the worst for last. This was the one goodbye he'd been dreading all along. He'd debated for a while whether he was going to ask Finn and Carole to come along to the airport, but he kind of wanted this time alone with his dad. As nice as it was to have a real family, it had been just the two of them for so long. He wanted those last few moments in Ohio to be just him and his father.

“You ready?” his dad asked after closing the driver's side door and turning the key in the ignition.

And with one last, long look at his house, at Carole and Finn standing side by side in the driveway, smiling and waving at him, Kurt took a deep breath and nodded and said what he really didn't feel. 

“Yeah. Ready.”

**

They didn't talk much during the drive. But that was okay, they'd never talked that much before. They'd always _talked_ , of course, about everything important, but Kurt had always found that one of the best things about his relationship with his dad was that they didn't have to. And right now his dad just knew that Kurt didn't want to talk. And Kurt knew that his dad didn't want to either.

Kurt spent the longest time of the drive just staring out the window, trying to think about nothing in particular. The sound of the engine and the smell of the car made him tired and reminded him of all the times when he'd been a little kid and had fallen asleep during long drives. How he had always woken up when his dad had lifted him out of the car and carried him all the way to his room, just so that he could go right back to sleep without having to wake up properly.

Saying goodbye to Carole and Finn and his house had already been difficult. How was he going to say goodbye to his dad, who had carried him for so long? He was kind of glad that Rachel and Mystery Guy – why didn't he know his name? – were going to be there. That way, he would have to pull himself together in order to not look like a complete fool in front of them. _Little Kurt who was scared of living in the big city all by himself without his daddy to take care of him_. Rachel would probably already have sent her dads home by the time they arrived. She'd probably be waiting for him with that expression on her face that always meant she was already five steps ahead of everyone else, all impatient for them to get checked in and get going.

What he certainly didn't expect to see as soon as they had parked the car and walked up to the agreed-upon meeting point was a sobbing, puffy-eyed mess in Rachel Berry's clothes, clinging to her two dads like they were going to disappear into thin air if she let go. Well, that was... awkward, but _thank god_ he wasn't the only one battling this gut-wrenching feeling of homesickness before having actually left home.

“Rachel?” he asked tentatively.

She spun around on her heals, wiping at her eyes furiously with her sleeves and looking genuinely embarrassed. “Kurt, I, I, um... well, hello.”

Kurt was actually torn between feeling amused, relieved and so, so sorry for both himself and Rachel because _god_ , why had no one ever mentioned how hard this was?

“You okay?” he asked, giving her a quick hug while his dad went to say hello to her dads.

“I – yeah. Just... tired, you know. I haven't been able to get very much sleep lately.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes at her. “And we do need to have a conversation about that later. Lay down some ground rules. Otherwise, I might end up murdering you sooner or later, and I don't want to go to prison. I hear the food is terrible and I doubt they would let me bring my own clothes.”

“How _did_ you manage to fit all your stuff into two suitcases? I feel like I've been packing and unpacking and re-packing for weeks and still haven't fit everything in there,” Rachel changed the topic, pointing at her own two gigantic suitcases that looked like she could actually live in them. And invite guests.

Kurt shrugged. “This isn't all of my stuff. Just what I need to survive the first two weeks or so.” His suitcases weren't much smaller than Rachel's, but, seriously, he had never known how many things he owned before he'd tried to fit them all into bags and boxes. “My dad's going to send the rest of it later.”

“Well, I guess we should probably get going. I don't want to miss the flight.” Rachel checked her watch before walking back over to her dads and Kurt felt his stomach churn as the tight feeling in his chest intensified.

“Yeah. Yes, we should.” He knew they still had plenty of time, but since it had to happen sooner or later...

His father was looking at him, smiling sadly, and Kurt wanted to cry. Instead, he shrugged, trying to physically shake the feeling off his shoulders, and forced his face into an awkward little smile. “Well, I guess this is it, then.”

“You sure you don't want me to wait? I could stay for a while,” his dad offered.

Kurt shook his head firmly. He knew he'd be too tempted to just go back and drive home again with him if his father didn't leave soon. Better to just get it over with.

“No. That's okay. I'm okay.”

His dad smiled at him and nodded once, then reached out to squeeze his shoulder. “Okay, buddy. I know New York's gonna be great for you. Just call me as soon as soon as you land, okay?”

Kurt nodded, not trusting himself to speak right now, instead just hugged his dad tight, burying his head into his shoulder. _I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry_ , he kept repeating to himself, fighting back the childish tears that were clogging up his throat again, preventing him from speaking.

“I'm going to call every day,” he managed to get out eventually.

“Good. I hope you do. Even if I know that you won't, after a while. But that's okay. I want you to live your own life. Just... be safe. Don't do anything stupid. I'm proud of you and I love you, you know that, right?”

Kurt let go of his dad, attempting a smile. “I know. I love you, too, dad.”

Rachel had finally said her goodbyes to her own parents and the three men walked away together.

They walked away and all Kurt wanted to do was to shout after his dad _Wait, come back, wait for me, I've changed my mind, I'm staying_ , but then he felt Rachel standing next to him and he took a deep breath and decided that it was time to actually grow up. Now or never.

“So,” Rachel said.

“So,” Kurt said, forcing a smile and attempting to ignore the sheer magnitude of the moment. “Where's your friend, then? The one who was going to be on the same flight with us?”

Rachel checked her watch. “He's going to be here any minute. His name's Blaine, by the way, I'm sure I told you that.”

“No, actually. You didn't.” _Really, Rachel?_

“Oh, I'm sorry. Must have slipped my mind. He should really be here by now, though. He's not usually late... Hey, don't tell me he didn't call you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “No. No, he didn't. And why would he?” He just couldn't believe her, sometimes. She didn't get it, did she? “Seriously, Rachel. What on earth were you thinking, giving him my number and showing him my picture? What the hell was that all about?”

Rachel shrugged, a fake annoyed look on her face. “It wasn't about anything. Why do you always assume the worst of me? I felt sorry for him for having to travel all by himself and I just thought it would be kind of unfair of me to invite a third person along for the trip without introducing the two of you first. Excuse me for doing the right thing! Oh, there he is.” She started jumping up and down, waving her hands in the air. “Blaine, Blaine,” she shouted. “We're over here! Over here! Blaine!”

Kurt looked in the direction she was waving and saw a dark-haired, short guy pushing a trolley with a large suitcase in their direction. So that was Mystery Guy, then. He could definitely see why Rachel had been attracted to him. He wasn't bad-looking. Not bad-looking at all, actually.

“Why is he by himself? Where are his parents?” It was the first thing he could think of to ask that sounded _'mildly interested, but no more than would be appropriate for any casual observer,'_ as the guy made his way over to them. He wasn't going to give Rachel the satisfaction of actually showing an interest that went beyond common politeness. Besides. No more pointless crushes, right?

Rachel didn't stop jumping and waving, even though Blaine's smile and the fact that he was looking right at them clearly indicated that he'd already seen them. “I think they couldn't make it.”

“They couldn't take their son to the airport the day he's moving out to live in New York?”

“It's complicated. Best ask him yourself,” Rachel suggested, and then Mystery Guy – Blaine – was standing right there in front of them and Kurt didn't get to ask any more questions for the moment.

“Hi,” he said. “I hope you haven't been waiting long?”

And, oh hey, that was a pleasant voice to go with those gorgeous eyes. Which were, of course, two completely irrelevant facts, Kurt kept reminding himself.

“Not at all.” Rachel beamed at him. “Our parents only just left. Blaine, this is Kurt. Kurt, meet Blaine.”

And then Blaine was looking at Kurt, offering him a radiant smile. And Kurt was pretty sure he had never before in his entire life seen a smile quite like this one. “Hi,” Blaine said, extending a hand in a formal gesture that Kurt found entirely too endearing. “It's so nice to finally meet you. Rachel's told me so much about you.”

Kurt could feel himself blushing as he took Blaine's hand. “Only good things, I hope.”

Blaine's smile only grew wider. Also, he had a very firm handshake. Kurt had always appreciated a nice firm handshake, it said so much about a person. The way their hands felt and everything.

“Of course, only good things,” Blaine said and let go of Kurt's hand.

“Oh, well. That means I get to introduce you to my dark side myself during the flight,” he said and blushed even more, because, holy hell, had he just tried to actually _flirt_ with a guy? Not that it had sounded very... _flirty_. But he was reasonably sure he wouldn't have said anything like this to Puck or Mike or really anyone else he knew. He made a mental note to think before opening his mouth from now on. Better safe than sorry.

“Okay, then.” Rachel clapped her hands together. “Are we ready to check in?”

**

Of course, _of course_ , Rachel had arranged it so that Kurt was sitting next to Blaine and Rachel two rows behind them. Actually, the seat two rows behind was technically Blaine's, but as soon as they'd got onto the plane Rachel had loudly declared that she was going to use the flight to get some sleep. Because the past week had just been _so_ stressful and so she would be _so very_ grateful if Blaine agreed to switch seats with her so that Kurt would have someone to talk to during the flight. And even though Kurt had seen that Blaine found all of this to be just as uncomfortable as he did, he'd been too polite to decline.

So here Kurt was, 30,000 feet in the air, next to a boy who had kissed Rachel Berry, but was, in fact, gay, and also really handsome and apparently destined to become his boyfriend if Rachel had her way. He still didn't have any idea what exactly her evil master plan might be here, but he didn't care much anymore. He was just simply going to kill her as soon as they got off the plane. How could she do this to him?

God, this was awkward. If only he knew what Blaine expected from him here. What had Rachel said to him? She could at least have had the courtesy of telling him that. Because this? Was going to be the most uncomfortable flight of his life and there wasn't even any turbulence. He stole sideways glances at Blaine, blushing every time he caught the other boy doing the same.

After a few minutes of this, Kurt decided it wasn't going to do. He would just have to say something, clear the air, so to speak.

“Listen,” he began, “I don't know exactly what Rachel has told you about me, but I...” What? But he what? Didn't know how to have a normal conversation with a guy he'd just met, only because said guy had a pretty smile and really nice hands? Wasn't interested in having his heart broken again? Had been rejected so many times he'd developed commitment issues the size of the North America? Dammit, he should have thought this through properly before opening his mouth. Stupid Rachel and her stupid ideas that had put him in this stupid position. Kurt Hummel always knew what to say. Things like this didn't happen to him.

“Well, actually,” Blaine cut in, “When I said Rachel had told me a lot about you, I meant she has talked about you. She hasn't really told me a lot. I mean, not _that much_. I mean, we haven't really talked lately anyway.” Blaine looked away and bit his lip and Kurt was glad that Blaine was apparently just as uncomfortable as he was. Also, it was kind of adorable, the way he was stumbling over his words. Which was a completely normal thing to notice and didn't mean a thing. “I mean, she told me some things. When we met last summer. Like, that you're an amazing singer and her only real competition in glee club, stuff like that. Nothing more.”

“Oh, okay.” Well, that was a relief. No creepy please-date-my-pathetic-friend stuff, then. “I just thought, because she said... that you guys were dating last summer and all that.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows in surprise. “We were _what_? Oh, that. God.” He shook his head. “Did she really say that?”

Kurt nodded. “According to Rachel, you guys dated for a while last summer until you discovered that you were gay. Then you dumped her, which inspired her to start a song-writing career. Or something like that. I was really tired when she called me, but I'm pretty sure that's what she said, yes.”

Blaine laughed, a little embarrassed. “I've certainly never dated Rachel Berry. And I've known I was gay for quite some time now.”

“Oh.” Kurt was going to kill Rachel. He was. Because seriously, what the hell?

“We met at an audition -”

“Six Flags, she told me,” Kurt interrupted. “She didn't make that up, too, did she?”

“No, that part's true,” Blaine said. “And we kind of started talking and I thought she was nice, if maybe a little bit...”

“Exhausting?” Kurt offered, finding to his surprise that it wasn't actually that bad, just talking to Blaine. No, really. It was kind of easy. Which wasn't necessarily a good thing, but hey, they were just talking, right? No reason to feel uncomfortable about an innocent conversation.

Blaine grinned at him. “Okay, yeah. Just don't tell her I said that. Anyway, she heard me sing and insisted on getting my number because she said she needed someone to practice duets with. We met up a few times over the summer and that's really all there is to the story.”

Kurt gave him a skeptical look. “Are you sure? I know Rachel well enough to know that she exaggerates things for dramatic effect, but making a few random duets into a full-blown relationship? That seems a bit much even for her.”

“Um.” Blaine looked away, blushing. “I might have kissed her one time. By accident. Or, well, actually, she kissed me. And, just so you know, it totally doesn't count.”

“Okay, and now you're going to have to tell me the whole story.” Yes. It was definitely easy to talk to Blaine. He had kissed Rachel. He was no danger to him. Kurt twisted slightly in his seat so he could look at Blaine better. “How can you kiss someone by accident? Was it dark and you mistook her for someone else? Did she trip and fall on your lips?”

Blaine sighed, admitting defeat. “It was at my cousin's wedding and we were drunk.”

“And why was Rachel drinking at your cousin's wedding? In fact, what was Rachel doing at your cousin's wedding in the first place?”

“We were singing,” Blaine explained. “Before you ask: yes, I sing at weddings. I know it's lame, but -”

“Oh, no, no. Not at all,” Kurt interrupted. “It sounds amazing. I love a good wedding. And at least you got to have solos in front of a real audience on a regular basis. I kind of envy you.”

“Oh, well.” Blaine smiled. “It is nice, yes. I love singing. I was in my school's glee club too. Even made it to lead soloist.”

If that was bragging, it somehow didn't sound like it, coming from Blaine. Still...

“Okay, and now I hate you.” Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was impressed, he couldn't deny that. He'd assumed Blaine must be a good singer, because Rachel had picked him as a duet partner, after all. Rachel didn't sing with just anyone. But, apparently, he was _really_ good. Kurt wondered if he would ever get the chance to sing with him. He kind of wanted to know what their voices would sound like together. In a completely professional and purely platonic way. Like a painter finding a new kind of paint he wanted to try. Did that even make sense? Whatever.

“Rachel told me you'd always fight her for every solo and that she thought you deserved more time in the spotlight than you got. I think from someone like Rachel, that's a huge compliment. I'd really love to hear you sing sometime.”

Kurt suddenly felt a lot less angry at Rachel. It _was_ a huge compliment, coming from her. “Well, my voice is a bit unusual, and then there's the fact that I kind of like singing girl songs...” he shrugged. “Didn't really make it any easier for me to get a solo.”

Blaine gave him a surprised look. “They didn't give you solos because of your song choices? Because that seems kind of unfair. I sing girl songs all the time. No big deal. A lot of my glee club solos were songs by women, even the ones for the competitions.”

Kurt had a hard time trying to control the big grin that was spreading across his face. Dammit, he _liked_ Blaine. Still... “Don't change the topic. You and Rachel. What happened?”

Blaine sighed throwing up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. Well, I was gonna sing at the wedding and I told Rachel about it and she told me she'd appreciate the opportunity to perform in front of a real audience for once -”

“You mean she just informed you she'd come along to the wedding without really giving you any say in the matter.”

Blaine laughed. “You've known her quite a long time, haven't you?”

“Continue with your story, please.”

“Well, there's not much more to say. We sang, then we got drunk, and then she kissed me.” Blaine shrugged. “That's the whole story. I told her I was gay, and it wasn't a big deal, really. Even though we didn't talk much after that. Or sing. But the summer was almost over at that point. School and all that. And then two weeks ago she just called me after I hadn't heard from her for about half a year and asked me if I was still going to New York and whether I wanted to go with you guys. So, end of story. Here I am.” He smiled at Kurt, a smile that was much too handsome for Kurt's liking, except that it didn't matter, because _New York_. Fresh start. There'd be many pretty smiles in that city. He'd learn not to be distracted by them.

“So, you're not actually Rachel's ex-boyfriend,” Kurt clarified.

“No!” Blaine shook his head, emphasizing the point. “Definitely not.”

“Good. That's great.” Kurt winced. He hadn't meant for it to sound like that. “I mean, good for you. Rachel and my stepbrother have been on-again off-again for years and she's not exactly low-maintenance. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.”

“Well, I _am_ gay. One hundred percent,” Blaine said. “So I guess I was never really in any danger.”

Kurt laughed. “I still don't get why Rachel didn't tell me all of that herself. And... wait. Did you say she asked you two weeks ago if you wanted to travel to New York with us?”

“Yeah, why?” Blaine asked.

“Because she only told me about you two days ago.”

Blaine looked confused. “She's been calling me every day for the past two weeks to go over the details. I just assumed she would have talked to you first and that you knew about this.”

Kurt shook his head. “I had no idea you even existed.” He let out a frustrated growl. “Just what I thought.”

“What?”

“Don't you get it? Rachel's trying to...” Kurt paused, blushing until he felt like his face was on fire. “She's... trying to be... nice. You know... introducing us. Probably her idea of a good deed.” Rachel knew. She _knew_ that if she'd just told Kurt about Blaine he would have been able to see right through her and he would have refused to meet him. She _knew_ he wasn't interested in a set-up.

“Oh.” Realization dawned on Blaine's face and he looked away too, and Kurt could see out of the corner of his eyes that he was staring at his hands like they were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. “Well. That's. Awkward.”

“Kind of,” Kurt admitted.

The silence stretched uncomfortably between them. Kurt opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of something clever to say and cursing himself for mentioning this in the first place, when they'd just started getting along.

“I think maybe we should -” Blaine said.

“The only thing we can do -” Kurt said at the same time.

They both laughed, feeling some of the tension between them seep away.

“You first,” Kurt said.

“No, you first,” Blaine responded, raising his hands. “I insist.”

“Okay.” Kurt took a deep breath. “This is clearly one of Rachel's crazier ideas. We don't have to let it affect us, though, right? I think we should just pretend like all of this never happened and act like we met under completely normal and _sane_ circumstances.” He started talking faster, his mind racing to come up with some explanation to offer Blaine, something less damaged than _I wish I could trust you but I'm just not ready._ “We're practically almost from the same place. We didn't live that far apart. I mean, you even know Rachel. And yet we never met before today, the day we're both leaving Ohio.” He was rushing the words, just wanting to get it all out before his courage failed him or he changed his mind or Blaine could turn him down first. “If we'd been meant to meet in Ohio, we would have. At a competition, at one of Rachel's parties... something like that. But we didn't. Also, I think we shouldn't let Rachel win this. I'm sure she meant well, setting us up on a blind date at an altitude of 30,000 feet, but... God, it's just crazy, isn't it?”

“I... guess.” Blaine was still staring at his hands. “So, you wanna start over? Pretend like we never put two and two together and just... keep talking?”

“Yes!” Kurt felt relieved. This was going better than he'd expected. “That's exactly what I had in mind. Pretend Rachel doesn't exist and keep talking to each other. I like talking to you. So. Friends?”

“I like talking to you too.” Blaine seemed to think about it for a second, then stretched out his hand. “Deal. Friends.”

Kurt took the hand offered him, shaking it firmly. “Very good, then. What were you going to say?”

“The same. I was going to suggest the same thing,” Blaine answered, a little too quickly, but Kurt let it slide. No more awkwardness meant they could actually have a conversation now. Blaine was a great guy – _no_ , he corrected himself, Blaine was a nice enough guy and now he was also a completely non-dangerous guy, because they had an agreement. Now, they could be friends. Wasn't that better?

**

“But didn't you ever get tired of wearing the same thing to school every day?” Kurt tried to picture Blaine in his school uniform. Had been doing so for the best part of the past twenty minutes, ever since he'd found out that Blaine had gone to Dalton. He'd considered transferring there for a while during his junior year, when the bullying had been really bad, but he simply hadn't dared to ask his parents about it, because there was no way they could have afforded the tuition. It meant, however, that he knew what those uniforms looked like. He'd done his research back then, daydreaming about a school in which he could walk down the hall without the fear of being shoved into a locker.

“I didn't really mind,” Blaine informed him. “You get used to it after a while and then it's actually really nice. You know, people have to talk to you before they make up their mind about you. They can't just look at what you're wearing and label you accordingly.”

Kurt looked at him, really looked, because he could now. There was no more awkwardness now that they had established some ground rules. Blaine certainly didn't look like he spent as much time worrying about his outfits as Kurt himself did. On the other hand, he didn't look like it didn't matter to him at all either. He looked... well-dressed, was all Kurt could think. Like he cared about his appearance. Those dark jeans and the tight red shirt, the way his hair was parted so meticulously and controlled with way too much product – Kurt didn't necessarily approve of those fashion choices, but they kind of worked for Blaine. Also, it meant that he must spend at least thirty minutes every day doing unspeakable things to his hair. Which meant that, provided they did become friends, Kurt would have to have a serious talk with him about that. No, seriously, the hair was just _not_ working for him.

“I don't think I could have gotten used to it,” Kurt stated. “I would have liked to be able to get up an hour later every morning, you know. But that's really the only advantage of a uniform that I can see. I like my clothes.”

“And they do look good on you,” Blaine replied, making it sound like he was commenting on the weather. “I mean, I can see why you wouldn't want to give them up.”

Kurt laughed. “Oh, thank you. I know. And by the way, I did wear a uniform for a short while, too. When I was a cheerleader.”

Blaine's eyes widened. “You were a cheerleader?”

“Just for a short time.” Kurt shrugged. “It was fun. I joined with my best friend, Mercedes. Ms Sylvester, the cheerleading coach, let us perform. She gave us the solos we didn't get in glee. I did miss wearing my own things, though.” He grinned. “On the bright side, I got to sing a fourteen-minute Celine Dion medley. In French. For the national cheerleading competition.”

Blaine looked seriously impressed now. “Well, that does sound like something worth wearing a uniform for.”

“It was. But ultimately, it really wasn't for me. It was nice while it lasted, but...” Kurt shrugged. He couldn't believe how comfortable it felt, sitting here with Blaine. And, if he was being honest with himself, he kind of wanted a friend. And, if he was being _really_ honest with himself, he kind of wanted _this_ friend. Rachel had been right, it would be so nice to have another friend in New York. Especially one who was so easy to talk to and so different from the guys he'd known so far. “So, anything in particular you're looking forward to in New York?”

**

Apparently, Rachel hadn't been joking when she'd told them she was going to sleep during the flight, as they didn't hear from her until they touched down in New York. Kurt was more than a little surprised to find they were there already. Talking with Blaine, it had felt like no time had passed at all. He was almost sorry to have to get off the plane, regardless of how much he'd been looking forward to finally being here.

Rachel re-joined them as they exited the plane, a curious look on her face as she kept watching them out of the corner of her eyes in a not very stealthy kind of way. Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine with an amused smile as Rachel turned away for a moment and Blaine winked – actually _winked_ – at him in return. Kurt felt his smile turn into a grin and he was grateful that Rachel chose this moment to ask Blaine something insignificant, because it meant no one would see him blushing. He would have to stop doing that. And fast. A deal was a deal.

Once they were off the plane, everything seemed to happen much too quickly. All of the people and all of those voices and the sheer size of everything – everything had been that much more quiet up in the air than it seemed now that he had both feet firmly back on the ground – and if Rachel and Blaine hadn't been with him, Kurt was sure he'd have been lost before he even made it to the baggage claim, there was just so much to take in.

And then they were outside the airport and Rachel was impatient for them to get going, get to the tiny apartment she had found for them. (Kurt still couldn't believe how cheap it was and expected something to be wrong with it – and he still couldn't believe he hadn't been there to approve of it. Stupid flu. He'd tried to talk his dad into letting him go anyway, but then he'd almost passed out when he tried to get up in order to prove that he was fine and that had been that.)

And then it was time to say goodbye to Blaine.

Which Rachel was done with in a second – just a quick hug and a hurried “we'll keep in touch.”

Kurt found himself feeling a little sad, all of a sudden. He'd have liked to keep talking for just a little while longer. Smiling shyly, he brushed a stray hair out of his face. “So. I guess I'll see you around.”

“Absolutely,” Blaine assured him. “Wait, I'll just give you my number – if you want it,” he added, a little hesitantly.

“Oh, yes, of course.” Kurt quickly searched for his phone, trying to sound less excited than he was about this. Friends had each other's phone numbers. No big deal. He found it in his pocket and handed it over to Blaine so he could type in his number. “And do you want mine – oh, no.” He laughed. “You already have mine, don't you?”

“Uh, yeah, I do.” Blaine avoided his eyes, instead glaring at Rachel who was completely oblivious to anything that was going on around her, her nose buried in what must be the largest map of New York known to mankind. Meaning it was easily twice her size.

“So, here we are,” Kurt said, taking his phone back now that it had Blaine's number in it. “You going straight to your dorm now?”

Blaine checked his watch. “I'm staying at my friend David's place for tonight. I can't move into my dorm before tomorrow.”

“Oh, you already have friends here?” Kurt pocketed his phone again, unwilling to just end their conversation. “That's nice.”

“Just the one,” Blaine explained. “He was a fellow Warbler. Graduated a year before me.”

“Kurt, are you coming?” Rachel yelled. Kurt looked over his shoulder to where Rachel was standing, holding open a cab door as she was waving at him impatiently.

“Looks like I have to go,” he sighed.

“Yeah. I wouldn't put it past Rachel to take off without you if you don't hurry.” Blaine grinned. “Need help with those?” he asked, pointing at Kurt's suitcases.

“No, I got it. Thank you. It was nice meeting you, Blaine Warbler,” Kurt said, and with a last smile at his new friend, started lugging his suitcases over to the waiting cab.

As they were driving away, Rachel chatting away about sleeping in uncomfortable plane seats and rummaging through her purse to find her headband, Kurt allowed himself one last look out the car window.

Blaine was standing where he'd left him, smiling that adorable smile of his and typing something into his phone.

Just a few seconds later, Kurt felt his own phone buzz in his pocket and pulled it out to see he'd received a text.

_It was nice meeting you too. Blaine_


	3. Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

“Rachel, wait!” Kurt squinted out the cab window, trying to read the street signs. “Not that I have the best sense of direction, but... is this right? I'm pretty sure we just took another wrong turn.”

Rachel didn't even look up from her phone. She'd been texting Finn for the past twenty minutes. “No, no, that's alright. We should be there any minute now.”

Kurt gave her a skeptical look. “Are you _sure_ you gave the driver the right address? Because according to the map we're really going in the wrong direction. And this looks nothing like the pictures you showed me.”

“Really? Well, pictures can't really capture the spirit of New York anyway.” Rachel finally lifted her head to look out the window, avoiding Kurt's eyes, which only served to make him even more suspicious.

“Rachel?” Kurt seriously started to worry now. He didn't want to start off his life in New York as a homeless person just because Rachel couldn't remember street names. “What's going on?”

“What? Nothing's going on,” Rachel informed him much too cheerfully, just as the cab came to a halt. “We're here. We're home.” And with that, she was out of the car, finally putting away her phone to twirl on the spot, both arms stretched to the side, a giddy smile on her face. “We're home, Kurt. Our first apartment. In _New York._ ”

Kurt followed her more slowly, craning his head to find something that would look even vaguely familiar. Something that had been in the numerous photos Rachel had shown him. However... “Rachel, seriously. This isn't right. This isn't the place. I do remember the pictures and unless they've torn everything down and rebuilt in a different style since you've last been here, this is definitely _not_ where we're living.”

Rachel ignored him, busy paying the driver instead, who had just taken their heavy suitcases out of the trunk and dumped them on the sidewalk unceremoniously. Kurt, however, couldn't even find it in himself to care about his mistreated possessions right at this moment. Because _this was not where they were supposed to be._ He was sure of it.

“Thank you,” Rachel said to the driver, who was already closing the driver's side door, ready to drive off.

“No, wait,” Kurt shouted, but the cab had already found its way back into traffic and it was official now – they were stranded in a strange city, who knew where, and his lunatic of a roommate apparently didn't even notice.

“Ready?” Rachel asked, and, without even waiting for his answer, grabbed her enormous suitcases that looked entirely too heavy for someone her size and headed for the door.

“No, no, I'm not ready. Rachel, we're in the wrong place.” Kurt hurried after her as fast as he could, dragging his own luggage behind himself. He wasn't going to be leaving it on the sidewalk, even if he was pretty sure he'd have to carry everything out again in a minute. When Rachel finally realized her mistake. Which really should be any second now.

Or... not. Rachel marched on ahead of him, a determined look on her face as she entered a building that was so not the one she'd sent Kurt pictures of a few weeks ago, and up a creaking yet clean staircase that _did not belong to the building they were going to live in._

“Here we are,” she finally declared, a little out of breath, as they reached the second floor. “Wait, I have the keys somewhere in my...” her voice became a little muffled as she almost climbed into her purse, producing a number of objects that didn't look at all like they would all fit in there.

On any other day, Kurt would have been the first to come up with a number of Mary Poppins references, but right now, he wasn't really in the mood for joking around. “Um.” He tried again. “Rachel, you haven't suddenly gone blind, have you?” he asked. “Because _we are in the wrong place._ ”

“Nonsense,” Rachel answered, finally finding what she'd been looking for, holding up the key with a triumphant noise. “And I can prove it.”

She shoved the key into the lock and turned it and – 

“Why do you have a key to this place? We don't live here.” Kurt stared at her, not sure what was going on anymore. “Where the hell are we? Why doesn't this look like the pictures?”

Rachel opened the door and dragged her suitcases over the threshold. “Well, are you just going to stand there or do you want to see your new home?” she called from inside the apartment.

Kurt shook his head in an attempt to clear his vision. Because clearly, he was imagining things. The key had fit. He had seen the pictures. This was not the right place. But _the key had fit_. This didn't look like the building from the pictures.

“Kurt?” Rachel called again, and he grabbed his suitcases and stepped around the door that was still blocking his view of the apartment. He didn't understand anything anymore, but – 

“What...” he stopped, rooted to the spot as soon as he got a full visual of the place before him. “Rachel, this is someone else's living room. Get out of there.” It was pretty obvious that this was not an empty apartment, judging by the expensive furniture, the large TV screen and the magazines on the table.

“Oh.” Rachel looked right past his face, smiling a little nervously. “I'm... I'm sure I mentioned it...”

“Mentioned what?” Kurt felt like he'd stepped into a parallel universe. None of this made sense, and, considering that this was Rachel, that could never mean good things. “Rachel, what haven't you told me?”

“Well...” Rachel paused and seemed to shrink a little, if that was even still possible for her. “That other place... I got the call two weeks ago...” She broke off again, fingers nervously playing with the key she was still holding. “There... there was someone else interested in it and they... well, they said they'd have to raise the rent by fifty percent, and there was no way we could afford that, right? So I –”

“So you decided you'd keep this a secret from me and hoped I wouldn't notice?”

“Kind of? You'd never seen the place, actually. And I... Okay, I guess it was _kind of_ my fault,” she admitted. “It's just that I told the landlord that we were both musicians and then there was this nice couple that wanted the place too – they're both accountants or something, you know, nice and quite people. So. Yes, it is my fault we didn't get it. I probably shouldn't have said all that stuff about rehearsing for auditions at all times of day...”

“You _what?_ ”

“...Anyway, I screwed up and I was embarrassed and I tried to make everything right, and... here we are. It is nice, though, isn't it?” Rachel gave him a hopeful look.

“You could have asked me for help, you know.” Kurt sighed. “You _should_ have, actually. This is going to be my home, too, you know?”

“Oh, but there was really no need to bother you with this.” Rachel beamed. “It all worked out perfectly.”

“I wouldn't exactly define informing me about something like that as _bothering me,_ ” Kurt replied, confusion quickly being replaced with anger. “I mean, I'm impressed you found something so quickly, but didn't it ever occur to you that maybe I would have liked to have a say in the matter?”

“It's just...” Rachel looked away, shrugging. “We didn't have much time and you're sort of... I was a little afraid we wouldn't be able to agree on anything. You have to admit that you're a little picky.”

“Excuse me, but I'm what?” Kurt gasped. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Rachel rolled her eyes at him. “Kurt, when you send me off all by myself to find us a place in this city...”

“I had the flu! I didn't catch the flu on purpose. I would have loved to go with you!”

“Whatever, Kurt. You actually wrote me a _list_ with specific instructions on what to be looking for.”

“Just to let you know what I wanted. It was just a short list, Rachel, just because I couldn't be there myself.”

“It was five pages. And your hand-writing's _tiny_.”

Resisting the urge to run head-first into the nearest wall, Kurt threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender. This discussion wasn't over, but he was too angry to continue it right now. “So, this is the apartment, then?” he asked, changing the topic.

“It is.” Rachel suddenly looked very proud of herself. “Isn't it lovely?” she sighed, taking a good look around. “I think we're gonna love it here.”

“I take it we have a roommate?” The anger was still obvious in his voice, but he didn't even try to suppress it. This was not how he'd imagined his arrival in New York. With Rachel making all the choices and him just having to accept all of it.

“Oh. Oh, yes, we have. But don't worry, you two will get along great.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. “You already met him?”

“Of course I have!” Rachel looked at him like he was crazy. “You think I'd move in with a random stranger? In that case, I could have moved into a dorm. Seriously, Kurt. No, of course I know him and so do you.”

“I know him too?” Okay, this was getting more and more befuddling. And annoying. “Just spill it, Rachel. I'm tired of this and I'm tired of this day and I'm five seconds away from murdering you, but I'd like to know who I'm going to live with after that, first. If you don't mind.”

Rachel opened and closed her mouth, looking like a fish on dry land, but before Kurt got a chance to ask her to please have the courtesy to finally speak to him, a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.

“Oh, you're already here.”

Kurt froze, his eyes widening in shock, before he turned around, slowly, slowly, not quite ready to have his eyes confirm who he already knew that voice belonged to.

“Jesse!” Rachel exclaimed before hurling herself across the room to hug her ex-boyfriend hello.

“Jesse!” Kurt repeated, decidedly less excited than his roommate. “Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no.” He pressed his fingers to his forehead. This wasn't happening. He was dreaming. Having a terrible nightmare. He'd wake up in the cab any second now to find they had arrived at their apartment. The real one. The one from the pictures. The one that wasn't also the home of Jesse St. James, Most Annoying Person To Ever Walk The Face Of the Earth. His new roommate. What had he ever done to deserve this?

“Kurt. It's so good to see you again.” Jesse walked over to him, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. “When Rachel called me and told me you guys were going to be homeless, I immediately thought this would be a brilliant idea. My own roommates just moved out a few weeks ago and this apartment really is too big for just one person. This all worked out perfectly. Excellent timing and all that. God, isn't this exciting?”

He turned back towards Rachel, who was nodding eagerly, bouncing up and down on her feet and clapping her hands together. “It's perfect.”

Kurt still had trouble breathing. This wasn't real. None of this was real. It couldn't be. “Rachel?” he said, his voice trembling slightly from a mix of confusion and suppressed anger. “We're not living with Jesse, right? Tell me you didn't make us move in with Jesse St. James.”

“I know, I can't believe it either,” she squealed. “Three artists, living together in New York. This is going to be _so_ awesome.”

“ _No!_ ” Kurt couldn't quite believe her. “No, it's _not_. Are you crazy? What the hell were you thinking? I'm not living with _him_.” He pointed at Jesse, who didn't even seem to notice he was being insulted.

“Let me show you your rooms,” he just said, motioning for them to follow him. “My room's the biggest, of course, but I'm sure you'll like yours as well. My old roommates left some stuff and I added some things too. My parents buy me a new bedroom set every year and I thought you two could use some of my old stuff.”

“That's so thoughtful of you,” Rachel said. “Kurt, isn't that so thoughtful of him?”

“Yeah,” Kurt answered. “Great. Rachel, can we maybe step outside for a moment and talk privately?”

“Oh my god, a piano!” Rachel practically skipped across the room to run her hands over the black, shiny, very expensive-looking instrument in an almost loving way. “This is all so great.”

“It really is.” Jesse smiled happily. “That reminds me, I should tell you right now. I practice best late at night, so if you're light sleepers, I suggest you adjust your sleeping rhythms accordingly. You're always welcome to listen, of course. I'm sure you can learn a lot from me. Where were we.” He snapped his fingers. “Right. Rooms. So, Rachel, I thought you'd take this one,” Jesse pointed to the door to the right, “and then that one will be Kurt's,” he continued, indicating the door to the left. “Go on, take a look,” he added, when Kurt just continued to stand there, not showing any interest in seeing the room that would be his new home for... well, as long as it would take him to find somewhere else to live and be out of here.

“All right then.” Kurt sighed, feeling the beginnings of a dull headache coming on. “How bad can it possibly be?” Opening the door to the left, he found this question answered almost immediately. “Oh my...” he stopped dead on the threshold, unable to take even another step towards the sight that greeted him. He just stood gaping, mouth hanging open, trying to make a sound, but nothing came out. “What... how... this...” he finally croaked.

“I know, it's pretty amazing, isn't it?” Jesse was standing next to him all of a sudden. “I thought you might like it. Everyone does. Rachel's room looks just the same.”

“Your face.” Kurt could barely control his voice by now. “It's... everywhere.”

The whole room was covered in posters of Jesse St. James. Some of them close to life-size. Some of them with his smiling face, some of them in profile with a thoughtful expression, some obviously photos that were taken on stage, with Jesse singing, arms spread and head thrown back, belting out some song.

“No way you could be anything but an artist in this room,” Jesse informed him. “Every time you need inspiration, just look at the walls and there I am.”

“I... I can't...”

“No need to thank me. I have boxes full of those. Consider it a welcome present.” Jesse patted his shoulder, grinning brightly. “So, make yourself at home,” he added, before walking over to the piano.

“I love this place,” Kurt heard Rachel calling from the other room. “Why did your old roommates ever move out?”

Jesse shrugged. “Artistic differences,” he explained. “I think they were jealous of my incredible talent. Left the apartment every time I started rehearsing.”

“Lucky for us,” Rachel replied.

“Isn't it?” Jesse turned back to Kurt. “You should really start unpacking. And then we can all have dinner together and talk about old times.” He smiled brightly.

“Old times,” Kurt repeated. “Right. Sounds just wonderful.” He kept standing in the door frame for another minute, debating whether he should actually enter the room (because, seriously, _creepy_ ) or simply stay out here in the hope that it might disappear if he just waited long enough.

But Jesse was out here, Jesse who was now singing “Fortune Favors The Brave” on top of his lungs, accompanying himself on the piano, so Kurt decided that the posters were still better than the real thing. Because, really. He was slowly reaching the end of his patience. He just needed some peace and quiet for a while. A long while, if possible. He kind of had a lot to digest right now. So he took one deep breath and quickly stepped inside, banging the door shut behind him with enough force to make the walls shake. At least the force of it made one of the posters come loose and he watched as Jesse's face slowly slid down to the floor from where it continued to smile up at him cheerfully. He shuddered. Well, all of those would have to go before he could even consider sleeping in here.

He was halfway through ripping them down – it felt kind of cathartic, he was feeling calmer already – when there was a knock on the door.

“What?” he yelled. Okay, so he hadn't fully calmed down yet. Whatever.

The door opened a crack and Rachel poked her head around the door frame.

“Can I... can I come in? Please?”

“Why do you even ask? You usually don't when it's something important,” Kurt snapped at her.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked.

Kurt snorted. “What makes you think that?”

Rachel came inside anyway, closing the door a lot more gently than Kurt had done before. “I _wanted_ to tell you,” she started to explain. “But somehow... it never came up.”

“It never came up that we lost the apartment we had both decided on and instead had to move in with one of the biggest jerks in existence?”

“He isn't that bad once you get to know him.”

“That's the thing, though. I don't want to get to know him. I don't want to live here. I don't want to share a home with Jesse St. James.”

Rachel nodded and leaned back against the wall. “I know you two don't get along so well. But... I kind of panicked when I found out _two weeks ago_ that we wouldn't have a place to live. You know, I promised I'd taken care of everything and it didn't work out and I just wanted to fix it. And then Jesse called and we talked and... he offered. Can't we just... can't we just try this?” She gave him a pleading look. “I promise, if it doesn't work out, we'll find somewhere else to live. Just... give it a try. Please.”

Kurt shook his head. “I just don't get why you didn't tell me when our plans fell through. We could have come up with a new plan. Together. We would have thought of something. Instead you went behind my back and just...”

“Look, I'm sorry, okay?” Rachel really did sound like she meant that. “I just panicked. I didn't know what to do. I'm really sorry, Kurt.”

He sighed. “Okay.” He didn't really know what other option he had at the moment anyway. “I'm not happy about this, I just want to make that _very_ clear. And I'm still mad at you and I will be for a while. You'll just have to live with that, I'm afraid. But, okay, I'm going to give this a try. Doesn't really seem like I have a choice, right? One week. I'll try one week. And if it doesn't work out, I'm going to find someplace else, with or without you.”

Rachel smiled at him. “Thank you. I promise you won't regret it. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. And we're still in this together, okay? I know you're probably worried I'll be spending all my time with Jesse now, but there's nothing going on between us anymore. I have Finn, remember? I wouldn't do that to him. And if I ever do want to hang out with Jesse, I don't know, you can always call Blaine – ”

Kurt gasped. “That's why you wanted me to meet him. Because you felt guilty about this and you thought –”

“But you guys did get along great, didn't you?” Rachel was positively beaming at him now. “Seemed to me like you really hit it off...”

“That's not the point,” Kurt interrupted. “Don't change the subject. And, by the way, does Finn even know about our new living arrangements? Wait, is _that_ why he was yelling at you over the phone the other night?”

Rachel squirmed a little. “No. I... haven't told him yet, actually.”

“Oh my god.” Kurt stared at her incredulously. “You know you have to, right? As soon as possible. He's going to freak out when he hears this, and he'll have every right to do so. You know that.”

“He'll understand,” Rachel said, even though she didn't sound like she really believed it.

“Then why haven't you told him yet? I think you should – “”

“Oh, I think Jesse's calling for me,” Rachel cut him off, even though Kurt couldn't hear anything. “We're going to order take-out later. Tell me what you want and I'll pay, it's the least I can do,” Rachel added hastily, before backing out of the room, leaving him alone and a little less confused, but no less furious than before.

It took him another fifteen minutes to rid the room entirely of Jesse's face. By the time he was finished, he was not only exhausted, but also decidedly calmer. The room itself wasn't too bad, once the creepy posters were all gone. Not very big, but his stuff would fit in here and he had a view of the street, which meant it wasn't very quiet, but at least he could see the city from his window. Maybe, just maybe, he could do this after all.

His phone buzzed where he had put it on the windowsill and he saw he had another text from Blaine. He couldn't quite help the smile that spread across his face as he read it. He was kind of glad no one was here to see it.

_Figured you must be in your new apartment by now and wanted to wish you a good first night in NY._

He hit the reply button before he could think about it too much and texted back:

_a good night to you too. Not sure how good mine will be, though. Just wait till you hear what Rachel has done now._

About half a minute later his phone started ringing, the caller ID informing him it was Blaine.

“Tell me everything,” he said as soon as Kurt had answered, and Kurt didn't need to be told twice. He definitely needed a sane person to talk to right now. He'd call his dad later, but, he thought, it was probably best to get everything off his chest first, calm down a little. He didn't want to worry his family too much if he could avoid it.

“Oh my god,” he began. “I don't even know where to start.”

“That sounds bad,” Blaine replied, laughing. “What did Rachel do this time?”

Kurt sat down on the single bed that Jesse's old roommate had left behind – the mattress creaked horribly and gave off a weird smell, meaning that would be the first thing that would have to go, but he could worry about that later. He took a deep breath and started telling Blaine the whole story.

After he was finished, Blaine was silent for a while. “That's... crazy,” he finally said, sounding more amused than shocked. “He really put up posters of himself? In your room?”

“He said it might inspire me.”

“To do what?”

“No idea,” Kurt answered. “But I feel better now that I took them down.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“So, how's your first night in New York so far?” Kurt asked, changing the subject. He didn't really want to talk about Jesse or Rachel anymore.

“It's okay,” Blaine said. “But now that I've heard your story, I'm kind of afraid to move into my dorm room tomorrow. Who knows what will be waiting for me there. Apparently, people in this city are a lot more insane than I thought.”

“Thank you for listening to me, by the way,” Kurt said. “I really needed to tell someone all of this and if I'd called my father he'd probably have had me on the next flight back home.”

“You're welcome,” Blaine answered. “My friend is at some rehearsal, so I'm all alone in a strange city. It's nice to have someone to talk to.”

“It really is,” Kurt agreed.

Blaine was silent on the other end and Kurt bit his lip nervously, not quite sure how to continue the conversation. It felt comfortable, talking to Blaine, and yet they had only met this afternoon. It wasn't like there was an abundance of topics for them to talk about. He didn't want to end the conversation either, though. Because that meant he would have to leave this room eventually and face the crazy that was Jesse and Rachel. Besides, he liked talking to Blaine. He really liked talking to Blaine. Too much for someone he just met, probably. But Blaine seemed so nice and normal. A nice guy with a nice voice, someone who was there when he needed someone to talk to, even though he'd only known him for a few hours. And Blaine didn't seem to mind talking to him, either. Kurt just wasn't really used to making friends so quickly, that was all.

“Look, I don't know anyone in this city yet, well, except for my friend David,” Blaine finally broke the silence. “So, I don't know, if you ever want to hang out or anything, if things get too crazy with your roommates, or, I don't know... just, feel free to call me, okay”

Kurt couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. “Thank you. I will. And...” he felt a little dizzy all of a sudden. Must be an after-effect of the flight, combined with the fact that he hadn't eaten yet. “You know you can call me too, any time.”

“I already did,” Blaine answered, and Kurt could hear him grinning over the phone. “But thank you. In fact, what are you doing this weekend? Because I was planning on exploring the city a bit, and, I thought, if you wanted to come along...”

“Sure, yes, absolutely,” Kurt interrupted, a little too quickly perhaps. “That sounds... nice. I was going to do that anyway, and if I can go with you I have a good chance of not getting stuck with Jesse as a tour guide. He'd probably want to show me all the street corners people have asked him for autographs or something.”

Blaine laughed. “Well then, I'm glad I can help. Call you tomorrow for the details?”

“Yes, okay.” Kurt clutched the phone a little tighter, trying not to sound too excited. “Talk to you then.”

“I'm looking forward to it. Good night, Kurt.”

“Good night, Blaine.”

He was about to let himself fall back onto the bed after hanging up, remembering at the last second that he'd really prefer not to come into too much contact with it if he could help it. He'd have to buy a new mattress first thing tomorrow.

He sighed and kept staring at the phone in his hand, feeling warm all over and considerably more at home now, in this apartment, in this city.

Somehow, hearing Blaine's voice alone had made him feel a lot calmer and a lot less homesick, and while he wondered a little how someone he had only known for a few hours could have that effect on him, he didn't really want to dwell on it too much. He felt better now, and wasn't that really all that mattered? It had nothing to do with anything. It was probably a little too early to say they were friends. They'd known each other for a day. But he couldn't help it, there was something about Blaine that made Kurt trust him almost instinctively, as if he'd known him for much longer than just one afternoon. He had learned the hard way to protect himself, to be cautious around people, to not expect anything from anyone, ever. But with Blaine, it was difficult to stick to those rules he'd made for himself. He _wanted_ to know Blaine. He _wanted_ to spend time with Blaine. As friends. Nothing more. And, after all, Blaine had texted him first, had called him first. And after the very, _very_ short time they'd known each other, Kurt was a little scared to find how strangely happy that made him.

And to think that this time the day before, he'd still been afraid of meeting him, thinking he was Rachel's ex-boyfriend and thus possibly a crazy person.

“Kurt, are you in there?”

Rachel's voice brought him back to the present, and he rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see it.

“Of course I am. Where would I have gone?”

“We're going to order food. Do you want anything?”

“I'll be with you in a minute,” he answered, waiting until he heard Rachel's footsteps retreating before he got up and looked around the room again.

He could do this. Tomorrow, he'd go buy himself a mattress, and some other small things to make it look more like this was his room.

And then, this weekend, he'd meet up with his new friend and get to know this city a little better.

Sure, none of this was turning out the way he'd planned it so far. But when had that ever stopped him? He had survived Lima. He could survive sharing an apartment with Rachel and Jesse. Taking another deep breath and mentally preparing himself for whatever would meet him on the other side, he opened the door and entered the madness that was his new life.


	4. The Gleaming Rooftops At Sundown

He met up with Blaine early on Saturday, already tired from explaining to Jesse over and over again that he was really not going on a _hot date_. Classes hadn't started yet, so he was extremely glad for the chance to leave the apartment for a while and spend some time with a sane person for a change.

Blaine was already waiting for him by the time he got to their meeting point, smiling brightly when he saw him, and even though Kurt still wasn't sure exactly what to say or how to act around him, he couldn't help that feeling of excitement bubbling up in his chest at the idea of an entire day with him. Blaine was just... well, he was just Blaine.

“Hey,” Blaine greeted him.

“Hey,” Kurt answered.

The silence that followed stretched between them for what seemed like minutes to Kurt, smiling at each other awkwardly, until Kurt finally looked away and cleared his throat, trying his best to suppress the blush that was rising in his cheeks. Not for the first time in his life he cursed the fact that he was so fair-skinned.

Okay. This was a little weird, after all. He racked his brain for something to say, just something to make this less embarrassing. They had exchanged random texts over the past two days, but that wasn't the same as actually talking to someone. He'd been thinking about this so much that he'd kind of forgotten they didn't really know each other, not yet. But now that he was here, face-to-face with Blaine again, he wasn't really so sure anymore that this was such a good idea.

“So...” he paused. “How do you like New York so far?” Oh yes, that was a great way to start a conversation, Kurt thought. Maybe they could talk about the weather next.

“Oh, it's... I think I like it,” Blaine answered. “I mean, I haven't seen much, but that's what today is for, right?”

“Right.” Kurt smiled, stuck again.

Blaine was the one to break the silence first. “So, how are your roommates?”

“Oh my god.” Kurt rolled his eyes, relieved to finally have something to talk about. “You will never believe what Jesse has come up with now.”

“What has he done this time?” Blaine sounded genuinely interested and Kurt liked him just that much more for it, for taking an interest, for helping him break the ice like this.

“I told you he was kind of obsessed with being famous and all that?”

Blaine nodded and Kurt continued. “Well, apparently he has thought of a new way to become a star over night. Something only he could come up with.” Kurt paused for dramatic effect, taking a deep breath before he continued. “He somehow got it into his head that it's always the gay actors who get the best parts in the musicals. Which is why he's currently looking for a boyfriend. He asked me if I wanted the part.”

Blaine gasped. “He... what?”

Kurt almost had to laugh out loud at the shocked expression on Blaine's face. “He asked me to be his boyfriend for a few months. Well, asked me to _play_ his boyfriend, to be exact.”

“As in...”

“As in, exactly what it sounds like.”

Blaine's eyes widened. “But... Why? Are you going to do that?”

Kurt raised his eyebrows. “What do you think? Of course I said no. As for why... well, he's Jesse.”

Blaine thought about this for a moment. “So... Jesse's gay?”

Kurt laughed. “God, no. He really isn't.”

“But then, why?”

“Because he wants to be, I quote, _'more interesting as a potential musical icon to the world of Broadway.'_ Apparently he auditioned for Roger in some production of Rent, and they gave the part to someone else.” Kurt shrugged. “And that kind of kicked off some sort of premature mid-life crisis. I don't know. I don't really want to know, to be honest.”

Blaine just stared at him. “Wait, wait. Let me get this straight... He asked you to be his boyfriend so he would get cast in musicals?”

“Exactly.” Kurt smiled at Blaine's confused face.

“Because he wasn't cast as Roger? Roger isn't even gay.”

“I don't think it really was the musical that brought this on. He's just weird that way.” Kurt didn't actually believe that any of Jesse's actions were grounded in logic. At least not any kind of logic that could be grasped by a normally functioning brain.

“But how was he going to pull it off? I mean, what exactly did he want you to do?”

Kurt shrugged. “He had the whole thing planned out already. He said about a month from now I should start accompanying him to auditions, go out to dinner with him a few times a week and hold his hand in public places so people could take pictures of us. And then he was going to _'dump'_ me in March, so he asked me not to date anyone until July of next year, because the public needed to believe that I needed some time to get over him.”

“That's... insane.” Blaine shook his head. “That's just... insane.”

“Well, that's Jesse St. James for you.” Kurt was kind of used to all of it by now, which didn't stop him from _noticing_ the madness, of course. “But yes, even for him that's a little... much.”

“So, how did he react when you said you weren't interested?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “He didn't understand, of course. He gave me a week to reconsider.”

Blaine was laughing now. “I assume you won't change your mind, though, will you?”

“That's highly unlikely.” Kurt sighed. “But enough about my roommates. There's an entire city waiting for us. We shouldn't keep it waiting any longer, don't you think?”

“No, you're right.” Blaine smiled back at him. “Well, then. Shall we?”

“Absolutely,” Kurt replied. “Let's go.”

“But you're telling me the rest of this story over lunch,” Blaine insisted. “Seriously, I need to hear all about this.”

Kurt nodded. He really needed someone he could talk to about this, after all, just to make sure he wasn't the crazy one here. He was pretty sure of his own sanity, but living with his roommates, it was good to be reminded of it on occasion. “Oh, I'm so going to tell you all about this. It's too good not to share it with someone. So, where to first?”

Once again, he was more than grateful for the opportunity to spend an entire day with Blaine. In his constant attempts to hide from Jesse with his weird ideas and avoid Rachel who was completely stressed out about starting college and doing nothing but vocal exercises all day, forcing everyone who didn't run fast enough to listen and tell her if her voice sounded weaker or stronger than the day before, he was slowly turning into a hermit. Clearly, he needed someone like Blaine in his life.

**

While New York was every bit as wonderful as Kurt remembered from the time he'd been there for Nationals, it also was really, really big.

By 5 pm Kurt could hardly lift his feet anymore and Blaine was yawning constantly, looking like he hadn't slept in days. If Kurt hadn't been so tired himself, he was sure he would have found it way too adorable. Okay, he still found it adorable, but he could just blame it on the city and his beginning headache. And forget about it. Still, they found themselves walking more slowly, taking every chance they got to sit down anywhere – benches, steps in front of public buildings, subway seats – and they hadn't even been to half the places they'd planned to see.

So by 6 pm they found themselves in a tiny coffee shop not far from Kurt's apartment, both silent, exhausted, overwhelmed by the life of the city all around them, moving at a pace that was so very different from their home towns.

“My feet hurt,” Kurt complained.

“My head hurts more than your feet,” Blaine answered, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup. It was cold outside, unseasonably so for this time of year, and they'd just spend the entire day walking around in the chilly September air. Kurt loved the fall – the colors, the crisp, clean smell of the air outside, the rain, the clothes. But right now, his fingers felt frozen and he couldn't really feel his toes and he longed for summer and to find a comfortable position to sit in.

“How do you even know that? My feet really hurt _a lot.”_ Kurt was actually debating whether or not it was okay to take his shoes off in the middle of a coffee shop. It was just a passing thought though and he dismissed it again immediately, a little shocked at himself for even thinking about it.

“Because nothing can hurt as much as my head is hurting right now,” Blaine explained. “God, do people never shut up in this city?” He groaned, dropping his head on the table.

Kurt hadn't even noticed before, but now that Blaine had mentioned it, he heard it as well – the constant hum of voices surrounding them like an angry swarm of bees. It was kind of annoying once he became aware of it.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asked.

Blaine looked up at that. “Where do you want to go?”

“I live close by,” Kurt explained. “And while my roommates can be a bit... irritating, at least they don't talk all the time – well, sometimes they do, but at least I can yell at them to stop. It has been known to work on occasion. And I could take my shoes off. I really want to take my shoes off so much, you have no idea.”

Blaine nodded. “Sounds good. Let's go.”

**

Of course, Jesse was home. Kurt had been hoping he'd be at some rehearsal, or standing at some street corner forcing his autographs on people or something. But no, there he was, on the living room couch, typing something on his laptop.

“Oh, good, you're home, I need to talk to you,” he greeted Kurt, before his eyes wandered over to Blaine. “And you must be Kurt's boyfriend. Nice to meet you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “He's not my boyfriend, Jesse,” he said, slowly, as if speaking to a child. It felt like every conversation he'd had with Jesse over the past week had gone like this, ever since he'd accidentally mentioned Blaine's name in his presence. “This is Blaine. I told you about him, remember? He's just... a friend, okay?”

Jesse frowned. “He's gay, right?”

“I am,” Blaine jumped in.

“And you're sure that you're not his boyfriend?” Jesse directed that question at Blaine.

“Um, yes?” Blaine answered, giving Kurt a confused look.

“Just... ignore him,” Kurt advised. “Don't even answer him.” And seriously, he was blushing again. Good thing it was cold outside and his face was already red from the sudden warmth of the apartment.

“Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed, Kurt,” Jesse assured him. “I just assumed there was a boyfriend in the picture when you told me you couldn't date me. Does this mean you've reconsidered? This is going to be great. If it's true that you're single, then why did you even need time to think about this?”

“Oh, god.” Kurt interrupted, staring at him incredulously. “You just don't get it, do you? Blaine,” he continued, “my room's right through here.” And without awaiting any further explanation from Jesse, he grabbed Blaine's hand to lead him across the living room.

It wasn't until he closed the door to his room that he noticed Jesse had actually followed them in there.

“It's just that after the whole fiasco with Rachel I was so depressed I considered giving up women altogether,” he explained in Blaine's direction. “And then this idea struck me and, seriously,” he turned back to Kurt. “It's so perfect, can't you see that? This is the opportunity of a lifetime for you. Being seen with me? As my boyfriend? Once I'm famous you can have all the parts in all the musicals you ever want. Being gay seems to be becoming a thing in the music industry these days, so I should come out quickly and get all the good parts before everyone else has the same idea. So that's why-”

“Oh god, please stop talking now,” Kurt begged him. “And get out of my room. Now.” He looked to Blaine for help, who was staring at the floor intently, looking like he'd burst out laughing any second now.

“Anyways,” Jesse continued, dismissing what Kurt had said with a wave of his hand, “if the two of you really aren't together, I think we can speed up the process a bit, right? I'm working on my autobiography and I'm actually writing that chapter right now, so I thought we'd just stick to my original plan. Are you okay with it if we start 'dating' next month? And I scheduled the break-up – in public, though I haven't decided on a place yet – for early March, I was thinking the fifth—”

“Get out of my room, Jesse. I mean it.” Seriously, what did it take to finally shut Jesse up? Kurt already felt like he was going to have a major headache from this conversation for at least a week.

“So, the only thing you really have to do is not date anyone else between next month and July of next year, and be seen in public with me, and everything will be—”

“Jesse!” Kurt interrupted sharply. “If you don't leave my room this instant, I'm going to start throwing things at you. Or kill you. This is not an empty threat. I mean it.”

Jesse shrugged and sighed dramatically. “Fine. I don't get why you're so opposed to this, though. But okay. I'm going to put off writing this chapter. I promised to give you a week to think about this. Granted, that was when I still thought that little guy there was your boyfriend, but—”

“Out. Now.”

“Alright.” Jesse threw up his hands, admitting defeat. For now. “You'll come to your senses soon enough.” With that, he turned on his heels and headed for the door. “Oh, and,” he added, looking back, hand already on the doorknob, “Blake?”

“Blaine,” Blaine corrected him.

“Whatever. If our little Kurt here insists on being so stubborn – well, you're a bit short, but if you want, you can audition for the part as well. Think about it.” And with a last shrug in Kurt's direction, he was finally gone.

Kurt sank down on his bed, burying his face in his hands, not sure whether to laugh or run to the airport and catch the next flight back to Ohio. “That was my roommate,” he mumbled through his fingers, not looking at Blaine.

“He's... interesting,” Blaine answered, and Kurt could hear the suppressed laughter in his voice.

Kurt looked up at him, slightly annoyed now. “You're just saying that because you don't have to live with him.”

“He called me a _little guy._ Trust me, I'm not his biggest fan,” Blaine said reassuringly.

Kurt couldn't help but smile at that. “There's nothing wrong with your height. Don't listen to Jesse, he's an idiot.”

Blaine shook his head, giving Kurt an affectionate smile. “I think all of that was kind of hilarious.” He was laughing now, quietly, as if he didn't want to upset Kurt by finding this too funny. “But I see what you mean. You... you know you can always take refuge at my place if it gets too bad, right? You know, before you actually go through with that threat of killing him.” He sat down next to Kurt and gently placed a hand on the other boy's knee. “I wouldn't want you to accidentally murder anyone. You might go to prison and I couldn't hang out with you anymore. I like hanging out with you.”

“You wouldn't visit me if I was in jail?” Kurt put a hand over his heart and tried to look shocked. “You would just forget about me, just like that? Does my friendship mean nothing at all to you?”

Blaine put on the best serious face he could manage. “I like you, Kurt. I really do. But please try to understand – just think about what it would mean for _my_ career if it ever came out that I've been socializing with murderers when I first came to New York.”

“Oh, of course. That's right,” Kurt said, pretending to be wounded by Blaine's words and removing Blaine's hand from where it was still resting on his knee. “Of course your career is more important than your friends. Good to know.”

“Maybe I could visit you in disguise,” Blaine suggested. “You know, with a fake beard and sunglasses and some kind of silly hat and all that.”

“You do know I haven't actually murdered anyone yet, right?” Kurt laughed. “Besides, please don't start wearing fake beards. If I ever do end up in prison, just send me postcards or something. That sounds a lot less hideous.”

“Can it be postcards with guys wearing fake beards on them?” Blaine asked in a hopeful voice.

Kurt sighed. “You're impossible. I'm going to ignore everything you say from now on.”

Blaine grinned and let himself fall back onto the bed. “I like your room, by the way,” he said, taking a good look around. “Your roommates may be sociopaths, but in here, it's really nice.”

“Thank you.” Kurt smiled at him. He had put a lot of effort into decorating the room over the past few days to make it look like a place where he wanted to live – the memory of the awful posters still fresh on his mind – and he was rather proud of the result. “So,” he added. “What do you want to do now? Or do you have to go home?”

Blaine sat up. “No, no. I can stay a while. If... if that's okay, I mean. It's been a long day and if you'd rather be alone right now, I mean, I'm pretty tired myself-”

“Oh, no, you can stay. If you want to,” Kurt interrupted.

“Okay, then.” Blaine grinned. “What are we gonna do with the rest of this day?”

Kurt shrugged. “Anything that doesn't involve getting up or going outside again. We could watch a movie or something,” he suggested. “On the other hand, we'd have to occupy the living room for that. And Jesse might still be out there.”

“Sounds dangerous,” Blaine said, eying the door with a semi-scared look on his face. “I've only seen him for a few minutes, but I think that's really all I can take for one day. And we're both tired, I'm actually afraid he might succeed bullying one of us into fake-dating him.”

“That's... no. Just no.” Kurt shuddered. “That is never going to happen. But at least now you know what I'm always complaining about.” He sighed. “Just try to imagine having that kind of insanity in your own apartment _every single day_. And you've met Rachel. She's not exactly low-maintenance either.”

“Seriously, I thought you were exaggerating,” Blaine confessed. “But you really weren't. I can see that now.”

“Right?” Kurt rolled his eyes. “I mean, he's always been crazy. But asking me to play his boyfriend?”

“Oh, I don't think that's necessarily such a crazy idea...”

“Are you trying to flirt with me, Blaine?” Kurt was surprised at himself, hearing those words leave his mouth. It didn't feel weird, though, not as weird as he would have expected, at least. He'd only been in New York for a few days, and yet he was quite sure that Lima-Kurt would never have had the guts to say this to another guy, gay or not.

“Sorry. Yes. I'll stop now.”

“Please.”

“But why is he writing his autobiography?”

Kurt shrugged. “Because he's Jesse.”

They ended up just sitting on Kurt's bed and talking for another two hours. About music, their high school experiences, about all the plans and expectations they had for their time in New York.

Kurt had half expected Blaine to laugh at him when he confessed his Broadway dreams to him, but Blaine didn't laugh. Instead, he told him about his own dreams, his own love for music and how much he wanted to be a singer, but how his parents had insisted on him going to college and learning something 'useful.' He was not giving up on his music, though, he told Kurt. This was New York City, after all. He would find a way, he would keep making music because it was his dream and it was what he wanted to do with his life.

He sounded so serious, it instantly made Kurt a lot more comfortable talking about his own ambition, about all the parts he wanted to play and all the songs he wanted to sing on Broadway stages. He told Blaine about that time he and Rachel broke into the Gershwin Theater, and Blaine was so impressed and so jealous that Kurt had been standing on a real Broadway stage, it made Kurt almost ridiculously happy.

And Kurt had never thought he'd meet someone who was so different from himself and yet had so much in common with him that it took him all of one plane ride, a few texts and one day to feel like he'd known him forever.

Rachel stopped by for a few minutes, hugging Blaine enthusiastically when she found him sitting cross-legged on Kurt's bed. She then sang them a twelve-minute medley of Streisand songs and refused to leave until they'd assured her repeatedly that her voice had nothing but improved over the past few months.

“So, when will I get to hear _you_ sing?” Blaine asked after Rachel had left.

Kurt laughed. “Not today, that's for sure. I'm much too tired. Besides, I haven't heard you sing yet either.”

“Yes, but Rachel told you I'm really good.”

“So?” Kurt grinned at him. “She told you the same thing about me.”

Blaine nodded. “She did. But I'd like to hear it for myself sometime.”

“And you will,” Kurt assured him. “If Rachel and I have one thing in common, it's that we would never, never miss a chance to perform. I'd be dancing around the room impressing you with my voice this very second if I could actually get up. Unfortunately for you, New York kind of drained me of all my energy today and I'm afraid you'll just have to wait a bit longer. But don't worry – it'll be worth it.” He laughed.

Blaine smiled at him warmly, in that way that Kurt had already decided he wanted to see more of. “I don't doubt that for a second.”

**

Eventually, though, Blaine looked at his watch and announced that he had to go home.

Kurt walked him to the door, a little reluctant to say goodbye. He wished he could have met Blaine back in Ohio. He could have used a friend like him when everything had been too much. Someone who just _knew_ , someone who just understood everything Kurt was going through. It felt so good to finally have someone in his life who simply _got it_.

“You can find your way back to your place, right?” Kurt asked. “It's a big city, don't get lost or anything.”

Blaine smiled. “I think I can manage it. I'll text you when I get home, if that will make you feel better.”

“It would, yes,” Kurt answered, smiling back at Blaine.

Blaine watched him for a second, then, without warning, pulled him into a tight hug. “Okay,” he simply said.

Kurt froze instantly, more than a little surprised, needing a minute before he let himself relax and wrapped his arms around Blaine in response. It was awkward and it was new and Blaine's body was warm and solid against his, and, dammit, Kurt wasn't the kind of person who went around hugging people all the time, but this felt nice, even though he was a little afraid to admit that, even to himself.

Blaine stepped back much too soon and Kurt couldn't help it, he instantly missed the comfortable feeling of just being held like that. He missed the warmth of it, the feeling of safety he'd felt for the tiniest second, being so close to Blaine. Seriously, since when did he even like hugs?

“I had a great time today, Kurt,” Blaine said.

Kurt nodded, not sure what to say. “Me too. We should do that again sometime.” _The day, the hanging out together_ , he reminded himself in his head. _Not the hugging_. Well, that too, maybe, but not on a regular basis, because... oh, whatever, it had just been a hug, after all. Friends hugged each other. It didn't mean anything. He had hugged Mercedes all the time. He even hugged Rachel. This wasn't any different just because it was... Blaine.

“Definitely,” Blaine answered. “So. See you soon?”

“Yes. See you.” Kurt kept standing in the doorway until Blaine disappeared down the stairs. He closed the door quietly and walked over to the couch.

He let himself fall back onto it and closed his eyes. It was quiet in the apartment, too quiet, now that he was suddenly alone after this busy day. Being with Blaine all day, at first surrounded by people and voices and buildings and cars and then talking for hours, laughing, telling each other their stories, the sudden silence pressed down on him heavily now and he felt exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days.

The darkness outside the window just added to this feeling of being tired, making him feel lonely, a tight feeling rising in his chest that he too easily identified as homesickness. It happened, especially when it got dark. There was nothing he could do about it. It was a little pathetic, maybe, but he missed his dad, he missed Carole, he even missed Finn. This city was so big and he felt so young and if he could just be back in Lima, he'd even watch some boring football game with his dad just to hear him swear and curse at the TV and watch him eat all that unhealthy stuff the doctor had told him never to touch again.

Kurt wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly cold. He wished Blaine would come back. He wished Blaine could have stayed a little longer. He'd been okay, talking to Blaine. He'd been more than okay. Now, he just felt alone.

Was it weird that he already felt that way about Blaine, after knowing him for only a few days? That he thought of him as a remedy for homesickness? It was just that it had been a really long time since he'd felt so comfortable around anyone. He had never, in his whole life, met anyone he simply _wanted_ to know that much.

“Your boyfriend gone?” Jesse poked his head out of his room. “Have you thought about what we talked about earlier?”

“Not my boyfriend,” Kurt corrected Jesse. “And I don't need to think about what you said earlier. The answer's still no and will always be no.”

“You're just saying that now. Just keep thinking about it,” Jesse reminded him, before closing his door again.

“Not in a hundred years,” Kurt mumbled.

“What was that about?” Rachel asked, coming out of the kitchen with a cup of herbal tea in her hands.

“Nothing,” Kurt answered. “Just Jesse being weird.”

“Oh, okay,” Rachel said, stopping in the middle of the living room, biting her lip and just staring at Kurt as if she was waiting for something.

“What's up?” he asked. He wasn't really in the mood for any of her drama right now, but it didn't look like she was going to leave.

“I just...” she shrugged and looked away. “I was wondering... are you busy right now? I thought maybe we could watch a movie together? Funny Girl?”

Kurt smiled. Okay, yes, that actually sounded like the perfect idea. Watching TV with Rachel. Rachel, who was a part of Ohio just like Blaine, of everything he was missing so terribly right now. Yes, she really could be a good friend when she wanted to be. He patted the space on the couch next to him. “Of course we can. Come over here.”

Rachel put in the DVD before sitting down next to him on the couch. She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “Kurt?”

“What?”

“Is it stupid that I miss Lima?” She sounded just as lonely as he felt.

“No.” He shook his head and leaned his head against hers. “No, it isn't.”

He still felt homesick, but at least he wasn't alone anymore.

“I'm glad you decided to stay here,” Rachel said.

“Me too,” he answered. “Some of the time.”

**

Blaine texted him halfway through the movie. His phone vibrated on the coffee table where he'd put it earlier and he picked it up, smiling as he read Blaine's message.

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Just wanted to let you know that I'm home. Murdered anyone yet?_

“Is that from Blaine?” Rachel asked.

“Yes,” Kurt said. “He says he made it home alright.”

“Good for him,” Rachel yawned, snuggling closer to Kurt, already half asleep.

Kurt hit the reply button and texted back.

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _Not yet. Things are frighteningly normal around here tonight. Glad you didn't get lost._

Blaine's reply came just seconds later.

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Glad to hear you won't be going to jail any time soon. What are you doing tomorrow?_

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _I don't know yet. Nothing. Why?_

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _You showed me your place. Now I'm going to show you mine. If you want._

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _Tomorrow? Sure, why not._

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _What an overly enthusiastic reply. I'm flattered. ^^_

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _Shut up. I said okay, didn't I? When?_

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Afternoon-ish? I'm here all day, just come over whenever you like._

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _Alright. See you tomorrow, then._

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Looking forward to it. :)_

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _You should. ;) I just agreed to honor you with my presence for yet another day._

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Your modesty is what I like most about you :P_

**From Kurt to Blaine** :  
 _Good night, Blaine._

**From Blaine to Kurt** :  
 _Good night, Kurt. Sweet dreams._


	5. This Is The Time A Fellow Needs A Friend

By the time their first semester approached its end, Saturday brunch had become sort of a tradition for them. Kurt was on his way there early this Saturday, both needing to get out of his apartment where Rachel and Jesse were busy singing duets and just wanting to see Blaine. They hadn't seen each other very often lately, both of them being busy with assignments, study groups and work. There had been texts and phone calls, of course. Sometimes for a few minutes on their way to their respective appointments, sometimes for hours at night, depending on their schedules. But it wasn't the same as talking face to face and Kurt missed their easy conversations, missed seeing Blaine's face when he talked to him.

It hadn't taken a very long time for Blaine to firmly establish himself in Kurt's life as his closest friend, the one person whose advice and opinion Kurt valued above all else.

They had missed the last two Saturdays, the first one because Blaine had a study group and the next because Kurt had had an audition – for yet another part it turned out he couldn't get. They had never gone without seeing each other for more than two weeks ever since they'd become friends on the plane to New York.

Kurt pushed open the door to the little cafe they had discovered during their second week in New York – it was conveniently located halfway between Blaine's dorm and Kurt's apartment. Kurt had hurried to get there, so of course Blaine wasn't there yet. He'd been texting him all morning, though, from the moment he got up. It wasn't anything unusual or out of the ordinary. Kurt had learned early on that Blaine, while not being very quick to share things about his personal life or his past, was exactly the kind of guy who liked to share basically everything about what he'd had for breakfast or the flavor of this new toothpaste he had bought the other day. His phone buzzed again and he glanced at the message quickly.

_Almost there. The woman next to me on the subway has the cutest dog you've ever seen. I'll try to take a picture when she's not looking._

Kurt sighed, making his way over to the counter, feeling a little impatient. His weeks had been so packed full of work lately, the prospect of this lazy Saturday morning had been the one thing he'd really been looking forward to. Now that he was here, he wanted it to begin already. He ordered their usual, paid for everything and sat down at the table right opposite the door so he'd see Blaine arrive.

They were usually alone on those Saturday brunches. Rachel had joined them once, and just a few weeks ago, Blaine had brought his friend David, the one from his old high school. Kurt had liked him and it had been nice to finally meet someone from Blaine's old life, but he actually preferred having Blaine all to himself during those mornings. He needed those conversations with him alone, even if they talked about nothing but that off-Broadway production of ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’ they'd seen together or the poor fashion choices of the people passing by outside the large windows.

Kurt had been waiting for only ten minutes when Blaine finally showed up, dressed casually in jeans and a hoodie, no gel in his hair. He'd given up on that about a month after meeting Kurt, and after many, many phone calls and texts from Kurt centered almost entirely around the topic of curls and the overuse of hair product.

His face broke into a bright smile when he spotted Kurt and Kurt smiled back and got up to hug him hello.

Hugging Blaine didn't feel weird at all to him anymore, that had stopped a long time ago. He had quickly discovered that Blaine liked hugs rather a lot and he'd learned to accept it, get used to it, and had actually grown to like it. He still wasn't the kind of guy who went around cuddling strangers, but with Blaine... well, it was different with Blaine.

“You look good,” Blaine greeted him, pulling back from the hug and sitting down in his chair.

“I feel good,” Kurt replied. “You look... comfortable.” He grinned at Blaine, who picked up his coffee to take a long sip.

“Well, I feel comfortable,” Blaine answered. “You already bought us coffee. I think I kind of like you.”

Kurt laughed at that. “And I expect nothing less.”

“So, how is everything?” Blaine wanted to know.

“You mean everything I haven't texted you about yet?”

“You've been texting a lot lately. I started to ignore your texts about a week ago.”

Kurt shook his head. “Says the guy who sent me a running commentary on his subway ride from the dorm to the cafe. Complete with pictures.”

Blaine shrugged. “You know you love my texts.”

“Well, I know that _you_ love your texts. Look at my phone.” He pulled it from his pocket to wave it around in front of Blaine's face. “It still hasn't recovered. It looks tired. Have you ever seen a phone looking tired before? Seriously, Blaine.”

Blaine laughed and took some of the pancakes Kurt hadn't touched (and wouldn't, even though he always ordered them for Blaine). “Listen,” he started. “It looks like I can get out of work next weekend and if I manage to finish all of my school work during the week, I thought that maybe, if you're free Saturday night, we could see a movie or something.”

Kurt took a deep breath. “I can't,” he answered. “I have... plans.” Well, he hadn't really meant to start their lazy Saturday small talk like this.

Blaine was pouring syrup over his pancakes and didn't look up. “Oh, that's okay,” he said. “Guess I wasn't fast enough. So,” he continued. “What kinds of plans? Hot date?”

Kurt bit his lower lip, looking away, feeling himself blush.

Blaine looked up now, his eyes widening in surprise. “Oh my god, Kurt, you have a date. You do, don't you?”

Kurt finally met Blaine's eyes, grinning at the way Blaine's fork with a piece of pancake on it was suspended in the air halfway to his mouth. “Yes, actually. No need to act so surprised.”

Blaine put down his fork, quickly reaching across the table to take Kurt's hand. “Oh, no, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. I just—”

Kurt laughed. “Relax, Blaine, I know.”

“Why... why didn't you tell me?” Blaine still hadn't let go of Kurt's hand, and Kurt didn't really want him to. It calmed him, made the fluttery feeling in his stomach that had been there ever since he'd agreed to that date the day before ebb away slightly. So he closed his own hand around Blaine's fingers, taking another deep breath.

“I wanted to tell you. I just thought...” he paused, unsure how to phrase this. “I didn't want it to be weird or anything.”

“Why would it be weird?” Blaine asked.

“Well... it's just that we, you and I... we hang out all the time, you know, and I didn't want you to think...”

Blaine was silent for a second. “I'm glad you're going on a date,” he finally said. “I'm glad you've met someone.”

“You are?” Kurt felt... well, it had to be relief, that feeling flooding through him all of a sudden.

“I am. So, who is he?”

“He's in one of my classes,” Kurt began to explain. “His name is Ted. We talked a few times, but just, you know, about the weather and stuff. But... well, apparently he likes me, or that's what he said yesterday. He's out of town this weekend, but he invited me to dinner next Saturday. And I'm... I said yes.”

Blaine squeezed his hand, giving him a reassuring smile. “That's... that's really great, Kurt. I know this is what you wanted and I'm so happy for you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Jeez, Blaine, it's not like we're getting married or anything. It's just a date. Still...” he swallowed. “I'm a little... nervous. About all of this. What if I make a complete fool of myself? I have no experience with this kind of thing... you know... dating.”

Blaine smiled at him. “You're not going to make a fool of yourself, Kurt. You couldn't if you tried. He's going to love you. I'm sure that you'll have a great time.”

Kurt gave him a skeptical look. He kind of loved Blaine for being so supportive, but he wasn't so sure. There was so much that could go wrong, after all... from choosing the wrong outfit to not finding anything to talk about to spilling his drink over himself, or worse, over Ted.

“I just... I've never done this before. I _want_ to, you of all people know how much I want to. But... it's just... I don't know.” He sighed. “Is it normal to feel like that about something that should be great? I'm looking forward to it, I really am, I'm just... nervous.”

“I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way,” Blaine reassured him. “I know how important this is to you. But if you're worried about leaving a good first impression – well, you've already done that, haven't you? Otherwise he would have never asked you out.”

“I guess so,” Kurt said, staring into his coffee cup, sounding far from convinced.

“Hey, Kurt.” Blaine leaned forward a little, his voice serious. “Look at me.”

He waited until Kurt finally met his eyes before he continued. “This Ted guy – _he_ asked _you_ out, right? Which means two things. One: that he has very good taste—”

Kurt smiled at that, the affection in Blaine's eyes making his stomach relax a bit.

“And two: he obviously likes you. You have nothing to worry about. You're awesome, Kurt. That Ted is one lucky guy to get a date with you. Just keep reminding yourself of that and you'll be fine. Hell, _I'll_ remind you every day until next Saturday, if it helps.”

“Thank you,” Kurt answered, his eyes not leaving Blaine's. “For saying that. Seriously, thank you.”

Blaine shrugged, grinning at him and letting go of his hand to take another sip of coffee. “I meant it. And if things really do get too awkward or anything, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and call me, I'll calm you down and tell you how great you are until you're okay again.”

Kurt laughed, his stomach calm enough to finally eat something. “Oh, Blaine,” he said. “I really don't know what I'd do without you.”

“You'd do fine, even though your life would be decidedly less colorful,” Blaine remarked, turning his attention toward his pancakes again.

“You're right about that,” Kurt replied, grinning. Because, well, it was true.

**

“I have nothing to wear.” He was freaking out, going through his wardrobe, phone trapped between his ear and shoulder while deciding against one outfit after the other.

“Good to hear your voice, too.” Blaine spoke slowly, voice still sleep-heavy and a little hoarse. “My week was uneventful, thank you for asking. How have you been?”

“Blaine, this is an emergency. You have to help me. This is all wrong, everything's wrong, I'll have to cancel, I'll have to call Ted right now and cancel, I can't—”

“Hey, no, calm down,” Blaine cut him off. “Breathe, Kurt. And tell me what's wrong so I can help you.”

“It's Saturday, Blaine.” Kurt felt like he was going to start hyperventilating any second now. “I have a date, remember? And I have nothing to wear. _Nothing_.”

“Kurt?” Blaine's voice sounded tentative, careful. “You know it's just after seven in the morning, right? When is your date?”

“We're meeting at eight tonight, why? What does that have to do with anything?” Seriously, he couldn't believe Blaine. Dammit, he knew what time it was. But he had a real problem here and his best friend didn't seem to care.

“Kurt, it's seven am on a Saturday,” Blaine repeated. “Why aren't you sleeping?”

“Weren't you listening, Blaine? I need your help.” Kurt sighed exasperatedly, angrily shoving aside one of his formerly favorite shirts. It was wrong, all wrong, why had he ever bought any of this? What had he been thinking? Everything in here was too hideous for words.

“Why didn't you ever tell me I have horrible taste in clothes? Did you think it was funny, letting me go on my first date like this? Looking like a complete idiot?”

“Whoa, okay. Where's this coming from, now?” Blaine sounded confused, and possibly a little scared, and Kurt suddenly felt guilty for taking all of this out on him.

He ran a hand over his face, feeling stressed out and so young and so stupid. “I'm... sorry. I shouldn't have called you. I'm just... I'm kind of...”

“Freaking out a little, because you're going on a date with a guy you actually like tonight?” Blaine finished his sentence for him.

“Yes,” Kurt breathed. “Do you think it's too late to cancel?”

“I think there's no reason for you to cancel,” Blaine answered simply.

Kurt considered if he could pull it off to just bail on his date with Ted and change his address and phone number and transfer to another college so he would never find him to ask him about it. “But I have nothing to wear. And I feel weird. My head hurts. And I'm cold. I think I'm coming down with something. Maybe Ted will be okay to reschedule...”

“Kurt?” Blaine said.

“What?”

“Don't call Ted. Don't cancel. Don't do anything. I'll be there in an hour. And I'll bring breakfast.”

Kurt leaned his head against the frame of his closet. “I'm not hungry.”

“Yes, you are,” Blaine insisted. “Go take a shower, watch TV, read a book or something. And stop thinking about tonight. I'll be there soon, all right? Kurt?”

Kurt was silent for a moment, feeling like such a loser who had to wake up his friend early on a Saturday because he was freaking out about something other people did every day. God, he was such a small-town boy. “You don't have to, Blaine. I'll be okay.”

“This is not up for discussion,” Blaine answered. “One hour. Just try to relax until I'm there.”

“Okay.” Kurt sat down on the edge of his bed, pressing the phone closer to his ear. “And Blaine? Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Blaine said, sounding so serious, Kurt had no choice but to believe him.

He had showered and tidied up his room, carefully putting back (and apologizing to) all the clothes he had angrily scattered across the bed and floor earlier, and was watching TV in the living room when he finally heard that familiar knock. He almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to the door.

Blaine greeted him with an affectionate smile and a tight hug and Kurt could practically feel the knots in his stomach untying themselves until he could actually smile back at Blaine.

“I brought coffee,” Blaine said, “and waffles.”

“I can't believe I woke you up on a Saturday morning to bitch at you, and you actually got up out of bed to buy me waffles.” Kurt buried his head against Blaine's shoulder, hugging him more tightly before stepping back. “Which I'm not even going to eat. I'm a terrible person.”

Blaine frowned at him. “Don't say stuff like that about my best friend. Besides, we would have met for brunch in two and a half hours anyway, right? I should totally be up by now.”

Kurt had to laugh, against his will, and Blaine grinned, proud to have made Kurt feel better already.

They had breakfast on the floor of Kurt's room, not wanting to be interrupted by Rachel or Jesse, even though it was rather unlikely that either of them would be getting up any time soon. Jesse was finally putting on his own musical, something entitled “Stars Over Ohio” - and he was rarely ever home before midnight.

And Rachel had been working a late shift, and even though she didn't seem to need a lot of sleep, it was unlikely that she would be getting up this early.

Still, just in case, Kurt didn't really feel like explaining to them why Blaine was here this early on a Saturday, not if he didn't have to. This was pathetic enough as it was, he didn't need the whole world to know about his early-morning freak-out.

“Are you feeling any better?” Blaine asked, looking at him across the pile of breakfast food and coffee in cheap paper cups.

Kurt thought about it, feeling a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the sip of hot coffee he'd just swallowed. “I am,” he answered. “Thanks to you.”

“So, are you going on that date tonight, then?” Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded slowly. “I think so. I...” he shrugged. “I mean, what's the worst that can happen? And I want to, I do, I'm sorry I freaked out like that. I'm sorry I woke you up so early, I should have—”

“No,” Blaine interrupted, holding up a hand to signal Kurt to stop talking. “No, stop it. It's okay. You needed me, and here I am. I know you'd do the same for me, right?”

“Yes, of course.” It wasn't anything Kurt even needed to think about. He knew it was true. He'd walk to the ends of the earth for Blaine. And yet... “I still should have been able to do this by myself. I don't know what's wrong with me.”

“There's nothing wrong with you,” Blaine told him firmly. “And now let's see about those clothes for tonight. I'm sure we'll find something.”

**

With Blaine's help, it actually took him less than half an hour to put together an outfit that didn't suck. He was actually quite happy with it, not only because Blaine assured him repeatedly how great he looked and how lucky Ted was to go out with him and that he would have the best night ever and that everything would be all right.

They finally ended up in front of the TV again, watching... something, neither of them were really paying attention to it. Because once the wardrobe crisis was resolved, Blaine had started telling him about a little club that had just opened near his campus. They were having open-mic nights several times a week that Blaine had already decided to attend as soon as possible. It didn't really take much convincing on his part to make Kurt promise to go with him, and they were in the middle of an animated discussion about which songs to sing and whether or not they were brave enough to try a duet, when Rachel showed up, dressed in pink Hello Kitty pajamas, dark circles under her eyes and her hair a mess.

“Morning,” she yawned, shuffling past them on her way to the kitchen, stopping only to give them a sleepy and slightly confused look. “What's Blaine doing here?”

“It's nice to see you, too, Rachel,” Blaine said, amused.

“Watching TV,” Kurt answered. “What happened to you? You look like the bird lady from Mary Poppins.”

“I hate late shifts,” Rachel stated, as if that would explain everything.

“I know,” Kurt said. “Want to join us?”

“Sure,” Rachel answered. “In a minute.” She yawned again, continuing on her way to the kitchen, stumbling in the general direction of the coffee maker.

“So, about that club... next weekend?” Kurt asked, turning his attention back to Blaine.

Blaine nodded. “Next weekend sounds good. Meet me at my dorm around seven and we'll go there together? I mean, we'll probably talk again before then, but... Does that sound okay?”

“Sure.”

“Where are you going?” Rachel let herself fall onto the couch between them, a bowl of cereal in her hands.

“Open-mic night in a new club near Blaine's college,” Kurt explained. “Next weekend.”

Rachel was _very_ awake all of a sudden. “Where? When? Can I come with you? Oh my god, I have so many ideas already... there's this song I've been working on since I was five and I—”

Blaine and Kurt exchanged a look, both of them trying very hard not to laugh. There was no power in the world that could keep Rachel Berry away from a performance.

“Of course you can come with us,” Blaine said and Kurt nodded, patting Rachel's shoulder affectionately.

“I'd actually prefer it if you came along. I need some real competition. Private School Boy over there doesn't count,” he told her, smirking at Blaine. He'd heard Blaine sing. His voice was amazing. Kurt could listen to him for hours and not get tired of it, and he'd told Blaine as much. No need to remind him of that, though.

“Careful what you say, Kurt. You wanna make this a competition?” Blaine grinned back at him. “It's on. I'm so gonna crush you next weekend.” Blaine had heard Kurt sing as well, and Kurt remembered tears in Blaine's eyes and the word 'amazing' being uttered a lot. The memory still made him smile.

“Bring it on,” Kurt answered, sitting up a little straighter, his eyes never leaving Blaine's.

“If you spit into your palms before shaking hands, I'm going to throw up,” Rachel said, a disgusted look on her face. “Besides, I can beat both of you without even _trying_.”

“Well.” Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest, laughter bubbling up inside of him again, all the nervousness from earlier long forgotten. “We'll see about that next weekend, won't we?”

**

“Give me something to talk about,” Kurt hissed into the phone as soon as Blaine picked up.

“Um, what?”

“I need something I can talk about with Ted, something general enough that he will have something to say about it, but more original than the weather or the quality of the food.” Kurt sounded impatient, even though he was still talking barely above a whisper.

“Kurt, where are you?”

“In the men's room. I have about three minutes. Think of something quickly, come on, Blaine. Please.”

Blaine was quiet on the other end for a second. “I take it it's not going so well?”

Kurt shook his head, even though he knew Blaine couldn't see it. “I tried everything, but, god, that guy is _boring_. His taste in music is appalling, he has no favorite movies or actors or places, and everything he likes about New York is that 'there are a lot of people here.' I even tried talking about cars, but I have no idea if he's ever even been near one, judging from how much he knows about them. We have nothing to say to each other.”

“How about your classes? Teachers? Your fellow students?” Blaine suggested. “I know it's not stuff you want to talk about on a date, but maybe it'll start off a conversation about something else?”

“I don't know.” Kurt sighed. “I think I'm going to call it a night soon. We have absolutely nothing in common. The only thing he seems interested in seems to be the table cloth, considering how much time he's already spent staring at it.”

“I'm sorry, Kurt,” Blaine said. “I know you were looking forward to this.”

“Hey, no.” Kurt opened the bathroom stall he had locked himself in, quickly checking that Ted hadn't followed him in here for some reason. “It's okay. I didn't expect my first date to turn out to be my soul mate. There will be other dates.”

“So, what are you going to do now?” Blaine wanted to know.

Kurt thought about it for a minute. “Go back in there, finish dinner, and then tell him I have to be up early tomorrow and need to get home.” He shrugged. “It will kind of suck to be home that early, but it's probably better than sitting here in complete silence for another hour.”

“Do you want me to come over tomorrow? We can eat ice cream and watch sad movies or something.”

Kurt felt a smile spread across his face. “Blaine, it's not like I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I just had one bad date.”

“Yes, and it's my job as a best friend to cheer you up after that, right?” Blaine said. “So? Tomorrow?”

“Don't you have your study group tomorrow?” Actually, if he was being honest, he really kind of wanted Blaine to come over. Ice cream and movies did sound good. And he deserved it after a night like this, didn't he?

“Um, that got canceled,” Blaine answered.

“Well, in that case, yes.”

“See you tomorrow, then.”

“See you.” Kurt ended the call, and with a deep breath made his way back over to the table where his date was waiting for him.

**

“You know there's only the two of us here, right?” Kurt asked, amusement in his voice.

Blaine frowned. “Yes. Why?”

“Oh, I'm just asking because,” Kurt waved a hand at the coffee table, “you brought enough ice cream to feed the entire cast of Guys and Dolls and keep enough leftovers for tomorrow.”

Blaine kicked off his shoes before sinking back into the couch, making himself comfortable. “It's not _that_ much.”

“Did you buy all of it in one place? Did they have any left after you were done?”

Blaine elbowed him in the ribs lightly. “Stop making fun of me. I love ice cream.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Kurt grinned, searching for the remote between the couch cushions. “What do you want to watch? I put in 'Chicago,' if that's okay...”

“Mostly, I just want to hear about your date,” Blaine answered. “How long did you stay after we hung up?”

Kurt blushed slightly. “Well, actually... a while.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh?”

“Yes, I...” Kurt paused, biting his lip. “I think I was wrong about him, after all. I took your advice and started talking about college stuff, and... I don't know, that kind of did it. We just kept talking after that, somehow. It was... nice.”

Blaine leaned forward, picking up the chocolate ice cream. “That's great, Kurt.”

“He asked me out again.”

“Did you say yes?”

Kurt shrugged. “Yeah, I did. I mean, I know he's not... it's not ideal or anything. We still don't have a lot in common and... but he likes me, you know? It's just...”

“No, I get it,” Blaine cut in. “I do. I think it's good you agreed to go out with him again. You deserve this. And, you know, you don't have to marry the guy or anything. Dating is supposed to be fun, right?”

“Right.” Kurt sighed, leaning his head against Blaine's shoulder. “And it is fun. Once you get over the initial awkwardness. I guess that was to be expected, though. I'm still new to this, after all, and so is Ted, from what he tells me.”

“You're not the only ones,” Blaine told him through a mouth full of ice cream, putting the carton down to snuggle up closer to Kurt. “But it won't be awkward forever. You'll find someone soon enough, someone where it'll just be easy and comfortable from the start. You'll hit it off immediately and you'll talk late into the night and when you go home he'll tell you he can't wait to see you again and you'll get married half a year later and buy a house and adopt a lot of beautiful babies...”

Kurt laughed, burying his face into Blaine's shoulder. “You are so weird sometimes.” But, god did he hope Blaine was right anyway. “You're going to have all of that too, you know,” he added. “We'll both have that.”

Blaine nodded. “We will. I know I'll be at your wedding one day. If you'll invite me.”

“Of course you'll be at my wedding, you idiot.” Kurt ran a hand over Blaine's arm gently, enjoying the comfort and warmth that was radiating off of his friend. “And I'll be at yours.”

“That's settled, then.” Blaine shifted his leg slightly, pulling the remote out from under it. “Hey, that's why I was sitting so uncomfortably the whole time.”

“Idiot,” Kurt repeated affectionately, wrestling the remote from Blaine's fingers to press play while Blaine reached for the ice cream again.

_One day,_ Kurt thought. _One day._ He just hoped it wasn't too far away.


	6. Missed The Saturday Dance

He was already late and he couldn't find his phone. Of course, neither Rachel nor Jesse were home or he could have asked them to just call him. Cursing under his breath, he crawled on all fours across the living room floor, looking under the coffee table, Jesse's piano and the couch. He had already searched every corner of his room at least three times, but the damn phone was nowhere to be found.

He was just about to consider leaving without it – it was only his second date with Ted and he didn't want to keep him waiting too long – when he heard something buzz under the couch cushions. He slipped a hand under them, and there it was, his phone – finally.

Blaine was calling. Bless him for always picking exactly the right time. Despite being so late that he was almost convinced Ted would just leave again before he even got there, he accepted the call.

“Blaine,” he breathed into the phone. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Blaine sounded a little confused.

“I have to go and I couldn't find my phone. Never mind. What did you want?”

Blaine hesitated. “Oh, right, I forgot. You're meeting Ted, right? Well, I can call again later—”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Kurt interrupted, slipping into his jacket without dropping the phone and grabbing his keys before he headed for the door. “We'll talk on my way to the subway. What is it?”

“It's really nothing,” Blaine explained. “Just... we're still on for open-mic night tomorrow, right?”

“Of course,” Kurt answered, frowning. Blaine sounded... a little more quiet than usual. Almost tentative. It wasn't like him at all. “Why?”

“Would it be okay if I brought someone?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged. “Sure. I mean, Rachel's coming too, the more the merrier.”

“It's not like that...” Blaine paused. “I mean, it's... it's a guy.”

“Okay,” Kurt replied, not sure where this was going.

“I just... wouldn't it be awkward?”

“Oh.” Kurt sucked in a breath as he caught on, stopping in his tracks halfway down the stairs. Because... oh. _Oh_.

“No, forget it,” Blaine continued before Kurt could say anything else. “It would definitely be awkward. I'll just tell him—”

“No, no, no, no,” Kurt cut him off. “Not awkward. No. You should totally bring him along.”

“Are you sure?” Blaine still sounded hesitant.

Kurt nodded, continuing to descend the stairs. “Of course. Yes. It'll be...” What? He couldn't really think of anything. “Who is the guy?” he asked instead.

He could almost hear the smile in Blaine's voice, even over the phone. “He lives in my dorm. His name is Luke. He's... we went for coffee a few times last week and he's really nice. Like, _really_ nice.”

“That's great, Blaine.” Kurt had reached the street and started walking at a brisk pace in the direction of the subway. So, Blaine had met someone. A nice guy. Good for him. “Just bring him along. I can't wait to meet him.”

“You could bring Ted, if you want,” Blaine suggested. “It'll be like a double date. With Rachel,” he added.

“Yeah, I'll think about it,” Kurt replied. “Listen, I have to go. I'm ridiculously late already.”

“Okay.” Blaine was silent for a minute. “Have fun tonight, Kurt. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Kurt said, quickly pressing the end call button. He knew he hadn't sounded very enthusiastic about Blaine's news and he felt bad for that. But seriously, wasn't this kind of short notice? He didn't even know why it bothered him at all, but it was supposed to be _their_ evening. It was _their_ thing to do together and he didn't love the idea of bringing other people into it.

Well. Maybe he _should_ think about asking Ted to come along. The prospect of sitting in some crappy little club watching Blaine flirt with... with Luke, that was the name... while Kurt was there by himself? Rachel would be there too, though. But after a few drinks she always got all starry-eyed and started talking about Finn in that dreamy voice and everything. Well, at least she had started doing that again lately, after she had made up with Finn, who had temporarily broken up with her after hearing the news that she was living with Jesse. It had taken a letter written and signed by Mr. St. James himself – probably written with Rachel breathing down his neck and holding a knife to his throat while Jesse rhapsodized about how valuable this letter would be one day – assuring Finn that he was no longer interested in her in a romantic way, and a few long conversations with Kurt over the phone before Finn had finally agreed to forgive Rachel for that one. Kurt was still surprised he had been able to forgive her at all.

Dammit, he'd been looking forward to tomorrow night. Out of all the days in the year, Blaine had to pick that one for a first date with some guy from his dorm?

Kurt shoved his hands in his pockets and stared down at the pavement while he hurried along. He knew he was being selfish, wanting Blaine all for himself, but he just couldn't help it. It felt too much like being rejected all over again. And Blaine was just a _friend_. Oh god, this was pathetic. How was he going to react if he was ever rejected for real again? And he had thought he was finally over that, he had thought that the scars Lima had left had finally started to heal. After all, he was a different person now. He was a person who got asked out and went on dates. That had to count for something.

Too late he remembered that he hadn't asked Blaine if they were still on for brunch tomorrow, too. Blaine hadn't said anything about it and they hadn't really talked all week. Sure, it was a standing appointment, but they always checked in with each other first, making sure the other was available. Maybe Blaine would prefer to hang out with Luke all Saturday?

And seriously, why hadn't he told him about this before? Blaine had been going out for coffee with Luke _all week_ and he called him _now_? How was Kurt supposed to _not_ feel left out if his best friend stopped telling him things? Important things? Things Kurt felt he should have shared with him?

He knew he didn't have any kind of claim on Blaine's time – of course if Blaine wanted to spend time with other people, that was fine. Blaine had a lot of friends by now and of course he spent time with them. Kurt did the same thing himself, he had other friends too. It wasn't like they were completely dependent on each other in the “friends” department. It was just...

He sighed, walking even faster. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. It had just been a long day and he'd been looking forward to singing with Blaine tomorrow and – 

Kurt took a deep breath, trying to snap out of this weird mood he found himself in. Blaine definitely deserved a better best friend than this. So that's what he would be for him. Starting right now. Of course, that meant it would be his job as a best friend to make sure this Luke was good enough for someone as wonderful as Blaine. So maybe it really was a good thing to get to meet him tomorrow. Blaine deserved only the best. And Kurt would make sure that that was exactly what he got, nothing less.

Once he was on the subway, he pulled out his phone to send Blaine a quick text.

_Are we still on for brunch tomorrow? I forgot to ask..._

Blaine's reply came just a few minutes later.

_Of course we are. Forgot to ask too. Can't wait._

Kurt shoved the phone back into his jacket pocket, sighing. He'd reached his stop, or he would have texted back, he told himself. But right now, he had a date to get to.

**

He was listening to Ted telling him about... the dog he'd had as a kid or something, his pasta almost untouched before him, when he finally made up his mind.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asked, realizing only then that he'd probably rudely interrupted Ted in what was no doubt a very interesting story.

Ted was silent for a second, his hands frozen in the air mid-gesture before slowly sinking back to the table. “Tomorrow?” he asked. “Um. I don't know yet. Why?”

Kurt hesitated a moment. He still wasn't really sure he wanted to go out with Ted again tomorrow night. On the other hand, tomorrow was already not going as planned and Ted was a really nice guy and quite good-looking with his soft blue eyes and broad shoulders and... he could try this, couldn't he? He liked him. Even if he wasn't sure yet whether he actually liked him _like that_. “Some of us are going to this little club tomorrow. It's an open-mic night, a friend of mine already signed us up – I'll be singing, too. Do you... I mean, would you like to join us?”

“As your date?” Ted looked at him, a hopeful expression on his face, and Kurt had to smile against his will.

“Yes, as my date, you moron. What do you think?”

Ted smiled back at him and reached across the table to take Kurt's hand, gently intertwining their fingers.

“In that case, yes. I'd love to.” His smile was radiant and his thumb was caressing Kurt's palm and Kurt shivered. It was so nice to be able to do this – not just in public, but _at all_.

“Good then.”

“It will be our third date,” Ted pointed out. “I was afraid I'd never see you again after that disastrous first date...”

Kurt laughed. “Well, yeah, that was... But I'm here, as you can see. And so are you.”

“Yeah,” Ted breathed, looking at Kurt like he was the greatest thing he'd ever seen.

**

It was the first Saturday since they had started the tradition that Kurt had to force himself to get out of bed for Saturday brunch. Feeling tired this morning, it took him twice as long as usual to shower, brush his teeth and get dressed, and even when he was done with all of that, he debated whether he could just call Blaine and cancel. Just this once.

He had just decided that it was too late to cancel and that maybe he really wanted to see Blaine this morning after all, when his phone started ringing. It was Mercedes. He hadn't spoken to her for some time, even though they still kept in touch, talking as often as they could.

“Hi there, so you're still alive, after all,” she greeted him when he answered.

“Apparently,” he said, laughing. “I'm sorry I haven't called in a while, there's just been so much going on...”

“Oh, don't worry about it,” Mercedes replied and he could hear her smile over the phone. “I've been pretty busy myself. But hey, how are you? How is everything?”

“Everything's great,” Kurt assured her. “Perfect, yes. How about you?”

“Oh, I'm good,” Mercedes told him. “But you sound tired. Rough night?”

Kurt sighed. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Okay, tell me everything,” Mercedes insisted. “What have you been doing and who have been doing it with? That guy you keep talking about? Blaine?”

“Why would you assume it was Blaine?” Kurt asked, switching to speaker phone so he could keep getting ready to go out while talking to Mercedes.

“I don't know. Who else do you know in New York?”

“I know plenty of people, thank you,” Kurt replied, rummaging through his closet to find the right jacket for his outfit.

“Oh, I didn't mean it like that,” Mercedes hastened to assure him. “You just talk about him an awful lot, that's all.”

“I talk about other people just as much.”

“Nope.”

Finding his jacket, Kurt took it off the hanger to drape it over his desk chair carefully. “Of course I do. Besides, he's my best friend in this city, so what if I talk about him sometimes. I talk about you, too, when I'm with him.”

“So, were you with him last night?” Mercedes wanted to know.

“No, I was with other people.”

“Like who?”

“Oh, I don't know. Like Ted, for example.”

Kurt could practically hear Mercedes find the most comfortable place to sit and get ready for the whole story on the other end of the line. “Okay. I see. And who is this Ted and why haven't I heard about him before? Spill.”

Kurt laughed. “He's a guy from one of my theater classes. We went out twice and I just asked him out on a third date last night and he said yes.”

“So you _are_ dating!” Mercedes really sounded excited now. “I'm so happy for you. So, what's he like? Is he a good guy? You deserve only the best, you know.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said, putting the finishing touches on his hair. “And yes, he is nice. And he likes me.”

“Meaning he has good taste. That's a point in his favor.”

“Oh, definitely.”

“What does Blaine have to say about it?”

“Oh god, Mercedes, seriously. Stop it.” Kurt rolled his eyes at her even though she couldn't see it, somewhere between amused and mildly annoyed. “Just a friend, remember?”

“Well, a moment ago he was your _best_ friend in all of New York, if I remember correctly.”

“He is. He's a really great guy.” Kurt opened his closet door, reconsidering his choice of shoes.

“When you first told me about him a few months back, I seriously thought you guys were dating,” Mercedes confessed.

“Why?” Kurt asked, slightly offended. “Because we're both gay?”

“Don't hate me,” Mercedes begged. “It just sounds like you two get along so great and you seem to be really close and it just seemed – ”

“We do get along great,” Kurt confirmed. “It's just amazing, having someone to talk to about all this stuff I could never talk about to anyone. We've sort of been through a lot of the same stuff, coming out, being bullied and all that. And... I just love it, you know? Having a guy friend who's not at all afraid to sit close to me, and who I can talk to about guys and everything. He just understands, because he knows what it's like, but at the same time it's never awkward because we're just friends. I can tell him anything. We are completely open with each other. It's... wonderful.”

“That sounds amazing, Kurt,” Mercedes assured him.

“I just don't get why people always assume that just because two gay guys are friends, they have to be attracted to each other. That's like saying _you_ or Rachel can't be friends with guys because you'll end up falling in love with them eventually.”

“Kurt,” Mercedes interrupted him. “I get it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything. I'm glad you have a friend like that.”

“I'm... yeah. Sorry,” Kurt sighed. “I know. I just... Sometimes I wish I could have met him in Ohio. I mean, you were always there for me, and I love you for that. But it would just have been great to have someone who...”

“Someone like you,” Mercedes finished the thought for him.

“Yes.”

“Well, you have all that now, don't you? _And_ you're dating. A guy from your class. Is he cute? I seriously hope he's cute.”

“He is,” Kurt answered. “Very good-looking, actually.”

“Dating is great, isn't it?” Mercedes sighed happily. “I'm so glad you finally get to do all that.”

“Oh, yes, it's wonderful,” Kurt agreed, tying a scarf around his neck. Because it was, wasn't it? He'd been looking forward to all of those experiences for so long. “Mercedes,” he added, not quite sure how to phrase what he wanted to ask. He abandoned his scarf for now to sit down on the bed, biting his lip before he found the courage to ask the question that had been haunting him all morning. “When you started dating Sam, was it... did it... make you feel different?”

“What do you mean?” Mercedes asked.

Kurt sighed. “I don't know. I just... I'm having fun, you know? Ted and I went out to dinner last night and then after that we found this nice little cafe and there were all these gay couples there and we just sat there and talked and... and...” he blushed.

“And what?” Mercedes wanted to know.

“You know... made out,” Kurt finally said, blushing even more. It had been amazing when he'd been in the moment, but talking about it still felt a little uncomfortable, like that part of him had been dormant for too long and was just slowly waking up. It was all just so new to him. “Anyway,” he continued, “it was really nice. And it made me feel... special. In that moment. Like it was exactly right. It's just... I thought... oh, I don't know, it's probably stupid.”

“You like this Ted?” Mercedes asked.

“I... yes, of course,” Kurt answered. “I just asked him out on a third date. He's... I like him, yes.”

“Well, then, have a little fun,” Mercedes encouraged him. “I know it's a little weird at first. It was like that for me, when I first went out with Sam. Felt like it couldn't really be me, you know, like all of that couldn't really be happening to me. But then I realized that it could and it was just amazing.”

“I just thought it would change me,” Kurt admitted, not really meaning to say it at all. “You know, for longer than just the moment when it was happening. I thought it would somehow... make me feel different.”

“Different how?” Mercedes asked.

Kurt shrugged, not really sure how to explain. “Just... different. More grown up. Less Lima boy, more New York City adult. You know, like I had achieved something. Like some sort of rite of passage. Is that stupid?” He'd been dreaming of all of this for so long, actually saying it all out loud now made him feel more like a naïve little small-town boy than he had ever felt before.

“Oh, Kurt,” Mercedes said. “It's not stupid. It will happen. Give it time. You only just started dating. You're still getting used to all of it. But believe me, it's amazing, once you start believing it's all real. And you deserve all of that, okay? Don't you ever doubt it.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said, smiling sadly. Mercedes had always been on his side, she had always seen more in him than most people had, even when he had still been invisible. And he got that she was trying, right now, to make him feel better, but somehow it just made him feel even more depressed. He didn't really think that time was the answer here. He didn't want to wait for it to feel amazing. He just wanted to go on dates and then wake up the next morning and remember everything to be just as wonderful as he had experienced it the night before.

“So how are things with you?” he asked, changing the topic. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate everything Mercedes had said, but he needed to talk about this with someone who had been waiting for all of this just as long as he had and had had just the same amount of time to build up completely unrealistic expectations about it all. Someone like Blaine. “You dating anyone at the moment?”

Mercedes laughed. “Not right now, no. Not interested in another relationship at the moment, after breaking up with Shane, so I'm kind of taking a break from guys. With the exception of you, of course,” she added. “You're always the exception.”

“I know.” Kurt smiled. “Listen, can I call you back later? I have to run right now.”

“Meeting Ted?” Mercedes asked.

“No, meeting Blaine, actually. Saturday brunch.”

“Say hello to him for me, okay? Although we haven't met. I seriously have to meet him one day, I think.”

“I'm sure that can be arranged,” Kurt said. “Talk to you later, then. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Mercedes said, ending the call.

**

Blaine was there before him this morning, sitting at their usual table and smiling at Kurt as he spotted him entering the tiny café.

“Hey,” Kurt greeted him, really glad now that he hadn't canceled this morning. He hugged Blaine hello, like he always did, before sinking into his chair with a tired sigh.

“You look... Are you okay?” Blaine asked, a concerned look on his face.

Kurt nodded, giving Blaine a reassuring smile. “I'm fine,” he said. “Just didn't get as much sleep as I should have.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He shrugged. “Nothing that coffee can't fix.”

Blaine didn't look convinced, but knew better than to push Kurt to talk about something he didn't want to. “So, did you ask Ted about tonight?”

Kurt quickly took a sip of coffee to warm himself up. “Yes, I asked him,” he answered. “He's in.”

“Awesome.” Blaine said. “A double date.”

“With Rachel,” Kurt reminded him, laughing. He just hoped it didn't sound too forced. He had so much he wanted to talk about, with Blaine. But now just wasn't the time. This was the day Blaine, his best friend Blaine, was going on his first date, and he wasn't going to spoil it for him. Right now, he needed to be a good friend. “Tell me about Luke,” he said. “Do you like him?”

The smile on Blaine's face told him everything he needed to know. And maybe, he thought, being a good friend to Blaine would be enough to pull him out of his funk. It had been known to work before. If their short but intense friendship had shown them one thing, it was that they were pretty good at being there for each other.

**

At the club that night, it took Kurt just about twenty minutes to feel completely stressed out and more than a little irritated. Rachel had brought along some college friends, so she wasn't even sitting with them, telling them – with a _wink_ , actually – that she didn't want to intrude.

Blaine had brought David along, but he and Rachel had immediately hit it off and so David had joined her and her friends at the other table.

So it was just him and Ted with Blaine and Luke now, a real double date, and he was feeling uncomfortable from the first minute.

Luke was... he wasn't at all what he'd have imagined Blaine's type to be. Not that he had thought about it a lot. It was just... Luke was tall and handsome, yes, but he was also extremely loud and laughing all the time, even if no one had said anything even remotely funny, and he was... flirting with Blaine so openly, it was almost disgusting. And Blaine actually seemed to like it, from the looks of it. At least he seemed responsive to all of it.

Luke was acting like Blaine was the single greatest thing in existence, looking at him, touching his hand, and Kurt wished he were anywhere but here. He felt like he was listening in on a private conversation, most of the time. And Ted didn't really help either. He just sat there, silently holding Kurt's hand, smiling at everyone. He was trying, but he was just quiet, kind, handsome Ted; a great guy but also one who just didn't talk all that much around people he didn't know. Which was even more obvious with all the talking Luke was doing.

In addition to all of that, Blaine and Ted didn't seem to get along at all. They hadn't said two words to each other since Kurt had introduced them and he couldn't help but notice the looks Blaine was throwing at Ted – like he disapproved of him. Which was... why would he even do that? It didn't really help to improve Kurt's mood at all.

He waited another ten minutes before excusing himself to go to the restroom. He just needed a minute away from all of this. It had been a long week and he was feeling exhausted and he kind of just wanted to go home, but he knew it would be rude after inviting Ted here tonight. Also, he really wanted the chance to sing. It was the only thing he was still looking forward to tonight.

Angry at himself for being in such a bad mood and unable to pull himself out of it, he leaned over the sink, taking a few deep breaths. He could do this. He could get through this night and then he'd get a few hours of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep, and then he'd be feeling better. It was all he needed. He looked up as the door to the restroom was opened quietly, to see Blaine slip in with a big smile on his face.

“Hi,” he said.

Kurt pushed himself off the sink, trying his best to look like he was having a good time as well. “Hi,” he answered.

“That's going rather well, don't you think?” Blaine said, looking just a little nervous, but also a lot like he was actually enjoying this night. And there was no reason for him not to, with the way his date acted around him.

Kurt nodded, forcing a smile on his face. “Great, yes. Luke seems... nice. A little... hyperactive, maybe, but, yeah, nice.”

“I know, he's great,” Blaine answered. “I'm so glad that you like him. Ted is... he's nice, too. A little quiet, but he seems to like you, so he has that going for him.”

Kurt nodded, suddenly feeling a little protective of Ted. “He usually has a lot more to say, you know. It's just difficult to get a word in, with all the talking Luke is doing.”

Blaine's smile faded a little. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Kurt kicked himself mentally. What was wrong with him? He definitely hadn't meant for it to come out like that. “Nothing,” he quickly assured Blaine. “It's kind of cute, how he's trying to impress you. He must really like you. That's all I meant.”

“Oh, okay then.” Blaine didn't really seem to buy it, but let the subject drop anyway. “I was just coming in here to tell you we're up next,” he told Kurt. “And Rachel is on after us, so she's getting a little impatient. You know how she gets when she's about to perform and apparently David's asked her for a duet and she seems really excited about that, so...”

Kurt grinned. “Oh yes, Rachel. Better not keep her waiting,” he said, with a sigh, following Blaine out of the restroom.

They had agreed to accompany each other on the piano – an old Baldwin that was terribly out of tune, which didn't really matter, because it seemed so fitting for the atmosphere of the club. Rachel had been so dismayed she had almost fainted when she'd heard it, but David had talked to her for a few minutes and even though neither Kurt nor Blaine had any idea what he'd told her to convince her that it was okay, it seemed to have worked nonetheless. She was still giving it angry looks, but she was going to sing later anyway.

Kurt sang first. And it felt good to be back on stage. It felt good to sing again in a setting that wasn't an audition, feeling the eyes of the audience on him, all eyes, including Ted and Blaine's (and Luke's, but he didn't really care about that so much). Ted was smiling widely, looking absolutely smitten, and somehow it felt great to have that. To have a boyfriend – because why shouldn't he just call him that, this was their third date, after all – he could impress with all of this.

Blaine was smiling at him too, from his seat at the piano, always his most faithful cheerleader.

Kurt felt almost exhilarated when it was over, looking around the room and bowing a few times while Blaine practically bounced over to him, quickly pulling him into a tight hug. “You were amazing,” he whispered in his ear. “I really don't know how to follow that.”

Kurt pulled back, grinning at him. “Oh, please, I only warmed them up for you. You're going to blow them away, trust me.”

Blaine grinned back at him, and for a moment, Kurt felt something warm and comfortable settle in his stomach.

“Ready for the duet?” Blaine asked, and Kurt nodded.

“Always.”

David was going to play for them. He had jumped in last minute and Kurt thought he was a much better option than Jesse, who would have been the next guy he would have had to ask. Rachel didn't play.

They'd settled on 'Who Will Love Me As I Am,' standing side by side just like Alice Ripley and Emily Skinner (Blaine being Emily and Kurt being Alice, of course), and, Kurt thought, they sounded absolutely great together. He loved singing with Blaine. It just felt so comfortable, and it was such a great song. For the not-quite three minutes it took them to get through it, he almost forgot how uncomfortable he'd been feeling earlier, he almost forgot about wanting to go home or the fact that they were both here on dates. With other people. Because singing with Blaine like this – it kind of captured all of his attention. Like nothing else mattered. Not even the people listening to them, applauding once they'd finished, not even them.

He pulled Blaine into another hug, laughing, feeling completely at ease now. “Your turn,” he whispered in his ear, just like Blaine had done earlier. “You'll be great. I have complete faith in you.”

Blaine beamed at him and he held his gaze for what felt like minutes. Finally, Kurt walked over to the piano, receiving a friendly pat on the shoulder from David. He felt kind of flattered that Blaine had still chosen him for accompaniment. He wasn't as good as David, he knew that. Singing had always been his priority. But Blaine had insisted.

So, without thinking about it anymore, he started playing. This night had turned out to be not quite so bad, after all.

“You were so great,” Ted told him once they were back at their table. He got up to hug Kurt and pull him in for a quick and gentle kiss. “You are incredibly talented. And kind of hot when you're singing.”

Kurt blushed. “Thank you,” he said. “Maybe next time you can sing with me?”

Ted nodded, his eyes flickering between Blaine and Kurt for the tiniest second. “Yes,” he said, just a little hesitantly. “Next time.”

Kurt smiled at him and settled back into his seat, fingers entwined with Ted's on the table.

His eyes fell on Luke and he was a little surprised to find him actually silent for the first time tonight. He was watching Blaine, who was seated next to him again, with such an open look of admiration on his face – Kurt couldn't help but warm up to him a little. Okay, the guy was annoying. But he obviously adored Blaine. That was good, wasn't it?

**

He said goodbye to Blaine outside the club two hours later – Ted and Luke standing a little way off, waiting for them. It was a quick goodbye, a simple hug and the promise to talk on the phone the next day, and then Blaine was walking away with Luke, the two of them holding hands, and Kurt took Ted's hand.

“So,” he started. “Did you have a good time?”

Ted seemed to think about it for a while. “Listen,” he answered. “I really need to get home, it's kind of late. And I have this thing tomorrow. Completely forgot about it. So... see you later?”

There was something in Ted's voice Kurt couldn't really identify and it made him worry a little. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

Ted nodded, a little too enthusiastically, maybe. “Yeah. Yes. Sure. Just... tired. And... I really do have to get up early for... for that...”

“For that thing you have tomorrow,” Kurt jumped in helpfully.

“Right.” Ted took a tentative step toward him. “I'll call you, okay?”

“Okay.” Kurt was sure that something was going on, but he was rather tired himself and had been a little worried that Ted would want to hang out some more tonight. He was really looking forward to just going home and getting some sleep. “Talk to you soon, then.”

Ted leaned in to kiss him, just once, lightly on the mouth. “Goodnight, Kurt.”

“Goodnight,” Kurt answered and Ted started to walk away.

Kurt waited a few seconds, trying to make sense of what had just happened, but he gave up eventually, deciding he could think about this tomorrow when he was fully awake. So he started making his way to the subway, impatient to get home and just go to sleep.

**

It was around noon the next day when his phone rang. It was Ted.

“Hey,” Kurt greeted him.

“Hey.” Ted paused for a while. “I was wondering... are you doing anything?”

Kurt shook his head. “Not really. Studying. But I could use a break, to be honest.”

“Could we maybe... do you have time for a cup of coffee?”

Ted still sounded a little weird and Kurt was instantly worried again. “Coffee sounds good,” he said.

“I'm actually not far from your place,” Ted said. “You know that little cafe just around the corner?”

“Why don't you just come over, if you're in the neighborhood anyway?” Kurt asked.

Ted was silent for a few seconds. “Let's try that cafe,” he finally said.

“Is everything okay?” Kurt asked, because something clearly wasn't right, he could tell at least that much from Ted's voice.

“Yes. Of course. Sure,” Ted replied. “I'm just... I just want to talk.”

“Oh. All right,” Kurt said, not really convinced. “I'll meet you there, then.”

“Half an hour?” Ted suggested.

“Sounds good.” Kurt quickly checked his appearance in the mirror above his dresser. Good thing he did his hair every day even when he wasn't planning to go out.

“See you then,” Ted said and hung up.

Kurt gave his phone a last confused look before tossing it on his bed and started to put together an outfit.

**

Ted was already there when he arrived thirty minutes later, sitting at a table a little out of the way of the rest and looking more tired than Kurt had ever seen him.

“Hello,” Kurt greeted him, giving him a quick peck on the lips before sitting down in the opposite side of the table.

“Hi,” Ted said back, his clear blue eyes fixed on some point just left of Kurt's shoulder like he couldn't quite bring himself to meet his eyes.

“What's going on?” Kurt asked. “I can see that something is bothering you.”

Ted sighed, pushing the second cup in front of him towards Kurt. “I bought you coffee.”

“Thank you,” Kurt replied, touched at the simple gesture. “You didn't have to.”

“I know,” Ted said.

“What did you want to talk about?” Kurt asked, deciding it was best to just get it out of the way, whatever it was.

Ted managed to look even more nervous than he had when Kurt had walked in. “It's just...” he took a deep breath and finally lifted his head, looking right into Kurt's eyes. “I don't think we should be dating anymore.”

Kurt needed a minute to process that. He didn't really know what he was feeling – the rational part of his brain told him that maybe now might be the right time to be upset, but honestly, he found himself to be rather calm. “Why?” he asked eventually.

Ted shrugged. “I don't think this is going to work out.”

“Oh.” Kurt didn't know how to answer that. Traditionally, this should have been the part where he protested and tried to convince his boyfriend that they should keep trying. The only problem was that, as much as he liked Ted, he didn't really feel like doing any of that.

“I don't...” Ted stared down into his coffee cup. “It's not that I don't like you. Because I really do. You are amazing, Kurt. It's just...”

Kurt swallowed. “Is there someone else?”

Ted looked up at him again. “Yes. Yes, I think there's someone else.”

Kurt attempted a smile. This wasn't so bad, after all. He couldn't deny that it hurt a bit, being rejected like that. But he didn't really feel the uncontrollable urge to throw himself down at Ted's feet and beg him not to leave him, either. Maybe they just hadn't been dating long enough for that. “Who is it?”

“Oh. No,” Ted said. “That's not what I meant at all. I didn't mean someone else for me.”

Now Kurt was confused. “What _do_ you mean, then?”

Ted hesitated a second. “How long have you known Blaine?”

Kurt felt his eyes go wide as he looked at Ted. “This is about Blaine?”

Ted nodded slowly, smiling apologetically. “It was pretty obvious last night how close you guys are.”

Kurt shook his head vigorously. “Oh, god, no. No, no, no.” He reached across the table to put his hand over Ted's. “Its nothing like that. We're friends. Just friends. I swear.”

Ted didn't look convinced. “You two don't come across as just friends, you know. There's more there between you.”

“There really isn't, though,” Kurt tried to explain. “Now, I won't deny that maybe when we first met there was the potential for something more... but seriously, Ted. Blaine is my best friend. That's why we're close. And that's all there is to it.”

“It doesn't matter, Kurt,” Ted answered. “I just... I really like you, you know? And I don't want to... I just don't think we're a really good match. I was just hoping that maybe... we could still be friends? Because I don't want to stop hanging out with you.”

Kurt slumped back in his chair, needing a moment to digest what he'd just heard. “I... yeah. Friends, sure. We can do that.” He couldn't really process all of this, not right now. Ted honestly thought he was in love with Blaine? His best friend Blaine? Because he wasn't. And seriously, how many more people were going to make this assumption? First Mercedes, now Ted. Of course, he wasn't blind and stupid. He knew that Blaine was good-looking and charming and wonderful. And he knew that they were really close and that Blaine was really important to him. And that he'd had a crush on him when they first met. But that was where it ended. He and Blaine were friends. Just friends. They had decided that that was all they were ever going to be very early on. And he liked it that way.

“Listen,” he said to Ted. “About Blaine – ”

“No.” Ted raised a hand to signal him to stop. “I heard what you said. You're just friends. I believe you. Just... I think the two of you have something really special. You should think about that.”

“I don't – ”

“Just invite me to your wedding so I can tell everyone I knew all along, okay?” Ted was grinning at him now.

Kurt grinned back. “Oh, you're so invited to my wedding. Just so that you can see that the other guy in a suit won't be Blaine.”

“It's on,” Ted declared, extending a hand towards Kurt who shook it enthusiastically.

They stayed in that cafe for another half hour, talking and laughing, and, Kurt decided, maybe break-ups weren't so bad. Ted was still wrong about Blaine, but he was a nice guy and somehow they did get along a lot better now that they were decidedly not dating. It was... well, it was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The duet Kurt and Blaine are singing is a song from the musical "Side Show." Alice Ripley and Emily Skinner were the first to receive a joint nomination for a Tony Award as Best Actress in a Musical. Just in case you're interested in that sort of trivia. The song is really nice. If you want to listen to it, you can find it here: <http://youtu.be/W9IqsC5hc_Q>


	7. Why Does It Seem So Inviting

Kurt saw a lot less of Blaine over the next few weeks. They talked regularly, but Blaine actually canceled Saturday brunch twice in a row and Kurt had to cancel the week after and since both of them were busy with course work and Blaine had a boyfriend now, they just didn't find a lot of time to hang out together anymore. Actually, Kurt had seen more of Ted over the course of those past few weeks than he had of Blaine. He and Ted were friends now – just friends. And, Kurt found, he did like Ted a lot. As a friend. It had been flattering to be asked out, to be kissed in public and to have someone look at him like he was special, but this much he had learned at least, you couldn't just make these things work. They happened or they didn't, but there was no point in forcing them and no point in pretending. Apparently, that wasn't his style. Figuring that out did finally make him feel a little more grown up, because at least now he knew what he expected from a relationship, or, more specifically, what he didn't want.

He didn't want casual, maybe-it-will-work-out-let's-just-try. He wanted all the magic, all the beauty of it and he wanted it to feel right, as naïve as that might be. He wanted to know. The problem was, you didn't know unless you tried. So he went out on more dates. Not a lot – but there were guys, occasionally. It never really went anywhere, he never even asked any of them out again and turned them down when they asked him out again. But, at the very least, he was trying. He was putting himself out there, he was flirting and he had nights of 'dinner and a movie,' and if all of it turned out to be not what he wanted in the end, at least he couldn't blame himself that he hadn't tried. And, after all, that was what college was for, wasn't it?

It was late one Thursday night when Blaine called him, just when he was about to fall asleep on an essay he had been working on for the past two hours.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” Blaine wanted to know.

Kurt rubbed his eyes, needing a while to sort out which day it was, his brain all foggy from studying and being tired. “I don't know. Nothing? Wait, tomorrow is Friday, right? Nope. Nothing.”

“Good,” Blaine said. “Movie night?”

Kurt yawned, rolling his shoulders that had cramped up from sitting at his desk for too long. “Sounds good. No plans with Luke on a Friday night?”

“His parents are coming to visit this weekend and he has to do stuff with them tomorrow. So, I'm all yours, if you don't have other plans.”

Kurt smiled. “That does sound good. And I don't have plans. Also, wait, am I your fall-back plan now?”

Blaine laughed. “Kurt, I'm much too afraid of you to ever treat you like a fall-back plan.”

“Very wise of you.”

“I just really want to see you. I miss you. We haven't done anything together in ages.”

Kurt sighed. “I know. I miss you, too.” And, dammit, he did. Of course he had to find himself a best friend in New York who went to a different school. And not only that, he had to find himself a best friend who made friends with everyone he talked to for more than two minutes and lived in a dorm, where you usually ended up talking to everyone sooner or later. All the people in Kurt's building were elderly people or shop assistants. He knew a few of them by name, but he would never hang out with them. Not that he didn't have friends – his social life was quite busy. But Blaine definitely had a slight advantage over him there. “So, your place? My place?”

“Your place?” Blaine suggested. “I mean, if your roommates have other plans, you can come over. But the room down the hall is throwing some kind of a party and from what I heard, they plan on getting very drunk. I'm not sure we'd actually hear the TV over all of that.”

“I'll lock Jesse and Rachel in their rooms,” Kurt offered. “We'll have the living room to ourselves.”

“Won't we still hear them yell at us?” Blaine asked.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “That's why we tie them up and gag them, Blaine. Trust me, I have it all worked out.”

“Of course you have,” Blaine agreed. “See you tomorrow, then?”

“Looking forward to it.”

Kurt ended the call and with a sigh turned back to his essay. It had to be done by tomorrow, so he'd better get back to work. He quickly read over the last few paragraphs he'd written to get back into it, when the first chords of “Razzle Dazzle” started sounding from the living room, Jesse belting out the lyrics like his life depended on it.

“Shut. Up. Jesse,” Kurt bellowed, slapping his hands over his ears. Working in this apartment really wasn't the easiest of tasks sometimes.

**

His last class on Friday ended around noon and he only needed to make a quick trip to the library after that before he could go home. He had no idea whether or not Blaine was available for brunch on Saturday and he had already made plans with Ted and a few other people to see a play on Sunday, so he decided to get some of his assignments out of the way before Blaine came over. He would be here at eight, so that left him about six hours of uninterrupted studying, provided Jesse and Rachel weren't home.

Blaine was at his door twenty minutes early and with a year's supply of pizza and a lot of food with a lot of sugar in it and Kurt felt like they were hugging for a good five minutes before he felt able to let go. They hadn't seen each other in two weeks and their phone calls had been shorter than either of them had liked and it just felt so good to be spending time together again.

“You always bring food when you come over,” Kurt noticed. “I would feed you, you know. I would never let you starve.”

“It's the polite thing to do, isn't it?” Blaine asked. “Whenever my parents had guests over, they usually brought a bottle of wine or something. I can't buy wine, so I'm bringing you food in exchange for your hospitality.”

“You are weird,” Kurt told him, nothing but affection in his voice.

“And you love it,” Blaine said confidently, giving him his widest smile.

“So, movie and pizza?” Kurt asked. “We actually have the apartment to ourselves. Which means we can watch musicals and sing along without Jesse storming out of his room to prove that he can do it better.”

“Or we could just talk,” Blaine suggested. “I haven't seen you in forever and your text messages are more than cryptic most of the time. I would really like to hear what you've been up to lately.”

“My text messages are not cryptic,” Kurt disagreed. “They are deep and witty.”

“You suck at texting.”

“At least I don't text you random comments about other people's dogs,” Kurt reminded him.

“That was one time,” Blaine said. “And it's called being communicative.”

“No.” Kurt laughed. “I think it's just called being Blaine.”

They settled on the couch, each on one end, and Blaine grabbed a slice of pizza while Kurt just watched him. “I really missed this. Hanging out with you,” he confessed, and the very fact that it felt a little uncomfortable to admit this so openly was a reminder of how little they had seen each other lately.

“I miss it, too,” Blaine said. “I guess I've been a pretty bad friend lately, haven't I? I've canceled all those Saturdays...”

“You canceled twice,” Kurt interrupted. “And it's no big deal. You have Luke and you have all the people in your dorm and your classes... and I've been busy, too. Just...”

“We should definitely try to do Saturday brunch more often again,” Blaine said, smiling at Kurt so openly it made him warm all the way down to his toes. “It's our thing.”

“Yes, but if you have plans with Luke...”

Blaine dismissed the argument with a wave of his hand. “I can hang out with him any time. He'll just have to understand. You were there first.”

“So, everything going okay with you guys?” Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded. “I think so, yes. How about you? Met anyone yet?”

Kurt sighed. “Not really. Dating is a little more exhausting than I had expected. But I'm not giving up. I haven't even been here a year.”

Blaine smiled at him. “It will happen, I'm sure of it. Just give it time.”

“Let's talk about something else, okay?” Kurt suggested. He didn't really want to waste his precious time with Blaine talking about dates gone wrong.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged. It didn't really matter to him all that much what they talked about, as long as they could just spend time together. “How are your classes?”

“Really, Kurt?” Blaine laughed. “That's what you come up with?”

“School is a big part of your life right now,” Kurt replied, grinning. “I just want to know what you've been up to.”

Blaine sighed. “This is the weekend and I will already have to spend most of tomorrow studying, so please, just let me forget it all for one night.”

“All right, all right, just forget I ever asked,” Kurt said. “So, no talking about school tonight, and no talking about dating either. The ground rules are all set up.”

“Where are Rachel and Jesse, anyway?” Blaine wanted to know.

“Rachel has a rehearsal and Jesse... honestly, I have no idea. Didn't ask. I was too glad when he finally left, I didn't really feel like detaining him with unnecessary questions.” Kurt shrugged. 

“That was probably a really smart idea,” Blaine agreed.

“Oh, hey, did I tell you Jesse actually wants to cast me in the musical he wrote?”

Blaine shook his head. “No. Are you going to do it? I mean, I know it's Jesse and all that, but...”

“I'm not sure,” Kurt confessed. “Apparently he wrote the part with me in mind, which is uncharacteristically nice of him, but... yeah, well. It is Jesse. It just would be nice to be performing somewhere outside of school, you know?”

Blaine thought about it for a moment. “How big are the chances of this actually happening, then? Is he really going to put it on? This musical?”

Kurt nodded. “It's going to be small, but it looks like he's actually going to go through with it. I mean, there's still so much than could go wrong – nothing's really out of the planning stages yet. But you know Jesse, he's nothing if not determined. He's the star, of course. Playing the lead and singing half of the songs. I would have, like, one and a half songs and be on stage for about ten minutes altogether, but on the other hand it's on a real stage with real people in the audience and they will actually have to buy tickets to see it – it does sound awfully tempting. And it would be amazing for me if it did work out. My first real part in a real musical.” He had thought about this a lot and as much as he mistrusted Jesse in general, this seemed like too much of an opportunity to just let it go. Even if it would mean spending more time with Mr. St. James, most annoying of roommates. Still, the fact that he'd thought of Kurt writing that musical... it made it almost impossible to really be too annoyed with him.

“I think you should do it,” Blaine said. “Unless you really don't want to. But even if the part is small and the whole project is all Jesse, it will be something to put on your resume.”

“I guess so,” Kurt answered, leaning back against the armrest. “I just don't want to get my hopes up too much in case it falls through in the end.”

“I still think you should do it,” Blaine encouraged him. “Maybe it will not work out, but at least then you can't say you haven't tried. Plus, you're right, if Jesse actually gets this off the ground, it would be such a great thing for you.”

“That's what I've been telling myself all week,” Kurt admitted. “I don't really see any reason not to, I just...” he grinned at Blaine, blushing slightly. “I kind of wanted to talk to you about it first. It's kind of embarrassing that I need your help making decisions like this, but living with Jesse all the time... I'm always a little afraid I'll go insane one day and start making all the wrong choices. I needed a sane outsider's perspective on this.”

Blaine grinned back at him. “You're welcome, in that case. And I'll be there every night, if you need me, to keep you and Jesse from killing each other.”

Kurt laughed. “That's very sweet of you, thanks. But I'll be perfectly happy if you just come to one of the performances.”

“I wouldn't miss it,” Blaine assured him. “I'm actually really excited about this now. You'll be famous in no time and I'll have a best friend who can introduce me to all of my childhood idols.”

Kurt kicked his leg playfully with a sock-clad foot. “Shut up. And who says I'll still be friends with you once I'm famous?”

Blaine pouted. “You'll just forget about me, then?”

“Of course I will,” Kurt informed him, deciding to live a little tonight and have a slice of pizza as well. Since he had to pay for his food himself he had found out that living healthy could be quite expensive a lot of the time and he was seriously hungry after studying all day. “I'll have so many exciting people to hang out with.”

“Yes, but will they bring you pizza and keep you from committing murder?” Blaine asked. “Think about that.”

Kurt pretended to think about it for a minute before looking back at Blaine. “Fine,” he agreed finally. “Even though I know you're really just after free tickets to all the shows. But I guess I'm kind of stuck with you.”

“You totally are,” Blaine said, nodding enthusiastically. “Should have thought about that before you sat next to me on that plane from Ohio.”

Kurt held up a hand while swallowing a bite of pizza. “Hang on,” he finally said. “That was all Rachel's doing. I didn't even want to sit next to you.”

“New York wouldn't be the same for me if you hadn't, though,” Blaine admitted, giving him that smile that always made his skin tingle pleasantly.

“You really are weird sometimes,” he laughed, kicking Blaine's leg again.

They just kept talking after that, only popping in a movie when they started getting a little tired after a long week and an evening of catching up.

Ten minutes into the movie Blaine simply put his head on Kurt's shoulder like he had done so many times before and Kurt rested his own head against his without really thinking about it. Blaine sighed contentedly and shifted on the couch so they were pressed closer together.

“This is nice,” he said.

Kurt grabbed the blanket from the armrest and draped it over the both of them while they continued watching TV. The question of whether or not this was a normal thing to do with 'just a friend' was fleeting and gone in a second as he reminded himself that he'd sat in a similar position with Rachel so many times by now and with Blaine, too, for that matter, before they had gone for weeks without seeing each other. And it felt nice, with his body being all warm and heavy with tiredness.

“I could fall asleep like this,” Blaine admitted, the words already coming out a little slurred.

“Me too,” Kurt yawned, closing his eyes for just a second. He'd had so much class work, so many late night study groups, he was feeling a bit exhausted now. But having Blaine here was worth all of it, he thought. He had really wanted to see him tonight. What was the use of having a best friend when you couldn't see each other?

“Should go home,” Blaine mumbled into his shoulder. “'s late.”

“Yeah,” Kurt agreed, not even opening his eyes again. “Call me when you get home.”

“'kay,” was the last thing he heard Blaine say before both of them fell asleep.

**

The first thing Kurt noticed when he woke up was that he couldn't really move. He seemed to be in a rather tight space and something was around his waist, something warm and a little heavy. Also, that warmth against his chest, that was... Blinking his eyes open, he was met with the sight of dark curls pressed against his neck and oh, that warm and heavy thing around his waist was actually an arm. He was pinned against the back of the couch, Blaine pressed tight against his front and obviously still very much asleep. And also, kind of cuddling with him.

Well, that was... new. They had never actually fallen asleep together like this. Kurt imagined they must have shifted to this position sometime during the night, which immediately made him think all other kinds of questions, all really not the most important in this unusual situation he found himself in, but he couldn't help but wonder.

Since the last thing he remembered was sitting – sitting – in front of the TV and Blaine saying he had to go home... had Blaine changed his mind about the going home and arranged them in this position? Was it just a position people who fell asleep upright inevitably found themselves in sooner or later? Or was it a skill you acquired over time and Blaine had just had a lot of practice with his boyfriend and had subconsciously moved them to lie down on the couch after he'd fallen asleep?

Not that it was really important, he was just... wondering.

Until Blaine moved and actually snuggled even closer to him, murmuring something unintelligible but content-sounding in his sleep and Kurt was suddenly wide awake.

He should wake Blaine up, he thought. Leaning against each other and sharing a stupid blanket while watching TV was one thing. Waking up on a small couch practically tangled up in each other was... something else. Even for their strangely close friendship, this seemed like a bit much. At least, Kurt was pretty sure he would never wake up with Rachel or Mercedes in a position like this.

“Blaine,” he said, tapping his shoulder lightly and feeling a bit foolish. If he could have, he would just have got up and let Blaine sleep while making breakfast, and then he could have pretended that Blaine had spent the night alone on the couch while Kurt had been in the other room in his own bed that was really only a few feet away and that they hadn't woken up curled together on an impossibly small couch. But Blaine was practically clinging to him and there was no way he could get up without waking him first. He couldn't even move anything other than his arms.

“Blaine,” he tried again, tapping his shoulder again, and when that didn't work, tried shaking him lightly. “Blaine, wake up!”

“Mmm, morning,” Blaine mumbled and rubbed his face lightly against Kurt's chest.

“Blaine, wake up,” Kurt repeated. “Come on, this is getting kind of uncomfortable.” It wasn't, not really. Just... a little strange. Whatever it was, however, Kurt thought they really needed to get up now before it got even stranger.

“Where are we?” Blaine wanted to know, loosening his arm around Kurt's waist slightly and lifting his head, an adorably drowsy expression on his face and his hair sticking up in all directions.

“We kind of fell asleep on the couch,” Kurt told him. “And I can't get up if you don't move.”

“Then don't get up,” Blaine answered, lying back down. “You're all warm and I'm sleepy.”

“I really need to go to the bathroom,” Kurt lied, eager to get away before Blaine woke up fully and this could become seriously awkward.

“All right,” Blaine finally agreed, removing his arm and stretching lightly before moving himself into a sitting position. “We fell asleep on the couch,” he repeated Kurt's words, looking around. “Weren't we watching a movie?”

“That was last night,” Kurt told him, smiling against his will. “Good morning.”

“Oh.” Blaine rubbed a hand across his face and through his hair, messing it up even more. “Sorry?”

“For what?” Kurt asked, sitting up too and moving to the other end of the couch, thinking that it was probably appropriate to put a little space between them after apparently cuddling all night long.

“For falling asleep on you,” Blaine explained.

“Don't worry about it,” Kurt replied, getting up to go to the bathroom, because that's what he’d said he had to do just seconds before.

Blaine had moved to the kitchen and was making coffee by the time Kurt got back from the bathroom where he'd quickly brushed his teeth and fixed his hair.

“Um...” he started, clearing his throat, not sure how to proceed. “There's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink, if you want to...”

“Thanks. Yeah,” Blaine said, giving him a quick smile before slipping past him out of the kitchen.

Kurt leaned back against the counter as soon as Blaine was gone and rubbed his face with both hands. This was... awkward, but probably not as much as it could have been, he supposed. To his surprise, he found that he was feeling strangely calm about all of it. His shoulders were a bit tense from sleeping on the couch and he usually wouldn't be up this early on a Saturday morning, but otherwise he felt surprisingly well-rested. There was something about having a warm body curled around you all night that he definitely liked, even if that warm body was just that of a really close friend. He had never woken up with anyone before and he didn't really know what the protocol was for these kinds of situations. Considering that it was morning, however and Blaine was already making coffee...

“Pancakes or waffles?” he asked as Blaine returned, opening the kitchen cabinet.

“Pancakes,” Blaine decided, reaching around him and leaning up to get two cups from the shelf.

They moved around each other in the kitchen making breakfast in silence and there was something so uncomplicated and comfortable about all of it, Kurt couldn't really bring himself to bring up the fact that they had just woken up in a position that seemed a little inappropriate for just friends. Blaine didn't seem to want to talk about it either, apparently, so that was fine, then, wasn't it?

“I guess we'll just cancel brunch one more time today, after all,” he finally broke the silence as Blaine filled their coffee cups, taking the stack of pancakes he had just made over to the small kitchen table.

“I guess so,” Blaine agreed, smiling at him. “On the other hand, it's not really canceled, it's just earlier than usual.”

“And in my kitchen,” Kurt pointed out, “both of us wearing the same clothes we had on last night. This is definitely new.” And, there, now he had brought it up anyway.

Blaine, however, didn't seem very interested in talking about it. “Look on the bright side,” he told Kurt. “After we’ve had our coffee, we get to finish that movie we started last night before we fell asleep. Couldn't do that in a coffee shop.”

“It's not like you haven't seen 'Star!' a hundred times already,” Kurt reminded him. “So that means you haven't really missed anything.”

“I don't like it when I don't see the end of a movie,” Blaine admitted. “If you keep falling asleep half-way through, you'll eventually end up having seen the all the scenes of the first half twice as often as the second half. Doesn't seem fair, does it? I bet they worked on the last part just as hard and it deserves to be remembered just as much.”

Kurt actually had to laugh at that. “While you do have a point, only you could come up with something like that,” he said fondly. “But seriously, please don't tell me you always fall asleep during the first half of that movie. The second half is just as good, if not better. And the closing number, 'Jenny,' I mean, really Blaine...”

“Of course I don't always fall asleep,” Blaine said, taking a pancake. “It's just... that movie is really long. And I really like to sleep.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes at the amount of sugar Blaine put in his coffee.

“What?” Blaine asked, catching the half-disgusted look on Kurt's face. “It's early. It helps wake me up.”

“Whatever you say.” Kurt took a sip of his own coffee – no sugar – and leaned back in his chair. “Do you think we should only watch the second halves of movies from now on whenever we have a movie night, so that you can fall asleep during the first hour when you're alone without feeling bad about it?”

Blaine seemed to think about it for a moment. “I knew there was a reason I'm friends with you,” he said.


	8. I've Found More Clouds Of Gray

Kurt was just about ready to give up on the paper he had been working on for the past hour. It had been a insanely long day – Thursdays were the worst this semester – and he hadn't really eaten anything since breakfast, not counting the few bites of a stale sandwich he'd squeezed in between classes. Considering the fact that it was now almost 9pm, he should probably do something about that, he thought.

He closed his laptop and sighed at the mess of papers and textbooks scattered across all surfaces of his usually immaculate room. The whole week had been crazy. Classes, assignments piling up, deadlines for papers looming, and rehearsals for Jesse's musical, 'From Ohio To The Stars,' as it was now called, which was actually going to happen. And it wasn't even really all that bad. It was just... a lot. And Jesse, who was in charge of, well, everything, was rather demanding.

Kurt got up from his chair, stretching his arms above his neck to relieve some of the tension between his shoulder blades. He hadn't slept more than four hours a night all week and it was beginning to get to him.

He was just rummaging through the refrigerator in the hopes of finding something that looked like it hadn't been bought in a different century when he heard his phone ringing in his room. Contemplating for just a second whether or not it could be important enough to forgo food for another few minutes, he closed the door to the fridge with his hip and hurried off to his room. The phone, of course, was buried under a mile of course work and by the time he had unearthed it, the ringing had stopped.

Quickly, he checked his missed calls. Blaine. Of course, he should have known. He always picked the most impossible times to call. He hit the call-back button and made his way back to the kitchen while he waited for Blaine to pick up.

“Hey.”

“Hello,” Kurt answered. “Sorry for not answering before, I was in the kitchen.”

“Are you busy right now? Should I call back later?”

“No.” Kurt leaned against the counter, shifting the phone to his other ear. Blaine sounded... cheerful as ever on the surface, but Kurt could read him well enough by now to tell that there was something wrong. “I'm all yours. What is it?”

“Oh, nothing, really,” Blaine assured him. “I was just wondering... are you doing anything tomorrow night? I thought maybe we could... do something. If you're free.”

Kurt sighed. “I can't, I'm sorry.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, you probably have rehearsals, I didn't even think about that.”

“Well, yes, there's that...”

“I could meet you after. What time will you be done? I could still come over and – ”

“I kind of have a date after rehearsal. With Patrick,” Kurt interrupted.

“The musical guy?”

“That's the one.” He'd told Blaine about Patrick before, since he'd been out with him a number of times now. And he liked him. He liked him a lot. Patrick was another actor in Jesse's musical, two years older than Kurt, tall, handsome, voice like a dream. And the first guy ever who'd made it past date four. It looked rather promising.

“Oh, yes, all right,” Blaine said. “I was just... I just thought I'd call and ask, just in case, but if you already have plans, that's okay, I don't – ”

“Blaine, what's wrong?” Kurt interrupted again. “Come on, this is me. I can tell there's something you're not telling me.”

Blaine sighed, apparently debating whether or not to tell Kurt the real reason for his sudden desire to spend yet another Friday night on Kurt's couch rather than with his boyfriend. Which, now that Kurt thought about it, was rather odd.

“Why don't you have plans with Luke tomorrow night?” Kurt asked. “Everything okay with you guys?”

“Luke's busy tomorrow,” Blaine answered. “Like he was busy last Friday night and the entire weekend before that and,” he sighed, “I think he's avoiding me and I don't know what I've done wrong.” Blaine had definitely dropped the cheerful facade now and there was a bitterness in his voice that made Kurt's heart ache.

He had seen them – Blaine and Luke – together a number of times before the end-of-term stress started keeping him busy. Lately, though, he had only ever seen Blaine alone and they hadn't really talked much about boyfriends or dating on these occasions. Kurt was ready to admit that he'd been the one to avoid the topic, a little tired of describing his growing line of first-and-maybe-second-dates-and-then-nothing, or his lonely nights at home with nothing but the TV and his roommates for company, to his friend in an actual relationship. Not that Blaine had ever been anything less than supportive. And he had never flaunted his relationship, he had never done anything to make Kurt feel bad about the fact that he couldn't make it work with anyone for himself. Still, with all his failed attempts, he hadn't really felt comfortable talking about it anymore.

“I'm sure he's not avoiding you. Maybe he's just busy. He likes you, I've seen you guys together often enough.”

“Yes, I know.” Blaine didn't sound entirely convinced. “It's just that lately... I mean, yeah, I guess I'm just overreacting. I don't know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt asked carefully. Blaine liked to share every good emotion with the entire world, but tended to close himself off when he was hurting. Kurt wasn't going to let him do that now.

“There's really nothing to talk about,” Blaine said. “I'm just feeling a little... whatever. It's nothing.”

“Doesn't sound like nothing to me,” Kurt replied. “Rehearsal ends early tomorrow because Jesse has to go to Ohio for the weekend. I'll be out by eight. Meet me there?”

“Oh, no, Kurt, don't cancel your date. I don't want you to do that. I shouldn't even have called, I'm sorry.”

Kurt shook his head even though Blaine couldn't see it. “I don't know if I want to go, anyway,” he lied. “I'm pretty tired after this week. I could cancel and we could watch a movie instead. You won't care if I fall asleep on you.”

“Are you sure?” Blaine asked. “I don't want to ruin your night just because I think I _might_ get dumped.”

“Oh, Blaine. Is it really that bad?”

“Looks like it.”

“What happened?”

“I don't... Nothing _happened_. Seriously, don't cancel your date. I'll be okay.”

“And I'll be meeting you tomorrow at eight.”

“Kurt...”

“Blaine. Don't argue. This has already been decided. You're not going to spend your Friday night all by yourself.”

“You're making me sound kind of needy,” Blaine half-complained.

“No, I'm making _me_ sound like the guy who's going to hang out with you tomorrow night,” Kurt disagreed. “Besides, Patrick has some big paper to write over the weekend and I wouldn't want to keep him up too late anyway.” Okay, that was another lie. Patrick didn't have any papers due and Kurt had, in fact, been looking forward to this date all week. But Blaine was his best friend and he knew he wouldn't be able to enjoy himself anyway, knowing that his friend about whom he cared deeply was spending the night all alone and miserable in his dorm room.

“Kurt... are you really sure about this?”

“Blaine,” Kurt sighed. “Ask me that again and I'm bringing Jesse to hang out with us.”

“No,” Blaine responded quickly. “No, don't. I believe you. You're sure about this.”

“Now he gets it.” Kurt smiled. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine agreed, and then, after a pause, “and, Kurt? Thank you.”

“Always,” Kurt answered, before hanging up to finally find himself something to eat.

“Was that Blaine?” Rachel asked, walking into the kitchen, nose buried in a book. She had mastered the art of reading-while-doing-a-million-other-things over the past month, because spending every free minute running from audition to rehearsal for some school project to another audition, the only time she had left for actual studying was the time normal people used to eat, go to the bathroom, do laundry or clean the kitchen. Rachel did it all at once. She'd been walking into walls a lot for a few days, but now she seemed to have developed some kind of radar and was mostly accident-free.

“Yes, that was Blaine,” Kurt said. “How did you know?”

“You had Blaine-voice.” Rachel shrugged.

“And what is that, exactly?”

She finally put the book down, giving him a surprised look as if she hadn't realized he was actually there before. Kurt decided he'd have to talk to her soon about such things as sleeping patterns and taking breaks. “It's the voice you use when you talk to Blaine,” Rachel explained as if it was something he should have known. “Do we have food or are we all out?”

“I was just looking,” Kurt said. “I think we have cheese. Everything else looks rather untrustworthy.”

“Can you go to the store? I have this chapter to finish...”

“I already went twice this week,” Kurt complained. “It's your turn. Or Jesse's. I don't care.”

“What's my turn?” Jesse asked, poking his head around the door frame.

“Food. We don't have any. It's your turn to go buy some,” Kurt explained.

“Can't we just order in? I'm rewriting the end of the second act and I really can't – ”

“That would solve the problem for tonight, but what do we do about breakfast?” Kurt pointed out.

“Go to the cafe next door?” Jesse suggested. Rachel was just nodding absentmindedly, her head already back in the book.

“Oh, do whatever you want,” Kurt gave up, pushing past Jesse and Rachel to get back to his desk. “I have a paper to write.”

“Chinese?” Jesse called after him.

“All right,” Kurt called back. He'd worry about breakfast tomorrow.

**

Of course, rehearsal ran late on Friday. Kurt should have known. Jesse was a perfectionist and not even the fact that he had to be at the airport in a few hours to catch his flight could make him end rehearsal on time just this once.

Kurt hated to keep people waiting. By eight, Kurt felt himself getting restless, checking his watch every few minutes. By 8:20 he couldn't keep his legs still anymore, pacing up and down while he waited for the others to get through this final scene so he could say his one and only line he had in this act. But Jesse kept finding things wrong with everyone's deliveries (except his own) and oh god, at this speed he would still be here by midnight. And Blaine was waiting outside in serious need of cheering up, not needing to feel more neglected than he already did.

By 8:35 they were finally, finally done, and just had to wait around for Jesse's last notes on their performance, laced with a lot of praise for himself and a lot more really unhelpful advice for everyone else. Okay, that wasn't entirely fair, Kurt thought. Jesse did have a lot of experience, and the chance to actually put on his own musical had made him... grow up, in a manner of speaking. He was actually becoming rather good at all of this, at being encouraging instead of a complete jerk.

“...and this is a video I have made of myself acting out all of your more crucial scenes. I encourage you all to study it carefully over the weekend. Learn from the best, so to speak,” he said, holding up a DVD. “There's a copy for every one of you in that box over there. Get one before you leave.”

Okay. Maybe he hadn't yet given up on his jerk-like ways completely. But people didn't change over night, did they?

Breathing a sigh of relief, Kurt quickly went to gather all his things, sending Blaine a quick text with an apology and the promise to be out in a minute.

“You sure you can't do tonight?” a voice behind him asked and he spun around quickly.

“Patrick. Hi.” He couldn't help but smile. “No, no, sorry. I really can't. It's... it's just a friend thing, you know?”

“Yes, you mentioned that,” Patrick answered, and dammit, he really was good-looking with his dark hair and green eyes, and the way that shirt was clinging to his chest in all the right places... “But we're still on for coffee on Wednesday, right?”

“Of course,” Kurt confirmed, taking a step closer so he could wrap his arms around Patrick's neck. “I'm really looking forward to it.”

“Yes, me too.” Patrick touched their foreheads together briefly before closing the final distance to plant a soft kiss on Kurt's lips. “I'll call you.”

“Not if I call you first,” Kurt replied, not even caring about the horribly clichéd line as he felt Patrick's arms tighten around his waist. They kissed again, a little longer this time.

Kurt was the one to pull away first, sounding a little breathless as he spoke. “I should... I should probably get going. My friend...” he gestured toward the exit.

“Right. Your friend.” Patrick let go of him, a grin breaking across his face as he held up his copy of Jesse's DVD. “Don't forget to grab a copy of this masterpiece before you leave. You can always show this to your friend in order to cheer him up. Should be hilarious, I have no doubt.”

Kurt laughed. “Oh yes, I'm sure it's going to be a collector's item in a few years. Hang on to that, someone might pay you a fortune for it one day.”

“See you, Kurt,” Patrick said smiling at him warmly, and then he was gone.

Kurt stared after him for a while, mentally cursing the fact that he couldn't be in two places at once, because then he could be there for Blaine and keep kissing Patrick all night. With a frustrated sigh, he hoisted his bag over his shoulder, heading for the exit himself.

Blaine was sitting on the steps in front of the small theater, completely absorbed in his game of Angry Birds and only looking up when Kurt stopped right beside him.

“Sorry,” he said. “Did you get my text? Jesse just wouldn't stop talking and I never expected to – ”

“Hi,” Blaine interrupted. “Yes, I got your text, and don't worry, it's okay, really. It's not your fault.” He put his phone in his pocket and got up quickly, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. “You didn't have to hang out with me at all tonight and you're still making time for me. I didn't mind waiting.”

Blaine seemed tense and sad and not at all like he was okay, and Kurt had no choice but to wrap him in a tight hug. “How are you doing?” he asked into the collar of Blaine's coat as Blaine's arms came up to circle around him and hold on tight.

“I'm doing okay. I'm just... I don't know.”

Kurt nodded, letting go of Blaine so he could look him in the eyes. “You want to go for coffee somewhere? Or is it too late for that?”

Blaine attempted a grin. “It's never too late for coffee.”

“I knew you were going to say that,” Kurt laughed, taking Blaine's arm as they made their way down the street. “There's a nice place a few blocks from here. Let's go there.”

“Lead the way.”

**

“So, what's going on with you and Luke?” Kurt asked as soon as they were settled at their table, coats hanging over the backs of their chairs and hands wrapped around their coffee mugs.

Blaine sighed. “We broke up.”

Kurt gasped. “Oh my god, Blaine, I'm sorry. When? What happened?” He had gathered from their conversation the day before that things weren't going too well at the moment, but he had figured they had just hit a rough patch and it would all be okay if Blaine had someone to talk it over with. The two of them had seemed so... _good_ together. Well, they had when he'd last seen them. Despite the fact that Kurt had never really warmed up to Luke, he had been willing to like him for the fact alone that he made Blaine happy. Now, however...

Blaine stared down into his coffee, taking a while before he answered. “I don't know what happened, actually. Everything was going great... until it wasn't. At least... I kind of convinced myself it was going great. There was... stuff, though. He'd been avoiding me for a while and then he called me yesterday, after I had spoken to you, and said he wanted to talk. He came over and we... broke up.” He shrugged his shoulders, index finger of one hand tracing patterns over a coffee stain on the table top. “I should have expected it after the past few weeks, but it was still... It still sucks, you know?”

Kurt reached across the table, taking Blaine's hand into his own. “Of course it does. I'm so, so sorry, Blaine. I thought you guys were... I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?” God, this was difficult. What did you say to someone who'd just had his heart broken? _Sorry_ just sounded so lame and he couldn't even say he knew what it felt like and it would be okay, because he'd never been there himself, had he? Not like this.

“He said...” Blaine paused, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth while trying to put it all into words. “He said he really liked me, but that we just... that it wasn't right. He said he didn't feel like I really wanted to be with him and that what we had wasn't enough. For him. So... we shouldn't see each other anymore and move on and he really hopes that one day, we can be friends.”

Kurt looked at him incredulously. “He blamed you for the breakup? He broke up with you and told you it was your fault? Didn't you say he was the one who had been canceling your dates for weeks?”

“Yes... no. Not really. I don't think... I think he was right, in a way. I think when he started to keep his distance... I don't know. I guess he expected me to chase after him, or something. Maybe I should have. I should have at least wanted to, I guess.” Blaine leaned back in his chair a little without letting go of Kurt's hand, running the other one through his hair that looked like he'd been doing that a lot tonight. “I wish I'd gotten the hint. I liked him. I did. You know I did.”

Kurt nodded, squeezing Blaine's hand to signal him that he was there, he was listening.

“I liked the way things were,” Blaine continued. “It was easy. It was... I always thought he was the kind of guy I could fall in love with. He's smart and he's funny and we like a lot of the same things. The thing is... thinking about it now, I don't even know if I ever _wanted_ to fall in love with him. Like, I think I was holding back, and I don't even know why. I had this really good thing in my life and I screwed it up.”

Blaine fell silent again and Kurt waited. He got what Blaine was saying. He'd spent enough time with Blaine to know this about him. It was one of the big differences between them. They were both romantics at heart, but for Kurt, it had to be real or nothing. He had spent too much time making up epic romances in his head, only to be let down. If he didn't feel it, he didn't go for it. Blaine, on the other hand, created romance as he went, craving every experience, but really committing to someone scared him because deep down, he didn't trust himself very much.

It took Blaine a while to start talking again and Kurt just sat holding his hand, no other communication necessary between them for the moment.

“I feel like I don't even have the right to be upset about this, because he was right, I wasn't being fair to him. I knew what he wanted and I knew that I didn't want that, not yet anyway. But I always thought 'maybe some day,' and I really thought, maybe even with him, some day. I just... I did like him, I really, really did. And I didn't want to break up with him. I... He wouldn't even give me a second chance. I asked. He said it was no use.” He broke off, shaking his head slowly and looking so heartbroken, Kurt felt tears well up behind his own eyes.

He tugged at Blaine's hand, slipping out of his chair. “Let's get out of here. Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“My place,” Kurt answered, helping Blaine into his coat before putting on his own. “Rachel's probably out cold by now after her rehearsal and study schedule this week and Jesse is going to Ohio tonight. So, you're coming with me right now and I'm going to feed you ice cream and make you watch movies with me and,” he touched Blaine's wrist lightly, making him look up and into his eyes, “my shoulder's going to be right there next to you all night, in case you want to cry on it. Okay?”

Blaine nodded, a slow smile that warmed Kurt's heart spreading across his face. “I'd like that. You're... Thank you, Kurt.”

**

Jesse was still at home gathering his things when they got there. Kurt decided to ignore him and the way he was singing show tunes quite loudly while he was packing and instead settled Blaine on the couch before going into the kitchen to make them some tea.

He was no longer sorry he'd had to reschedule his date with Patrick tonight. As much as he had been looking forward to it, as much as he really liked Patrick, he _needed_ to be here for Blaine right now. Kurt didn't have a lot of experience with being dumped – the only guy who had ever broken up with him was Ted and it had been more like a mutual agreement, deciding to just be friends instead. Ever since then, it had been Kurt who had been doing the... well, not breaking up. You didn't 'break up' with someone after one or two awkward dates. But ever since then he had always been the one to initiate the 'I don't think this is going to work out' talk. Just to be on the safe side.

Still, he knew what it felt like to have your heart broken. Growing up as the only openly gay kid in all of Lima, every crush he'd ever had had ended in heartbreak by default. It was a horrible feeling and it must be even worse for Blaine right now, because this hadn't just been some crush. He had been together with Luke for months. He had taken a chance with someone, he'd been happy, and now he was sitting in Kurt's living room with a broken heart.

They were in college. They were both still looking, trying, experimenting. Having your heart broken was all part of the experience of growing up, Kurt knew that. He still couldn't stand seeing Blaine like this.

Deciding that this was an emergency, Kurt emptied the kitchen cabinets of all the chocolate and cookies he could find and carried them over to the coffee table, setting them down next to the ice cream they had picked up on the way home.

“What's all this?” Blaine asked, giving him a small smile from where he was seated on the couch.

“Comfort food,” Kurt explained, heading back to the kitchen to get the tea ready. He knew that cookies didn't really cure heartbreak, but he also knew that Blaine liked them and Blaine was going to have everything he liked tonight. Putting away the tea bags, he decided on hot chocolate instead. It seemed... a more cheerful drink than tea for the occasion.

When he carried the mugs over to the living room a few minutes later, Blaine had left the couch to rifle through the DVD collection, focusing on the musicals.

“Anything you'd like to watch?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shook his head. “I don't really know. It's difficult to find one without people breaking up or dying in it and I don't really want to see any of that tonight.”

“Do you want to talk?” Kurt asked, sitting down on the couch, not quite sure what to say, but willing to do whatever it took to make this hurt a little less for his best friend who didn't deserve to look so sad.

Blaine walked back over, dropping into the seat next to Kurt, accepting the mug Kurt offered him, staring down at it with a look of surprise on his face. “You made me hot chocolate?” he asked, his voice soft.

“You looked like you needed it,” Kurt answered, spreading a blanket over Blaine and himself.

“But you never make hot chocolate. And the last time I ordered some at the café next door you gave me a thirty-minute speech about healthy nutrition.”

“I just...” Kurt gave a little shrug. “I wanted to make you feel better.”

“Kurt.” Blaine turned his head to look at him and Kurt felt something move deep inside his chest at the slight shaking in his friend's voice.

“Hey guys, I'm heading out. Oh, and, Kurt? You forgot your DVD,” Jesse interrupted, suddenly standing in the middle of the living room with a gigantic suitcase next to him, tossing a DVD case at Kurt's head.

“Oh, yes, thanks Jesse,” Kurt replied absentmindedly, catching the object before it could hit him in the face and dropping it on the coffee table. “Have fun in Ohio.”

“Thanks, I will. Remember: next rehearsal's on Tuesday. You did really well today, but don't get complacent just because I told you that. You'll improve so much, if you spend the weekend studying that DVD. By the way, I'll only have my cell phone off for the flight. If you need any acting or singing advice after that – ”

“Jesse,” Kurt cut him off. “I'm sure I'll be just fine, thank you. Don't you have a flight to catch?”

“Oh, sure. I don't want to interrupt your date, I'll be going now.”

“Does it look like we're on a date?” Kurt answered, rolling his eyes. “This is Blaine. You know him. You've met him several times. My best friend, Blaine?”

“Of course,” Jesse exclaimed, his face lighting up in recognition. “How are you doing, Blake?”

“Fine,” Blaine answered, not even bothering to correct Jesse anymore.

“Are you sure? You don't look so good...”

“You can go now, Jesse,” Kurt said, giving him his sternest look.

“Right. See you next week,” Jesse replied, and then he was finally gone.

“Sorry about him,” Kurt said, turning back to Blaine. “I'm pretty sure he knows your real name too, he's just... Jesse.”

Blaine attempted a small smile. “I actually think he's pretty amusing, if you don't have to live with him.”

Kurt smiled back at him, the two of them settling into companionable silence while they were sipping their hot chocolate.

Kurt felt like he should be saying something, anything, to cheer Blaine up, but nothing really came to mind. In all the time he had known Blaine (and even before then), neither one of them had ever been in a situation like this. It sucked. And there wasn't anything he could do but offer food and company, and somehow it didn't seem like enough.

“Do you think there's something wrong with me?” Blaine finally asked. “If I couldn't make Luke feel like I cared about him enough, even though I really wanted to?”

“No,” Kurt replied quickly, shaking his head firmly. “There is nothing wrong with you. Don't even think that.” He set down his own mug, scooting over until he was kneeling close to Blaine on the couch and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pressing his cheek against Blaine's dark curls. “The guy is an idiot for dumping you. It's his loss.”

Blaine sighed. “It's my loss too, though. I had something good going with him and I drove him away.” There was anger now beneath the pain and Kurt, still holding on to him, wished there was a way to just absorb all of it into his own body and leave Blaine free to be the happy, confident side of himself he liked to present to the world.

“Blaine, no.” He hugged him tighter, the need to protect and shield him from every bad feeling in the world so strong he found it hard to breathe. “He could have fought for you. He could have talked to you about it if he felt like something was wrong. You deserve someone who won't just give up when things are difficult. You deserve everything. And I know you're hurting right now, and, god, I wish there was something I could do to make this less painful for you. But I just want you to know that you are amazing and wonderful and I know, I just know, that you will have it all one day. There's no one in this world who deserves it more than you.”

He pulled back when Blaine leaned forward to put down his cup, settling back into the couch empty-handed. “What if I just can't do it?” He rubbed a hand across his face, staring at the ceiling as if fighting back tears.

“Can't do what?”

“What if I just... can't be a boyfriend. What if I can't fall in love the way I'm supposed to? Because... I wanted to, with Luke. I knew how he felt about me and I wanted, I really wanted to feel the same way about him. I was... happy, you know? But it wasn't... I didn't... Like I said, he was right. We didn't want the same things, and maybe I'm just afraid... I'm afraid that maybe I _can't_ even want those things.”

Kurt was quiet for a minute, studying Blaine's profile, thinking about all those months – almost a year now – he had known Blaine, watched Blaine, learned about Blaine.

“I know that's not true,” he finally said. “I know you, you're my best friend, so I can say this with some authority. Everyone likes you as soon as they meet you, and do you know why that is? It's because they can see that you care and that you're one of the kindest people they've ever met. And I don't know why it didn't work out between you and Luke, but it's not because you're incapable of loving someone. Maybe it just wasn't the right someone.”

“If it wasn't right, then why does it still hurt so much?” Blaine wanted to know, voice tight with angry, unshed tears.

Kurt was searching his brain for something to say, to come up with an answer to that question, but honestly, what was there to say? Breaking up hurt. It just did. You didn't need to go through it to know that. It was the pain of rejection and not-good-enough and being unloved and alone. And it didn't seem right to him that Blaine had to go through this. So, instead of answering, he pulled him into his arms again, held his shaking body, let him cry quietly into one of his favorite sweaters.

Blaine ended up spending the night again, the two of them moving into Kurt's room some time after midnight. Kurt lay awake long after Blaine had gone to sleep. He didn't feel tired yet, so he settled for holding Blaine instead, stroking a hand through his curls again and again until he could feel him relax in his sleep.

His phone vibrated on the night stand around 1am and he picked it up to find a text from Patrick.

_I missed you tonight. Hope your friend is doing ok._

Kurt smiled, carefully letting go of Blaine so he could text back.

_He just needed someone to talk to tonight. Thanks again for understanding. I missed you too, see you next week._

Patrick's response was almost immediate.

_Of course I understand. Can't wait to see you again. Sweet dreams._

Feeling almost stupidly happy all of a sudden, he put the phone away and lay back down on his side so he was facing Blaine who was now sleeping peacefully, no longer looking sad while he was dreaming. That was good, wasn't it? Kurt wanted nothing more than to keep him this way, keep every trace of sadness away from Blaine's face forever. He almost felt guilty now for feeling happy about Patrick's text just a few seconds ago. Because Blaine still wasn't.

Kurt adjusted the blanket around them, pulling it back up over Blaine's shoulders so he wouldn't get cold, before rolling over onto his back, staring at the ceiling in the dark. He felt Blaine move, curling into his side, his head coming to rest on Kurt's chest. He wrapped an arm around him almost automatically, willing to give his friend all the warmth and comfort he needed from him tonight.

He wondered when they had gotten to that point in their friendship at which he was hurting when Blaine was hurting. He just couldn't stand seeing him like this and he hated Luke for breaking Blaine's heart, for making him cry. He just didn't understand how it was even possible. How could anyone ever want to hurt Blaine?

A surge of protectiveness ran through him again and he tightened his arms around his friend. He knew this wasn't going to be the last time it happened to either of them. Love was amazing and the best thing in the world, and it could hurt like a bitch, too. That was just a part of it. But, he thought, at least neither he nor Blaine would ever have to go through the pain of it alone as long as they had each other.


	9. It's Good To Live It Again

Kurt was surprised to find how much he enjoyed the rehearsals for Jesse's musical. Working with Jesse was a little exhausting and a lot infuriating most of the time, but still, this was as close to having a real job as he could get at this point in his life. This had nothing to do with school and his theater classes, this was a real musical; and the part, if a little unoriginal, had been written specifically for him.

Of course, most of the parts were quite clearly designed to make Jesse shine even more. Jesse was basically playing himself, with a few enhancements – a talented young performer from Ohio who helped his school's glee club win Nationals and impressed so many people along the way, he went straight on to Broadway from there. Kurt was playing the of-course-not-quite-as-talented gay kid who had a secret crush on Jesse all along. It was a bit boring and a bit more clichéd than he would have liked – but his songs were actually quite beautiful and he just loved the atmosphere of the theater itself, the feeling of getting to do all of this on a real stage, even if it was just a shabby, run-down old theater miles off Broadway. It was still the first taste of what it could maybe, hopefully be like one day.

On top of that, he now had a boyfriend, and he was getting to work with him in the musical, and that meant he got to spend their little breaks backstage with said boyfriend, kissing and holding hands and feeling happy because he had never really known what that was like before. Finally, he was no longer imagining, but experiencing, and even though he barely had the time to stop and think about it, he never wanted it to end.

Things with Patrick were going great. They had been dating for almost three months now and saw each other regularly, and for the first time since he had started dating, Kurt did not feel the urge to be the one to break it off, did not feel like something was missing. For the first time, he believed that it might actually all work out.

Patrick told him he was beautiful, texted him _I miss you_ when they didn't see each other all day, loved to hear him sing, believed in him. And Kurt did all those things for him too, felt all those things in return, wanted all of this for the first time in his life. He had never felt this comfortable with any of the guys he had been dating before. Not that there had been that many of them, but there had been enough to make him wonder if it was ever going to happen.

The only other person in his life he had ever felt this close to was Blaine, and Blaine was a friend, so that was different. Having a boyfriend was nice. Definitely something he could get used to, Kurt thought.

Rehearsal ran ridiculously late once again on Friday night, and both he and Patrick were too tired to go out to their favorite little cafe after that. So, instead, they decided on movie night at Patrick's place, which was closer to the theater.

Kurt liked Patrick's apartment. He shared it with just one other guy who worked night shifts as a security guard at some museum, so there was always plenty of time and space for making out – and other things – after late rehearsals, without the fear of being interrupted by roommates, as would happen quite regularly at Kurt's place.

But now after a particularly late night, both of them tired and with mild Jesse-induced headaches, curling up in front of the TV and slowly falling asleep like that with their arms around each other and their legs tangled on the narrow couch was really all they could handle.

Kurt woke up early the next morning – he had his brunch date with Blaine, because, yes, they still did that. Blaine had made time for him most Saturdays when he'd had a boyfriend, and Kurt would never dream of canceling on him just because Patrick was all warm and cuddly next to him and looking incredibly cute while he was sleeping. He carefully disentangled himself from his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to his temple before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower. His shoulders were a bit tense and he wished they'd had the sense to actually move to the bed last night instead of falling asleep on the couch. Beds were nice. Better than living room furniture. Definitely less likely to make you feel like you'd pulled something in your neck.

He went through his morning routine quickly – he brought an overnight bag to rehearsals most Fridays now, because somehow, he always seemed to end up in Patrick's apartment afterward.

Patrick was still sleeping peacefully by the time he was ready to go, and since Kurt knew he'd been getting up crazy early all week, he simply drew a heart on a post-it and stuck it to his forehead, kissing his cheek one more time before he left.

**

“So, are you ready for opening night?” Blaine asked, smiling at him over his ridiculously large plate of pancakes.

“It's still two weeks away.” Kurt sighed, leaning back in his chair. “But I guess so, yes. Just...”

“Nervous?”

“A bit. It's just... it's a really big thing for me, and yes, I do worry sometimes that I'll forget my lines or lose my voice halfway through a song, or... you know.”

“You won't.” Blaine reached across the table, squeezing his hand briefly before turning his attention back to his food. “And I'll be there, in the audience, the whole time. Your own personal good luck charm.” He looked up again, grinning brightly, and Kurt laughed.

“Thank you. That does make me feel better.” He sipped his coffee, preparing himself for the question he'd been wanting to ask Blaine all morning. “So,” he started, “have you been seeing anyone lately?”

They still talked all the time, hung out whenever Kurt had the time between school and the musical and his boyfriend, but this was one particular topic that Blaine had been avoiding ever since he and Luke had broken up.

Blaine cleared his throat before stuffing his mouth so full of pancake he couldn't answer for a while. _Nice try_ , Kurt thought, waiting with one eyebrow raised for Blaine to answer him.

“No,” Blaine finally managed. “Haven't had the time.”

“The time or the interest?”

“It's... I just... There just isn't anyone at the moment.”

“Blaine.” Kurt had been worrying about him, for quite some time now. He'd taken the breakup with Luke awfully hard and Kurt didn't want him to shut himself off like that. Blaine deserved better. He deserved to be happy again. “You need to get out more.”

“I get out plenty.” It sounded almost defensive, and Kurt was sorry immediately. He probably could have phrased that a little nicer. “I didn't mean with friends. I mean on dates.”

Blaine sighed, staring down into his coffee mug. “It's just hard, you know. I tend to screw these things up.”

Kurt leaned forward, taking Blaine's hands in his, forcing him to meet his eyes. “That's not true and you know it. First of all, you've only done this once. And even if it didn't work out that one time, that doesn't mean it never will. Also, you're wonderful. Anyone would be happy to have you. If you don't find someone yourself, I'll find someone for you. Okay, no, I won't, because that's creepy. But you know what I mean. I don't want you to be lonely. I can't believe you don't get asked out all the time. If you weren't my best friend and I didn't already have a boyfriend, I'd ask you out myself.”

“Oh, I do get asked out,” Blaine said. “It's just... the only ones I even considered going out with are usually guys from the dorm and usually that means they're also Luke's friends. It would just be... weird, you know.”

“Yes, I understand.” Kurt nodded. “Just... I'm sorry for bringing this up at all. It's none of my business really, and if you don't want to talk about it, just tell me to shut up...”

“No.” Blaine sighed. “It's okay. And you're right, I should get out more. It's just that after Luke, I decided that maybe I should figure out what I really want for myself first. Does that make sense?”

“Absolutely. Yes. I know what you mean.” He'd been through something similar himself after Ted, after all. “And I didn't mean you should start a long-term relationship with the first cute guy you meet at a dorm party. I just... I care about you and I know you've been unhappy and I know I can't always be there like I want to. I just... I want you to... be happy.” Realizing he hadn't let go of Blaine's hands throughout the entire conversation, he squeezed them now, trying to convey some of the feeling behind his words.

“I know.” Blaine looked at him, warmth in his eyes. “Thank you.”

**

The next two weeks went by in a blur. Rehearsals were more frequent and running even later than before, and Kurt still had his classes and assignments. Most nights, he ended up over at Patrick's place, needing the distance from both Jesse and Rachel, where he simply passed out around midnight (though rarely ever without at least a text message to Blaine; they didn't have a lot of time to see each other with opening night approaching and Kurt just plain missed him. A lot.)

The upside of all the stress was that he had less time to be nervous. The only times he wasn't up to his ears in work were the times he was sleeping, so the thought that he might trip over his own feet in the middle of a crucial scene or sing in the wrong key rarely ever even crossed his mind.

Not until he was finally standing outside the theater the afternoon before opening night – and freaking out completely.

They were done with rehearsals. They had sold tickets. To actual _people_ who would be here tonight to watch them put on a musical, actual people who would expect them all to be actually good on that stage, and oh god, what if he just went home now and pretended later that he'd fallen asleep at his desk, or better yet, got stuck in the elevator... no, that wouldn't work, they didn't have an elevator. Well, he would have to come up with something to explain his absence, because there was no way in hell he'd make it onto that stage, his knees felt like rubber and, shit, he had to sit down on the curb for a moment because suddenly he felt very light-headed. Or maybe that was just because he couldn't breathe properly.

“I figured you would be freaking out right about now,” a familiar voice said behind him, and he closed his eyes and exhaled, a weird sense of relief and _all right_ and _thank god_ running through his ice-cold blood.

“Blaine.”

He didn't open his eyes, just kept his head between his knees as he felt his friend sit down beside him, felt a warm hand rub the tense spot between his shoulder blades.

“Are you all right? How are you feeling?”

Kurt gave a little shrill laugh, shaking his head just once. “Unprepared. Kind of tingly. Scared?”

Blaine was quiet for a while, just stroking his back, before slipping his arms around him and hugging him to his side. “Don't be,” he said finally. “I mean, it's okay to feel that. Just... you'll be great. I know you'll be great.”

Kurt nodded, opening his eyes at last, letting out another shaky breath. “I should get in there now.”

“Right.” Blaine jumped up, slipping his arms under Kurt's from behind and heaving him off the curbstone. He just kept hugging him like that for a moment, as if to make sure Kurt could stand on his own two feet, before turning him around, grinning. “Go in there. Be a star. I believe in you.”

Kurt nodded, feeling the corners of his mouth curl upwards in a tentative smile. “What are you doing here already? You're early. Like, very early.”

Blaine shrugged. “I'm your fan, obviously. Get used to it. One day, you'll have people lining up in front of the doors in the middle of the night, just so they can get a look at you when you enter the building.”

“Oh god.” Kurt closed his eyes again, fighting another wave of nausea. “People. There will be people here tonight. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Kurt.” Blaine put both hands on his shoulders, giving him a firm look. “You. Will. Be. Amazing. But,” he added, “if it helps, let's come up with some sort of signal. If you really don't want any people here tonight, just give me some sort of sign before the curtain goes up and I'll yell 'fire.' Should get everyone out in a few minutes. You'll still have to perform for me, though. I'm not going home without hearing you sing tonight.”

Kurt laughed, slumping forward into Blaine's arms and allowing himself to just be held for a few seconds. “You would actually do that for me, wouldn't you?”

“Sure, if you needed me to.”

“I don't think I will.” Kurt pulled back, smiling at Blaine. “But thanks for the offer. And keep your cell phone on vibrate so I can text you if I change my mind.”

Blaine walked with him to the door, where he gave him another long hug for good luck. “Break a leg. I'm so proud of you.” Kurt nodded. He didn't necessarily feel more confident now, but at least he was a little calmer. Calm enough to actually make his feet carry him all the way inside the tiny theater.

**

“There are actually quite a lot of people out there.” Patrick kept bringing up a hand to his head as if to run it through his hair, always remembering at the last moment that this would be a horrible idea right now as he had to be on stage in a very little while and his hair was already all done.

Kurt looked at him incredulously. “Don't tell me _you're_ nervous.”

Patrick laughed shortly, a little too high. “Of course I'm nervous.”

“But you've done this several times.”

“There's a... I did tell you about my father's friend who has this small theater company, right?”

Kurt went over to adjust Patrick's jacket. He kept pulling at his sleeves, stretching the fabric too tight over his shoulders. “You did.”

“I think he's out there. Tonight. I've been trying forever to get them to take me on. Maybe if I'm really good out there, this could be my chance. If I screw up tonight...”

“Patrick.” Kurt took his face between his hands, pressed a small kiss to his lips to shut him up. “You won't screw this up. You're amazing. I know amazing when I see it.”

Patrick hugged him tight and Kurt felt less like throwing up. Calming someone else did wonders for his own nerves, apparently. “You would know,” Patrick said quietly into his shoulder. “You see amazing every time you walk past a mirror.” Kurt felt himself blush, not yet completely used to those kinds of compliments even though Patrick always was more than generous with them.

It was incredible how slowly time suddenly seemed to be going after the hectic pace of the past two weeks. It just went slower and slower until it seemed to stop completely and the hands on the clock just weren't moving _at all_ anymore, and Kurt started to panic again, because there were so many possible mistakes he could make tonight. He didn't remember feeling like this before his glee club performances back in high school. But then, he'd never really had a solo then. And college... he never felt anything like this with any of his school projects, jumping at every chance to get a solo. But this... this was a whole different kind of story and even though it was just a small musical, not the material to jump-start his career, probably not even anything that would get a lot of reviews... it was incredibly important to him that this go well.

He knew that after this night he would define himself and his (possible) future career on how well he did out on that stage in just a matter of … well, still quite a large number of minutes. Maybe that was a stupid notion, but this was his first real test, his first step out into that part of the real world that he wanted to be his life in the future, and he wanted to be good at it. This was his chance to prove – maybe to himself more than anyone – that he'd been right about his talent all along. If he'd been wrong, he'd have to hide under a rock for the next decade or so, but right now, he just really, really hoped he'd been right. He had been dreaming for so long, projecting a confidence he didn't always feel, but ever since he had come to this city, he had started to believe. Every belief had to be tested at one point or another though, he supposed. Well. This was one of those points for him.

The waiting took forever. Long, agonizing minutes of forever, and when Jesse finally called them all together for a few last words of (actually incredibly helpful for once) encouragement, he almost felt like he was leaving his body, completely disconnecting from the reality around him. He wasn't prepared. He also had no choice. It felt a bit like falling, or flying, or maybe he'd just actually left his skin and was observing all of this from a distance.

Someone bumped into his shoulder on the way past him and reality came rushing back at him, the voices around him, the smell of dust and wood and make-up, and he shook his head, feeling oddly calm all of a sudden. He'd been waiting for this moment for a long time. And it was here.

He was in the first scene, just in the background, just one line, but it was his first line in his first real musical, and he didn't screw it up. It felt like waking up a little, and he was feeling almost exhilarated by the time he left the stage to wait for his reappearance in scene IV. At the end of which, he'd have to sing. For the first time since he had arrived that day, he actually felt like he could do it.

Patrick passed by him as he was waiting to go back out, squeezing his hand briefly and offering an encouraging smile. He wasn't going to be on stage with him for scene IV, which made him feel relieved and a little sad at the same time.

Being back on the stage, he forced himself to just ignore the audience, just slip into his character like he had done in all those rehearsals. He had a few lines throughout the scene and he didn't mess up a single one. In fact, everything went smoothly and even though his stomach was still in knots and his palms sweating a little, he felt himself gain confidence by the minute. And somehow, even the nervousness felt good, like a friend he hadn't known had been missing from his life.

So, when his time came, he stepped into the light, head held high, focusing on his breath, his heart beating too fast, but he was in the moment and he knew he was up to it. He had his boyfriend who believed in him backstage, he had his best friend who would believe in him no matter how hard he failed in the audience, and with that thought he opened his mouth and started to sing.

**

He had changed back into his real clothes and was just buttoning up his shirt when he saw something out of the corner of his eye hurtling towards him, and seconds later he found himself nearly toppling over with an armful of best friend clinging to him so tight he had a little trouble breathing.

“Hi, Blaine,” he managed to choke out, still trying not to lose his balance.

Blaine swayed them from side to side slowly, arms in a vice grip around Kurt's back, face pressed into his shoulder. “You. Were. So. Amazing,” he mumbled into his shirt, before letting go and smiling at him instead. “So amazing, Kurt. Seriously.”

Kurt couldn't help grinning like an idiot as he felt tears of gratitude well up behind his eyes. “Thank you. I... It means a lot to me to hear that.” He knew he hadn't done too badly, considering that it was his first part and all that, but Blaine looked so sincere, so _proud_... proud of _him_... Kurt thought he'd never even realized just how much he'd been craving that kind of recognition. The kind he'd never had in glee club.

“I mean it.” Blaine took his hands, swinging them between their bodies. “I'm going to see it again and I'm bringing all of my friends.”

Kurt laughed, blushing a little. “You know, I wouldn't even have made it through the stage door earlier if it hadn't been for you. Thanks for saving me from my emotional breakdown.”

“Always.” Blaine let go of him at last, allowing him to finally close those last few buttons on his shirt. “I'll always be there for you.”

“I know.” Kurt smiled at him, feeling that familiar warmth that was only for Blaine settle in his chest. “You know I'll do the same for you.”

“I know.” Blaine bounced a little on his feet, looking around the room. “So. Do I get to meet the elusive boyfriend tonight?”

Despite the fact that Kurt and Patrick had been dating for months, he and Blaine had never actually met. Heard a lot about each other – yes. But never been in the same room together. At first, something had always interfered with their plans, and then Kurt hadn't really felt comfortable hanging out with just Blaine and Patrick. Blaine was his best friend and he knew he was Blaine's, but they didn't share any friends otherwise – well, maybe with the exception of Rachel, who had, after all, introduced them. But there just hadn't been any kind of opportunity to meet in a group of people and Kurt hadn't wanted to flaunt his relationship in front of Blaine who was, apparently, still not quite over his breakup with Luke. Tonight, though, he'd finally get the chance to introduce the two most important people in his life.

“He's already outside,” Kurt answered. “There's some guy here who runs a theater group he's been trying to join for months and I think he went looking for him. We're meeting at the after-party. You're still going, right?” he added.

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Of course I'm still going. I want to celebrate this with you.”

“Thank you. I'm so glad you're here, Blaine.” He meant it. Somehow, having so many people here who cared about him, so many people he cared about, made this whole night even more meaningful and better.

“Well, I'm glad I'm here too.” Blaine's smile was so bright, it was almost blinding.

“Some of my college friends are here too,” Kurt said. “I don't think you've actually met all of them. Let's go and I'll introduce you. Oh, have you ever met Simon? Good-looking, funny... He's single. I could –”

“Uh, no. Thank you.” Blaine shook his head firmly, walking over to sit on one of the stools along the wall. “I'm not here for that tonight.”

“No, of course not, sorry, sorry.” Kurt mentally kicked himself. He just couldn't let it go, could he? It would just... be so much easier if Blaine had someone too. He always felt bad even mentioning Patrick for fear of making Blaine feel lonely. Not that Blaine had ever given him any indication that he minded. It was just... it would make things so much simpler if they were both happy. “I didn't mean to suggest anything.”

“No, Kurt, it's all right. I know that.” Blaine gave him a look that clearly said _relax_ and leaned back against the wall behind him.

“Blaine?” Kurt chewed his bottom lip, taking a tentative step closer to his friend. “Seriously, if I get like this, you have to tell me to shut up. Just tell me to leave it and I will. I don't want to be that kind of a friend.”

“What kind?”

“The Rachel kind.” Kurt laughed nervously. “I know I have been telling you to get out more again and everything, but... It's just that I can't stand it if you're unhappy and maybe living with Rachel has rubbed off on me a little and now I’m this person who has to meddle in everyone's business...”

“Kurt, no.” Blaine stood up quickly, shaking his head. “Seriously, it's fine.” He laughed. “You have to admit, though, that Rachel's meddling does lead to incredibly good things, sometimes.”

Kurt just raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a quizzical look.

Blaine sighed, a slow smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “If it weren't for her, we'd probably never have met. That was rather nice of her, don't you think?”

“You're right,” Kurt agreed, smiling back and putting a gentle hand on Blaine's shoulder. “I have to remember to thank her for that sometime.”

“She's here tonight, isn't she? I saw her a few rows behind me. I wanted to say hello, but I had to come find you first.”

Kurt smiled. “Of course she's here, yes.”

“I still can't believe she turned down a part in Jesse's musical.”

“Well, they had artistic differences.”

“She didn't get enough solos?”

Kurt laughed. “You know her well.” He gathered his things, walking out beside Blaine into the cool night air.

There was a lot of hugging – really all of his college friends had come tonight and Kurt couldn't remember ever feeling happier in his life. Ted hugged him for a good five minutes, Cameron, his new boyfriend, standing with his arms crossed in the background and giving Kurt a tight smile when he finally turned to greet him.

“You were so great,” Ted told him over and over, grinning brightly. “Cameron thought so too, by the way. He just gets jealous,” he whispered to him when his boyfriend wasn't looking.

“I'm really glad you came,” Kurt said. “It helped with the nerves, knowing I had friends out there.”

“Wouldn't have missed it for the world.” Ted gave him an affectionate slap on the back before returning to his pouting boyfriend.

Since they were operating on a really tight budget and didn't have the money for anything fancy, the after-party was hosted by Kathy, who was playing Jesse's love interest in the musical and happened to have the keys to her gone-for-the-weekend parents' rather spacious ground-floor apartment not too far from the theater. Ground floor also meant that everyone who wouldn't fit inside could simply spill out onto the street and still not miss the party. They'd all brought drinks and their friends, and Kurt was actually, really looking forward to it. He didn't like parties much most of the time, but tonight, he felt like celebrating.

Patrick finally caught up with them just as they were about to set off to Kathy's parents' apartment, surprising Kurt by catching his arm and spinning him against his chest, kissing him with a bright smile on his face.

“Hi,” Kurt said as they broke off. “I've been looking for you.”

“Sorry,” Patrick said, a little breathless. “But my father's friend is here. We talked.”

“And?” Kurt took his hands, feeling the excitement buzzing off his boyfriend. “What did he say?”

“He's showing up at the party later. I gave him the address. He said he'd like to talk to me further.”

“Patrick, that's great.” Kurt hugged him enthusiastically. “I told you he'd like you. I knew it. This is good, right? Showing up at the party to talk to you is good.”

“Oh god, I hope so.” Patrick groaned. “Maybe he just wants to catch up, ask about my family and stuff. Who knows.”

“He wouldn't come to the party for that,” Kurt assured him. “He could do that any time. Besides, you were really good tonight.”

“ _You_ were really good tonight,” Patrick answered, kissing him again. “Okay now. Let's go.”

“Oh. Wait.” Kurt caught Patrick's hand to stop him, looking around. He spotted Blaine near the door, talking and laughing with Rachel who was apparently telling him something incredibly funny judging from all her bouncing around and wild hand gestures. Blaine was laughing, clutching his sides.

“Come on.” Kurt tugged at Patrick's hand, dragging him over to his friends. “Blaine,” he called out.

Rachel and Blaine looked up, and Rachel immediately jumped over to him, throwing her arms around him. “Kurt,” she squealed. “You did great. I knew you had it in you.” She let go again, spinning around. “Hi, Patrick.”

“Hi, Rachel,” Patrick answered, rather carefully. He had spent some time at Kurt's place too, but Rachel still scared him a little, as he had admitted to Kurt frequently.

“Patrick,” Kurt said, waving Blaine over. “This is my best friend, Blaine. Blaine, this is my boyfriend, Patrick.” He watched as the two shook hands, smiling at each other politely, and only the relief he felt made him realize how nervous he'd actually been about this meeting. He wanted them to get along. Needed them to, actually. He knew Patrick had felt threatened by Blaine at first, even if he'd never actually met him. But now, there was actual warmth in his voice as he spoke to Blaine.

“Kurt told me how you saved him from freaking out earlier. Thanks for that.”

Blaine shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “That's what friends are for. I liked the show, by the way. You were great.”

“Thank you,” Patrick answered. “Yeah, Jesse wrote us some great songs.”

“Oh yes, where is he anyway?” Blaine asked. “I wanted to congratulate him too.”

Rachel frowned. “At the party, probably.”

Patrick laughed. “Well, last time I saw him he was chasing some people down the street with a pen, convincing them that they wanted his autograph.”

“We should probably find him, then,” Kurt suggested, speaking mostly to Rachel. “Get him to the party and distract him. You know how he gets after a performance.”

“Right. Let's go.” Rachel took Patrick's arm, leading him away. “Listen,” she said, “I know we don't know each other that well, but Kurt has probably told you all about me. Your voice is great, but I noticed that it still tends to get a little breathy in your higher range and I know these exercises, I've helped my boyfriend with the same problem a few years back...”

Kurt shook his head, smiling, before offering his arm to Blaine, who took it with a smile. Side by side, they set off behind Rachel and Patrick.

“I think Rachel just kidnapped your boyfriend,” Blaine said. “Aren't you worried he'll run off in fear, or, I don't know, at least be scarred for life?”

Kurt laughed. “Oh no, I think he can take it. Besides, he has to get used to Rachel at some point.”

They walked in silence after that, their shoulders bumping occasionally. And, Kurt decided, this was definitely one of the best nights he'd had in a long, long time.


	10. But Not For Me

“So, he just took all of them home with him and let them crash in your room? Just like that?” Kurt put the phone on speaker so he could bend down to tie his shoes. “How many of many of them were there?”

Blaine sighed on the other end. “Twelve. Twelve complete strangers from North Dakota, in New York for the week on some kind of sightseeing tour.”

“How did he even meet them?”

“Well, you know Colin. He just meets people. He was closing the coffee shop and they were the last ones there, and apparently he thought it was a good idea to invite them for a drink. Which turned into several drinks, which turned into all of them sleeping on our floor for the last two days, because hotel rooms are just _so expensive_.”

Even though he felt slightly sorry for Blaine who had his room taken over by strangers while he had an important paper to finish, Kurt couldn't help but feel glad that he wasn't the only one stuck with crazy roommates. “But they're gone now, aren't they?”

“Oh god, yes, finally. I mean, they were nice and everything, but twelve people, Kurt. For two days.” Blaine groaned. “I already told Colin I'm going to kill him as soon as he gets back from class.”

“Call me if you need any help hiding the body,” Kurt offered. “How did all those people even fit into your room? I've seen it. You and Colin hardly fit in there.”

“It was a little crowded, believe me,” Blaine answered.

“Yes, I can imagine. You should have called me, Blaine. You could have stayed here until they were gone.”

“I know, I thought about it,” Blaine admitted, “but I had that paper to finish. I needed to stay close to the library. Which, by the way, is where I spent most of the last two days anyway, so I really just had to put up with them at night. Almost stepped on one of them when I got in Wednesday night, that's how I found out Colin had invited them over in the first place. But, yeah, the paper. I stayed up all night and just finished the final draft, so I'm going to hand it in now, and then I'm going to sleep for a week.”

“Before or after murdering your roommate?” Kurt asked.

Blaine yawned. “I don't know yet, I haven't decided. Do you think I can manage to kill him in my sleep?”

Kurt laughed. “I've seen you sleep, Blaine. You don't even manage to roll over once you're out. So, no, I don't think you will.”

“Whatever,” Blaine said. “Goodnight, Kurt.”

“It's 4 p.m..”

“So?”

Kurt laughed. “Goodnight, Blaine. Don't forget to hand in your paper before you pass out, okay?” Still smiling to himself, Kurt ended the call.

“Oh good, you're still here.” Rachel walked into his room, a determined look on her face. “I need you to listen to me, I have two versions of Buenos Aires prepared for my audition and you need to tell me which one sounds better—”

Kurt held up his hands to stop her from talking. “Sorry, Rachel, but I'm meeting Patrick in half an hour.”

“Why do you never have time for me anymore?” Rachel pouted. “Seriously, you're always gone. It's like I'm living alone with Jesse.”

Kurt sighed. She was right, they hadn't spent a lot of time together lately. “I know, you're right. And I really am sorry. I want to spend time with you and listen to you. I do. But right now I have to run, okay?”

“Fine.” Rachel threw up her hands in defeat. “I guess I'll ask Jesse for advice. If he's not too busy listening to the sound of his own voice.”

“Why don't you call Finn? Sing to him over the phone. He'll be happy to help you out.”

Rachel frowned, staring down at her feet. “He'll only tell me what I want to hear. I need someone who's brutally honest. You're good at that.” She let out a sigh, shaking her head slowly. “Plus, we kind of had a fight. I don't think calling him is such a good idea right now.”

“Oh.” Kurt took a step closer to her, patting her shoulder awkwardly. It wasn't unusual for Rachel and Finn to fight, they had broken up six or seven times since Rachel had moved to New York with Kurt. Normally, they were back together within a week, except for that one time they had stayed mad at each other for a month before Finn had driven all the way to New York to camp out in front of their apartment door until Rachel agreed to speak to him again. “How bad is it? Do you need me to stay home and talk about how much we both hate boys sometimes? I'm sure Patrick would understand.”

Rachel smiled at him sadly. “No, thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine. We'll be fine. It was a stupid fight anyway. You go and have fun, it's okay, really.”

Kurt let go of her shoulder, slipping into his jacket and hoisting his bag over his shoulder. “How about we go see a movie sometime next week? Because you're right. We should hang out more again.”

Rachel shrugged. “I'd like that. But let's just have coffee or something. We haven't talked in ages. I mean... This might sound pathetic, but you _are_ my best friend, Kurt. I just miss you sometimes.”

“I miss you too.” He did, and he felt bad for kind of ignoring Rachel lately. But between the musical and classes and Patrick and all of his college friends and Blaine, there simply hadn't been enough time. And since he was living with her already, he hadn't thought too much about planning anything with her, figuring she'd always be around anyway. The truth was, however, that these days, if he didn't plan his days down to the second, he didn't get anything done. And he was loving it for the most part, the stress, the excitement of it all. Because it meant that he got to fill his life with things that he loved. “So let's hang out next week. But I really have to go now.”

Rachel nodded, smiling. “Go, then. And have fun.”

He smiled back, giving her a quick hug before heading for the door.

“And I want you home by midnight,” Rachel shouted after him.

**

“I already bought you coffee,” Patrick greeted him outside the coffee shop.

“Thank you.” Kurt took the paper cup from him, leaning in for a small kiss. “Do you want to walk around a bit, or –”

“Actually,” Patrick cut him off, gesturing toward the bench on the other side of the street. “Do you maybe want to sit down for a moment?”

“All right.” He took a sip of his coffee, noticing the nervous way Patrick's hands were playing with the ends of his scarf. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, no, fine. Everything's fine. I just... Can we sit, please?”

“Yes, yes, okay.” Kurt followed him across the street, slightly confused.

They sat side by side, Kurt sipping his coffee while Patrick's was slowly getting cold. The minutes ticked by without Patrick saying anything, just staring at his shoes, clearing his throat occasionally. When he only had a few drops of coffee left in his cup, Kurt finally decided to be the one to break the silence.

“Okay. What is it? You're kind of creeping me out with your silent brooding right now.”

“Sorry.” Patrick laughed, a short, nervous laugh that could mean anything. “Okay. Right. I... Do you remember Eliot, my dad's friend who came to our opening night?”

“Oh, I don't know. You mean the guy you've been talking about for weeks, because he runs the theater company you've been talking about for as long as I've known you because you were hoping to join? Yes, I remember.”

Patrick nodded, took a deep breath. “He called. I'm in.”

“That's wonderful,” Kurt exclaimed, throwing his arms around Patrick to hug him tightly. “I know how much you wanted this. I'm so proud of you. And I told you, remember? I told you from the beginning that you'd get in.”

Patrick smiled when he pulled back, gently cupping Kurt's face with one hand, placing a tender kiss on his lips. “You did. You always believed in me. As I believe in you. Which doesn't make this any easier.”

Kurt gave him a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

Patrick let go of Kurt, closing his eyes as if to gather courage. “I didn't tell you everything about that company. There are some things I didn't mention. One in particular.”

“Like what?”

“Like...” Patrick opened his eyes, looking at Kurt sadly. “Like the fact that it's in London.”

“Oh.” That was unexpected. “That's... Well. Congratulations.” He didn't really know what else to say. London. Okay. That was... far away from New York. “Wait, how did you even audition for a theater company in London?”

“Family vacation. Summer break.”

“Right.”

“Kurt, I...” Patrick scooted closer to him, taking both of his hands in his. “I didn't even think they would take me. I never really expected this. And I auditioned for them long before you and I were together, and they didn't need me right then, but we kept in touch... I didn't know it was ever going to really happen, but I can't turn this down, this is big, I have to...”

“No.” Kurt shook his head, his mind in overdrive. Because London. His boyfriend was really moving to London? What was the time difference between New York and England? They'd have to schedule their phone calls... Skype conversations, more likely. Money was tight. He wasn't really too keen on long-distance, but he supposed they would have to make it work somehow... “You can't turn this down. You... have to go.”

“But it's so far away.” Patrick squeezed his hands, sighing. “Not being with you anymore... I don't really know what to do right now.”

Kurt bit his bottom lip, trying not to get too emotional over this. This was a good thing for Patrick, he couldn't be selfish right now, no matter how much he wanted to. “It's such a great opportunity for you. It's what you wanted. You have to take it.”

“I know.” Patrick stared at their joined hands, shaking his head sadly. “That's what everyone says. But I... It is what I wanted, but what about us? I don't want to leave you, I don't want us to be over so soon, not like this. But, oh god, Kurt, what can I do? I waited for this for so long...”

“Wait.” Kurt pulled his hands away, replaying what Patrick had said in his head. “Over? You mean, if you go, you're going to break up with me?”

“No!” Patrick ran a hand through his hair, sighing in frustration. “I mean, I don't want to, but... I don't know, Kurt. I just don't. I can't... I'm going to London. For god knows how long. How would this... us... how is it supposed to work out with me all the way in England and you here in New York?”

Kurt exhaled, slowly, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. He leaned forward, resting his face in his hands. “What about school?”

“I'm dropping out.”

“Don't.”

“Kurt.” Patrick twisted on the bench so he was fully facing Kurt. “That's not really the point. The point is, I'll be in London. I'll be so far away and we won't see each other all the time anymore and I... I can't...”

“You'll be so far away and you don't want to be tied down. I understand.” Kurt didn't look up, couldn't even lift his head from his hands, he felt so empty, so tired. Of course this had to happen sooner or later. He'd just been too happy, he'd just been so completely, deliriously happy, he should have known it just couldn't last. These things never did, he'd learned as much from watching his friends. How stupid of him to think, even for one moment, that what he and Patrick had might be the exception.

“No, that's not it. That's not it at all. Kurt, please look at me.” Patrick sounded broken, defeated. Kurt just shook his head. He couldn't. He didn't want to. He didn't want to look at Patrick and see the rejection in his eyes. It couldn't end like this.

“What about long-distance? There's Skype, I could visit you during my breaks, we could...”

“Kurt.” Patrick took his hands, easing them away from his face, gently holding them in his own. “I can't. I can't do long-distance.”

“Why not?” Kurt hated himself for the tears in his voice, even though they didn't fall yet. He didn't want to cry, but dammit, his body just didn't seem to get that.

“Being away from you like that, not seeing you all the time... I don't think I could do it.”

“We could try.”

“I don't want to hold you back, Kurt. I can't ask you to sit here and wait for me. I want you to be able to meet someone else and be happy without feeling guilty about it.”

Kurt swallowed. “I don't want anyone else. And, you know what?” He was angry now, hurt and angry. “This all sounds like excuses to me. _You_ want to be the one who can date other people without feeling guilty about it. So please just don't pretend you're doing this for me, because I told you I don't want this.”

“I don't want to hurt you,” Patrick said, quietly, a slight tremor in his voice. It did sound like he meant it, but Kurt still couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. He preferred being angry, he didn't want to feel the pain.

“What, so you're just breaking up with me instead? How is that better?” He swallowed, fighting down the tight feeling in his chest, the rising panic and familiar feeling of not-good-enough. Again. Not worth fighting for. “How does that make it easier? If you don't want this, then please, at least be honest with me. I can take it. But not like this, Patrick, please, I deserve more than this.” And just like that, the anger was gone, replaced by nothing but hurt and despair.

“God, Kurt, please.” Patrick squeezed his hands, tears shining in his eyes. “I do care about you, but I have to go to London and there's no point...”

“No, we can make it work.” Kurt hated the way it sounded, hated that it sounded like begging. But he wasn't ready for this, he wasn't ready for being alone again. Not yet, not now, not when he had finally found someone, _please_. “We can. I know we can.”

“ _I_ can't.” Patrick shook his head sadly, a single tear running down his cheek. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Kurt, but it wouldn't work and you know it.”

“This isn't fair.” Kurt heard his voice shaking and concentrated on his breathing, in and out, in and out, until he trusted himself to speak again. “It's just not fair. You can't just decide this for us. Please, let us try, just a month, one month. Just give us four weeks, and if it works out, another four. Maybe we'll make it. And if it sucks, we can still break up, just please, not now. Not right now, please, Patrick.”

“Kurt, I... you have to understand. I can't. Please, I just... Don't make this harder than it already is.”

“Oh, I'm the one doing that, am I?” Kurt let out a bitter laugh.

“Just ask me to stay, then,” Patrick suggested.

Kurt looked at him, taking him in, his beautiful familiar face, and felt his heart break clean in half. “I won't do that and you know it.”

“No, you won't. Doesn't that mean something too?”

“What do you mean?” Kurt shook his head, trying to blink away the tears. “Don't put this on me. Don't you dare. I'm not the one responsible for this, You're the one leaving and you won't even try...”

“I know. I know that. And you're right, this isn't fair. I just honestly believe that doing it like this is going to hurt less. That's the best I can offer you.”

“So, what do we do now?” Kurt was afraid of the answer, knowing there was only one thing left to be said. And he was hurting all over, trying so hard to hold it together, trying so hard not to cling, bury his face against Patrick's neck where it belonged and beg him not to leave. He couldn't. Couldn't let him go, couldn't ask him to stay. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say. Against this, he was helpless, defenseless, unable to make a right move, only able to accept. You couldn't make someone stay with you. It was hard when you saw them every day, it was impossible with an ocean in between you. “Is this it, then? Just like that?”

Patrick met his eyes, the look on his face somewhere between pain and apology. He let go of Kurt's hands, dropping his own back onto his knees.

And Kurt knew it was over.

**

He was surprised to find his legs still carried him, surprised to find he was actually walking. His phone was ringing in his coat pocket, but it never even occurred to him to answer it. Only vaguely aware of the people and city around him, he kept walking, took a subway train at some point, kept walking after that.

Was he crying? He couldn't tell anymore. No. He lifted a hand to his face, touching his fingertips to his cheeks. They were dry. Good. Not that he hadn't done it before, but he hated crying in front of strangers.

Taking another turn he finally looked up, looked around, only to find that he was standing outside Blaine's dorm. What on earth was he doing here and how did he get here in the first place? Hadn't he been on his way home?

Home. Right. He'd wanted to lie down, go to sleep. Just sleep the rest of this day away, because it needed to end. And right now, he needed to get away from all these people hurrying past, because they could probably tell he'd just been dumped, could tell that here was someone in their midst who was unwanted by everyone, and his throat was closing up again and he didn't know how much longer he could hold the tears back. This, this was exactly why he'd been so very careful about giving his heart away, because the chances of getting it back in one piece were always slim. And it _hurt_. Physically. More than he could handle right now.

He knew he should go home, but he honestly just wanted to stay here. Without really making up his mind either way, he walked up to Blaine's door, knocked, just once, and waited.

He heard the sound of books sliding to the floor inside, then a loud curse as Blaine tripped over something before the door finally opened and Blaine was there, hair sticking up in all directions, dressed in a battered t-shirt and sweatpants. It looked like he'd been asleep.

“Kurt, hi,” he said. “Did we have plans to hang out and I forgot? Sorry, you know, the paper. I finally handed it in and I was taking a nap. Should have cleared the books away first, I think I slept on them... Hey, what's wrong?” Taking a step closer right into Kurt's personal space, he put both hands on his shoulders, searching his face. “Have you been crying?”

Kurt, unable to speak, just shrugged, tears burning behind his eyes.

“Come on, come inside.” Blaine maneuvered him into his room, closing the door behind them and immediately pulling Kurt into a tight hug. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“Patrick and I just broke up.” He took a few deep breaths, leaning against Blaine, feeling so weak.

“Oh god, Kurt, I'm sorry.”

“I just... I don't even know why I came here, I didn't mean to, I just...”

“No, no, hey, it's all right. It's okay.” Blaine ran his hands up and down his back soothingly. “It's okay.”

“It's... I can't... I don't know what to...” Kurt felt himself shiver, all the emotion he'd been trying (and gradually failing) so hard to control finally bubbling to the surface. “I don't know what to do.”

“What happened?” Blaine pulled back, leading Kurt over to his bed, sitting down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Kurt blinked down at his knees, not really seeing them at all. “I don't. Not yet.”

“That's okay. You don't have to. Is there anything I can do?”

Kurt shook his head, swallowing the sob that was threatening to burst out. “No. I don't even know why I came here. I just needed... I don't know.”

Blaine put an arm around his shoulders, hugging him to his side briefly. “You know you can always come here. Just lie down for a few minutes. Let me make you some tea. I'll be back in a second.” He got up, walking over to his desk to pick up his phone.

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, watching from his seat on Blaine's bed.

“Texting Colin to find somewhere else to stay tonight. He owes me.”

“Why?”

“Because you're sleeping over and you don't need the company of my crazy roommate right now.”

“I am?” Not that he minded, he didn't really feel up to the task of traveling all the way back to his apartment tonight.

“Of course you are.” Blaine looked up at him, phone in one hand. “If you want.”

“I... Yes. Please. I'd like that. I'm... I feel tired.” It wasn't exactly the right word, but it was closest to this heaviness in his limbs dragging him down, this fogginess in his head that came from holding the tears back for too long. He felt tired and sick, a bit like having the flu, cold and drowsy. “I don't have any of my things. I have classes tomorrow.”

Blaine finished his text, dropping the phone back onto the desk before sitting down next to Kurt again and taking his hands in his. “Skip tomorrow. I was planning on doing the same anyway, after the last two days. Your perfect attendance can take it. And I'll run down to the store and get you a toothbrush. You can borrow a pair of my pajamas. You have another performance tomorrow afternoon, haven't you?” Kurt nodded and Blaine continued, “Then we'll swing by your place before that and you can get whatever you need. But tonight, all you have to do is let me take care of you, okay?”

Kurt couldn't speak, so he simply squeezed Blaine's hands. Blaine smiled at him, running his thumbs over Kurt's knuckles. “Lie down. I'll get you everything you need.” He started getting up, but Kurt didn't let go, pulled him back down instead.

“Blaine, could you... Just for another minute...” He couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't explain what he needed, so he just wrapped his arms around Blaine, buried his head against his shoulder and finally started crying.

**

He didn't know how long he'd been crying when the tears finally dried up, his throat raw from sobbing, but he was almost surprised to find they were no longer sitting. He was lying on Blaine's bed, his head on Blaine's chest, Blaine's arms securely around him, holding him tight, and he felt exhausted. Taking a few deep breaths, he opened his hand that was clenching Blaine's shirt, using the other to wipe some of the moisture from his face, his body still shaking.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” Blaine asked, gently stroking his hair that must be a mess by now.

“Yeah.” Kurt nodded against Blaine's chest, thinking about sitting up for a moment, but still feeling a bit light-headed from all the crying decided against it for now. “I think that actually helped.”

“It's weird, but it kind of does,” Blaine said.

Kurt sniffed, his vision clearing as he blinked away the last of the tears. “I think I ruined your shirt.”

Blaine laughed, and Kurt could feel it where his face was pressed against Blaine's body. “Don't worry about it. I'll let you ruin another one of it helps you. I just wish I could do more.”

“You're doing a lot, Blaine,” Kurt said quietly. “Just being here, letting me be here... That's a lot. Thank you.” He fell silent after that, just lying motionless and listening to Blaine's heartbeat under his ear. He'd felt so small. He'd felt so lost and alone walking away from Patrick this afternoon, like the floor had been pulled from underneath him and he was falling through space all on his own. He was still feeling lonely and so, so heartbroken, but the rhythmic steady beat of Blaine's heart calmed him, anchored him. Reminding him that he wasn't alone and he wasn't falling, because Blaine was there to catch him even now. It still hurt, though, and the only reason he wasn't crying anymore was that it was a physical impossibility at this point.

“I have to tell Rachel I won't be home tonight, she'll worry about me.” He sat up, scanning the room for his bag that he must have dropped somewhere earlier.

“I'll call her on my way to the store,” Blaine offered. “You just stay here, make yourself comfortable, pick out a movie or something. We can use my laptop, it's on the desk.” He kept looking at him, bringing up a hand to Kurt's face and running a thumb over his cheek as if to wipe away some remaining tears. “Are you going to be all right if I head out for a few minutes? I'll be quick.”

Kurt had to laugh at that, just a short laugh, stabbing him in the chest that was still sore from crying. “Yes, Blaine, thank you. I can manage a few minutes on my own. Uh...” He felt uncomfortable suddenly, remembering that his face must be all red and blotchy. “I think I need to use your bathroom as well. I probably look like something out of a horror movie.”

“That's not even possible,” Blaine replied, smiling at him. “Okay, then. Everything in this room and the bathroom is at your disposal. Want me to pick up anything else at the store? Anything you need? Ice cream? Chocolate?”

Kurt got up, stretching a little. Why did emotional pain make your body feel heavier, like you'd been running 40 miles after a week of sitting? “No, thanks. I couldn't eat anyway right now.”

“Well, in that case I'll just surprise you,” Blaine decided, his fingers brushing Kurt's wrist quickly before he picked up his wallet and headed for the door.

Kurt used the time Blaine was gone to splash a lot of cold water on his face to make the red and the puffiness go away, and then attempted in vain to fix his hair a little. However, he didn't have the energy for too much damage control, and somehow he didn't mind looking a little less put together than usual around Blaine. He very much doubted that Blaine even cared about the way he looked. It was one of the most wonderful, yet unsettling things about Blaine – in a world that was so concerned with appearances, Blaine was one of those rare people who had the gift of looking at the inside rather than the outside of a person. He cared about looks – everyone did. He just rarely judged based on them. He was remarkable in that way.

Kurt exhaled, the breathing a little easier after he'd finally allowed himself to break down, checking his own appearance in the mirror above the sink. Looks had always been important to him, clean skin, beautiful clothes, not a hair out of place. It was a statement, but it was more than that too. It was a way of controlling something in a world that took so much control out of his hands. Things like who you were attracted to and the way the world reacted to it. His voice. His face. He'd always been proud of who he was, but he knew that this fact alone didn't make all of the insecurities go away.

And being left, being dumped, having your heart broken for whatever reason – he knew it was silly, but he'd felt sixteen and rejected all over again. Insecure, unwanted. Except, at sixteen, he'd have gone home to cry alone in his room. He didn't have to do that anymore. And that was something.

Now that Patrick had decided to go to London, they had sort of “agreed” that there was no point in staying together until his departure, which would be the week after their last performance of Jesse's musical. Kurt wasn't really looking forward to going there tomorrow, being in the same room with Patrick, being on stage with Patrick, talking to Patrick. But it was probably better this way, better than pretending everything was okay when they knew that their relationship came with an expiration date. None of those thoughts made any of the hurt go away, though. He had lost him. He had lost Patrick, and he would never again get to kiss him, or hold him, or watch a silly movie with him and fall asleep tangled together on his bed. Not ever again. It was impossible to comprehend.

Breathing through the fresh wave of tears that was fighting its way up, he walked back to Blaine's room, spotting his bag on the floor next to the door. He retrieved his cell phone, sitting down with his back against the wall. One new message. From Rachel. None from Patrick. Of course not. He had half-hoped for some kind of miracle, a text, a voice mail, saying _hey, I changed my mind, I got a similarly good offer right here in New York and we don't have to be apart_. Of course, that was not going to happen.

He read Rachel's message, smiling a little to himself, because no, he really was not alone, after all.

_Blaine just called me and told me everything. Are you all right? I'm so, so sorry. You don't have to answer, just know that I'm here when you come home tomorrow. Whatever you need. Love you._

Even though it seemed like one hell of an effort right now, he sent a quick text back, just to keep her from worrying all night, even though he was sure Blaine had already promised her not to let him do anything stupid. As if he would. That wasn't his style. Breaking down and moving on, that was what he did, even if right now, he didn't feel like he could do it.

_Thank you. I'll be fine. Talk tomorrow, love you too._

Letting the phone slide to the floor, he dropped his head onto his knees, feeling empty. He wished he could be mad at Patrick. He had no real experience with this kind of thing, but maybe being mad would make it hurt less. Anger gave you energy. Sadness sucked it right out of you. And he was sad. He was just... so sad and so, so exhausted and he _missed_ him, he missed Patrick so much and it wasn't fair, and the tears had helped a little, but the effect was wearing off now.

Dragging himself to his feet, he walked back over to the bed, dropping face-down onto the mattress. He didn't want Blaine to find him sitting on the floor, it would just worry him unnecessarily and Blaine was already going out of his way to be there for Kurt.

The door opened and there he was again, carrying a large brown paper bag. “I bought healthy stuff,” he announced, almost proudly. “Salad, juice, apples. But you have to promise me to have some chocolate later. It has crazy healing powers, believe me. I also got fresh milk, you like warm milk, don't you?”

Kurt sat up, giving Blaine an affectionate look. “I'm depriving you of your sleep, aren't I?”

“What are you talking about?” Blaine set the bag down on his desk, dropping his wallet and keys next to it.

“You just pulled an all-nighter on your paper and since you don't have any classes this afternoon, you wanted to catch up on your sleep. And then I break up with my boyfriend and you just...” He felt his eyes beginning to water again, and again he couldn't do anything to stop it. “You let me cry into your t-shirt and buy me salad.”

Blaine walked over to where Kurt was sitting and dropped to his knees in front of him, taking his hands, his chin resting on Kurt's knees as he looked up into his eyes. “We do this for each other, Kurt.” He smiled up at him, his eyes reassuring and warm and almost golden in the soft afternoon light. “You did it for me too, not so long ago. I'm here. Anything you need, I'm here, Kurt, and I always will be. I am the one person in your life you will never, ever get rid of, you better believe that. Whatever happens, Kurt, my clothes will always be here for you to cry into. And you don't even have to say anything, I already know it's mutual.”

“It is,” Kurt whispered, gently running his fingers through Blaine's curls.

Blaine nodded, getting up off the floor. “Good.” He opened his dresser, took out a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, handing them to Kurt. “Get changed and then you can tell me everything. If you want. If you don't, we'll just... sit. Watch something. Listen to sad music. Whatever you need, okay?”

Kurt held the clothes in his hand, stared at them for a moment before looking back up at Blaine. Quickly closing the distance between them, he closed his arms around him, pulled him against his body, exhaling some of the pain in his chest as he felt Blaine's arms wrap around him in return.

“Thank you. I have no idea what I'd do without you.”

“Kurt.” Blaine's arms tightened around his waist, his breath warm against his neck. “That feeling's mutual too.”


	11. Together We're Going A Long, Long Way

Kurt had given up on trying to get some actual work done about half an hour ago. He had wanted to get a head start on his assignments for the Christmas holidays, but since the holidays had only started today and he had an 11am flight to Ohio the next day, he figured he could put it off for a while. And with the current noise level in his apartment, any kind of work that involved thinking was sort of pointless anyway. Jesse and Rachel were having a rather loud argument right outside his bedroom door over whose turn it was to use the living room for vocal exercises. Apparently, the acoustics there were far better than in any of their bedrooms.

“You could have practiced all week, I had classes and worked late every night. What did you do all week?” Rachel asked.

“Excuse me, but your busy schedule is hardly my problem. And I specifically reserved the living room for tonight, I told you this morning – ”

“We didn't see each other this morning. I haven't seen you in days.”

“Then who was I talking to earlier?”

Kurt, finally having enough of this, got up from his bed where he'd been trying to read his magazine, and yanked his door open. “You were talking to _me_ , Jesse, and I informed you that I had to study and asked you to please keep the noise to a minimum. Thank you for being so very considerate.”

Rachel and Jesse both turned around, staring at him.

“I didn't even know you were home,” Rachel said sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“I'm really sure, though, that it was Rachel and not you I was talking to,” Jesse insisted, not the least bit impressed by Kurt's stern look.

“No, it was me. But it's very flattering that you still can't remember my face after we've been living together for over a year.”

Jesse actually looked hurt. “Of course I know what you look like. That's why I'm sure it wasn't you.”

Rachel grabbed Jesse's arm. “Maybe you had a stroke, that's why you don't remember. Have you been sleeping enough lately?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, disappearing back into his room to get his jacket. “You two are crazy. I'm going out for coffee.”

“What, alone?” Rachel gave him a disapproving look. “But it's Saturday. You can't go out alone!”

“Says who?” Kurt asked, a little annoyed now. He'd very much prefer not going out alone, but as it happened he'd been single for about a month now and his best friend was spending his Saturday night with some of his college friends at a dorm party. One that Kurt had been invited to, but since his original plan had been to study, he'd declined.

“Oh, I'll just come with you,” Rachel decided, bouncing up and down excitedly. “Remember how we're always saying we need to hang out more? I can't remember the last time we had a real conversation. This is going to be amazing.”

“That actually sounds really nice,” Jesse said, looking thoughtfully at the two of them. “I think I'll join you. Roommate's night out, what do you say? I can tell you all about this new project I'm working on...”

“Oh, that sounds fantastic,” Rachel agreed. “Kurt, doesn't that sound great?”

Kurt sighed. He really just wanted a quiet evening alone and the entire idea of going out had been to get away from these two. “You know what? Now that I think about it, I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm just going to stay in, after all. But you two should totally go out, don't let me stop you. Have fun, you deserve it, you both had really stressful weeks.”

“That's true.” Jesse nodded gravely. “I don't know about Rachel, but I've been working really hard and even a creative brain like mine needs new inspirational input every once in a while. So, Rachel, ready to go?”

Rachel looked at Kurt with a worried expression. “We shouldn't leave him alone if he's not feeling well.”

Kurt groaned inwardly. “It's not even that bad, seriously. I'm just tired and don't feel like going out, that's all.”

Rachel continued to look concerned, but Jesse's face brightened, which was never a good sign. “Let's all stay here then. It's much nicer than some crowded, overheated café anyway, and we don't have to go out into the cold.”

It was getting colder and colder each day with Christmas fast approaching, and Rachel, who was always worried about the winter air doing serious damage to her vocal chords, seemed to love the idea.

Finally giving in, just because he couldn't suddenly change his mind again and decide to go out anyway, Kurt joined the two of them in the living room. Letting himself fall backwards into the couch cushions, he thought he might be able to slip away in an hour or so at the most. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, for just an hour.

The least he could do was try. He was tired, yes, but all things considered he'd had one very good year-and-a-few-months in this apartment, and he'd grown rather fond of the constant madness surrounding him. He'd probably even miss it over Christmas break.

Producing a bottle of red wine out of nowhere, Jesse immediately started telling them how hard he'd been working lately – he was writing another musical himself and he was currently playing Jamie in a small production of The Last Five Years. Also, since From Ohio To The Stars had gotten him some rather favorable reviews, he was getting more and more auditions for actual Broadway parts as well. Not that he'd actually been cast in anything yet, but according to him that was only a matter of weeks now. Rachel agreed with him one hundred percent, Kurt found himself actually hoping for Jesse that it was true. As annoying as he might be, he certainly was talented.

Within an hour, the first bottle was gone; Jesse decided to open a second one, and Kurt had long forgotten his plan to sneak back into his room as soon as he could. He'd been swamped with work the entire term and this was his first day of Christmas break. He deserved a little fun, and Rachel and Jesse definitely qualified for that.

By the time Rachel was emptying the last drops from the second bottle into her wine glass, they had moved on to playing an animated round of “Who Am I?” (Jesse losing each round spectacularly since they kept giving him random politicians' names and Jesse didn't even consider politics important enough to check who was currently President) when Kurt heard his phone ring in his room.

“I'll be right back,” he informed them, scrambling to his feet, quite proud of the fact that he only felt slightly dizzy. He wasn't much of a drinker, after all.

It was Blaine. Kurt laughed, quickly closing his bedroom door to drown out Rachel and Jesse's argument over who should get up to get the third bottle from the kitchen cabinet. It was only eleven and Blaine was supposed to be at a party. He couldn't have left already.

“Hi,” he answered, already looking forward to one of Blaine's half-drunk _you don't know what you're missing so I'm telling you every detail about how awesome this party is in order to convince you to go with me next time_ phone calls, and instead was greeted by nothing but silence on the other end. “Blaine?” he asked after a few seconds. “Are you there?”

There was the sound of a shaky breath before he heard his best friend's voice, a little strained, sounding tired and drained. “Hi. Sorry for calling so late...”

“What's wrong?” Kurt was worried in an instant. Blaine never sounded like this unless something was definitely not right.

“Nothing, nothing, I just...” Blaine broke off. “Am I a horrible person, Kurt?”

“What?” Kurt sat down on his bed, taken aback by the question. “No, of course not, Blaine, why would you even think that?”

“I saw Luke. At the party. Tonight.”

“Oh.” Kurt didn't really know what to do with that piece of information. Blaine and Luke had broken up months ago, and while Blaine hadn't dated anyone since, he had honestly believed he was over him by now. He never even mentioned Luke's name anymore.

“He's... he was there with... his name is Russell...”

There was something that sounded like a choked-back sob and Kurt felt his heart clench. “He has a new boyfriend?”

“I know I shouldn't be so upset about this, it's just... I thought...” Blaine paused shortly before he went on. “I just don't get it, is all.”

“What? What don't you get?”

Once again, it took Blaine a while to answer, his breathing still shaky and too loud at the other end of the line. “He broke up with me because apparently I ignored him. And Russell is a jerk. Everyone knows that. He didn't even look at him all night and Luke followed him around like some lovesick puppy and... What did I do wrong, Kurt?”

“You didn't do anything wrong, why would you...”

“He dumped me to date the biggest jerk on campus instead. What does that say about me?”

“Blaine.” Kurt was already putting on his shoes, trapping the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could tie them. “Where are you?”

“Back in my dorm room. I couldn't stay at that party.”

“No, of course you couldn't. I'll be there in forty-five minutes, okay?”

“No, Kurt, you don't have to...”

“Of course I do.”

“That's not why I called.”

“I know.”

“I really want you here, though.”

“I know.”

“Thank you.”

“Just hang in there. I'm on my way.” He hung up, slipping into his jacket on the way back into the living room.

“Aww, you're leaving? We haven't even opened the third bottle yet,” Rachel slurred, struggling to get up from the couch in order to hug him from behind on his way to the door.

“Yes, you can't bail on us now.” Jesse shook his head emphatically. “I was totally winning this round. If that's why you're leaving, though, I'll let you win the next.”

“I don't think a third bottle is such a good idea,” Kurt said, prying Rachel's hands from his waist and settling her back on the couch, ignoring her obvious and slightly drunk pout, happy now that he'd been drinking considerably slower than the two of them. He wasn't exactly sober anymore, but at least he wasn't really drunk either. “And we can play again some other time, Jesse. Blaine called. He didn't sound so good, I have to go there.”

“Ugh, yeah, you're always leaving us for your boyfriend.” Jesse shook his head sadly, looking at him slightly glassy-eyed. “Of course.”

“He's not my boyfriend,” Kurt explained patiently. “And I'm sorry. I promise we'll hang out again soon, okay?”

“Why isn't he your boyfriend, though?” Jesse inquired. “He might as well be.” There was no trace of annoyance in his voice, only honest curiosity.

Kurt rolled his eyes, grabbing his keys from the end table by the door. “Good night, you two.”

**

It only took Blaine a few seconds to open the door after Kurt had knocked, and he did not look good. He was pale and his eyes red-rimmed as if he'd been crying. He was still dressed in the clothes he must have worn to the party, but they were wrinkled and his bed sheets rumpled, so he must have been lying down before Kurt arrived.

“Thanks for coming over,” he said quietly. “I'm so sorry I made you come all this way in the cold, I just... I needed...”

Kurt pulled him into a hug, rubbing his hands across his back soothingly until he felt Blaine sag against him and bury his head against his shoulder, arms encircling his waist.

“It's okay,” Kurt said. “I'm here. Your roommate?”

“Staying with his girlfriend.”

“Talk to me.”

Blaine sighed, pulling back and rubbing a hand across his tired-looking face. “It's stupid. I'm stupid. It shouldn't bother me at all. I know that.”

“The fact that Luke has a new boyfriend? I thought you were over him. That all was months ago and...”

“No, I am. I am over him.” Blaine shook his head, looking depressed and apparently angry at himself over something. “That's the problem, I just can't... I mean, I don't want him back or anything, that's not it.”

Kurt took his hands, leading him over to the bed so they could both sit down, side by side. “So it's about the guy he's with? You said he was a jerk... Is that it?”

“I just don't understand.” Blaine looked down to where Kurt was still running his thumb gently over Blaine's knuckles in an attempt to calm him, show him he was there. “I don't understand why he breaks up with me because I'm not a good enough boyfriend, and then moves on to one of the worst people around. A guy who didn't even look at him all night, let alone speak to him or show any interest in him at all. Just makes me wonder, you know?”

Kurt listened, afraid to interrupt, wanting to give Blaine the chance to get it all out before he reconsidered and closed himself off. He tended to do that when he was upset, but Kurt wouldn't let him. Not now. Not ever. Not with him.

“It was me, wasn't it?” Blaine continued. “He didn't dump me because I wasn't a good enough boyfriend, he dumped me because I just wasn't _good enough_. Because he didn't want me. I think he never did.” He didn't cry, he just sounded broken, defeated.

It broke Kurt's heart.

“The truth is, I could have done whatever, brought him flowers every day and called a hundred times a day to say “I love you,” and he still would have dumped me, because he never loved me. It was all just a lie.”

“No.” Kurt took Blaine's other hand as well, scooting a little closer on the bed until their shoulders were touching. “No, Blaine, I don't believe that for a second. I'm sure it wasn't you, it couldn't have been you. I saw you two together, and he did like you, maybe even love you. Don't doubt that. I don't know what he wants with this other guy now, but please, please don't believe that you could ever be not good enough.”

“I'm just so... I try so hard, Kurt,” Blaine said, his voice so low Kurt could barely hear him. “I try to be good enough, I try to do the right thing and be nice and make people like me, and I just keep failing and failing. I couldn't make it work with Luke. I'm going to be a teacher to please my parents, even though all I want to do is make music. And I'm failing at both, you know? I feel like I'm not interested enough in my classes, and I haven't performed anywhere except for random open-mic nights since I came here.”

He sighed, keeping his head down like it was too heavy for him to support, and went on. “I'm not even good enough to be a real friend, I have a million friends on campus, but none close enough that I would have felt comfortable calling them tonight. Instead I had to ruin your night and make you travel all the way out here, which means I fail at being a friend to you too. I can't do anything right, I just keep disappointing people, including myself.”

His voice broke at the last word and he looked so sad, so crushed, Kurt could feel it deep inside his own heart. Seeing Blaine like this – it caused him physical pain, the familiar desire to reach out and wrap himself around him, sheltering him, so strong he was trembling with it. He knew Blaine. The real Blaine, the one few people ever got to see. The one who wanted to be liked, needed to feel accepted, longed to be loved for just exactly who he was. The one who hid his insecurities behind a smile or a song and only cracked when it all became too much, resorting to anger, or, if it was really bad, sadness.

“Blaine.” He squeezed his fingers, relieved that his voice came out strong and firm because in truth he felt like crying. Crying for Blaine because he wouldn't do it himself. “Blaine, look at me, please.”

Blaine lifted his head slowly as if it was a terrible effort and met his eyes, eyes that were too dry for the pain shining in them.

Kurt smiled at him even though he was hurting inside and held his gaze. “You have never disappointed me. You never will. You're not a failure, you're wonderful.” He had no idea if those were the right words, no idea how to make the hurt go away, just knew that he wanted to. “Don't _try_ to be good enough, Blaine, don't ever think you have to. You _are_ good enough. You're the best person I have ever known. And you will make music again. You're too talented not to. I believe in you, okay? And I always, always will, even if you don't. I'll never let you get away with believing you're anything but amazing.”

Gently cupping Blaine's face between his hands, he continued. “And you'll find someone again, you'll find someone amazing who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. You'll be happy again. I know you will, because you're too good of a person to not have it happen to you. Trust me on this, all right?”

Blaine didn't look convinced, the pain and insecurity still evident on his face, but he nodded slowly, letting his body slump forward into Kurt's, his arms wrapping firmly around Kurt's waist. “Thank you. For coming over. For saying all these things. I don't even know why I let it get me down like this, I just... I've just been thinking, you know? What if it's me? What if it's something about me that drives people away? I don't want to be alone forever, Kurt, I suck at being alone, and I just want...” He fell silent, just shaking slightly in Kurt's arms.

Kurt stroked his hair, threading his fingers through the soft curls, wishing there was a way for him to make Blaine see himself through his eyes for just a moment, to make him see what everyone else saw when they looked at him. A wonderful, sweet, caring and incredibly talented person, almost too good to be true.

“Oh, Blaine,” he said, hugging him closer. “What can I do to make you feel better? I'll do anything for you, just tell me, please.”

Blaine shook his head, drawing back so he could smile at Kurt sadly. “You're already making everything better by being here. The rest of it...” He shrugged, closing his eyes. “I'll get over it. Eventually. I'm just so tired.”

“I'm always here for you,” Kurt whispered “You know that, right? You're not alone, you'll always have me, even if it's not the same as... You'll always have me. I promise.”

“I know that, I know.” Blaine's head dropped onto his shoulder again, his voice muffled by Kurt's shirt. “That's why... God, Kurt, I... Can you stay here tonight? Please?”

“I'm flying to Ohio tomorrow.”

“Oh. Right.” Blaine sat up again, shrugging apologetically. “That's okay...”

“No, no, I'll stay,” Kurt continued quickly. “Of course I'll stay. I'm already packed, I just have to leave early enough to get my things. All I was going to say was I'll have to set the alarm, but I'll try not to wake you up. And I brought an overnight bag anyway, you didn't sound so good on the phone.”

“You're amazing,” Blaine told him. “But honestly, I forgot we're not flying together this time, I wouldn't have called if I'd remembered you were leaving tomorrow, and if you have an early flight you should go, I don't want you to – ”

“Blaine,” Kurt interrupted. “Don't be silly. Haven't you been listening to anything I just told you? I _want_ to be here right now, okay?”

“Thank you.” Blaine took his hands, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I just... I don't know, I feel bad for being such a mess right now. Nothing even happened, I should be able to deal with this on my own, shouldn't I? Why can't I do that? Why do I always need to call you and drag you into this?”

“You never have to feel bad for that, though,” Kurt assured him, pushing a stray curl away from Blaine's face. “You come running every time I have a nervous breakdown over a wardrobe crisis or anything. Isn't that what best friends are for?”

“I don't even deserve you,” Blaine said, affection shining through the tears that were finally filling his eyes, and Kurt felt that well-known warmth, settle in his chest, this time spiked with a dull ache at seeing Blaine so unhappy.

“No, you deserve far better,” he said, hoping the smile on his face looked as encouraging as he meant it. “That's what I keep telling you.”

“Kurt, I mean it,” Blaine said. “I'm such a mess, I'm crying over someone who left me months ago, and I'm not even interested in him anymore. I'm just... God, am I so self-centered that I really can't just be happy for him? Do I want him to be miserable and alone because I haven't been on a date in months and that means no one else should be dating either?”

“Blaine...” Kurt tried to silence him, grabbing his shoulders, trying to get him to look at him again. “He's not happy though, didn't you say that that new guy was a total jerk? And you're not self-centered, you're...”

But Blaine was finally crying now, silently, more angry tears than anything else. “What is wrong with me, Kurt?” he asked. “Wasn't all of this supposed to be easier once we were out of Ohio? Isn't college supposed to be this magical time where you meet people and date and feel good about yourself? Because I don't even know who I am anymore and I can't... I don't know what to do. Why is this so difficult?”

“I don't know,” Kurt said, wiping away Blaine's tears. “I don't know, I wish I could tell you. I don't want it to be difficult for you, I just want you to be happy. Blaine, please don't be sad,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead, his temple, his cheek.

He wasn't sure how it had happened later. Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol he'd consumed earlier that still left him a little lightheaded, weakening his inhibitions. Maybe it was Blaine turning his head a little at just the right moment. Maybe it was intentional. Maybe it didn't matter, but whatever the reason, the next kiss landed on Blaine's mouth. It was just a gentle peck, but Kurt sucked in a surprised breath at the contact. It went through him like an electric jolt, a brief, warm press of lips against lips, gone again in a second. His head jerked back and their eyes met, uncertain and yet unable to look away from each other.

Blaine was still crying silently, but his hands were searching for Kurt's where they were still holding Blaine's face, and he took them in his own, threading their fingers together. 

“Kurt,” he said, just that one word, sounding pleading and broken and desperate, and Kurt felt something inside of him snap. He leaned in again, Blaine meeting him halfway for another kiss. This one was longer, more, but still searching. Their lips weren't moving, just touching, breathing together for a few seconds, Kurt trying to offer comfort through the simple contact while his heart was hammering against his ribs so loudly he felt the blood rushing in his ears – a storm of fear, longing, tenderness, confusion and shock. Blaine was trembling, pressing closer, seeking something that Kurt couldn't quite identify but was willing to give anyway. They pulled back at the same time, staying close enough that their foreheads were resting together.

All conscious thought seemed to leave Kurt's mind as everything around them disappeared and there was only Blaine, Blaine's hands on his hips and his warm breath against his lips, and he was aching in a way he had never experienced before. Unable to think through the turmoil in his mind, unable to do anything but want, he carded his fingers through Blaine's hair and kissed him again because he had to, because suddenly it seemed like the only thing he knew how to do, humming when Blaine responded by pulling him closer and kissing back.

Blaine's lips were slightly chapped from the cold December air – he liked walking around outside when it was snowing and had tried to get Kurt into a snowball fight on more than one occasion. Which was a weird thing to remember now, Kurt thought. But even chapped, Blaine's lips were still gentle, warm and slightly wet, and tasted like Blaine, and Kurt never wanted to stop kissing them, didn't think he could if he tried. He didn't want to try anyway. Kissing had never felt like this before, ever. Like it was more important than breathing, more important than thinking about what this meant, whether this was a good idea, because this was Blaine, his best friend Blaine, the most important person in his entire world and...

…Oh. Oh shit. _No_ , he thought, _no, no, no, this is such a bad idea, this is such a very, very bad idea. Friends, we're friends, he's my best friend and he's hurting right now and I can't..._

“Blaine,” he said in between kisses, trying to stop, but Blaine kept chasing his lips, connecting their mouths again and again. “Blaine, Blaine, stop, we need to stop.”

“No,” Blaine pleaded. “No, we don't. Please, Kurt, we don't, not now.”

“Are you sure?” Kurt couldn't stop touching him, his shoulders, his back, his arms, and he kept his eyes closed, pressing his face into Blaine's hair to breathe him in as Blaine placed feather light kisses down the side of his neck.

“Please,” was Blaine's only answer, and then his lips were back against Kurt's mouth, the kiss hungrier and deeper then all the ones before, and Kurt felt that tiny voice in his head that kept screaming at him _we should talk about this_ , but it was getting fainter, growing more and more silent until it stopped altogether.

Kissing Blaine seemed vital, and well, maybe it was, maybe this had been inevitable all along, maybe this was where they had been headed all this time, because what other explanation could there possible be for the way he was feeling right now? Light-headed and happy and like everything was falling into place somehow, finally, finally, after all this time.

 _Could be the wine_ , that annoying voice in his head chirped up again, but no, he didn't think so, not really.

This was Blaine, after all. _His_ Blaine. Maybe that was what he had always been. It just felt so right.

So he didn't resist when Blaine pushed him down onto the bed and slid between his legs, instead slipped his fingers under Blaine's shirt to run his fingers over warm skin, lifting his shoulders to allow Blaine to help him out of his own clothes.

As layer after layer disappeared, hands finding new skin to touch, nerve-endings already on fire everywhere, Kurt felt like his entire body was singing, perfectly in tune with Blaine's; Blaine who kept kissing him and muttering unintelligible words into his skin, Blaine who leaned into every one of Kurt's touches like he could never be close enough.

It wasn't slow, it was desperate, shaking hands and trembling bodies as they became vulnerable in front of each other. It was need and want and something else, something new; raw and deep and gentle.

They weren't rough, just impatient, the desire for _more_ and _closer_ setting them on fire until they couldn't breathe. And even though Kurt wasn't exactly inexperienced anymore and he knew that Blaine wasn't either, it still felt new, like nothing he had ever done before.

He flipped them over, already breathing heavily as they started rocking together. Blaine brought up a hand to run his fingers over Kurt's cheek, whispering his name.

Urgency mixed with tenderness as their eyes locked, neither of them able to look away, until Blaine arched up and cried out. Kurt buried his face against Blaine's neck and shuddered in his arms as he followed him seconds later.

**

Kurt awoke early the next morning, slightly disoriented at first, but blissful in a way that was slightly confusing, considering he didn't even know where he was. The room wasn't his own and the narrow bed with the lumpy mattress definitely wasn't his. Also, there was something warm pressing against his chest, and those dark curls tickling his face...

Right. Blaine.

Burying closer into the warmth of his friend, he closed his eyes again, letting out a contented sigh. Blaine made a small noise and shifted against him, causing Kurt to smile and sleepily press a tender kiss against the back of his neck, wondering why on earth this suddenly seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do.

Oh.

Suddenly wide awake, the memory of last night came flooding back. Blaine calling him, Blaine being upset, Blaine needing to be comforted. A kiss and more kisses after that, discarded clothing and roaming hands and...

Just lying there, feeling Blaine's body solid and real in his arms, Kurt suddenly couldn't breathe. Because this was new. And he wasn't entirely sure how to handle it. Not sure what he was feeling anymore, he felt his muscles tense as he tried to make sense of it all, his tired mind trying to catalog all these emotions swirling around inside of him. He was... tired. Warm. Comfortable in a way he had never felt before and... a little bit terrified.

Okay, maybe a lot terrified.

He tried not to stir, not to wake Blaine who was still sleeping peacefully with Kurt spooned around him. Oh god, was this really happening?

Squeezing his eyes shut, Kurt tried to control his breathing, tried to keep himself from freaking out. This was... Was it good? Not good? He felt like he should know, make up his mind about what he was feeling before Blaine woke up, but it was difficult. What the hell had he been thinking? Oh, right, he hadn't been thinking at all.

Replaying the events of the previous night in his head, he felt terrible all of a sudden, remembering the way Blaine had looked when he'd arrived, remembering the tears and the sadness and his awkward attempts at comforting Blaine. Shit. Had he taken advantage of him?

Oh god, they were friends, this was not the way they comforted each other. Hugging, support, gentle touches and heartfelt words, that was what they did, but not this, never this. What had he done?

Blaine was holding on to Kurt's hand where his arm was flung over Blaine's chest, and Kurt gently pried his fingers away, rolling to the side and off the small single bed. He needed to get some distance between them right now. He needed to get out of here and think. There was no way he would be able to form a single coherent thought with Blaine's skin against his, not with the way his chest was moving as he breathed and the way his hair was sticking up all sleep-ruffled and cute and the way those dark eyelashes fanned out across his cheeks...

 _Stop it_ , Kurt told himself. _Stop it and think about this. The way you should have last night._

He had no idea where to go from here. Feeling panic rising in his chest, all he wanted was to run away, but... This was Blaine. Leaving felt wrong. He just didn't think he could stay either.

It was a cowardly thing to do, he knew that, just going now without giving Blaine the chance to get angry at him once he woke up. But he couldn't stay. He had to go and clear his head and come up with a way to explain this, to understand this, fix it, if he had to. To make sense of why he had thought it a good idea to sleep with his best friend, who had clearly been too upset and depressed to think straight.

Quickly checking the time, he was relieved to see that it was only a little after seven. He could go home, get his suitcase and catch his 11am flight to go home to Ohio for Christmas. He'd text Blaine later, Or call him. Or write him a long email in which he apologized a hundred times over, begging him to please, please still be his friend and not let this ruin the great thing they had going.

Oh god, what if he had ruined everything by being so stupid?

Except... it hadn't felt stupid at all, last night. Kurt wrapped his arms around himself, his heart beating in a wild tap-dance rhythm as he looked down at Blaine's sleeping form. There had been a moment...

But no. No. Impossible. They'd known each other for over a year, this wasn't happening now, was it? They had turned from that path a long time ago and what they had found instead was so much better.

And yet...

Angry with himself for even thinking it, he quickly gathered his clothes off the floor – he hadn't even bothered to fold them and put them on a chair last night, he'd been so intent on getting his hands down his best friend's pants – and started getting dressed.

“What are you doing?” Blaine asked sleepily, and Kurt froze, fingers shaking as he closed the last few buttons on his shirt. So much for sneaking out before Blaine woke up.

“I have to catch my flight,” he explained, relieved to hear his voice come out firm and steady. “You're flying out tomorrow, aren't you?” Steeling himself for whatever was about to come, he turned around to look at Blaine.

Who just looked back at him with a sleepy, content expression on his face. “Tomorrow, yes. Can't you stay a few minutes longer?”

Kurt studied him carefully, looking for some sign of regret in Blaine's eyes, some sign of rejection, and finding none. Could it be... No. He wouldn't even allow himself to continue along these lines, because... Well, he could think about it later, right now he was confused, so confused. “I... Sorry, I have to go back to my place first and get my things, I...”

“Oh, okay.” Blaine looked confused now too, and Kurt wanted to scream in frustration, because he didn't know what any of it meant.

“I'll call you as soon as I land, okay? And... we... can talk. If you want. Or... meet up, I don't know, you don't live that far away, so... But you probably want to spend Christmas with your family, so I understand if you don't...”

“No, no, I'd love to see you,” Blaine interrupted, sitting up and lifting a hand as if he wanted to touch Kurt, but changed his mind mid-motion and let it drop back down onto the bed. “If that's something you want too.”

“Yes, yes of course,” Kurt hastened to assure him, because first of all, he honestly wanted to, and also, he hated this awkwardness that had emerged between them. And it was all his fault, for not saying no when Blaine had been upset and vulnerable. It _must_ have been the alcohol. He never drank and the one time he did... this happened.

“Good,” Blaine said, looking a bit happier, and Kurt knew even less what that was supposed to mean.

“Just... give me a minute,” he said, fleeing into the bathroom where he leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths and fighting against the rising nausea. He didn't even know what he was feeling anymore. Waking up this morning, he'd been sure he had screwed everything up, and now Blaine was looking at him like this and wanting to meet him in Ohio over Christmas... What did it mean?

Splashing some cold water onto his face, Kurt went over all of his options in his head. He wasn't ready to have a conversation about this, not yet. Not before he’d sorted this out in his own head. He just didn't understand anything anymore, it was all too much, too much... But how was he supposed to just leave when all he wanted... all he wanted...

God, what did he want, though? Kissing Blaine and holding Blaine and being close to Blaine... it had been incredible. He had never felt more whole, more complete, in his life. But Blaine was his _best friend_. His attractive, charming, too-sweet-for-his-own-good best friend. And he was his soulmate, in a way, but surely not in that way? What were the odds of that?

They had grown up so close together, he had been so close within his reach all those times Kurt had needed a friend or wanted to fall in love during the hellish time that had been high school. And yet they had never met. Didn't that mean something? He didn't even believe in fate, which made everything he was feeling right now just that much more confusing.

Why, why, why had they never met back then, why had the world waited for him to become so damaged before pointing him in Blaine's direction, why?

He buried his face in his hands, groaning in frustration. Could it be, though? Was this real? From the moment he'd met Blaine there had been _something_. A connection, a certain attraction too – at first. Maybe there had been the potential for more at some point, but hadn't they moved past that a long time ago? What he and Blaine had – it had been the one thing through everything that was good and everything that was bad about New York, the one thing that had always, always made sense to him. And now he just didn't know anymore.

Well, whatever this was, whatever this meant, he wouldn't decide anything _now_ , wearing last night's clothes and in desperate need of a shower. Blaine deserved more than a rash decision from someone with apparently really poor impulse control.

By the time he returned to the room, Blaine had dressed himself in sweatpants and an old t-shirt, and was sitting on the edge of his mattress, waiting for Kurt.

“Are you okay?” He asked, as soon Kurt was back in the room. “You looked a little...”

“I'm fine,” Kurt answered, attempting a smile. “I just didn't sleep very much. Neither did you, I believe.”

“Yes, the bed is a bit small for two people...” Blaine lowered his eyes and bit his lip as if holding back a smile.

“Um, yeah, I wasn't really talking about... I should go,” Kurt changed direction mid-sentence, before he could start a conversation he was definitely not ready for yet. “I have the... flight. 11am.”

“Right.” Blaine got up, walked over to him, just watching as Kurt put on his jacket, his scarf, his gloves. “Please call me, okay?” Blaine said quietly, and Kurt finally, for the first time since they had woken up, met his eyes.

“I will,” he said. “I promise. Blaine...”

“Come here.” Blaine reached out, holding onto the lapels of Kurt's winter jacket as he leaned in and kissed him tenderly, just a quick, light touch of lips. “See you in Ohio,” he said with a small, shy smile.

“See you,” Kurt answered, his voice a little shaky, before he quickly turned away and walked out into the cold.


	12. I Still Have Those Memories

Being back in Ohio always took a little getting used to at first. It was wonderful – Kurt still missed his family, especially his dad, quite a lot all the time, and being back in his old house, sleeping in his old room and getting to sit at the kitchen table for hours to tell his dad all the details of his life in New York he hadn't had time to share over the phone... it was definitely nice.

He had arrived the day before, and everyone had been there to pick him up from the airport, his father, Carole and Finn. He had hugged all of them for what felt like a good ten minutes, Finn almost breaking several of his ribs as he pulled him into a bone-crushing bear hug.

It looked like Christmas everywhere – the soft lights reflected by the snow during their long drive home, the tree in the living room, the decorations Carole had put up a few days before. And it smelled like Christmas too, like baked apples and cookies and tea.

Waking up the next morning, Kurt felt happy. He was home. After that last morning in New York, he wanted nothing more than to just be here and forget, catch up with Finn, maybe call Mercedes to see if she was back in Lima already, talk with his dad and help Carole with dinner. No responsibilities, no thinking. He was looking forward to a few days of no school work, no stress, but that didn't mean he couldn't keep busy doing the things he loved about being home.

He had sent Blaine a quick text after landing ( _Back in Ohio, flight was okay. Talk to you soon._ ), and Blaine had texted back only a few minutes later ( _Have a good time. :) I'll call as soon as I'm home._ ). Blaine was flying home today, so he should be hearing from him soon. Honestly, though, he wasn't sure how much he wanted to talk to him.

Rolling over onto his back, he stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of his emotions. Last night, he had successfully managed to banish all thoughts of Blaine from his mind, had just allowed himself to be carefree and unburdened for hours before he went to bed. He had fallen asleep quickly, and as far as he remembered, his sleep had been dreamless. But now, with the gentle rays of winter sun shining through the cracks in the curtains and feeling perfectly rested and awake, he couldn't stop thinking about... everything.

The way Blaine had looked at him. The way it had felt to wake up curled around him, so warm and peaceful – he still didn't know what it meant. There was no way of denying that he had feelings for Blaine. The trouble was determining the nature of those feelings. And he had to, before he did anything else. Before he spoke to him again. This was something that needed to be considered carefully. Blaine simply meant too much to him to risk everything they had because of one night, however right it had felt at the time. He'd been... well, not drunk, but certainly tipsy, and Blaine had been upset. Those were factors that just couldn't be overlooked.

 _No_. Heaving a sigh, he sat up, throwing off the covers and swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. He knew he couldn't ignore the issue forever, but right now, what he needed was breakfast. Besides, it was difficult to decide what all of this really was without knowing Blaine's thoughts on the matter. The only difficulty was that finding out about them would involve speaking to him and he wasn't ready for that yet. Why did this have to be so complicated? He missed Blaine already. Blaine who had said he wanted to meet up in Ohio over the holidays, Blaine who had kissed him goodbye before he left...

But drawing simple conclusions would just get both of them hurt. He couldn't be sure how Blaine really felt.

Kurt got up, dressing quickly before he went downstairs where he heard the sounds of someone making breakfast in the kitchen, the radio playing soft Christmas music in the background.

“Morning, honey,” Carole greeted him, turning her head to smile at him as she heard him enter.

“Morning,” he answered, smiling back. “Need any help with that?” He gestured toward the pancake ingredients on the counter, ready to start distracting himself with whatever was offered to him.

“Sure,” Carole said, moving over so he could stand next to her.

Within minutes, they were discussing Christmas dinner and healthy food options for Burt. It was definitely good to be home.

**

“Anything wrong?”

Kurt looked up, seeing his father looking at him, his attention no longer on the TV. “No, I'm fine,” he lied. His thoughts had been drifting as he'd found it more and more difficult over the course of the day to not think about Blaine.

“You just seem awfully down today,” Burt insisted. “What's going on? I can tell there's something on your mind.”

Kurt sighed, leaning against the armrest of the living room couch. Of course his dad would notice. There was no way of deceiving him. “It's... Blaine,” he said.

“Your friend? What about him? You two had a fight or something?”

“No, no fight.” Kurt shook his head slowly, trying to come up with a way to tell his dad about what had happened without actually supplying him with all of the details he wasn't comfortable sharing. “It's complicated,” he finally explained. “We're... I don't even know really. Something has happened and it's confusing me a lot and I don't know what he's thinking and... well. Like I said. It's complicated.”

Burt readjusted his baseball cap, scratching his neck thoughtfully. “Something happened, huh? Wanna talk about it?”

Kurt shrugged, not sure what to say. His dad had met Blaine once – last summer break. Kurt and Blaine always met up when they were both in Ohio, but since it was quite a drive between their home towns, they usually found some place in the middle to get together and have a cup of coffee. Until Kurt had caught a mild summer flu this year and couldn't leave his bed for days. He had called Blaine to whine about his headache and the fact that he was missing Mercedes' party and that he was _so bored_ whenever he felt good enough to be able to feel boredom. It had taken no more than a few hours for Blaine to show up on his doorstep with a year's supply of herbal tea and chicken soup.

They had spend the entire rest of the day watching musicals on the TV in Kurt's bedroom and Blaine had ended up spending the night on the very couch Kurt was sitting on with his dad right now. He remembered that day fondly, remembered the way Blaine had instantly charmed not only Carole but his dad as well, the way he had just fit in without even trying. He had never known anyone like him. None of his feelings made much sense to him right now, but this he knew with absolute certainty – Blaine was one of the best things in his life and he didn't want to lose him.

“We may have done something stupid and now I don't know what it means. For us,” he offered. “And it's getting me down because he's my best friend and... I just don't know what to do.”

“How stupid are we talking here?” Burt asked, not pressing for more details, just trying to understand. “And what do you want to do?”

Kurt thought about it for a second before answering. “Very stupid, I'm afraid. The friendship-ruining kind of stupid, if you know what I mean.” He hoped this was enough information while still being vague enough for a father-son conversation. “But that's the thing... I'm not sure. And I haven't talked to him since... it happened and... He's my best friend, dad.”

Burt cleared his throat, nodding once. “Okay, listen. You don't have to tell me what happened between the two of you, if you don't want to. But maybe you should talk to him? Seems to me you won't solve this by just sitting here and beating yourself up about it.”

“No, you're right,” Kurt agreed, even though he was quite positive he wouldn't even know how to start. “But he's flying home today – he said he'd call me once he's there. I'll talk to him, I will, I just... I hate this.”

“I know you do.” Burt patted his shoulder, squeezing for just a moment. “I can see that. And I can't really give you any advice without knowing what's going on, but I'm here whenever you want to talk, okay?”

Kurt smiled at his dad gratefully. “Yes, I know. Thanks, dad.”

They went back to watching TV, Kurt glancing at his watch every few minutes. He knew Blaine's flight landed sometime after 4 p.m., and then he had to get home from the airport, spend some time with his family – he probably wouldn't call before later that night. It wasn't even lunchtime now. Snuggling deeper into the couch cushions, Kurt soon lost track of what was happening on screen, thinking about everything he wanted to tell Blaine instead.

**

Kurt managed to find distraction eventually – he drove into town with Finn, meeting up with Puck and Mike whom he hadn't seen in much too long. He hung around long enough to remember why he'd always preferred hanging out with the girls – he was having fun, really, but especially Puck's misguided attempts at humor made him squirm more than once – before promising Finn to pick him up later and driving on to Mercedes' place instead after giving her a quick call to make sure she was home.

Spending time with Mercedes, he was able to completely forget about feeling down for a little while. They hadn't talked face to face for so long, and phone calls simply weren't the same. Mercedes was always planning to visit him in New York one day, but so far, something had always come up last minute to cancel their plans. They ended up talking for hours now – she asked him about Blaine right at the beginning, having heard the name in so many conversations, but went with it when he quickly changed the topic. Knowing he had to think about it was one thing – he wasn't ready to share those thoughts yet.

He was home just in time for dinner, not a step closer to a solution for the problem that was constantly simmering in the back corners of his mind, but happy that he had been able to focus on other things for a good portion of the day. And it was still not too late in the evening – he thought that now that he had cleared his mind, he'd be able to shut himself in his room after dinner and think this through in depth. Maybe it was good to not dwell on it for a while, get some emotional distance – it had _just_ happened, after all – but the worries just kept creeping up on him again and again whenever he didn't force himself to focus on other things. It was important to make sure that he wasn't just still caught up in the feelings of two nights ago. He owed Blaine that much at least. A clear-headed assessment of the situation – this mess they were in.

However, sitting in his room by 7:30 p.m. without anything to do but finally allow himself to remember everything and analyze this war raging in his mind, his heart, his soul, it was still impossible to untangle his thoughts and get a clear perspective. All he felt was completely freaked out and overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

Lying on his back thinking about Blaine, his wonderful, sweet friend Blaine, he simply wasn't able to concentrate. He wished that night hadn't happened, but there was no way of taking it back now.

There was just one simple truth – he needed Blaine in his life. He needed Blaine to be there always, to be there to talk to, to spend lazy Saturdays with, to talk to about everything and nothing. Losing him was something he couldn't even imagine. He had known that before, though. He had known that – possibly right from the start.

Before that night, had Blaine ever given him any indication to believe that he saw him as more than just a friend? Sure, they had always been close. They hugged and shared a blanket when they sat on the couch together and were each other's first phone call whenever something bad or exciting happened. He had thought that was all there was. Had he been wrong?

Before Kurt had time to come up with an answer to that question, his phone started ringing.

Hands shaking and his head suddenly swimming, he reached for it, answering quickly before he could chicken out and let it go to voice mail. He couldn't do that to Blaine. God, he just wished he hadn't spent all day trying to forget and come up with a way to resolve this instead.

“Hello.”

“Hi,” Blaine greeted him, sounding just as uncertain as Kurt felt.

“So how was your flight?” Kurt asked, trying to lighten the mood a little. No need for them to jump right into it.

“It was okay,” Blaine said. “But I'm glad to be home, actually. It's funny, but I miss my old room sometimes. No roommate, you know?”

“Oh, yes, definitely.” Kurt laughed nervously. “I know what you mean.”

Silence stretched between them, uncomfortable and too long and Kurt was just about to actually start talking about the damn _weather_ when Blaine finally spoke again.

“Listen... What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Um.” Kurt quickly tried to come up with something, anything, knowing where this question was going. Giving up as it became obvious that he wasn't going to be able to make up some kind of excuse, he clutched the phone a little tighter, willing his heart to stop beating so fast. “Nothing. Why?”

“Well, you said...” Blaine broke off. “It's just that I don't have any plans either and I thought maybe we could... Do you maybe want to meet somewhere? For coffee?”

Kurt let out a breath, hoping his voice wouldn't give him away. “Sure. Yes. We can do that. I think that's probably a good idea.”

“Okay.” Blaine sounded relieved and it cut right into Kurt's soul. _He hadn't been sure Kurt wanted to see him. Oh god, what had he done?_ Blaine should never feel insecure about this. It was Kurt who had messed it all up.

“The usual place?” Kurt asked. “Around three?”

“Sounds good,” Blaine answered. “So, I'll see you then?”

“Yes, see you then,” Kurt confirmed, waiting for Blaine to say something else, to bring up that night, because suddenly talking about it on the phone sounded a whole lot better than doing it in person.

“Good night, Kurt,” Blaine said instead.

“Good night,” Kurt said back, waiting for Blaine to hang up first before he dropped his phone off the bed and buried his head in his pillow.

He didn't know whether he should be glad or frustrated by the fact that Blaine hadn't brought it up – on the one hand, he really wanted to talk about this, get everything out in the open and make it less awkward. On the other hand, maybe they would just never mention it again. Maybe they could meet tomorrow and just... move on, continue the way they had always been.

Was that really what he wanted, though? He didn't know anymore. For a moment, he contemplated going back downstairs to distract himself further, but then decided against it and instead sat up on his bed, clutching the pillow to his chest. He had some serious thinking to do, and he wasn't going to put it off any longer. No matter how hard it was.

**

He was there early the next afternoon, his stomach clenching as he sat in the coffee shop, waiting for Blaine to show up. They hadn't seen each other since he had practically run out of his dorm room after sleeping with him. Judging from their uncharacteristically short and rather weird phone call last night, whatever was going to happen, this would be uncomfortable.

Kurt had stayed up late into the night, unable to sleep, Blaine always on his mind. He hadn't been able to figure it all out, but one thought had struck him – he'd dated and he'd broken up with guys. And never, not once, had he felt the kind of despair he felt thinking about a life without Blaine.

He had never felt as safe with anyone as he felt with Blaine. Blaine made his heart beat faster, he made him feel warm and comfortable and cared for. He was his dearest friend and there was simply no denying it – those feelings for him wouldn't just go away.

It was just... that night had been stupid. He hadn't been prepared for this – the impact of it – and neither had Blaine. But the fact remained that Kurt should have been the one to stop them. He had been there to comfort Blaine. And failed spectacularly, apparently, since now they couldn't even have a normal phone conversation anymore. So he knew he should be the first to speak. He had to. Blaine had to know – even if Kurt himself still had a little trouble putting a name to the feeling, to how much Blaine meant to him. He still had the right to know what was on Kurt's mind.

Blaine showed up early as well; Kurt had been waiting for about ten minutes when the door opened and his best friend entered. Kurt felt his heart rate speed up as his palms began to sweat. This was it. The meeting he had been scared of for more than two days now.

“Hey.” Blaine spotted him immediately, walking over to his table quickly and Kurt stood up on reflex, the impulse to hug Blaine hello one that had been second nature to him for over a year now.

Blaine froze when they were a few feet apart, his wide smile suddenly turning shy and unsure as he looked at him. Kurt took a tentative step forward, completely lost. Did they still hug? Would it still mean the same as always if they did now?

Seconds passed, both of them unmoving, swaying slightly as they tried to make up their minds between the usual greeting and just sitting down in their chairs. Somehow they managed to move in together at the same time, heads almost colliding as they hugged awkwardly. Kurt found himself actually patting Blaine's back and winced at the clumsiness of the move. God, this felt weird. This was exactly how he had never wanted it to be between Blaine and himself.

He sat down quickly, waiting while Blaine went to get himself a cup of coffee. Kurt had wanted to buy him one before he arrived, a lame attempt at an apology, but he hadn't known when Blaine would be here and cold coffee somehow didn't quite say “I'm sorry for possibly crewing up our friendship” the way he wanted to say it.

“So,” Blaine started, once he was seated across from Kurt.

“So,” Kurt said back, forcing himself to keep looking at Blaine. He had no idea what to say next.

“How is your family?” Blaine asked, clearly as much at a loss for words as Kurt was.

“Oh, they're fine,” Kurt responded quickly. “Yes, fine. It's good to be home, isn't it?”

Blaine smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “It's okay, I guess,” he said.

“How's your family?” Kurt hastened to ask, not wanting any lull in the conversation.

“They're... busy, mostly. Kurt...”

“I know.” Kurt sighed, staring down at his fingers that were playing with the frayed edges of a napkin. “Do you want to... talk?”

Blaine nodded slowly, then shook his head. “I... I guess we should. Talk. About...”

“The other night,” Kurt finished his sentence. “Yes.” He was cold now, panicking without knowing why, and Blaine was just staring into his coffee, lips moving as if he wanted to speak, but there were no words.

“I'm sorry, Blaine, I'm so, so sorry,” Kurt blurted out when he couldn't take the silence anymore. He took a deep breath, trying to control the shaking of his hands. “I shouldn't have... We shouldn't have done that, I should have stopped us, I'm so sorry that I didn't.”

“Oh. Yes.” Blaine lowered his head further, swallowing hard. “I'm... Of course, yes. I'm sorry too.”

“No. No, no.” Kurt sat up straight, shaking his head emphatically. “You were upset, you didn't... I just didn't think, you know? None of this is your fault. If anything, we both made a mistake.” He groaned inwardly, resisting the urge to bang his head against the hard surface of the table. He was saying this all wrong. This was not what he meant, not at all.

“A mistake,” Blaine repeated quietly, still staring into his coffee cup. He raised his head finally, that forced smile back on his face. “I'm glad we agree on this – I was worried this would somehow stand between us now. I don't want things to be awkward.”

“Good,” Kurt said, attempting to sound pleased which was difficult with the way his throat was hurting suddenly, a mixture of crushed hope, fear, and the urge to cry making his voice sound strangled. “They aren't. Things are never awkward between us.”

“Do you regret it?” Blaine wanted to know.

Kurt couldn't speak. This was exactly the question that had kept him up almost all night – because the answer terrified him. Did he regret it? Could he, should he regret it? Everything depended on this, and he didn't have the words. What was the best way of saying _I'll only regret it if it means losing you?_

Blaine looked away when Kurt didn't answer, hurt flashing across his features before he forced a smile onto his face. “You don't have to answer that, sorry. That was a stupid question.”

“No!” Kurt reached out, covering one of Blaine's hands with his own, the contact shooting a spark of electricity up his arm. It was an impulse, the touching. One that was hard to suppress. “No, it's not, it's... I'm sorry I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Blaine.”

“You didn't, that night,” Blaine said, meeting Kurt's eyes fully and Kurt could see a sadness in Blaine's that hadn't been there before. He hated it, didn't understand it. This entire conversation had somehow gotten away from him and he still didn't know what Blaine really wanted.

“Okay,” Kurt answered, hoping it really was. It didn't seem like it. Judging by the disappointment evident on Blaine's face, this hadn't turned out the way he'd wanted it to either.

Going back now seemed difficult, though, without making it appear that he was only saying what Blaine wanted to hear – if he wanted to hear it? Oh god, this was frustrating and Kurt just couldn't see a way out, couldn't even think straight. It was too much.

Blaine excused himself half an hour later, saying something about a family dinner that night and Kurt walked him to his car, awkwardly hugging him goodbye in the parking lot, more out of habit than anything else.

He sat in his own car for a long time after Blaine had gone, staring out of the windshield without seeing anything. He didn't believe that Blaine actually had somewhere else to be. It was the first time since they had known each other that they hadn't been completely honest. The thought hurt, so much he couldn't move.

What hurt even more, though, was the knowledge that he hadn't been able to say what he wanted to say. He hadn't lied – just provided the set up for it by saying the wrong thing and not correcting himself.

Shit. He had seriously messed this up. And he'd had it all pretty much figured out in his head last night – no solution, but at least a plan. He had wanted to meet Blaine, talk to him, tell him how important he was to him. It had seemed like such a good plan before his mouth had run away with him.

**

He found himself outside Mercedes’ house about an hour later, not really knowing why he had come here. Now that he was, though, he might as well go in, get an outsider's opinion on this mess he had created.

Thank god Mercedes was home, he texted her quickly and not a minute later the front door opened. Instantly, he was reminded why having good friends who really knew you was worth so much. Mercedes took one look at him before grabbing his arm and dragging him inside and up to her room where she sat him down on the bed.

“Tell me everything,” she said.

And he did.

“Boy, you screwed up big time, didn't you?” Mercedes commented once he had gotten it all out. She rubbed his back affectionately and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes for a second. It felt good to be able to tell someone. He hadn't had a chance to speak to Rachel before he had left and she hadn't been on the same flight – she wasn't coming home before Christmas Eve.

“I don't know what to do,” Kurt confessed. “This is bad, Mercedes.”

“Sounds like it,” she answered. “Do you love him?”

It was such a simple question, but it scared him all the same. Feelings. He had feelings for him – that much he had admitted to himself last night.

Blaine was... he was so much. And he was so... dear to him. He had become a part of his life so quickly, the one person Kurt knew he could always rely on, the one person he wanted to call whenever something bad or exciting happened to him, the one person he never, ever got tired of. The one person he never wanted to be without. Kurt pressed his hands to his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath. Love. That was the one word he had avoided this whole time. Did he love Blaine? He had danced around this question for days, but having it put to him so bluntly...

There was only one answer. Of course he did. And maybe it was because he was exhausted, maybe he didn't have the energy to fight this anymore, but right now, right here, faced with this question by someone who cared about him and knew him, he might as well stop denying it. He had loved Blaine from the beginning. He'd been attracted to him from the moment he had first laid eyes on him, but he had been so afraid back then, so afraid of getting hurt. And then they had become friends, because...

Because Kurt had known, felt it deep down, that once he allowed himself to fall for Blaine there would be no turning back. He would be falling hard and fast and never want to stop. Being merely a friend Blaine had become so important to him in such a short time. More important than any of the guys he had dated.

And then, at some point, Kurt had started falling anyway, stubbornly clinging to the image of Blaine as a best friend. Because it had always been one of only two options: protect his heart or give it to Blaine completely. He was nothing if not stubborn.

Even today, when he had wanted to be honest with Blaine, the instinct to break the fall and not give in to this had still been stronger, the well-practiced move of shielding himself from heartbreak. That was why he'd panicked and said the wrong things. His heart had been broken before and been patched back together, but this was different. With Blaine, it was always different. Always more. Always real in a way it had never been before.

“I do,” he said, letting himself fall backwards onto the bed, feeling miserable and exhausted. “But, Mercedes, I said I was sorry. I did it all wrong. I'm such an idiot.”

“That wasn't the smartest thing to say,” Mercedes agreed. “Can't you just call him and... I don't know. Make it right?”

Kurt shook his head, sighing. “And what am I supposed to tell him? I'm still not even sure... maybe I misinterpreted everything, or maybe he did have feelings for me too, but after what I said... I just know that he lied to me about having to go to a family dinner. We never lied to each other before. And he looked so hurt when I apologized...”

Mercedes patted his knee, trying to comfort him the best she could. “Seems to me you can't make things much worse than they already are, can you? Talk to him, Kurt. If you guys really are always honest with each other, you need to tell him how you feel.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Kurt looked up at her, grateful for the support, but still scared all the same, overwhelmed by the flood of emotions rising up inside now that he had said it out loud – really admitted for the first time what had been there inside of him for god knows how long.

“Oh, it isn't easy,” Mercedes assured him. “Think of me and Sam, senior year. We were just dancing around each other forever and I wasted so much time and hurt so many people not being honest about my feelings for him. Use me as a cautionary tale.”

“Well, at least you knew how he was feeling about you,” Kurt reminded her. “I can't be sure. And I could lose someone I really care about in the process.”

“Then maybe you need to be the Sam in this tale,” Mercedes suggested, smiling at him. “Is he worth it? Is he worth taking a risk?”

“God yes.” Kurt didn't even need to think about that one. “The problem is, he's also worth not taking it. I'd much rather be friends with him forever than not have him in my life at all. I can't imagine...” He couldn't breathe, all of a sudden. “I don't know what I'd do without him,” he said, the pain in his heart sharp and piercing. “Oh god, I don't know what I'd do without him, I'm so stupid, why didn't I see it sooner, no, why couldn't I just have never found out, oh no, what if he never forgives me...” He slapped a hand over his mouth, stifling the panicked sob that rose from his chest.

“Hey, hey, it's okay, it's gonna be all right,” Mercedes tried to calm him. “Just talk to him, okay? Don't wait until tomorrow or anything stupid like that. Call him. Tonight.”

“I have to go.” Kurt sat up quickly, pulling Mercedes into a tight hug. “Thank you. You're an amazing friend. I missed you so much.”

“Yeah, I'm awesome.” Mercedes laughed, hugging him back before shoving him in the direction of the door. “Go get him. And he better make you happy, or I'll have to pay him a visit.”

**

Kurt didn't waste any time once he was home, just hurried up to his room, locking the door behind him, not even taking off his jacket before getting out his cell phone to call Blaine.

Who didn't answer. Kurt let it ring until it went to voice mail, then tried again three times, but still no answer.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he put the cell phone on his dresser to finally take off his jacket before settling down on his bed. Had Blaine been telling the truth about that family dinner after all? Maybe he _was_ busy. Or maybe, and that seemed the much more likely option to Kurt in his current state, he just didn't want to talk to him right now. Or ever again.

This was not acceptable.

He picked up his phone again, calling again, and again, and again, but every time, it went to voice mail.

In the end, he gave up, drafting five different versions of a text message to send to Blaine before finally settling on one.

_Blaine – what I said today was not what I meant to say. I'm an idiot and I understand if you don't want to, but I really need to talk to you. Please call me back._

Phone in hand, he made his way downstairs where he found his dad sitting in the kitchen, staring miserably into a bowl of salad on the table in front of him.

“Carole thinks I’m a freaking rabbit,” he complained sadly as he saw Kurt, stabbing his fork into a piece of tomato and eyeing it skeptically.

Kurt laughed in spite of his worries. “It's healthy, you know? Eat.”

His dad pushed the bowl away, crossing his arms in front of his chest, giving Kurt a concerned look. “Not hungry. You're still not feeling better? Ready to talk about it yet?”

Kurt thought about it for a minute, then sat down across from his dad, rubbing his hands across his tired face. “I saw Blaine today.”

“And?”

“I think I screwed everything up between us. Maybe for good this time since he's ignoring me now.”

Burt just watched him for a few seconds, waiting, leaning forward so his elbows were resting on the table. “And what is there between you?” he asked when it became clear that Kurt wouldn't volunteer that piece of information himself.

“That's what we're kind of trying to figure out,” Kurt explained. “You know he's my best friend and I care about him. A lot. But lately it seems like... there might be... more than that? But I said something really stupid when we met up today and now he won't take my calls and I...” he broke off, feeling like he might cry if he kept talking.

“Well, this afternoon wasn't that long ago. Maybe he just needs time,” Burt said.

“Yes, maybe.” Kurt couldn't keep the resignation out of his voice.

“What did you say that was so bad anyway?” Burt asked.

“I kind of indicated that I didn't have feelings for him,” Kurt said, his insides clenching painfully at the memory of it. “Because I was afraid he didn't feel the way I did, and I... don't know. I guess my subconscious wanted to make sure I got to reject him before he could reject me.”

Burt nodded, reaching out to squeeze Kurt's arm gently. “You've been hurt before and that sucks.” He let go, keeping his eyes on Kurt's face. The look told Kurt everything he needed to know: _I hate that you're feeling like this, I wish I could make this go away, I'm listening if you want to tell me more._ “But now you think he wasn't going to reject you?”

Kurt sighed. “I still don't know. I just know that he couldn't get away fast enough after I said it and he looked so hurt... I've tried calling him, but he doesn't answer. I don't know what it means. But I... I have to... I have to do something, dad.”

“Kurt.”

The very tone of it made him look up, meet his father's eyes across the table.

“I know you. I know what you've been through. This stuff – the emotional stuff – it's always hard. But you never do anything half-way, Kurt. You never have. It's always all or nothing with you. So if you know what you want – and you probably do already, you're a smart kid – you'll just have to go for it.”

“What if that makes everything worse? What if I lose him?”

Burt shrugged. “Then you'll deal with that too. No, hey.” He raised a hand, cutting off Kurt's protest. “I'm not saying it'll be easy. But you're not happy now, are you?” He waited for Kurt to shake his head before he continued. “In that case, I'm sorry, kid, but all I can say is you'll have to try to make it right. And either it'll work out or it won't. I'm here for you either way, you know that, to be happy for you or to let you cry on my shoulder. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.” Kurt got up, hugging his dad on his way to the door. “I think I'll just try calling him again.”

“It'll be all right,” Burt assured him, giving him an encouraging smile before turning back to his salad with a disgusted expression.

Kurt walked back up to his room, cell phone still clutched tightly in his hand. Okay, then. One more try.

One more of course became two, and when Blaine still didn't pick up the third time, Kurt gathered all of his courage and waited for the beep to leave a voice mail.

“Blaine,” he started. “Hi. I've been trying to call you, but you won't answer, so I assume you're either too busy, or don't want to talk to me. If it's the first, please call me back as soon as you can. I really need to talk to you. About today. If it's the second... I understand. I'm so stupid, Blaine. What I said today, the way I said it... You have to know I didn't mean it like that. I don't... I don't regret anything that happened. I just... Please, I need to talk to you, okay? I'm _so_ sorry if I hurt you. I was scared. I'm still scared. You're my best friend. You mean so much to me. But that night... Don't tell me it didn't confuse you too, a little bit at least. I just... We need to talk about it again. But really talk this time. There's so much that I want to say to you, but not like this. So please, call me. Please.”

He hung up, just sitting still for a few minutes, his body tingling with nervous energy. He just hoped Blaine would actually listen to his message before deleting it. Or maybe even call him back. Well, if he didn't, Kurt would spend the next few decades trying to make this right, if he had to. Because his dad was right. He couldn't give up, even if it ended in heartbreak. He actually felt a little better after leaving the message – it wasn't like him to sit around and worry when there was actually something he could do.

Finally, he got up, taking his phone with him into the bathroom as he showered and went through his skin care routine. He changed into his pajamas, taking his time because it wasn't that late yet and also, he was still hoping for that call.

Half an hour went by, and another half hour, and finally Kurt simply ran out of things to do. He had planned his outfit for tomorrow, flipped through the pages of old magazines, checked his email twice and even texted back and forth with some friends from New York for a while. He was actually getting tired now.

Keeping the phone close to him on the night stand, he finally turned off the lights and slipped under the covers, his heart heavy with the events of the day.

It took another ten minutes before his phone vibrated with a new message, and he sat up straight, almost falling off the bed in his haste to get to it.

 _Blaine_. It was from Blaine. Finally.

He read it quickly, his heart sinking as he took in the words.

_I got your message. Can't get away for the next few days, though... Let's talk after Christmas?_

Kurt let himself fall back onto the bed, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. What had he expected? He just... missed Blaine. So, so much. And all he wanted was the chance to make this right. In person. Somehow, he didn't think the realization that you were in love with your best friend should be shared over the phone, especially not with said best friend and not after everything that had happened. He texted back quickly, needing Blaine to know that he'd do everything in his power to fix this.

_Just let me know as soon as you have time. And I really am sorry about today._

He waited, after that. For a reply, just some sign that Blaine was thinking about him too. Nothing came.

**

The next few days went by slowly, endless minutes and hours filled with waiting, hope, regret, fear and worry.

Everything reminded him of Blaine, even if it was completely unrelated. The thought of Blaine was in every cup of coffee, in every movie and every song, in every laugh he heard around the house and every time a phone rang in another room. And it was slowly driving him insane, the way only a slowly breaking heart can. He'd had it broken before, he knew the feeling. But so far, it had always been a clean, quick break, sharp stabbing pain that took his breath. This time, it was gradual, drawn-out, like ripping a piece of fabric in slow motion. Every hour made it worse, every hour he didn't hear from Blaine the squeezing pain intensified, only ebbing away for long moments of overwhelming numbness. He needed Blaine. So much.

Wednesday was Christmas Eve, and Rachel, who had come back to Ohio that morning, came over in the afternoon to exchange gifts with Finn.

Kurt was feeling depressed and had shut himself in his room, not in the mood to socialize. Rachel still didn't know what had happened between him and Blaine – and he didn't feel up to the task of telling her right now. Because Blaine still hadn't called or texted back. It wasn't that he and Blaine hadn't gone without speaking to each other for days before, but it had been different then. It had been both of them busy with school and other friends and assignments, and the silence had never felt like distance because they had both known the other would still be there when things calmed down, or come rushing at a simple message if needed.

This time, the silence was screaming at him, hurting him, burning a hole into his heart. Because there was no guarantee that it would ever end.

He was lying on his bed, too emotionally drained to even read or watch TV and not really looking forward to Christmas morning at all. Last year, right around this time, he had been downstairs in the living room watching the Muppet Christmas Carol with his family and texting with Blaine who was watching the same movie at home. They had shared their favorite scenes, and even now Kurt couldn't help but smile at the memory of Blaine's text full of smiley faces as the Ghost of Christmas Present appeared and the endless rows of sad faces when Tiny Tim died.

They had only known each other for a few months at that point, but it had all felt so natural to him. Maybe that should have been his first clue that there was something more between them at least on his side, he thought, unable to stop being angry with himself.

He could hear Rachel and Finn talking in the next room, laughing, whispering, and he pressed his hands over his ears, trying to drown out the annoying sounds of happiness. They deserved it and he loved them and wanted them to be happy, but right now he couldn't handle hearing it.

It was a few minutes later when he heard a soft knock on his door and before he could decide whether or not to pretend that he was asleep, Rachel poked her head around the door frame.

“Hi,” she said. “How are you doing?”

Kurt sat up, putting on his widest smile. “Rachel. Hi. I didn't know you were here. I'm fine, thanks, how are you?”

“Kurt.” Rachel closed the door behind herself, walking over to sit on the edge of his bed. “What's wrong?”

“What do you mean?” He did his best to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about, but Rachel just rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Finn says you've been moping ever since you came home. He's actually really worried about you. And... did you have a fight with Blaine?”

Kurt's eyes widened in shock. Rachel had a talent for sticking her nose where it didn't belong, but how the hell could she possibly know about him and Blaine? “Why would you think that?”

“Because, Kurt, he's my friend too and I talked to him on the phone earlier. And yesterday. And the day before. He's really upset about something, but he won't tell me what it is. And then I come here, and I haven't heard from you in days because you have ignored all of my messages, and Finn tells me you spend all your time holed up in your room and barely eat anything. Doesn't really take a genius to put two and two together.”

Kurt was actually speechless – Blaine had been talking to Rachel? It didn't surprise him, the two had been friends before Kurt had even met him. Still... Kurt didn't want him to be upset, but if he was, did that actually mean... Had he interpreted the signs correctly? This had the potential to be good news, didn’t it?

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Rachel asked.

Kurt shrugged. “I don't know...”

“Oh, well.” Rachel flipped back her hair, grinning a little. “I'll just try to get it out of Blaine tonight at the concert.”

“Concert? What concert?” Kurt gave her a confused look. What was she talking about?

“The Warblers, Kurt. Blaine didn't tell you? It's some kind of alumni thing, they're singing tonight and of course Blaine will join them. He invited me to come and naturally I said yes. I assumed he’d told you about it.”

“No, he didn't.” Kurt shook his head, throat closing up as he held back the tears. “We haven't really spoken much lately.” His voice sounded raw, scratchy, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “I tried calling him, but then he said he needed time and I... God, Rachel, I was this close to just driving over to his house so many times because I can't stand this, but he said he needed time and I wanted to give it to him, but it's killing me, I can't...” He couldn't speak anymore, needing all of his breath to hold back the sob that was threatening to break free.

Rachel took his hand, patting it soothingly. “Oh, you boys. Why does everything always have to be so complicated with you? He misses you, I know he does.”

“How do you know?”

“He told me.”

Kurt felt his heart skip a few beats, breath hitching in his throat. _Blaine missed him_. “Then why won't he talk to me?”

Rachel hugged him quickly, then got up. “I have to go now, okay? To Blaine's concert.” She looked at him, apparently expecting some kind of reaction.

Kurt just nodded, confused, a little hurt that she would rub it in his face like this that she got to see Blaine and he didn't.

“It's a really long drive,” Rachel went on. “And it's going to be dark by the time I have to drive back. I don't like driving in the dark. I just wish I didn't have to go alone.”

“Sorry?” Kurt tried. “Ask Finn if he can take you...”

“If only I knew someone who cared about Blaine as well and has been waiting for a chance to see him again...” Rachel's eyes were still fixed on him, her expression somewhere between amused and frustrated, and Kurt finally caught on.

“Give me ten minutes to get changed? We're taking my car.” He jumped off the bed and Rachel bounced up and down on her feet, clapping her hands excitedly.

“I'll be in Finn's room. Hurry up, we don't want to be late.”

“No, I'll be quick.” Kurt waved his hands at her, signaling her to leave him alone for a few minutes. This was his chance. He was still afraid, but after two days of silence, he was also more than ready to take a leap and just _try_. He had to. “Oh, Rachel,” he called after her when she had almost reached the door.

“What is it?”

He walked over quickly, pulling her into a firm hug. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Rachel said, beaming at him when he pulled back. “I just want you to be happy. Both of you. And now find something fabulous to wear, you have a boy to impress.”


	13. With All Your Faults

The drive seemed endless. They had taken Kurt's car and he was driving, having to restrain himself from speeding and risking an accident. Now that he had decided to do this, he simply couldn't wait. He wanted to see Blaine. Right now. He wanted to fix this. He had waited much too long already. Too much had gone wrong these past few days and he just couldn't let anything else get in the way. He missed Blaine so much. Having him in his life, knowing he was always going to be around, had become so normal to him, even though he could safely say he had never taken it for granted in the first place. Still, he had in no way been prepared for how sad and lonely it would make him feel to be so cut off from him – through a mistake he had made himself, which made everything feel even worse.

“Kurt?”

He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing belatedly that Rachel must have been talking to him all this time. “What is it?”

“I was just asking you if you wanted some water,” she said, holding up a bottle and giving him a worried look. “Are you all right? You look...”

Kurt laughed, the tension in his chest bubbling up, transforming itself into almost hysterical giggling in his throat. Was he all right? He didn't know. His heart was beating too fast, his knuckles turning white where he was gripping the steering wheel way too tightly, and he was shaking, nervous energy tingling under his skin.

“I'm okay.”

“It's okay if you're not, you know that.”

“What am I going to say to him, Rachel?” He kept his eyes on the road, staring ahead. “What am I going to tell him that’s going to make this okay?”

“Hey.” Rachel reached over, lightly touching his arm. “You two... you're still... you. Whatever you say, he’ll... you will find a way to make this better.”

“We would have, once,” Kurt agreed. “Before we went and messed everything up. Now everything has subtext and it's complicated.”

“I don't believe that.” Rachel shook her head resolutely. “Not for a second. You guys have a way of communicating that has freaked me out from the first time I saw you two together. He'll get it.”

“And if he doesn’t? He's my...” Kurt swallowed, searching for the right word. _Everything. He's my everything_. “He's my best friend and I can't lose him. How do I tell him that? How do I tell him that I love him, but if he doesn't love me back I'd prefer he'd forget I told him so we can stay friends forever, because having him in my life only like that is better than not having him in it at all?”

Rachel was silent for a minute, just staring at him. “You think it's even _possible_ he doesn't feel the same way?” she asked. “I know I... don't have all the details, and I can't see into his head anymore than I know what's going on inside yours, but from what Finn told me, I gather he's been avoiding you since your coffee date when you kind of stepped in it?”

“So?” Kurt knew what she was saying, and nothing would keep him from doing this anyway. Still, Rachel made it sound so simple and hearing her talk was better than being trapped in his own head for even another minute.

“So, why would he do that if he didn't have feelings for you?”

“There could be a million reasons.”

“Look.” Rachel leaned back in her seat, her eyes never leaving Kurt's face. “If you don't want to do this, don't. But you're miserable and you won't feel better until you've talked to him. You don't have to know what you're going to say in detail. Just see him, see where it goes. Like I said, you guys have a weird sort of connection. It'll work itself out.”

Kurt sighed. “No, I _am_ doing this. I don't need convincing. I'm just... freaking out a little. I miss him.”

“I know.”

“We're almost there.”

**

Kurt's palms were sweating and his heart beating way too fast by the time they finally pulled into the parking lot of Blaine's old school.

It was impressive – definitely a lot different from McKinley where Kurt and Rachel had spent their high school years. It looked big and old and... like a lot of money. Blaine had talked about it sometimes, mostly quite fondly, and Kurt had gathered that it was a rather beautiful place. Seeing it now, though, he thought he understood what Blaine meant for the first time.

He had seen pictures, back in his junior year when the bullying had gotten really bad and he’d dreamed of transferring. Lost in wonder, he asked himself what would have happened if he'd worked up the courage to ask his dad to let him go here.

He would have met Blaine a lot earlier, then. Would they have become friends? Would Kurt have been unscarred enough to just let himself fall in love with someone like Blaine? Someone who meant so much? Sighing, he shook his head sadly. He would never know. But somehow, he believed things would have been a lot different if they'd just met one or two years earlier than they had.

The one thing he did know was that he would never have had commitment issues back then – and even now that wasn't really the whole story of him and Blaine. He had tried committed relationships – well, he had tried one, with Patrick – but his subconscious had suppressed those kinds of feelings for Blaine from the moment they met. He had run, from Blaine, from himself, from his heart. When it came down to it, he was still afraid of getting hurt. And Blaine could hurt him more than anyone else ever had. Because with Blaine, he had never been able to put up his protective walls. Blaine moved past them with an ease that had shocked Kurt from the beginning – because it wasn't anything Blaine did, it was something he did himself. He had never even wanted, never even really tried to keep Blaine out. No one else had ever affected him this way.

“When do they start?” he asked Rachel, who had pulled a pocket mirror from her purse and was adjusting her bangs.

“What? Who?”

“The Warblers, Rachel. Isn't that why we're here?”

Rachel smiled at him, reaching over to pat his arm. “No, that's why _I'm_ here. You're here for only one very special Warbler, if I'm not mistaken.”

Kurt nodded shortly, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. Right. “So, when _do_ they start?”

“Oh.” Rachel quickly checked her watch. “In about two and a half hours.”

“What?” Kurt whipped his head around, staring at her incredulously. “Why are we here this early?”

“Um...” Rachel looked at him like he was stupid. “For Blaine?”

“Are you sure he's even here?” Kurt eyed the building skeptically. “The place probably isn’t even open yet. I don't think they leave doors unlocked in a place like this. And if they aren't locked, do you think they have, like, security here? I mean. What if someone walks out with a … I don't know, a statue? Even the tables and chairs in there are probably worth more than my car...”

“Kurt.” Rachel's voice took on that soothing quality she always used when trying to calm him. Kurt hated it. “You're trying to change the topic. Besides, don't worry. It's open. Trust me. And Blaine is in there.”

“Okay. How do you know that?” Kurt slumped back in his seat, realization dawning, and rubbed a hand across his tired face. “You texted him, right? Asked him to meet you here before the show.”

“Kind of?”

He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed because she had planned all of this, or to hug her because she honestly cared enough to plan all of this. In the end, there was only one thing to say. “Thank you.”

“Oh, no.” Rachel shook her head emphatically. “It was nothing. Just do me one favor and go in there to fix this right now. Do you have any idea how down he's been these past few days? You're not letting him go on stage like that.”

Kurt looked out of the windshield, determined even though his head was swimming. “No. I've messed up enough. I just hope I won't make him feel worse.” Was it wrong to seek Blaine out before the performance? He still couldn't be sure they wanted the same thing here...

“Are you going to tell him you don't want to see him again or just be best friends forever?” Rachel inquired.

Kurt sucked in a sharp breath. “No. Nothing like that. Pretty much the opposite of that.”

“Then I'm sure he'll be just fine,” Rachel assured him.

“You can't know that.”

“And you're stalling. Again.” Rachel reached over to unbuckle his seat belt, pushing him toward the door forcefully. She was quite strong for someone her size. “Get going. You two have wasted enough time.”

Kurt didn't resist, didn't even bother to correct Rachel. She was wrong – he wasn't stalling. Not anymore. He was going to go through with this, no matter what was going to happen. He just liked to be prepared and he still had no idea what to say. But maybe she was right – maybe he didn't need a speech. Maybe he just needed to go in there and get this over with. Doing his best to suppress the remaining doubts and worries, Kurt got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

He just wanted... he just wanted Blaine. To be close to him again, to hear him speak and see him smile. He needed him. More than anything.

Rachel walked him up to the giant front doors, then stopped walking. Kurt went on a few steps before realizing she was no longer beside him.

“Aren't you coming in?” he asked, confused.

“Nope.” Rachel grinned apologetically. “I don't think you'll need me there.”

“Oh.” Kurt swallowed. “No. Of course not. No. That would probably be... awkward.” Giving the doors a doubtful look he turned back to her again. “So... where do I go?”

“Inside.”

He rolled his eyes and Rachel laughed. “I told Blaine I'd meet him in the entrance hall – just go in and wait somewhere. We're a few minutes early, but he should be there soon.”

“What if he sees me and just... hides?”

“He's still your best friend.” It was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes. “And you drove all the way out here. That's going to mean something to him. Trust me, he's going to talk to you.”

“Well, I hope so.” Kurt took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. “I guess I'll just... go in, then. Wish me luck.”

“That sounds like a brilliant idea,” Rachel said. “And you don't need me to wish you luck. It’ll be fine. Don't come out again without a boyfriend.”

Kurt gave her a smile, truly grateful for her support.

“If he tries to get away, which I doubt sincerely, give me a call and I'll hold him down while you confess your undying love.”

Kurt laughed, a real laugh for the first time in days. “I'm sure that won't be necessary. But thanks for the offer.” With a last look at his friend who was almost bouncing up and down with excitement now, he turned around to step through the front doors.

From the inside, the school building was almost even more impressive than from the outside. Everything was just so... big and expensive. Kurt didn't have eyes for any of it at the moment, though, only looking for a sign of his best friend.

Blaine was nowhere to be seen yet – in fact, the entire school seemed strangely deserted. It felt weird just standing there surrounded by all this grand old architecture and after a minute or so Kurt couldn't take it anymore... he probably looked incredibly lost just standing there. So he started walking, peeking around corners and checking a few random doors. This way, if someone walked past, it would at least seem like he had some kind of purpose being here, like he was heading somewhere specific.

There was a hallway at the end of the entrance hall and Kurt stood in the doorway for a good twenty seconds before hearing voices further down – torn between walking the other way and just checking out who else was there. Curiosity eventually won and he took a few steps forward. The hallway bent after a few feet, leading to a wide marble staircase with a big ceiling light overhead. It was beautiful – but not as beautiful as the boy standing on the bottom steps in a blue and red blazer, his back turned towards him, deep in conversation with another guy who was wearing the exact same outfit. Apparently, all the alumni were going to perform in their old school uniforms tonight – and Kurt couldn't help but think how excited he would have been about the show had the circumstances been different. He had never seen Blaine in his uniform before outside of old photos.

He hid on top of the stairs, too far away to hear anything that was being said, but near enough to keep a view of Blaine. Even though he couldn't see his face, he could tell that Blaine looked tired. His shoulders were slightly slumped and he wasn't talking with his hands as much as he usually did. Pain shot through Kurt's heart – he had done this to Blaine. To both of them. By being such an idiot who couldn't see what was right in front of him. But then, he doubted that Blaine had seen it much earlier than he had. They were both so incredibly stupid – had been for so long.

 _Or maybe_ , a tiny voice inside his head chirped up, Blaine was tired because he'd been at rehearsal all day – maybe this had nothing at all to do with what had happened between them. Maybe the reason he hadn't returned Kurt's calls was simply that he had been hanging out with his Warbler friends this whole time, getting ready for the performance tonight.

But Rachel had said...

Kurt pushed the thought away, seeing the other guy walking away while Blaine kept standing where he was, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, probably to check the time and see if it was time to meet with Rachel yet.

Quickly making up his mind, Kurt hurried down the stairs as quietly as he could, until he was standing just a few steps above Blaine.

“Excuse me,” he said, surprised at how strong his voice sounded. “Can I ask you a question? I'm new here.”

Blaine froze, then turned around slowly as if he was afraid his eyes would confirm what he already knew.

“Hi,” he said, looking up at Kurt.

For the first time in days, their eyes met and suddenly Kurt wasn't afraid anymore. This was Blaine. His Blaine. And no matter how complicated things had become over the past week, they were still them – he could still read Blaine's face like an open book, he still felt the same affection looking at him that he had always felt, even if it was interlaced with something stronger, more tender now, something he had been suppressing for far too long.

For the first time he realized that maybe part of his fear had been that he might see Blaine differently once he admitted his feelings to himself, but no, this was still the same Blaine he had been friends with for over a year now. If anything, he saw him much clearer all of a sudden, felt him that much closer even though they were still several steps apart. They were still, above all, friends. They could survive this, no matter the outcome. He had to believe that if he was going to do this.

“Hi,” Kurt said back, a little breathless now.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine's voice was unreadable, but his face was expressive as always, the mixture of nervousness and hope making Kurt's hands shake a little.

His heart was already beating triple-time, it couldn't possibly go any faster anyway. “I missed you,” he said, the first words that made it all the way from his brain to his mouth.

“Kurt...”

“No, wait.” Kurt held up a hand to stop him from talking. It wasn't confidence he was feeling, it was more like need, the need to get this out, to open his heart in a way he had never allowed himself before. It was like an ache deep inside, the best-kept secret of his life, so secret he hadn't known it himself, and now he was going to let Blaine in on it.

“Let me say this. I've wanted to say this when we met the other day, but... No, that's not true. I wanted to say something like it, but I didn't know, I hadn't realized...” He groaned inwardly, taking a few steadying breaths before continuing. Maybe preparing a speech would have been a good idea after all. But here he was, and he was going to tell the truth. No more pretending.

“I've been doing some thinking lately and what I said to you in that coffee shop – it wasn't what I wanted to say. I didn't really know what I wanted to say at the time, but I never wanted to make you think that I regretted anything about that night. The only regret I have is shutting you out afterward.”

He descended a few more steps, needing to be closer to Blaine, and met his eyes fully when he started speaking again. “I was confused after what happened, and I know you must have felt the same and... I'm still nervous, but not because... Blaine, I thought it would be the end of our friendship and that scared me. I'm so sorry if I hurt you, you know that's the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

“Kurt – ” Blaine tried to interrupt, but Kurt talked over him quickly.

“You need to know. I'm in love with you.”

Blaine opened his mouth as if to speak but Kurt quickly shook his head and went on. “I think I've had a crush on you from the day we met at the airport, when Rachel tried to set us up. I was expecting to meet some kind of exhausting egomaniac – the type Rachel was into around the time she met you – and instead it was you. And you were so... everything I had ever wanted. You still are. But back then, I couldn't. I was too afraid. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to fall for someone so hard. The thing is – I couldn't help it. Until that night, I could pretend you were nothing but my best friend, but I can't anymore. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out, but I want to be with you. For as long as you'll have me. You're the best friend I've ever had, and so much more than that. I love you.”

He was silent then, breathing hard after baring his soul. Blaine just looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable for the first time since Kurt had met him.

“Say something,” he begged after what felt like minutes, clenching and unclenching his fingers, not sure what to do with his hands when all he wanted was to touch, to run his fingers over Blaine's face, around his shoulder, pull him closer and keep him there forever.

Blaine, however, was just... standing there and he was getting impatient – and a little bit afraid of what would happen next.

“God, Kurt,” Blaine said after another moment of silence. “Kurt, you can't just... after everything, after the last few days, you can't just come here and say... that. You can't...” Blaine looked up toward the ceiling light, where the last fading rays of sunlight were shining down on them.

“I'm sorry about the last few days, but I meant everything I said just now,” Kurt promised. “I know you might not want any of this, or maybe I'm too late, but you have a right to know. And I think... I think... no, I _know_ we'd be good together. We always were. I understand if you don't... I just... You mean so much to me, Blaine, please believe me.”

Blaine just nodded slowly, his eyes shining like he was close to tears. He cleared his throat as if to speak, but just at that moment they heard a door burst open somewhere down the hall, a cacophony of voices drifting toward them. The rest of the Warblers, most likely.

“Come with me,” Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and leading him down the hall in the opposite direction, around corners and through doorways until he stopped in a large, darkly furnished room that looked a lot like some kind of common area.

“Kurt,” he said, turning around, their eyes locking again, and there were definitely tears now in Blaine's. “I thought... I always thought... What do you want us to do now? This is so confusing for me... That night you were so... And then the next morning you couldn't get away fast enough. And that afternoon in the coffee shop... What am I supposed to think? I know I'm to blame too, here, but you can't just come waltzing in here saying these things like... What am I supposed to think?”

“That I'm an idiot,” Kurt said, voice pleading. “But I'm _your_ idiot, I'm the idiot who's so in love with you he was scared to admit it even to himself. I'm the idiot who wants to hold your hand on the subway, take care of you when you're sick, wake up next to you every single morning. I love you, Blaine. Even if we can never get past this, I needed you to know that.”

“I... oh, fuck it,” Blaine said, moving in quickly and crashing their lips together, arms circling around Kurt's waist and clinging like he meant to never let go again.

Kurt froze, for just a second, expectation needing to catch up to reality, and then he was kissing back, finally, _finally_ , and he felt like crying and laughing and dancing and just... exploding with joy all at the same time.

The kiss was slow but not too gentle, hungry in an almost desperate way. Kurt's breath hitched as he felt Blaine's wet lips moving against his own, his senses overloading with relief and _Blaine, Blaine, Blaine_ , and _oh thank god_. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders, holding onto him, needing to feel him as close as possible.

“I love you too,” Blaine whispered against his mouth, drawing back just enough so he could speak. “Oh god, I love you, Kurt.”

And Kurt chased his lips, closing the few inches of distance again as quickly as he could. There would be so much time for talking later. Right now, this soul-lifting happiness his body could barely contain was enough.

**

They lost track of the time quickly – Kurt didn't know anymore whether they had been kissing for minutes or hours and it didn't matter. Blaine was warm and solid in his arms, his lips soft and gentle against his own. Nothing else mattered right now – only Blaine and keeping him as close as possible. He had denied himself this for way too long and now that he knew how it felt he was unwilling to hold anything back. He was holding Blaine and Blaine was holding him and life couldn't possibly get any better than this. The most overwhelming sensation of euphoria and tenderness was spreading from his heart down to his toes, making his fingertips tingle and prickling under his skin until he felt so light he was sure he'd rise right up to the ceiling if Blaine let go of him. Or maybe they were flying already, he didn't know. Nothing existed besides Blaine. Nothing else was important as long as he had him.

Blaine pressed a last soft, wet kiss to his lips before drawing back slightly, meeting Kurt's eyes and the affection and joy Kurt saw on his face simply took his breath away.

“Blaine,” he breathed, leaning forward to nuzzle the side of Blaine's face, closing his eyes as he felt Blaine sigh against his neck. “Did you mean it?”

“Did I mean what?” Blaine asked, voice low and shaking a little with the significance of the moment.

“You love me too?” The thought was overwhelming. He just needed to hear it again, to be sure he wasn't just dreaming all of this.

“Yes.” Blaine pulled back, bringing up a hand to cup Kurt's face, gently, in a barely-there touch that was so perfect and intimate Kurt was sure he was going to start crying any second now from how incredible this all was. “I meant it. Of course I did. I... I love you. I...” his voice broke and he swallowed visibly, shaking his head slightly as if he was lost for words. “So much, Kurt. God.” He closed his eyes, a happy, slightly disbelieving smile appearing on his face. “Is this real? Please tell me this is real.”

Kurt felt his heart expand in his chest as the joy became so intense he couldn't keep it all inside and it poured out of him in a burst of loud, giddy laughter. “Yes.” His arms slid back around Blaine's shoulders and he pulled him in tight, hugging him fiercely. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes. This is real, Blaine, this is happening, I love you, I love you so, so much.”

Hearing a squeal and the sound of clapping from the direction of the door, they separated just far enough to turn their heads, looking for the source of it. Rachel was standing in the doorway, beaming and jumping up and down with joy, hands clasped tightly in front of her chest. “Yay!” she exclaimed. “I knew it. I _knew_ it!”

“Hello, Rachel,” Blaine greeted her while Kurt rolled his eyes at her, mirroring her bright grin.

“Of course you knew all along,” he commented, unable to keep the warmth out of his voice. “Rachel Berry always knows, right?”

“That's what I've been telling you for years, you just didn't want to listen,” Rachel answered, and Blaine laughed at that, burying his face against Kurt's chest. Laughing with him, Kurt rested his head on top of Blaine's curls, feeling like the smile would never leave his face. He was fine with that.

“Aw.” Rachel tilted her head to the side, observing the two of them. “You two look so good together.”

“We _are_ good together,” Blaine said, raising his head to give Kurt the most loving look.

Rachel bounded over to them, and, with a joyful shriek threw her arms around the two of them. “I'm so _happy_ for you,” she said, and Kurt patted her head while Blaine gave her a one-armed hug back.

They simply stood like that for a few seconds, swaying a little, feeling content and peaceful and just... _right_. Rachel stepped back eventually, winking at them.

“I'm going to leave you alone now – I imagine you have a lot of... talking to do. If you know what I mean. But Blaine,” she pointed at him. “I ran into David on the way here and he said to remind you that they need you in the choir room in twenty minutes. That's probably – ” she checked her watch, “more like fifteen now.”

“Thanks,” Blaine said, his eyes already back on Kurt's face, staring like he might miss something if he blinked for even one second.

Rachel was about to turn and leave, but Kurt met her eyes, her genuine smile with only the slightest hint of smugness in it warming his heart. “Thank you,” he said, completely sincere. Rachel understood, nodding once and holding a hand to her heart before leaving them alone again.

As soon as the door had closed behind her, Blaine took Kurt's hand, leading him over to one of the couches on the other side of the room where they sat down, Blaine curling into Kurt's body immediately, resting his head against his chest.

“We have to bake a cake for Rachel, or buy her a puppy or something,” he said, voice muffled by Kurt's shirt.

Kurt kissed the top of his head. “I guess. But do you think that can wait until after your performance? For now, I just want to keep kissing you, if you don't mind.”

“I'm okay with that,” Blaine answered, sitting up and bringing their faces closer together. “I am absolutely and one hundred percent okay with that.”

**

Kurt and Rachel were sitting in the front row – Rachel had made sure of that by saving them seats two hours before the performance even started. 

Blaine was still getting ready with the rest of the former Warblers – Kurt couldn't wait to see him on stage. It was among the few things he hadn't seen him do yet, perform like this. He'd seen Blaine perform, of course, in little cafes during open-mic nights, at a friend's party, just for fun in his dorm room or Kurt's living room, but never like this – on an actual stage with a real audience.

He felt so proud of him already, even knowing that this was more of a visit to the past than a step closer to what Blaine really and ultimately wanted from life. Still, Kurt couldn't wait to see him like this, see him singing and dancing up there, knowing that it was his boyfriend capturing the audience and making everyone love him – Blaine had a way of doing that. Not that he would have been less proud of him before, when Blaine had been his best friend and nothing more, but right now, the word _boyfriend_ just made everything that much brighter, that much more exciting. That much better.

No matter how excited he was before the performance, however, nothing could have prepared him for the moment the curtain went up and there was Blaine, _his Blaine, finally_ , standing right there among all the other blue-red blazers and looking so handsome and so confident and in the right place and so full of joy. Kurt reached over to take Rachel's hand, clutching it tightly in his own as his heart did a series of somersaults in his chest.

“Your boyfriend looks good up there,” Rachel whispered in his ear, just a trace of amusement in the way she said it, and Kurt could only nod through the thoughts of _he's the best-looking guy on that stage, he's the best guy in the world, and he loves me too, he loves me, he_ loves _me._

They started singing and even though Kurt had seen a few videos Blaine had shown him, it was nothing compared to seeing those guys – all of them decidedly not high school students anymore – in person. They were good. They were really, really good and when Kurt looked over at Rachel for a brief moment he knew she was thinking what he was thinking – if New Directions had faced the Warblers in competition, it would have been a lot more difficult to win than it had been against Aural Intensity or the Golden Goblets.

The impressive performance, however, quickly made him forget that thought, and he was too busy watching Blaine anyway to be thinking of much else. He had tried to take in everything, the whole group, at first, because it _was_ truly amazing. These guys couldn't have been practicing together for more than a week, and with the vast difference in ages – some looked like they were well over fifty – most of them probably hadn't even known each other in the Warblers, but they were so perfectly in sync and sounded so great together. In the end though, Kurt only had eyes for Blaine. And he couldn't be blamed, he thought, because Blaine was positively shining on that stage. Thirty seconds of watching him up there would have convinced Kurt that this was what Blaine had been born to do, if he hadn't already known that before.

Kurt knew that Blaine had been the lead singer during his time with the Warblers, so naturally he had a solo tonight as well. Still, there were quite a few former lead soloists on stage and they were a few songs into the performance before Blaine finally stepped forward, standing alone in the spotlight while his fellow singers started with the background harmonies behind him.

Kurt sat up straighter, never letting go of Rachel's hand as Blaine turned his head to where he knew Kurt was sitting and locked eyes with him. He had been glancing over at Kurt again and again throughout their other songs, but this was different – he was looking directly at him now; what he was about to sing was meant only for one person.

And Kurt found that he couldn't look away if he wanted to – which he didn't anyway. His skin was tingling with warmth and longing and tenderness, the moment feeling strangely intimate even though they were surrounded by people and Blaine was more than a few feet away from him. It didn't matter, he might as well have been sitting in Kurt's lap for how close to him he felt right now.

Kurt knew “Somewhere Only We Know,” had heard it a few times without ever really listening, and he wondered why he'd never paid more attention to it, because it was clearly beautiful. Especially having it directed at him by his best friend in the world, the man he was so in love with it felt almost unreal.

Blinking the tears from his eyes he smiled up at Blaine, vaguely aware of Rachel putting her head on his shoulder as he breathed shakily, wanting nothing more than to climb up onto that stage and sink into Blaine's arms, kiss him senseless, find some way of telling him “I'm never letting you go again, you're stuck with me now.”

It would have to wait. The song ended much too quickly and Blaine stepped back into the group, not without a last lingering look at Kurt who mouthed the words “I love you” at him, amazed and slightly overwhelmed by the fact that he could do that now.

The rest of the show flew by, and even though Kurt thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, he couldn't wait to get out of his seat once it was over.

Rachel laughed as he, usually so graceful, almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to the door, reaching out to steady him. “As cute as this is, don't kill yourself,” she advised. “No one's going to take him from you, you know?”

Kurt grinned at her, dragging her behind as he headed for the exit. After this week, after being so afraid of losing Blaine altogether, even falling flat on his face in front of an auditorium full of strangers wouldn't have seemed so terrible. Everything was wonderful tonight.

They had agreed to meet back in the entrance hall so Kurt rushed there, well aware of the fact that it might take Blaine a few minutes since he was probably going to have to say goodbye to his friends first. He was okay with waiting. He had made it through the last few days. A few more minutes hardly mattered.

Most of the people had cleared out, only several small groups standing around talking and laughing when he saw Blaine appear at the other side of the hall, still in his uniform, wearing the most radiant smile Kurt had ever seen on anyone. He only stopped for a second, looking at Kurt from a distance, before they both started moving quickly, crossing the hall in long strides toward each other until their bodies collided into a tight hug.

“You were so amazing,” Kurt mumbled into Blaine's collar. Blaine pressed his lips against Kurt's neck and Kurt could feel the grin on his face.

“Did you like the song?”

“I loved it,” Kurt sighed, pulling back so he could see Blaine. “No one ever sang to me before.”

“Get used to it,” Blaine said. “You know me. I'll probably be doing that a lot.”

**

Of course Blaine had to go home eventually and so did Kurt – he still had to drop Rachel off and it was still Christmas Eve and he was looking forward to spending some time with his family, now that he was done moping in his room. Still, saying goodbye to Blaine, even if they had agreed to talk on the phone later that night, was not something he really wanted to do right now. He'd much rather just take Blaine home, spend the night wrapped up in each other, and talk. About them. About the concert. About hopes and dreams and bad movies and the books they had read and New York and music. About all the things they had talked about on so many nights since they had met at that airport over a year ago, now with the added bonus of cuddling and kissing.

The only consolation was that they knew there would be so much time for that later on – and that they would meet up again the next day to exchange Christmas presents.

Kurt excused himself to go to the bathroom quickly before the long drive home, leaving Rachel and Blaine by the front doors after Blaine had told him the shortest way.

He was quick, not wanting to waste a second of his remaining time with Blaine tonight. By the time he got back Rachel and Blaine had gone outside and he could hear them talking on the other side of the front door. Kurt inched nearer, feeling only the slightest bit bad for eavesdropping but way too curious about what they were discussing.

Neither of them could see him so he stopped just close enough to catch the words, silencing his conscience, which was telling him he was being creepy.

“I just thought it would never happen.” he heard Blaine say. “It wasn't even like... I didn't know it myself at first but after Luke – it stuck with me what he said, you know? That I was spending more time with Kurt then I was with him and... I don't know. I think that's when I knew. I mean, when I _really_ knew.”

“Why didn't you just tell him?” Rachel asked, incredulously. “Why does it always have to be so much drama with you boys?”

Blaine laughed. “Well. What was I supposed to do? He had just started dating Patrick. He seemed so... happy. How could I even allow myself to believe that he might be feeling the same way?”

Rachel sighed audibly. “You both owe me big time. Don't think I'm going to forget. Such an effort getting the two of you to stop acting childish.”

“Kurt and I already agreed we're going to buy you a cat,” Blaine said and Kurt on the other side of the door felt a sudden rush of excitement at the words. _Kurt and I_. The way Blaine had said it. The meaning behind it. It was such an insignificant detail and yet it made all the difference. There had always been a _Blaine and Kurt_ from the day they had met, but suddenly it meant so much more and knowing that, understanding that – Kurt could safely say that this was the best thing that had happened to him all year, maybe ever.

What really brought the tears to his eyes again, though, was Blaine's confession that he'd had feelings for Kurt since the break up with Luke. That had been such a long time ago – months ago. And all this time... and he hadn't known... and they had wasted so much time, so much time...

Making a show of pushing the front door open the rest of the way and stepping outside with the biggest smile on his face like he hadn't just been listening to his friends talking about things that would keep him awake far too late tonight, he walked over to them, taking Blaine's hand in his own without a second's hesitation.

“Hey,” he said, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I missed you.”

“In the five minutes you were in the restroom?” Blaine asked, his voice laced with fondness.

“Yes.”

“Good,” Blaine whispered against his mouth before kissing him sweetly. “Because I missed you too.”

“This will stop being cute really fast,” Rachel commented dryly, and Kurt couldn't help but laugh.

“Shut up. First of all, this is at least partly your fault. And second, I had to sit through months of you and Finn behaving worse than this. Several times, actually, because you insisted on going through the same stages every time you got back together.”

“So, does this mean I should get a cab home, or...” Rachel asked as Kurt and Blaine just continued to gaze at each other lovingly, hands clasped tightly between them, completely lost to the world around them.

“No, no, almost ready to go,” Kurt lied, completely unwilling to leave yet.

**

He was in bed by midnight, the time Blaine had promised he'd call. Even while having fun with his family tonight, the thought of what Blaine had told Rachel had never really left his mind. Had Blaine really had feelings for him all those months? It seemed almost cruel – he hadn't flaunted his relationship with Patrick, he had never done that, but still, he’d been happy while Blaine had not. And if he'd just realized sooner... the last thing he ever wanted was to make Blaine unhappy and thinking back to how sad he had been sometimes and that maybe at least some of those times Kurt had been the cause of it... He _never_ wanted to cause Blaine any kind of pain, and though it had been unintentional, he'd still done it. It was a thought he could hardly bear.

It was a minute past midnight when Blaine called and Kurt picked up quickly, impatient to hear Blaine's lovely voice again.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” Blaine answered back. “Did you get home all right?”

“Obviously,” Kurt answered. “But I would have preferred to stay with you.”

“Me too.” Blaine sounded so sincere, Kurt had to press a hand to his mouth to stifle the joyful squeal that was threatening to burst free.

“We're going to see each other tomorrow, though, right?” Kurt asked. “I need to see you. And give you your Christmas present.”

“I can't wait to see you again,” Blaine said. “I never could, even before.”

“Same.” Kurt took a few breaths, making up his mind quickly. He hadn't been sure whether he wanted to talk about this or not, but anything but complete honesty hadn't worked so well for them lately. “I heard you talk to Rachel.”

“Okay,” Blaine said, sounding a little confused.

“I'm sorry, it's creepy I know. But...” _Complete honesty_ , he reminded himself, deciding to just jump right into it if they were going to talk about this. “Well, I heard what you said and I... Is it true?”

“How much did you hear?” Blaine asked, not sounding angry at all about the fact that Kurt had listened in on them.

“You said... I heard what you said about Luke breaking up with you... that it was because you spent too much time with me. And that... you...”

Blaine sighed. “That I knew. Right then. That he was right.”

“Yes.” Kurt waited, knowing Blaine would tell him if he wanted to. If not... Well. Kurt had already decided he was never going to stop trying to make up for the fact that it had taken him so long to recognize his own feelings, so whether Blaine wanted to talk about this or not, it wouldn't change anything.

“It's true,” Blaine said simply. “I knew you that what I felt for you was more than friendship after that. I just... You had a boyfriend. I wasn't going to interfere. That's not who I am.”

“I know that,” Kurt said quickly, reassuringly. “I didn't mean... It's just that... I'm so sorry Blaine, I'm so sorry it took me so long. And – ”

“It's fine, Kurt,” Blaine interrupted him. “Don't worry about it.”

“But that night,” Kurt insisted. “Before I left for home. God, I must have hurt you so much by running out like that, and then that day at the coffee shop, that was so stupid of me and I'm so – ”

“Don't say sorry again,” Blaine insisted. “Please. You didn't know. You couldn't have known.”

“But – ”

“Did you mean everything you said to me tonight?”

Kurt didn't hesitate to answer. “Yes. Of course I did.”

“And that's all I need, Kurt,” Blaine said. “That's all I'll ever need.”

“I love you,” Kurt said, clutching the phone a little tighter, missing Blaine so fiercely right now his chest ached with it. “I wish you were here so I could kiss you.”

Blaine sighed on the other end. “I love you too. It was so hard saying goodbye to you tonight.”

“Yes.” Kurt had to focus on his breathing to control the longing in his heart. “But we'll see each other in a few hours.”

“I really, really can't wait,” Blaine said. “Just as a fair warning – I might be a little clingy for the next few weeks. Or months.”

Kurt had no choice – he laughed out loud at that, giddiness settling next to the pain of not having Blaine there in person. “I don't see anything wrong with that,” he said. “I might as well give you the same warning right now.”

“Oh, glad we're on the same page, then.” Kurt loved how he could not only hear the smile in Blaine's voice, but picture it so clearly in his mind.

“Are you very tired?” he asked.

“Not really,” Blaine answered.

“So you're okay to talk for a little while longer? I don't want to hang up yet,” Kurt confessed.

“I don't want to either,” Blaine replied quickly. “It wouldn't be the first time I've fallen asleep on the phone with you, but...”

“It's different now,” Kurt finished his sentence.

“Yeah.”

“I love that it's different.”

“Me too,” Blaine said. “Me too. I love that so much.”

**

Kurt was up early on Christmas morning, despite the fact that he'd talked to Blaine on the phone until after 1 a.m. Unable to say goodnight, Blaine had finally fallen asleep first and Kurt had ended the call after listening to his soft breathing for a while, feeling warm and content all over.

They had tried to think of places in between their respective home towns where they could meet today, but since it was Christmas, everything would be closed, including their usual coffee shop. So, in the end it had been decided that Blaine would come over late in the afternoon and stay the night.

Kurt stretched, feeling rested and wide awake after the most peaceful sleep and the sweetest dreams (heavily featuring Blaine) he'd had in a long while. Texting his boyfriend ( _boyfriend!_ ) a quick “good morning <3” before heading for the shower, he thought he probably hadn't slept that well since he was about five years old.

His dad was already awake and sitting at the kitchen table when Kurt came downstairs half an hour later. “Merry Christmas, Kurt,” he greeted him. “You look happy today.”

“You too, Dad,” Kurt sighed happily, dropping into his chair, the smile on his face growing wider. “And that's because I am.”

Burt nodded. “So I take it things went well yesterday?”

They hadn't had a chance to talk the night before as everyone had been asleep by the time Kurt got home, and Kurt gave his father a surprised look. He hadn't even told him in detail where he was going before he had left, too impatient to waste time with explanations. “It did. How do you – ”

“Finn filled me in.” Burt shrugged. “I already kind of knew, though. Where else would you have been rushing off to that quickly and with that expression on your face? So, everything okay now?”

“Yes.” He couldn't stop smiling, thinking about just how okay everything was now. “Everything's perfect. Blaine and I – we talked and... Oh, I forgot to ask you, is it all right if he comes over later today? And sleeps on the couch? It's just... we wanted to meet up in the middle, but nothing’s open, and he would like to see all of you again too and – ”

“Does it have to be today?” Burt interrupted. “I know this is important to you, but it's Christmas. Family time. You know that, Kurt.”

Kurt gave his dad a pleading look. “Couldn't we make an exception just this once? It doesn't have to be for dinner. Just... after that, then. Please, dad, this would mean so much to me.”

Burt seemed to think about it for a minute before he let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. “So this Blaine guy _is_ the reason you're smiling again today?”

Kurt couldn't suppress the wide grin that immediately spread across his face as he nodded emphatically. “Yes. Yes, he is.”

“Well, in that case... Okay. I guess he can come over,” Burt gave in. “For dinner, if he wants to. I guess anyone who can put a smile that big on my kid's face is welcome in my house anytime.”

“Thank you, dad!” Kurt turned around upon hearing Carole enter the kitchen, the curious expression on her face as she saw him almost making him laugh out loud.

“It went well with Blaine,” Burt told her before Kurt even had a chance to even open his mouth. “He's coming over later today.”

“Oh, honey.” Carole bent down to Kurt, giving him a quick hug. “I could tell from the way you looked, but it's good to hear it. Are you feeling better now?”

Kurt nodded, torn between amusement and being deeply moved by the fact that everyone cared this much about his personal relationships. “Much better. Thank you.” Not for the first time, he was so entirely grateful for having a caring family like this. “Do you need any help with Christmas breakfast?”

“No, I got it covered,” Carole replied. “Maybe you could go and see if Finn is up yet, we'll eat in half an hour, and then presents.” It was tradition on Christmas – presents waited until everyone was up and fed and together. Presents were something to be enjoyed as a family.

Kurt got up, making his way back upstairs. He could as well quickly check his phone to see if Blaine was awake yet while he was up there anyway, he thought.

**

The day went by quickly, with too much food and family time, sitting together and talking, watching TV and playing board games. It had always been one of his favorite days of the year because no one needed to be anywhere, no work, no school, no obligations of any kind. Just time with the people he loved most. Kurt was actually surprised to look at his watch and see it was close to 6 p.m. already – Blaine should be here any minute now. 

The one person he loved most of all was about to show up on his doorstep very soon, and suddenly he didn't feel ready – last night had been so wonderful, such a high of emotions and _finally_ and _nothing else matters_. But all of a sudden, everything seemed to matter very much, like, oh god, what did his hair look like, and why he had opted for the green sweater when he really looked so much better in the blue shirt, and the outfit really needed shoes, but he was inside, wouldn't that look silly? And he knew it was only Blaine who had already seen him sleep-mussed and wearing not-his-best-pajamas, but that had been _before_. Now... it was different.

“I have to...” He got up quickly from the couch where he'd been sitting next to Carole while they were all watching some Christmas show on TV and raised a hand to his hair, checking if it was sticking up anywhere. “Blaine's going to be here soon, I just need to go upstairs for a minute, can you get the door when – ”

“Relax, Kurt,” his dad said, giving him an amused look that clearly said _I know you way too well, son_. “We're not going to make him wait out in the cold. Your hair looks fine, by the way.”

“Like you would tell me if it didn't,” Kurt said, sighing. “I'll be quick, just... call me when he gets here in case I don't hear?”

“Of course,” Carole said, smiling up at him.

“Dude, I should have invited Rachel over,” Finn spoke up from his place in the armchair. “It would have been like a triple date. Mom and Burt, you and Blaine, me and Rachel.” He shook his head, clearly upset that this hadn't occurred to him before.

“Call her,” Kurt suggested, seeing Carole nod at Finn encouragingly. “She doesn't live that far away, maybe she'll come over.”

Finn's face lit up. “I'll do that,” he announced, pulling his phone out before rising from his chair to make the call in the relative privacy of the doorway.

Kurt passed him on his way upstairs and was just about to open his bedroom door when he heard the doorbell ring downstairs. Debating for a second whether he still wanted to find a mirror first or just trust the fact that he looked at least close to presentable, the desire to see Blaine as quickly as possible eventually won.

“I'll get it,” he shouted, sprinting down the stairs again, cutting off Finn on his way to the door who was already stretching out a hand to open it. “It's okay, it's okay, I got it,” Kurt panted, pushing him out of the way before coming to a full stop in front of the door. Composing himself as fast as he could, he finally yanked it open, heart fluttering in his chest as he found himself face to face with Blaine. His boyfriend Blaine, whose wide smile was matching his own, the warmth in his eyes making Kurt tingle all over. He was here.

“Hi,” Kurt managed, still slightly breathless, both from the sprint down the stairs and the flood of emotions rushing over him.

“Hi,” Blaine said back, shifting where he was standing as if unsure whether to move forward or wait for Kurt to make the first move.

They just locked eyes, unable to look away from each other as the enormity of the change in their relationship finally started sinking in. Last night had been – so overwhelming, and with everything still so new, both of them swept up in their feelings for each other, they hadn't had time to really slow down and fully grasp what this meant. And talking on the phone later, they had still been so happy and lightheaded, they had just picked up where they left off.

Now, it was almost exactly a full day later and this was the first time they actually greeted each other as boyfriends. It was... Kurt laughed out loud, pure cheerfulness bubbling up in his chest. It was perfect, it was everything he had ever wanted.

Blaine laughed with him as they moved in together, wrapping each other into a tight hug. Once again Kurt was amazed at how good it felt to hold Blaine in his arms, to be held by him. It had felt like that from the beginning. Hugs had been their thing for so long – hugs hello and goodbye and _I missed you_ and _it's okay, I'm here until you stop being sad_ and _you're wonderful_. This kind of hug was new – only a part of their relationship since the night before. It was new because it wasn't just arms wrapped around each other, it was bodies connecting from legs to shoulders, heads buried into the other's neck. Kurt moved one hand up, tangling his finger into Blaine's curls, shivering when he heard him sigh contentedly. It was new because they were allowed to feel it all now.

“Hey, boyfriend,” Blaine mumbled into his sweater, and Kurt squeezed him a little tighter before drawing back to capture his lips in a sweet, almost chaste kiss that still had both of them shaking with an overwhelming feeling of tenderness.

“We should go inside,” Kurt suggested finally, starting to feel cold without his coat in the winter air.

“Okay,” Blaine agreed, sliding a hand down Kurt's arm until he found his hand, lacing their fingers together tightly before grabbing the overnight bag at his feet.

**

Once again, Kurt was completely amazed by Blaine's ability to charm practically everyone. Of course Blaine had met his family once before so he already knew they all liked him. But they had been friends back then, and he had never brought a boyfriend home before. This was an entirely new situation for all of them. It couldn't have gone any better.

Carole had been won over quickly enough when Blaine had offered to help her get their Christmas dinner ready – she had told him he was their guest and to just make himself at home, giving him a warm smile before getting up to disappear into the kitchen. Now Blaine was sitting on the couch next to him, their hands still clasped tightly between them, talking football with Finn and Burt. He had been here for only an hour and it already felt like he belonged. Like he was a part of their family. And, Kurt thought, in a way he was, being such a vital part of Kurt's life. It just warmed his heart to see how quickly his family, the people he cared about most next to Blaine, not only accepted this simple fact, but made Blaine feel it as well. It made him so, so happy.

“I'm going to see if Carole needs help,” he said. “Are you going to be okay here?”

“Sure,” Blaine answered, gently running his thumb over Kurt's knuckles. “Just call me if I can do anything to help.”

“Okay.” Kurt leaned in, giving Blaine a quick peck on the lips. “I won't be long.”

He got up, catching his father's eyes in the process. He looked proud of him, happy for him, giving him a silent, approving nod before turning his attention back to his conversation with Blaine.

Carole just stepped aside, making room for him at the counter as soon as he entered the kitchen. They worked together mostly in silence, a perfect team since the time Kurt had still lived in this house.

“I like him,” Carole said after a while. “He's cute.”

Kurt blushed a little, agreeing with Carole wholeheartedly. “He is. And I like him too.”

“I can tell.” Carole nudged him playfully with her shoulder, grinning. “And he really seems to like you back.” She watched him for a moment, her eyes gentle and caring and so full of motherly affection. “It's good to see you like this, Kurt.”

“Thank you.” Kurt smiled back at her, truly grateful. “It's good to feel like this.”

**

He and Blaine headed upstairs to Kurt's room after dinner, wanting to exchange their gifts in private. They had still been best friends instead of boyfriends when they had bought them, and Kurt almost regretted that because what he was giving Blaine was decidedly less romantic than he would have liked it to be, but on the other hand they were together, and that was already the greatest gift of all. He hoped Blaine felt the same way.

“So,” Kurt said, closing the bedroom door behind him and leaning against it.

“So,” Blaine repeated, smiling a little shyly. “Alone at last.”

Kurt nodded, the realization that this was the first time they were truly alone together since they had become boyfriends suddenly taking his breath away. They hadn't really had a moment to themselves yet except for their phone conversation last night.

They moved toward each other slowly, reaching for each other's hands, and Kurt led them over to the bed where he sat down beside Blaine who immediately pulled him close, resting their foreheads together.

“I'm so glad you're here,” Kurt whispered.

“Me too.” Blaine closed his eyes and Kurt could feel his breath on his face as he spoke. “I couldn't stop thinking about you all day. I think my parents started suspecting I'd broken into their liquor cabinet at some point because I was just staring into space grinning like an idiot.”

“Blaine.” It was all Kurt could say before Blaine's lips were on his again, the kiss deep and hungry as they tried pressing even closer together, every bit of space in between them too much to handle.

Kurt was sure he had never felt this kind of need for another person, this need to hold on so tight they were close to crawling right into each other's skin. He had Blaine right here in his arms, sharing the same space and the same air, lips and tongues moving together in a series of wet kisses, and still he longed for him, could never be close enough to him.

They only separated when breathing became an issue, hands still clutched in each other's sweaters and their faces only inches apart.

“We probably should...” Blaine started.

“Yes,” Kurt said, not even really knowing what Blaine was suggesting. “We should...”

“Presents,” Blaine said as if he'd just remembered. “I have a Christmas present for you.”

“Oh, right.” Kurt pulled back, letting go of Blaine. “I have one for you too. Of course.” He got up quickly, going to retrieve the neatly wrapped gift from his desk drawer. That's what they had come up here for, after all. Probably a good idea right now, before things progressed to a point he wasn't sure they were ready for just yet with everything being still so new and just a little fragile. Not that they... hadn't already, but seeing what had happened after he really didn't want to rush things right now. There was time for that. Later. After they had really settled into this new way of being together. And maybe when Kurt's entire family wasn't downstairs.

He sat down on his bed again, waiting for Blaine to finish rummaging through his overnight bag from where he pulled a flat, wrapped object. In an unspoken agreement they both settled down sitting cross-legged in the center of Kurt's bed, facing each other.

“You first,” Kurt decided, handing Blaine his present, trying not to shiver too obviously as their hands brushed when Blaine took it from his fingers.

Kurt watched him nervously while he unwrapped it – it had seemed like the perfect idea when he had bought it, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Seeing Blaine's eyes light up when he uncovered it, however, convinced him that it wasn't horrible, at least.

It was a travel mug, and he'd had Blaine's name and a guitar printed on it. Knowing Blaine's love for coffee and how he always complained about how it got cold too quickly in the cheap paper cups they sold on campus, Kurt had this made for him a month ago.

“This is perfect,” Blaine said, leaning forward to kiss Kurt. “I love it, thank you.”

“I'm glad,” Kurt said. “I wish it was something more romantic, but when I got this for you we weren't... Well, you know.” He blushed a little, laughed it away quickly.

“I think you knowing how important coffee is to me is very romantic, in fact,” Blaine corrected him. “And now I'll be thinking of you every time I drink from it, which will be a lot.”

Kurt punched his arm lightly. “I'd like to think you wouldn't need a visual reminder to be thinking of me,” he teased, feeling bold all of a sudden. Being with Blaine was just so... easy. He almost had to laugh at the realization that he'd had a similar revelation after meeting Blaine for the first time over a year ago.

“Of course I don't _need_ it,” Blaine replied so honestly Kurt was sure his legs would have given out under him if he hadn't been sitting down already. “I'm thinking of you all the time anyway. Here, open yours now,” he continued, handing Kurt his gift.

Kurt just smiled at him, carefully peeling away the wrapping paper. His breath hitched in his throat as he found what was underneath – it was a framed picture of him and Blaine taken a few months ago after one of Rachel's shows. There had been a small celebration in Rachel's honor back at Kurt and Rachel’s place, and in the picture they were sitting on the couch in the living room, arms around each other's shoulders, heads close enough together that their temples were touching, bright and happy smiles on their faces. It was a picture of two close friends celebrating the success of a mutual friend, but it was so much more than that too.

Kurt could see it now, looking at that photo, what he hadn't been able to see before. The way they were leaning into each other so comfortably, the closeness that had come so naturally to them from the very beginning. This was who they were, who they had always been and would hopefully be forever. KurtandBlaine. Inseparable, tuned into each other in a way he had never experienced with anyone else. Together.

“This is...” he broke off, unable to take his eyes off the picture, off their shining, smiling faces. “Blaine,” he said, his voice coming out low and breathy. “This is...”

“Do you like it?” Blaine asked, sounding a bit uncertain. “I wasn't sure at first if this was too... but then yesterday happened and I – ”

Kurt surged forward, cupping Blaine's face with one hand, silencing him with a kiss. “I love it,” he murmured against his lips. “Thank you, thank you so much. This is amazing. You're amazing.”

Blaine sighed happily into his mouth and Kurt could feel him smile through the kiss. “I love you.”

Kurt scooted closer to him, carefully placing the mug and the picture beside them on the bed so he could hug Blaine fully, pressing his face against his neck. “I love you too,” he said. “I love you so much, Blaine.”

He knew they would have to go downstairs again soon, Christmas wasn't over yet in the Hudson-Hummel household. There was still the traditional round of after-dinner Monopoly waiting for them. But the others could wait a few more minutes. Right now, all he was capable of doing was holding onto his wonderful, sweet best friend.

**

The rest of the evening went by with the most epic round of Monopoly Kurt remembered playing in years. And it was fun too – to everyone's surprise, it was Finn who won in the end. Blaine had had a good start too, but turned out to be way too nice in the end, his infuriating and endearing need to please soon leaving him far behind. Kurt didn't do too well either, mostly due to the fact that he found it hard to focus on anything other than the way Blaine's hand kept finding his and the way everyone talked to his boyfriend like they had known him for years.

Rachel had come over as well after dinner, seeming very proud of Finn when he won and only slightly bitter that she only came in a close second.

“All right, I'm going to bed,” Burt finally announced. “Good night, everyone. You'll be okay on the couch, Blaine?”

Blaine nodded. “Yes, thank you. And thanks for having me over, I had a great time.”

“Anytime,” Burt said, giving him a pat on the shoulder in passing.

Carole followed him, saying a quick goodnight to the boys and Rachel, and then they were amongst themselves.

“So, have you guys decided what you want to do for New Year's yet?” Rachel asked.

Kurt and Blaine exchanged a look. “We haven't even talked about it yet,” Kurt said.

“Well,” Rachel took Finn's hand. “I was thinking about throwing a party over at my place – I know that at least Mercedes and Quinn are in Ohio and Finn says he'll talk the guys into showing up as well. That would be... Mike, Puck, maybe Artie and Sam, if we can get a hold of him. You in?”

Kurt glanced at Blaine. He wanted to, but he honestly didn't know what Blaine had planned. Was he going to spend the night with old friends from Dalton? “Do you... What were your plans for New Year's?” he asked.

Blaine shrugged. “Don't really have any yet. I think most of my friends will actually be back in their college towns by that time.”

“Well, in that case...” Kurt reached for his hands, grinning brightly. “Blaine Anderson, will you go to Rachel's New Year's party with me?”

Blaine grinned back, holding a hand to his heart and rolling his eyes dramatically. “Oh, Kurt, I thought you'd never ask,” he exclaimed, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss to the corner of Kurt's mouth.

“You guys are giving me cavities,” Finn commented, shoving three Christmas cookies at once into his mouth. “Seriously.”

“I think they're adorable,” Rachel said, leaning her head on Finn's shoulder. “Remember when we used to be like that? Oh, to be young and in love again,” she sighed.

“Hey,” Finn protested. “We're still kind of like that, aren't we?”

“Don't worry sweetie, I still love you,” Rachel laughed, and Kurt separated from Blaine far enough to turn his head in their direction and give them an amused, half-stern look.

“Rest assured, you're still very much sickeningly sweet most of the time. It's annoying, and about time I got back at you for having to watch you be like that for years.”

“I knew you were just using me,” Blaine pouted, scooting away from him. “I knew it.”

“Aw, no. I didn't mean it, come back here.” Kurt chased after him, but Blaine was quicker, sliding off the couch when Kurt reached out to hug him and settled into the armchair instead, sticking his tongue out at Kurt.

“You have to do better than that.”

“Fine.” Kurt got up with an exasperated sigh, walking over to the chair and squeezing himself in next to Blaine, which proved rather difficult. They ended up in a tangle of limbs, Blaine half in Kurt's lap. “Does this prove how much I care?” Kurt asked, trying to free his foot from where Blaine was sitting on it. “I'm giving up the incredible comfort of the couch for you.”

Blaine laughed, snuggling closer to Kurt. “I actually find this to be rather comfortable,” he confessed. “You make a wonderful chair.”

“Now who's using who?” Kurt shot back, shifting a little so the armrest wasn't digging into his back.

“Um, guys?” Finn spoke up. “Do you want us to leave you alone?” He sounded like he could barely hold back the laughter and Kurt felt a sudden surge of fondness toward his stepbrother.

“You can stay for now,” he granted graciously. “We promise to behave.”

“For a while,” Blaine added, nuzzling Kurt's neck.

They talked for another hour, mostly planning their New Year's party, until Rachel announced she had to get home. Finn said goodnight to them then too, walking Rachel to the door while Kurt and Blaine moved back to the couch, stretching out next to each other, exhaustion finally taking over after a long day.

“Hi,” Blaine whispered after he'd settled into the tight space between Kurt's body and the couch cushions.

“Hi,” Kurt whispered back, feeling pleasantly tired and warm all over from the closeness of Blaine's body.

It was strange how familiar this felt – and yet it was all new at the same time. It was them. They had done this before, never quite as close, never quite as deliberate, but they had ended up in similar positions before. That one time they had fallen asleep on Kurt's couch after movie night. The night after Blaine had broken up with Luke and Kurt had held him while he cried. The night after Kurt and Patrick had broken up and Blaine had been so sweet to him, letting him share his tiny single dorm bed to provide some kind of comfort.

And, of course, that one time that had changed everything. That one time they had let go and almost destroyed everything, only to find something even greater and more magnificent instead.

The memory of it still weighing heavily on his mind, he had no choice but to bring it up again. He had to be sure it wasn't still standing between them in some way. How blind he had been.

“Blaine,” he started. “I know you told me to stop apologizing, and I will, just let me say this now, okay?”

He waited for Blaine to nod before he continued. “That night, before I left for Ohio – I know now that this thing between us was at least partly responsible for your breakup with Luke. And that night, after seeing him with this other guy, you were so sad, you kept saying you didn't feel good enough. If I, in any way, ever contributed to that feeling, by not seeing what you truly meant to me or by running out that morning after I had started to suspect it – you need to believe me that I will never stop making it up to you. I can't bear the thought of hurting you. I never want that. And I want you to know that the only reason I ever hesitated, the only reason I tried not to feel the way I feel about you, was that I always thought you were too good for me. I think in a way I always knew how happy you could make me, and that scared me, because... what if it didn't work out. I can't stand the thought of losing you.”

Blaine closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them again, they were shining with affection. “Okay,” he said. “In the spirit of complete honesty, yes. It hurt when you left that morning. And yes, I was feeling sad because of Luke that night, but part of it was also that I thought I'd never have you and I couldn't even hold on to the next best thing. But – ”

Kurt opened his mouth to tell Blaine again how sorry he was, but Blaine put a hand to Kurt's chest, quietly asking him to let him finish first. “Like I told you last night on the phone: you didn't know. Please don't put this all on yourself. I could have said something too, acted on my feelings for you somehow. I didn't. Until that night. You had every right to be confused by that. Besides, none of it matters anymore, because we're together now, and I'm planning to be with you for a long time, in case you had any doubts about that.”

Kurt just stared at him after he was done talking, trying very hard to remember how he could ever have thought his feelings for Blaine were anything other than love. “A long time sounds good,” he finally got out, voice sounding a little choked. “Really good.”

“You make me happy too, by the way,” Blaine said, smiling.

“Good.” Kurt found himself wondering how much he'd been holding back all this time, because now he couldn't resist just _feeling_ Blaine, basking in his presence and the gentle thrum of deeply felt affection and utter joy that vibrated under his skin because of it. “Promise to tell me the minute I don't, so I can do something about it, all right?” Kurt asked.

“Only if you promise me the same thing,” Blaine answered.

“Fine.” Kurt gently brushed his fingers over the side of Blaine's face, unable to stop touching. “I promise.”

“In that case, I promise too. You don't have to go upstairs yet, do you?” Blaine asked, sounding almost pleading. “Because this is nice. Let's stay here for a while.”

“I'd like that,” Kurt said, pressing their lips together briefly, just because he could.

“Tonight was fun,” Blaine said. “I like your family.”

“Well, they like you too,” Kurt answered. “You won them over immediately.” He paused for a moment. “Did you know... I was actually nervous about this because I'd never brought anyone home before. They've never... seen me like this. With anyone. I wasn't sure how it would go.”

“It went well though, didn't it?” Blaine asked.

“Wonderfully,” Kurt answered. “Because it was you. I'm glad it was you.”

Blaine's answering smile was so bright, Kurt felt his heart skip a beat and he just had to kiss him again, he couldn't not.

In the end they both fell asleep like that – in their clothes and cuddled together on Kurt's parents' living room couch, the lights still on and the smell of left-over Christmas cookies in the air.

**

Kurt was the first to wake up the next morning – a little stiff from being unable to move all night, but feeling incredibly well-rested and content otherwise. Blaine was still sleeping peacefully, his legs tangled with Kurt's, drooling slightly onto his chest where his face was pressed into his sweater.

Kurt thought he should probably find it gross, but actually it was kind of... endearing. Carding his fingers through Blaine's hair, he pressed a light kiss to his forehead, freezing suddenly when he felt another presence in the room. He looked up, moving his head as well as he could from where he was still half-trapped under Blaine to find his dad leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of his chest and an amused smile on his face.

“Did you actually sleep like that?” he asked.

Kurt yawned, feeling a slight blush creep up into his cheeks. Weirdly, though, this was a lot less embarrassing than he'd always thought it would be. “Yes?”

“That can't be comfortable,” Burt commented.

“I didn't mean to,” Kurt answered. “We just sort of... fell asleep.”

“Relax,” Burt told him. “I know. Plus, you're an adult, I might even have agreed to let Blaine sleep in your room, especially since neither of you actually asked. I trust you. I was just going to make breakfast, though. Care to help me?”

“Sure. I'll be there in a second,” Kurt agreed, smiling at his dad.

“Okay.” Burt retreated into the kitchen where Kurt could hear him open the refrigerator door.

Pressing another kiss to Blaine's cheek, Kurt carefully disentangled his limbs, sliding off the couch without disturbing Blaine too much. He knew Blaine could sleep through most things, but he didn't want to take any chances. He looked so cute and peaceful in his sleep, Kurt simply didn't have the heart to wake him.

“Blaine still asleep?” Burt asked when Kurt wandered into the kitchen a minute later.

“Yes. I'll wake him once breakfast is ready.” He walked over to the counter in the direction of the coffee maker to get the coffee going, then start on the pancakes.

“Hey, Kurt?” His dad placed a hand on his shoulder and Kurt turned his head, meeting his father's eyes. “You're happy, right? You look happy.”

“I am, dad,” he said, smiling. “I really, really am.”

“Good.” Burt nodded. “Not that I couldn't tell, I just wanted to hear it.”

Kurt took a deep breath, realizing what he'd really always known – that he had never been the only one hoping for this kind of happiness for himself. His dad been right there with him, had always let him know it too. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

Kurt shrugged. “For being my dad. For letting Blaine come over and for making him feel so welcome here. It meant a lot to me.”

“I know that,” Burt answered. “It's not difficult with that kid, though. I meant what I said yesterday – he's welcome here anytime. Whenever the two of you are in Ohio. He seems like a decent guy. Still, if he ever breaks your heart I can't promise not to go after him and break his kneecaps.”

“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed, rolling his eyes fondly.

“Joking,” Burt said. “I'd be more subtle than that.”

“More subtle with what?” Blaine asked from the direction of the door, coming into the kitchen with sleep-mussed hair and wrinkled clothes.

“Hunting you down if you ever hurt my kid,” Burt explained.

Blaine's eyes widened as he took a step back, but Burt laughed, patting his shoulder as he passed him on the way to the sink. “Okay, that was a little mean of me. Welcome to the family, kid.”

Kurt smiled as Blaine met his eyes, relief mixing in with the confusion of the rather unusual morning greeting.

“You'll get used to it,” Kurt assured him. “It means he likes you.”

“Good to know,” Blaine said hesitantly. “Need help with the coffee?”

“Sure.” Kurt stepped aside, making room at the counter for Blaine. “Good morning, by the way. I love you.”

Blaine beamed at him, checking that Burt wasn't looking before giving Kurt a quick peck on the lips. “Good morning. I love you too.”


	14. Glittering Crowds And Shimmering Clouds

“Oh, hi boys.” Rachel beamed at them, clearly a tad drunk already as she opened the door. “So glad you could make it. I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up anymore. Everyone else is already here.”

Kurt blushed a little, careful not to look at Blaine but squeezing his hand a bit tighter. They would have been there earlier, but after not seeing each other for two days they had gotten a little carried away making out on Kurt's bed after Blaine had come over so they could get ready together for Rachel's New Year's party.

“It's not that late,” he said. “Even though apparently late enough for you to have made a nice head start on the booze.”

“Well, you'll just have to drink faster to keep up, then,” Rachel decided, barely giving them time to take off their jackets before taking their hands to drag them downstairs. “Guys,” she called. “Kurt and Blaine are here. Say hello to them.”

She hadn't been lying – literally everyone was here. All of the New Directions, all of Kurt's old friends. He hadn't seen some of them in such a long time, and as much as he would have liked to just spend the entire night wrapped around Blaine in his room, trading lazy kisses at midnight, he was glad they had decided to come here instead. Also, he was ridiculously excited to be introducing his boyfriend to all of his old high school friends. He knew that was probably an unattractive trait, but he wanted to brag. He had never got to do this with them back in high school.

So they made their way across the room, Kurt hugging people and laughing and showing off Blaine to everyone who stood still for more than three seconds. Of course everyone liked Blaine instantly – how could they not – and it made Kurt feel so _proud_.

 _Look at him, look at how beautiful he is, how_ good _he is, and he's mine, he loves me and I love him, and did you think I would ever have this? Because I sure didn't_.

Rachel had let go of them upon arriving in the basement and was currently kissing Finn, who, knowing Blaine already, had just waved and grinned at them as a greeting before resuming his awkward dancing.

Mercedes' smile was probably the brightest in the room as she walked over to them, and Kurt loved her all the more for it. She had been such a good friend to him when he'd been sorting out this mess. Even if he would probably have figured it out on his own sooner or later, she was at least partly responsible for his current happiness.

“So, you're Blaine,” she said, when she was done hugging Kurt. “It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Like, a _lot_. Kurt talks about you all the time.”

Blaine stretched out a hand, polite as ever. “I've heard a lot about you too. So yes, it's nice to finally meet you in person.”

Mercedes just stared at his outstretched hand for a second, before shaking her head and pulling Blaine into a hug instead, laughing at his slightly flustered expression when she pulled back a few seconds later.

“Apparently, you're making my Kurt happier than I've ever seen him. Seriously, I've never seen him glow like this. Thank you for that. And don't you dare break his heart. Because I'll find you and make you pay for it.”

“I won't.” Blaine looked at Kurt, his eyes sincere and affectionate. “I would never.”

“Good. Now let's get you both a drink.” Mercedes guided them over to the punch bowl, providing them with paper cups and filling them to the brim with something pink and sweet-smelling, no doubt one of Rachel's creations. “You're late, you have some catching up to do.”

Neither of the boys was really planning on getting drunk tonight – it was their second New Year's together, but their first as a couple, and they wanted to be sober enough for their kiss at midnight to remember it the next day. Kurt had never actually had a New Year's kiss, and Blaine had confessed that he hadn't either. So even if they'd had a lot of firsts with other people before they got together, here was a beautiful first they could still share with each other.

“Oh.” Mercedes grabbed Kurt's arm. “This is a Rachel Berry party, so there will be singing later on. You guys will do a duet for us, won't you?”

Kurt laughed at the way Blaine's eyes widened with excitement as he nodded enthusiastically. “I'd really like that.”

“We'll see,” Kurt answered, even though he already knew. A chance to sing for his old glee club friends _with his new boyfriend_? Like he was going to turn that down. Another thing he had never been able to do in the past – and while up until this very moment he hadn't even known that he was still bitter about it, always having to sit and watch them all sing love songs to each other while he only got duets whenever someone took pity on him – he thought he really needed to do this tonight. Besides, Blaine looked so pleased to be asked, to be included like this, and it wasn't like he could deny him anything anyway.

“Kurt!” he turned around upon hearing his name, almost spitting out his drink as he saw Jesse walking towards him, arms outstretched and a smug expression on his face. “And Blake.”

“Blaine. His name is Blaine,” Kurt corrected him automatically. “What are you doing here, Jesse?”

Jesse looked confused for a second. “Rachel invited me, of course,” he explained, before his face brightened again. “And she already filled me in about you guys. Congratulations on finally getting your act together. I've been telling you forever that this was what you wanted, remember?”

“You have?” Blaine asked, exchanging a look with Kurt.

“Actually, you just kept forgetting Blaine's name and the fact that I repeatedly told you we weren't together,” Kurt pointed out.

Jesse dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “Oh, please. Random strangers passing you on the street could tell you were more than just friends. It might have taken you a little long to progress to kissing and sex, but I thought you were just being extremely old-fashioned about it. You've practically been married since the day you met.”

“Um. Thanks. I guess,” Blaine said, and Kurt reached for his hand again, pondering Jesse's words. Was he right? Had they been that obvious? People kept indicating things like that. Sighing, he pressed closer to Blaine until their sides were pretty much fused together. Of course, the two of them had been the last to know. Well, it didn't matter. Not anymore.

“By the way,” Jesse said, “I'm working on this new musical and I was wondering whether you'd be interested in a part – I have the outline and a few rough versions of some of the songs in my bag upstairs if you wouldn't mind going over it with me quickly...”

“What, now?” Kurt looked at him incredulously. “This is a party, Jesse.”

“So?” Jesse shrugged. “I know you're still new to all of this, but it's not unusual at all to talk business during social gatherings. And seriously, you should make up your mind soon about this, I'll have people knocking down my door for the part once word gets out. I'm doing you a huge favor, asking you first.”

“Soon?” Kurt shook his head, feeling Blaine turn his head to stifle his giggles against Kurt's shoulder. “Jesse, you only just told me about it.”

“I know. What's your answer?” Jesse looked at him expectantly and Kurt sighed loudly. He'd had so much fun being a part of Jesse's last musical, despite how things had ended with Patrick. Maybe this was worth a few minutes of his time, after all.

“I just...” he turned to Blaine, a little uncertain. “Would you mind terribly? I'll only be a few minutes...” This was their night, after all. He really didn't want to leave Blaine's side for even a second, but then it was only 10 p.m. They'd still have all the time in the world later.

“Go.” Blaine nudged his shoulder encouragingly. “I'll be fine.”

“Thank you.” Kurt kissed him quickly, keeping their faces pressed together as he whispered, “and don't let the crazier ones of my friends scare you away. They only seem insane, but most of them are actually harmless.”

“Don't worry about your boy.” Mercedes grabbed Blaine's arm. “I'll interrogate him – I mean, take care of him while you're away.”

Before Kurt even had a chance to respond, Mercedes was already pulling Blaine across the room after her to the corner in which the girls were sitting. “Tina! Sugar! Have you met Blaine?”

Blaine looked back over his shoulder, meeting Kurt's eyes and shrugging apologetically.

“Okay, wonderful.” Jesse put an arm around Kurt's shoulders, leading him away in the direction of the stairs. “So, I've seen you act already, but I'm sure you'll understand if I make you audition again, you know, I have to be really sure before I actually make a decision...”

**

Fifteen minutes later, Kurt could feel the beginnings of a headache – prolonged exposure to Jesse still had that effect on him sometimes – but he was excited too. Almost flattered, actually, to be considered first choice for a part in yet another musical, even it was being written by his roommate again.

He found Blaine in the corner near the small stage in Rachel's basement, sitting in a circle with Mercedes, Tina, and Sugar. He was talking animatedly, waving his hands around, and it warmed Kurt's heart to just watch him like this.

Mercedes threw her head back, laughing loudly at something Blaine had just said, and Tina patted him on the back while Sugar actually went as far as hugging him.

“Ladies.” Kurt stepped in between Tina and Mercedes, holding out a hand to Blaine. “Thanks for everything, but do you mind if I take him back now?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Sugar took one of Blaine's arms as Tina held on to the other.

“Yes,” she agreed. “We were actually thinking about keeping him.”

“Sorry.” Blaine freed himself gently, smiling at the girls before looking up at Kurt, taking his hand. “It was lovely, but I'm afraid my heart already belongs to another.”

He allowed Kurt to pull him to his feet, ignoring the girls’ sounds of protest.

“So you were just using us for entertainment,” Mercedes pouted.

“Dance with me,” Blaine said, arms slipping around Kurt's waist. “Please.”

Kurt just nodded, leading them more into the center of the room where Quinn was already dancing with Puck, Finn and Rachel dancing next to them awkwardly, mostly due to the fact that Finn still hadn't learned how to coordinate his feet.

“They like you,” Kurt pointed out, nodding over to where the girls were sitting, staring at the two of them with dreamy-happy expressions on their faces, Sugar actually giving Kurt a big grin and two thumbs-up when he caught her eyes.

“I like them too,” Blaine said. “I think I like all of your friends. But I like you most of all. You're my favorite. You know that, right? You do know that, Kurt?”

“Oh my god.” Kurt laughed, pulling him closer, shivering a little as Blaine started pressing sloppy kisses along his throat. “How much did they make you drink?”

Blaine tightened his arms around him, so close to him now that it was difficult to do much more than simply sway on the spot without tripping over each other's feet. “Mmm, not drunk,” Blaine mumbled, his breath tickling Kurt's neck. “It wasn't that much, I told them I couldn't because I have you and I want to remember everything.”

“And they listened to you?” Kurt asked, a little doubtful.

“Nope.” Blaine giggled. “But it's okay, I'll always remember everything with you.”

“How about we sing something now?” Kurt suggested. “Maybe the dancing around you're inevitably going to do will sober you up a little.”

“Nonono,” Blaine protested as Kurt attempted to pull back from him. “You've been gone forever, just hold me for a minute now, okay?”

Even if Blaine was clearly a little tipsy, this was a request Kurt just knew he would never be able to turn down. “A few more minutes,” he agreed.

“Years,” Blaine said, voice muffled a little since he had his face pressed against Kurt's shoulder.

“What?”

Blaine shook his head, sighing against Kurt's shoulder. “Nothing. Just don't let go.”

“I won't,” Kurt promised.

**

He did get Blaine to sing with him half an hour later, after Rachel had started off the karaoke part of the evening with a twenty-minute medley of all the solos she could remember singing in glee club.

Since it kind of seemed to be a theme for the evening, Kurt decided to go with it as well. He had never had sung romantic solos in glee club, but remembering his first big sing-off with Rachel, the selection wasn't difficult.

“I hope you like _Wicked_ ,” he told Blaine, waiting for him to follow him onto the stage before launching into the opening verse of “As Long As You're Mine.”

**

The countdown to midnight almost caught him off guard; Mike was the one to announce they only had a minute of the old year left and they all tripped over one another, loud and stumbling and happy as they made their way up the stairs, hurrying to get outside, wanting to greet the new year under the stars rather than in the by now relatively stuffy basement.

Kurt didn't let go of Blaine's hand even for a second as he walked them past his friends, off Rachel's front porch and a little way down the garden path so they were just barely out of sight, just close enough to still be hearing the countdown.

He'd done enough showing off his boyfriend for one night. This moment was one he wanted to be just between the two of them, just him and Blaine.

 _Ten, nine_...

He stopped walking.

 _Eight, seven_...

Turned around to Blaine, meeting his eyes, feeling his heartbeat speed up.

 _Six, five_...

Blaine took a step closer to him, a slow smile spreading across his face that Kurt couldn't help but mirror back at him

 _Four, three_...

“Kurt,” Blaine said, and Kurt slipped his arms around his shoulders.

 _Two_...

“Blaine,” Kurt said back, feeling Blaine's arms circle around him, their faces so close they were almost kissing already.

 _One_...

“Happy new year,” they whispered at the same time, and then Blaine's lips were on his and Kurt couldn't even hear the cheering and the fireworks and the clinking of champagne glasses, the only thought in his head being Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.

He had never really understood what the big deal was about New Year's kisses, but he thought he got it now.

Because now the first thing he had done this year was to kiss the man he loved.

He kind of wanted to start every year just like this.

**

They all headed back to New York a few days after New Year's. Kurt and Blaine were even on the same flight this time – and Kurt knew Blaine had exchanged his ticket to make it possible, even if he denied it, a grin on his face, telling Kurt the universe must just love them and have decided to give them more time with each other. Rachel would follow a day later and Jesse a day after that, which meant it would be only Kurt in his apartment for one entire night. They didn't even need to say it out loud – they both knew Blaine would not return to his dorm before the day after their return. Ever since they'd got together, they hadn't really had the chance to have any real time to themselves, just the two of them. Kurt would have missed his alone time with Blaine had they still just been best friends, but now that they were so much more than that, he was craving it like nothing else.

He just wanted some quiet time with his boyfriend, to kiss him without the fear of being interrupted, to curl up next to him and fall asleep with Blaine's head resting on his chest just above his heart, his arms wrapped securely around him. He wanted some privacy. With Blaine. He wasn't even really sure for what; he didn't know whether sex was even an option at this point, even though they'd already done it that fateful night just before the Christmas holidays, the night that brought heartache that had led to something amazing. But it wasn't even about sex at all, not really. He just wanted Blaine to himself. They needed it, he thought, in order to figure out exactly how to do this. How to be together like this.

He was looking forward to it, and even though they hadn't planned it that way – Kurt and Blaine going back a day before anyone else did – it certainly did work out well for them now, Kurt thought.

His dad dropped him off at the airport where Blaine was already waiting.

“Call me when you land,” Burt instructed Kurt before giving him a tight hug. He turned to Blaine next, squeezing his shoulder affectionately. “Have a good flight, kid,” he said, and Kurt's heart warmed at the sight of Blaine's face lighting up with a surprised and grateful smile.

It occurred to him then for the first time that he still hadn't met Blaine's parents once even though Blaine had become a regular guest at his own house over the past few days, having been taken in with open arms by his entire family. Once again they hadn't accompanied him to the airport and they hadn't been at the Warblers’ performance at Christmas either. It made him angry for a brief moment, because Blaine deserved more than that, but then his own dad was finally saying goodbye for real and it was time for them to go and he didn't want to make this harder than it already was for any of them.

Even after being in New York for well over a year, saying goodbye to his old home was still painful every time he left. But this time when he watched his dad walk away, he had Blaine right there beside him; Blaine who took his hand and pressed their shoulders together, offering all the comfort he was able to give, and in that moment, Kurt loved him so much he could hardly breathe. But they were still in an airport in Ohio, so all he dared to do about it was squeeze his fingers briefly, hoping the small gesture would be enough to communicate at least a part of all that.

“Ready to go?” he asked, and Blaine nodded.

“Come on.”

**

They barely talked during the flight, but Blaine didn't let go of his hand for even a second. They'd held hands a lot since Christmas, but it felt different this time. Before, it had felt nice, it had been about feeling close, feeling connected. This felt more urgent, a little desperate. He caught Blaine staring at him, seeing all of his own emotions reflected in those beautiful eyes – _don't let me go. I need you. I need to be alone with you._

His breath caught in his throat and he ran his thumb over Blaine's knuckles, the intensity of the moment leaving him dizzy. God, he was _so_ in love with this boy. So insanely, completely in love, it was ridiculous.

The flight seemed to take forever and once they were there and through baggage claim and out of the airport, Kurt felt exhausted, impatient, and oddly energized all at once. He wished they had the money for a cab, but after Christmas and all the gift-buying, money was tighter than ever so they would have to drag their suitcases to the subway and take the long way home. With all their luggage, he had to let go of Blaine's hand and it felt strange to not hold it anymore, like he'd forgotten something he'd still had a moment ago as his fingers closed around the handle of his suitcase instead.

His body was practically tingling with anticipation by the time they were dragging their suitcases up the flights of stairs in his apartment building, and as his eyes met Blaine's on the first landing, they both burst out laughing. Kurt couldn't even say what it was they were laughing about, just knew he needed an outlet for all those emotions. Trying to catch their breath, they hurried up the last set of stairs as quickly as they could.

“Keys,” Kurt breathed, digging through his bag to find them, feeling Blaine standing close, so close. Luckily, he found them within seconds, missing the keyhole on the first few tries because Blaine's presence was distracting, to say the least, even if he was _just standing there_ , but he finally, _finally_ managed and the door swung open. He just had enough sense to actually lift his suitcases to carry them inside instead of dragging and kicking them to speed things up, before Blaine was closing the door behind them with a bang, his arms encircling Kurt's waist immediately from behind.

“Finally,” he said, his breath ruffling the short hairs on Kurt's neck.

“Yes.” Kurt turned in his arms, wrapping his own around Blaine's neck and pressing in close, the urgency that had been tugging away at his insides easing up considerably once he had Blaine in his arms again. “Finally.”

He felt Blaine's lips press soft kisses against his neck and closed his eyes, burying his face into his boyfriend's hair and breathed in. They both smelled like airplane, but underlying that was still the smell of Blaine's shampoo and hidden under that was that comforting scent that was just Blaine, Blaine, _Blaine_...

Drawing back just far enough to be able to kiss him, Kurt pressed their lips together, for the first time that day. Blaine's lips were cold from the winter air and slightly chapped, a reminder of the first time they had done this, and he let the kiss linger, not deepening it, just enjoying the warm comfortable sensation that spread through his chilled body at the contact. It was innocent, chaste, and yet he felt the deep longing in his bones ease away slightly, making room for nothing but contentment and affection.

“Hey,” Blaine breathed as they finally broke apart, resting their foreheads together.

“Hey,” Kurt repeated, not even trying to hide the giddy smile on his face.

“Alone at last.” Blaine tightened his arms around Kurt's waist and Kurt felt himself tense slightly, hoping Blaine wouldn't notice.

Alone. Yes. They were alone, just Blaine and him, in Kurt's apartment. No roommates, no family, just the two of them.

So... what now?

What exactly was supposed to happen next? Before, they would have picked a movie to watch, maybe ordered food, talked about their holidays until they fell asleep.

But now? Now that there were so many more options? What did Blaine even want? What did he expect to happen? Did he expect anything at all?

Kurt pulled back, clearing his throat, hoping he didn't look as nervous as he suddenly felt. The last thing he wanted was to make Blaine feel uncomfortable or make assumptions about where they were in their relationship or do _anything_ to push them out of this comfortable-about-being-boyfriends state into territory where they suddenly _expected_ certain things to happen just because they were alone...

“We should...” He took a deep breath, trying to calm the fluttering of his heart. Alone with his boyfriend who was also his best friend and the one person he felt most comfortable with. Alone in an empty apartment in New York City. They could do this. “I'd really like to get rid of that air plane smell,” he said quickly. “I think I'm going to take a quick shower and... or did you want to go first?”

Blaine shook his head. “No, you go first, that's fine. I'll just...” He waved a hand as if that would explain everything, “wait here. Maybe...”

“I'll be quick. And you can go next.”

“I can make coffee.”

“Perfect.” Kurt kissed him again, unable not to. Because maybe being alone together like this was still slightly awkward, okay, but they would settle into it once they were both clean and warm and over the initial shock of suddenly being on their own for the first time since they had become a couple. They were still _them_ , after all.

He had Blaine to himself for an entire night. He didn't want to waste a second of it.

**

He had ordered Chinese and unpacked most of his clothes from his suitcases by the time Blaine returned from his shower, dressed in sweatpants and a thin shirt, brushing damp curls away from his forehead. He stopped in the doorway to Kurt's room, just standing there with a smile on his face, and Kurt couldn't have resisted him if he'd wanted to. He didn't think he'd ever be able to.

He went over, sliding his arms around Blaine's shoulders and hugged him tight. Blaine's arms came up to return the hug in an instant and, Kurt thought, maybe they should just forget about food, about watching movies, about anything really. He was perfectly content to stay just like this until Rachel returned the next day. In fact, he really never wanted to move again, because Blaine was warm and smelled like soap and he had his arms around him, and was there anything else in life he really needed? Forget about classes and performances, he'd just stay here forever being hugged by Blaine. Blaine was an excellent hugger.

“This is nice,” Blaine mumbled, his lips tickling the skin behind Kurt's ear as he spoke.

“It is.”

“I love you.”

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He wouldn't get over that. Not any time soon. “I love you too.”

They moved to the couch eventually, Blaine immediately curling into his side and snuggling against him. It all felt so familiar, the movie (Gypsy, they hadn't seen that one in a few months) playing on TV, the two of them sharing a blanket for warmth, only getting up to answer the door when their food arrived, commenting on the things happening on screen in a perfect, well-practiced rhythm – talking over the parts they had seen last time and falling silent during the scenes they had missed when they had last seen it. Relieved, Kurt found that nothing had really changed about their dynamic at all – at least not much. Now, sometimes, instead of talking he would kiss Blaine, or just look into his eyes, running his fingers through his slowly drying curls, and feel a rush of fondness all the way down to his toes.

He felt... content. Completely so. Even over the usual sadness he always felt after leaving his dad at the airport, the familiar homesickness that he had grown accustomed to on first nights in New York, he felt like this was where he belonged. Next to Blaine, whether it was in Lima or New York. As long as Blaine was with him, he would always feel safe.

**

They went to bed early, tired from the flight and their eventful visit to Ohio.

The slight awkwardness had come back for just a moment when they'd agreed to call it a night and both headed for the bathroom to brush their teeth at the same time. They'd stood frozen outside the bathroom door for just a moment, smiling at each other shyly, unsure of the correct protocol in this situation for a couple that had been together for not even two weeks, until Blaine had laughed and taken Kurt's hand and led both of them into the tiny room to brush their teeth side by side, exchanging half-amused, half-shy looks in the mirror.

Blaine had hung out for a while, perched on the side of the bathtub while Kurt started on his nightly skin care routine, trying to fold an airplane out of toilet paper while entertaining him with little anecdotes of things he'd done in Ohio whenever the two of them hadn't been attached at the hip – well, the few anecdotes he hadn't told Kurt already.

When it became clear, though, that Kurt wouldn't be done for at least another few minutes, he'd kissed the back of his neck and told him he'd meet him in bed before disappearing in the direction of Kurt's room.

Kurt slipped into the room a few minutes later, closing the door behind him and turning off the lights before sliding under the covers next to Blaine.

They lay facing each other, their eyes adjusting to the half-light of the room, and Blaine's hand found his, threading their fingers together and holding on while they both let it sink in that this was a possibility now. To be repeated whenever they had the time to stay over at each other's places. They could fall asleep together like this – not each of them feeling like they had to be keeping an appropriate and respectful distance.

Still testing the waters, they gradually inched closer together until their foreheads were touching, their joined hands resting against Blaine's chest, close enough to his heart that Kurt could feel it beating just as fast as his own.

“Blaine...” he said, not really sure what he even wanted to say.

“I know,” Blaine answered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I just want to... I want you to know that I'm not... I don't expect anything, in case you were wondering...” Blaine broke off, his eyes finding Kurt's as he attempted to put into word what had been going through Kurt's head earlier. “I know we already have... But that's not why I wanted to stay with you tonight. All I want is to be close to you.”

“That's what I want too,” Kurt hastened to assure him. “I'm not saying I don't want to, because I do, but that's not why... I'm just really glad you're here,” he breathed, kissing Blaine again, a little deeper this time, mostly to stop himself from tripping over his own words, but also because Blaine was right here and how could he not.

It was slow, almost lazy, and so, so good. Somehow it felt different with the lights off, the door closed, both of them warm and comfortable in Kurt's bed. Blaine rolled onto his back, taking Kurt with him without ever breaking the kiss.

“I'd be okay with it if we did, though,” he admitted, a little breathlessly.

“Me too.” Kurt breathed a sigh of relief, chasing Blaine's lips for another, hungrier kiss. “So okay.”

“I just want...” Blaine framed his face with both hands, pressing closer, thumbs caressing Kurt's cheekbones.

He didn't say more, but Kurt understood anyway. Because he felt it too, had felt it ever since they'd held hands on the plane. Need. Longing. Love.

He wanted Blaine. They had only done this once and Kurt had practically run as fast as he could the next morning. He thought they deserved a do-over. He wanted to get it right this time, wanted to make Blaine feel good and hold him all night after that and wake him with slow kisses in the morning before making him breakfast and telling him how much he loved him over and over. He wanted to give Blaine everything, everything he deserved and hadn't received from him last time.

With their pajamas finally off, Kurt draped himself half over Blaine again, kissing him sweetly and slowly, taking his time, doing his best to ignore the growing feeling of urgency that was tugging at his body. He wanted this to be about Blaine, about showing him how much he meant to him, how much he wanted him. How wonderful he was and how happy he made him. Because stronger than the need, the want, was that feeling of complete joy slowly filling all the empty parts of him until he felt he was bursting with it. So he ran his hands over Blaine's body, kissing his mouth, his eyelids, his collarbone, trying to physically spread some of that love and happiness back into the skin of the person who had given him this feeling in the first place.

He knew they wouldn't take it too far, not yet. Not tonight. And they didn't have to, because there would be time, so much time for that. But he wanted Blaine all the same, in whatever way was okay for both of them. And even though it technically wasn't their first time together, it still felt like it was – only this time, all he wanted was to give every last bit of himself to Blaine, expose everything that he was and place it in the hands of the only person he'd ever trusted with it, the man he loved so completely.

Rolling them over, he pulled Blaine on top of him, letting him be in control, surrendering himself to him, offering whatever he wanted to take. With Blaine, he was sure, would always be sure, that nothing would be taken that he wasn't willing to give to him anyway.

Blaine settled on top of him, his legs slipping in between Kurt's, bracing his forearms either side of Kurt's head as he leaned down to brush their lips together.

“Just for the record,” he whispered in between kisses, “this really wasn't the reason I wanted to stay over tonight.”

“Oh my god, shut up already,” Kurt whispered back, grinning and pinching Blaine's hip playfully. “You talk too much.”

“Why, was there anything else you wanted to do tonight?” Blaine asked innocently, thrusting his hips forward once in a motion that made Kurt gasp and throw back his head.

“I hate you.”

“I don't believe you,” Blaine countered, repeating the motion, laughing as Kurt wrapped his legs around his thighs to pin their bodies together, creating more friction between them.

“No, but I really hate you,” Kurt insisted, threading his fingers through Blaine's hair and pulling him down to press his face against the curve where his shoulder met his neck, placing a series of open-mouthed kisses to the area. “Worst boyfriend ever.”

“Your words aren't very convincing, I'm afraid,” Blaine panted, hips moving almost on their own now that they'd started.

Kurt quickly gave up on the thought of finding some clever come-back to Blaine's reply, instead let his hands roam over his back, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

And he realized, through the jumbled mess of _Blaine_ and _yes_ and _more_ in his brain, that he had felt this the last time too, this insane need to touch and hold and never let go, this need that wasn't about his own pleasure but about pleasing Blaine. Making Blaine feel loved and wanted and showing him how much he mattered to him, how special this was. It had all been there the first time, only he hadn't seen it, hadn't been able to put a name to this feeling. He had been confused, tipsy, not thinking at all.

“Blaine,” he gasped, angling his head so he could press their mouths together. “Blaine.”

He could already feel it building inside of him, but he held back, not wanting it to be over so soon. He wanted Blaine to come first, to see him, hold him through it.

“Come on,” he begged, hands sliding over Blaine's skin down to his ass to draw him closer, encourage him to go faster, grind down harder against him, take whatever he needed from him. “Please.”

“God, Kurt,” Blaine moaned, dropping his forehead to Kurt's chest as his hips kept bucking forward, thighs shaking.

“No, look at me.” Kurt kissed his shoulder before repeating it. “Please, look at me, I want to see you, I _need_ to see you.”

Blaine raised his head, their eyes meeting, and the expression on his face took Kurt's breath away – the wild mixture of love and want on his features. “Kurt,” he said, just that one word, managing to load it with all the things he couldn't say right now.

Kurt understood him anyway.

“Let go,” he said. “Don't hold back.”

It only took a couple more thrusts before Blaine threw his head back, mouth dropping open as something between a cry and moan escaped his throat and Kurt felt him coming between them. And he held him, held his trembling body close as Blaine rode out the waves, showering him with kisses and caressing every patch of skin he could find, overwhelmed with everything he was feeling, in this moment, for this person who meant the world to him.

“You're amazing,” he whispered into his skin.

“So are you,” Blaine breathed. Still gasping for breath, he rolled half off Kurt to have better access before wrapping a hand around Kurt's still hard cock and started stroking. “So amazing.”

Kurt couldn't help but arch into the touch, the sensation of Blaine's fingers on his sensitive skin almost too much to handle right now that he was already so far gone himself. Besides, it was the first time Blaine was really touching him and he didn't think he could be expected to hold it together for very long whatever the situation under these circumstances.

“You're beautiful,” Blaine told him, his voice low and shaky, and Kurt felt his lips on his jaw, his shoulder, his chest.

And he couldn't hold back anymore, didn't want to anyway. Blaine's hand was moving faster, gripping him tighter, and then he felt every muscle in his body tense as white-hot pleasure exploded through his body.

**

They ended up on their sides in a tangle of limbs, Blaine's breath hot against his chest, and Kurt couldn't stop touching, couldn't stop running his hands over his shoulder, through his hair, caressing his arms and hips and jaw with the tips of his fingers.

“I'm so happy,” he said softly. “And I just wanted you to know that. You make me so happy.”

“Kurt.” Blaine shifted so he could look into his eyes, lifting a hand to press it to the skin right above Kurt's heart. “I'm... Oh god, do you have any idea... I still can't believe this is really happening, sometimes. You and me. I've wanted this for so long, and...”

Kurt kissed him, then, soft and gentle, trembling slightly from the new onslaught of emotion flooding his chest. “I know. But it is happening, Blaine. And I want it to keep happening for...” he broke off, not sure if it was too early to say it, even though he knew it to be true. _Forever_. “...for a very long time,” he said instead.

He fell asleep with his head on Blaine's chest, arms still tight around each other, legs tangled beneath the sheets.

**

Kurt found he had been right, kissing Blaine awake was the best thing ever. He looked so cute when he was sleeping, so warm and relaxed with his curls sticking up in all directions, responding to Kurt's kisses before he was even fully awake and shooting him such a happy sleepy smile when he finally opened his eyes, Kurt couldn't help but keep kissing him, he didn't even mind the morning breath. Much.

When Blaine checked his phone and found Kurt had woken him at 7:30 on a day they didn't have classes, they spent the next ten minutes rolling around on the tangled sheets, Blaine taking his “revenge” by tickling him until they were both breathless with laughter, Kurt making half-hearted attempts at escaping Blaine's hands.

Finally, Kurt pulled on a pair of sweatpants, pressed a final kiss to Blaine's forehead, and went off to the kitchen to get breakfast started. Blaine joined him five minutes later, teeth brushed and wearing his pajama pants that had been so carelessly discarded the night before.

Making breakfast together wasn't new to them – even though they had never lived together they had kept falling asleep at each other's places – and they quickly fell into their old routine, working side by side, reaching around each other to open kitchen cupboards and drawers.

Blaine started humming something after a while and Kurt found himself joining in as he closed the refrigerator door with his hip, the domesticity of the scene making him smile. Everything about this felt... right. In a way he'd always considered himself too young for. Well, they _were_ young. But maybe, he thought, it wasn't about age. Maybe they were just lucky enough to have found each other already.

He blushed at the sappiness of the thought and quickly bent over the bowl with the pancake batter to hide it, but Blaine saw it anyway.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Kurt mumbled.

Blaine laughed, sliding behind him and pressing in close, resting his cheek between Kurt's bare shoulder blades. “Just tell me.”

“I was just... thinking... about you.” Kurt decided that was enough information for now. He didn't have to be creepy about this, admitting to Blaine he was already planning their future in a nice town house with a music room in the basement and a small back yard and a cat and children, two of them, maybe three, depending on how much money they made – no, those kinds of thoughts were perfectly okay to just stay in his own head. For now.

“I love it when you blush,” Blaine admitted. “It's cute.”

“If you don't let go of me this instant, I'm going to burn all of your pancakes. On purpose,” Kurt told him firmly, even though he was sure Blaine could hear the pleased smile in his voice.

“I also love it when you get all bossy,” Blaine mumbled into his skin, then sighed dramatically, dropping his arms and taking half a step back, far away enough to give Kurt some room to work, but close enough to still be incredibly distracting.

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, turning his head to find Blaine looking at him with a dreamy expression on his face.

“Waiting for you to turn around so I can kiss you?” Blaine tried.

“So you're not just trying to annoy me?”

“Would I ever do that to you?” Blaine asked, blinking up through his eyelashes and Kurt turned fully, sliding his arms over Blaine's shoulders, laughing.

“Yes, you would. You would do that. Only you.”

They kissed until Blaine's hands wandered down Kurt's back, slipping under the waistband of his sweatpants.

“Oh, no.” Kurt laughed again, slightly out of breath, heart doing happy little back flips in his chest. “Breakfast first. We still have all morning for _that_.”

**

Rachel came back early in the afternoon. Kurt and Blaine were curled up on the couch, both fully dressed by that point. She had texted them repeatedly about the time she would return, not wanting to “interrupt anything that would be embarrassing for all of them.”

“Hey, guys,” she greeted them, heaving her large suitcase into the living room. Blaine, always the gentleman, jumped up at once to help her carry her things into her room, while Kurt got up more slowly, hugging her hello and listening to her chat away about the flight and subway rides and how good it was to be back home.

“So,” she said, turning to them once everything was stowed away in her room, grinning. “Did you have fun without me?”

Kurt saw the blush creep up on Blaine's cheeks as he stared at his feet with a shy smile, apparently lost in the memory of just how they had spent the morning, and nodded slowly. “Oh, you know. We weren't bored.”

No, they hadn't been bored. At all. He chose to leave the rest up to Rachel's imagination – even if there wasn't really much to tell. Yes, they had returned to bed after breakfast for a lazy and drawn-out round two, but that had been it for now. He didn't really feel like sharing how they had spent the rest of the morning bouncing around the living room in their underwear, singing along to show tunes on the top of their lungs. Or the way Blaine had kept stealing the tomato slices while Kurt had attempted to make them sandwiches for lunch, and the way he had finally retaliated by throwing handfuls of lettuce at Blaine, turning the whole thing into a gigantic food fight. Or the two hours after lunch (and cleaning up the kitchen) they had spent on their stomachs on Kurt's bed flipping through books and magazines, reading out interesting passages to each other, leading to a conversation about traveling and all the places they wanted to go (together, of course, and Venice was on top of that list).

No, in some way, all of that felt even more private and just between them then the stuff Rachel was clearly implying with her question.

“We definitely had fun,” Blaine agreed with him, giving him a warm look that Kurt couldn't turn away from.

“Do you need me to head out again for an hour or so?” Rachel bumped her shoulder against his on her way back to the living room, laughing. “I hope not, because I have no intention of moving from this couch today. At all.” She dropped down on it with a huge sigh, covering her face with one arm. “Flying is exhausting.”

In the end, they stayed with Rachel in the living room, talking all afternoon, until it was time for Blaine to head back to his dorm. Classes started again the next day and as much as they didn't want to say goodbye, they knew this was the most sensible thing to do. It was quite a distance between their places, after all. And suddenly Kurt felt his chest tighten with the knowledge that as amazing as this day had been, and as much as they would both do to repeat is as soon as they could, it might actually be some time before they got the chance again. Starting with the next morning, routine would set back in. Routine that would allow them to be together a lot, but definitely not whenever they wanted.

Blaine must have felt it too, the way he lingered in the living room after saying goodbye to Rachel, the way he took some extra time to gather all his belongings he had scattered around Kurt's meticulous room throughout the day.

Kurt followed him out into the hallway, nudging his suitcase with one foot. “I could go with you to help you with this. Drop you off. It's still early, I could stay for maybe half an hour before I had to get back...”

“It's okay,” Blaine assured him. “I know you're tired, and we'll see each other soon, right?”

“All the time,” Kurt answered. “I want to see you every day, if possible.”

Blaine just nodded, looking at him with those dark expressive eyes. “I'll call you tonight,” he promised.

Kurt nodded, holding out his arms and Blaine practically fell into them, clinging to him so tightly Kurt almost couldn't breathe. He never wanted him to let go.

“I love you, Kurt,” Blaine said, his face pressed into Kurt's neck. “So much.”

“I love you too,” Kurt said back, feeling the pressure of tears behind his eyes. He blinked rapidly, fighting them back as well as he could. This was stupid. Ridiculous. Even if it wasn't every day, they would still get to see plenty of each other.

Eventually, Blaine pulled back, and after a last sweet, lingering kiss, lifted up his suitcase and disappeared down the stairs. Kurt stood out in the hallway until he heard the front door open and close two floors down, then went back inside his apartment.

And now, almost a full day after he had left Ohio, did he begin to feel seriously homesick. And not only for his old home back in Lima.

**

“I have a confession to make,” Blaine began their nightly phone call.

“Oh?” Kurt pressed the phone closer to his ear as he slid under the covers, having cut his skin care routine short because Blaine had called early.

“I... kind of stole your shirt. The one you were wearing this morning.”

“You... what?” Kurt blinked, momentarily confused. “Why?”

“Because it smelled like you,” Blaine explained. “I'm wearing it now. To sleep in. I wanted... I wanted it to feel like you were here. With me.”

Kurt closed his eyes, feeling so deliriously happy and so full of longing at the same time. “I forgive you,” he said, rolling over to press his nose into the pillow for a moment. “My bed still smells like you. It's nice.”

“I miss you,” Blaine told him. “Is that silly? We _only just_ saw each other. But I have classes tomorrow morning and you have classes in the afternoon, and the day after that doesn't work either...”

Kurt sighed. “I miss you too, even if it's silly. When _will_ we have time to get together again?”

Blaine seemed to go over his schedule in his head for a moment. “How's Thursday?”

Kurt shook his head, even though Blaine couldn't see it. “Classes until eight. Unless you want to come over and spend the night?”

“Can't.” Blaine sounded sad. “Classes in the morning on Friday. But I could come by after?”

“Jesse texted me. There's some kind of thing for his new musical Friday all afternoon until whenever. How about after that? I'll leave at nine no matter whether he's done or not. He hasn't even written all of it yet.”

Blaine was quiet for a while on the other end. “Okay. I guess Friday night it is then.”

Kurt swallowed, took a few breaths before he spoke again, hoping not to sound too disappointed. “That's five days.”

“Five days,” Blaine repeated. “It's... We'll have to make it extra special. I'll surprise you. We haven't been on a real date yet, I'll take you out. Deal?”

“Yes. That sounds wonderful.” He tried to make it sound as cheerful as he could manage, but no one could read him like Blaine. He should have known he couldn't fool him.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked.

Kurt let out a frustrated sigh. “This isn't going to be easy, is it?” he asked.

“It's going to be fine,” Blaine assured him.

“Only seeing each other on the weekends? Unless one of us has plans then too?”

“We'll make it work,” Blaine said. “We're going to see each other all the time and I'll call you twice a day. Three times. Four, five, if you want. You'll be sick of me within a month. We'll make it work.”

“How do you know that?” Kurt asked.

“Because I love you,” Blaine answered. “Simple as that.”

“I love you too,” Kurt replied. He knew it was true. He just wished he didn't have to wait almost a week to tell Blaine in person again. They lived in the same city, for god's sake.

He rolled his face back into the pillow that still smelled like Blaine once they had said goodnight and just breathed in, feeling calmer instantly. Of course Blaine was right. He knew that. It was just that he was homesick _and_ missing his boyfriend now. But it would be all right. As long as Blaine was in his life, everything would always be all right.


	15. How To Make Two Lovers Of Friends

To Kurt's relief, the week did go by pretty quickly. School kept him busy, and on top of that, Jesse returned, together with epic plans for his new musical. He made Kurt act out parts of it and try out some of the songs with him, which, besides being flattering, was also kind of exhausting. But even though he didn't have much time to miss Blaine at all, he did anyway.

They had been hanging out almost every day in Ohio after Christmas, and being apart for five whole days now – it was the longest they'd been apart since they'd become boyfriends and Kurt didn't like it at all.

And then Friday was Jesse's musical thing, which turned out to be mostly a gathering of the few people Jesse had cast already. He made them try out different scenes and songs, scribbling down things in a notepad and alternating between telling them how to “improve” and walking around between them with a cross between a disapproving and sympathetic expression on his face.

“Hey, Amy, could you maybe try lowering your voice to a volume that won't carry all the way to England? I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it sounds ridiculous.”

“Okay, Greg? If that's your best attempt at a depressed face, I don't ever want to see you when you're really happy. You must be insufferable.”

“Kurt? Could you maybe stop looking at your watch every ten seconds? There's nothing in the script telling you to do that and as much as I appreciate my actors interpreting their own roles – within certain limits – I really don't think – ”

Kurt sighed audibly. “It's just getting really late now and I told you – ”

“Late? Oh please. Once we've _really_ started rehearsals, we'll be here until midnight the way you're all acting like you've never been on a stage before.”

“It's 9 p.m., Jesse,” Kurt reminded him. “I told you that was as long as I could stay.”

“I have no memory of that,” Jesse insisted, checking his notepad as if everything he'd ever had to memorize in his life was written down there.

“Regardless.” Kurt grabbed his bag that he had placed on the front row of seats, slinging it over his shoulder. “I did tell you, and I do have plans tonight. I am going now.”

“Plans?” Jesse looked confused for a moment, then his face brightened. “Oh. You're meeting that small guy, right? Blake?”

Kurt sighed. “You know his name, Jesse, and he's not that small. But yes, I am meeting him. Right now, in fact. And I'm sorry if that interferes with your fun evening of criticizing all of us, but I – ”

“No, no, by all means, go.” Jesse waved his hand toward the exit, nodding enthusiastically. “Say hi for me.”

“You... I... what?” Kurt took a tentative step backwards in the direction of the door, ready to run if he had to.

“You don't want to keep him waiting, I understand,” Jesse said.

“I just... you understand?”

“Look.” Jesse put on his best patronizing expression, patting Kurt's shoulder. “I have put a lot of thought into this, recently. You know, how to preserve your sanity when you're a star, how best to deal with the pressure of being famous. You may still have a long way to go until then, but it's best to get into some sort of a routine early on, I suppose.”

“I have no idea...”

“There seem to be two common ways of dealing with it,” Jesse interrupted. “Drugs, or a stable home life. You know, a partner, kids, a dog to take care of. Something like that. Well, and working with me, you will inevitably get your taste of stardom sooner or later. Probably sooner with all the doors I can open for you. Better to hang onto the things that will keep you sane then right now, so you don't have to turn to drinking or worse once it all becomes a little too much. I wouldn't want to have to replace you. You never know when you might crack – this production might only be a small taste of what real fame is going to be like, and I do think you can take quite a lot; you seem to work well under pressure, which is important. But better safe than sorry, right?” He gave Kurt his widest smile, looking as if he had just shared the most revolutionary insight into the human mind.

“So...” Kurt shook his head lightly. “What you're saying is that me dating Blaine is good for your musical.” _For this not-even-finished, slightly ridiculous and a lot over the top musical, in a small theater that was mostly being rented out for A.A. meetings and rehearsal space for the nearby high school these days._

“Yes.” Jesse grabbed his shoulders, turning him around and shoving him towards the door. “Now. We've been over your more important scenes already and you don't want to keep Blake standing out there all by himself for too long. Some old woman might mistake him for a lost puppy and put him in her purse to take him home. And, between you and me, most of the others will need far more extra rehearsals than you do anyway. Some of our last lessons must really have stuck with you. I knew you'd learn a lot from me.”

Kurt swallowed down the biting response on the tip of his tongue – after all, from Jesse, this was almost a compliment, the closest thing to a compliment he'd ever get from him, probably. “Thanks,” he managed, restraining himself from sprinting to the door before Jesse could change his mind and decide he’d rather Kurt be a drug addict instead of happy. “I'll see you later,” he called over his shoulder, not stopping until he was outside, finally.

And there was Blaine, leaning against the wall next to the door, hands shoved into the pockets of his coat. Blaine, whom he hadn't seen in five days, five days that, truthfully, had seemed like an eternity to him, even if he was probably too old by now to be quite so dramatic. He didn't care. It was Blaine. How had he ever made it through this week without seeing him?

“Hi,” he breathed, giving Blaine just time enough to get out his name before he had his arms around him, kissing him like it had been five months rather than days.

“Oh god, I missed you,” Blaine managed when they came up for air, and Kurt only nodded quickly before attaching his lips to Blaine's again.

He still couldn't _believe_ how good this felt. Had it felt this good last week? Or had they both miraculously gotten better at it over the past days? Curling his fingers into the back of Blaine's coat, he pulled him closer, felt Blaine's arms tighten around him in return. It was so easy, just giving into this, losing himself in the sensation of holding and being held, the wetness of Blaine's lips against his, the scent of his cologne, the roughness of his winter coat under his fingertips.

“So, how about that date you promised me?” he asked when they finally just had to catch their breath.

Blaine smiled at him, that special smile he had given Kurt so many times during the course of their friendship, the one Kurt could finally fully make sense of. _I love you_ , it said, the words unspoken yet perfectly clear in the air between their faces.

“Yes. Let's go.”

Blaine took his hand, threading their fingers together as he led him away in the direction of the subway.

**

“Have I mentioned that you have the best ideas sometimes?” Kurt asked, snuggling closer to Blaine on his subway seat. “Going on a date with you is so much better than being stuck in Jesse's rehearsal.”

“Well.” Blaine shrugged. “I'm afraid it's not going to be fancy or anything, you know, right after Christmas and everything...”

“Blaine, I can pay for my own meal, I told you – ”

Blaine held up a hand to silence him. “I am taking you out and I'm paying. This time,” he quickly added, seeing Kurt roll his eyes at him. “You can pay next time. Promise.” He reached for his hand, pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles. “Just let me do this for you tonight. Let me buy you dinner and get the door for you and all of that. It can be your turn next time. I think I'd really like that. If you'll go out with me again,” he added with a grin.

“Actually, that sounds great,” Kurt said. “Are you...” he paused, wondering how they could have overlooked this detail in their plans for the night. “Are you staying over? After? Or do you have to go back to your dorm? You don't have anything with you so...”

“Oh.” Blaine smiled at him shyly. “I kind of stopped by your apartment before I came here and left my stuff there. I hope that's okay? I just thought you wouldn't mind...”

“No, no, of course I don't mind,” Kurt hastened to assure him. “I don't mind at all. I _want_ you to spend the night. I'd be disappointed if you didn't.”

“Good, then.” Blaine kissed his temple, squeezing his hand a little tighter. “I'm glad. I missed you so much this week – I'd hate to say goodbye to you again so soon.”

It had started snowing again by the time they stepped off the subway and back out onto the street, so they wrapped themselves tightly in their scarves, clasping their gloved hands together before strolling down the pavement together, silent now in the warm glow of the streetlamps and the soft fall of snowflakes around them.

It was freezing, and yet Kurt felt nothing but warm inside, Blaine's hand in his, their shoulders bumping as they walked side by side. The flickering candle on their table as they talked about their weeks over plates of overcooked pasta a gentle imitation of the pleasant wave of heat running through him as Blaine hooked their ankles together under the table, smiling at him like he'd hung the moon.

He felt so loved, so content. All of the things he'd been afraid he would never get to have. Blaine gave them all to him, and it still astonished him how he hadn't seen it sooner; how he hadn't known all along that this smart, funny, beautiful, caring, ridiculous man was all he had ever wanted. He felt loved, and he loved back so fiercely he thought it should frighten him, considering they had only been together for a few weeks. But then he had known Blaine for almost two years – so he knew exactly just how lucky he was. Blaine _liked_ most people, but being loved by him like this felt like such a privilege, it almost took Kurt's breath away sometimes.

He reached out, covering one of Blaine's hands with his own. Blaine met his eyes and Kurt couldn't speak, so instead he just smiled and kept breathing. He had the feeling that Blaine understood him anyway.

Coming back to the apartment after dinner, he found that Blaine had not only dropped off his things earlier, but also bribed Rachel to clear out for the night and take Jesse with her. So, instead of coming home to his roommates he found himself in an empty living room with hi boyfriend, a bottle of champagne ( _David bought it for me_ , Blaine explained), and nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company for one glorious, uninterrupted night.

**

“What are you doing this Sunday?” Kurt was lying on his bed, spending his Friday night studying while both Rachel and Jesse were out. Having a quiet apartment to himself was a rare occurrence these days. He had been bent over books for hours now, and Blaine's call had been a welcome distraction.

“I actually have plans this Sunday,” Blaine told him, the regret evident in his voice. “I've been meaning to tell you – David invited a few of our old friends from the Warblers to New York and we're going to hang out Sunday... You could come along if you want.”

“No.” Kurt sighed, rolling over onto his stomach. “That's okay. Just... call me before you go to bed? I hate that we won't see each other at all this weekend.”

“I hate that too,” Blaine answered. “I don't know when I'll get home, though... could be pretty late.”

“Call me anyway,” Kurt said. “Wake me up if you have to.”

“Okay. Maybe we can get together sometime next week? Just for a quick cup of coffee. I really want to see you.”

“Yes, please. I really want to see you too.”

“I've actually considered skipping my last class today just so I could come over and surprise you.”

Kurt laughed. “As much as I would have loved that, please don't start skipping classes for me. We'll see each other again soon.”

“I wish I'd done it, that class was boring anyway. Plus, this... that class... isn't what I want to be doing anyway. With my life. You know that.”

Kurt bit his lip. They had had this conversation a few times – Blaine was getting more and more frustrated with his studies. He missed performing. “Have you talked to your parents yet?” he asked.

Blaine sighed on the other end. “No. I was going to, but somehow... It's difficult.”

“I know it is. But you know that I'll be there for you whatever you decide, right? I'll support you no matter what.” He just wanted Blaine to know that, even if it wasn't truly helpful.

“I know that. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They talked for a few more minutes before Kurt had to return to his books. He really hated spending Friday nights like this, but sometimes, he just had no choice. The fun life of being a student who actually liked his classes.

**

“Where are you? I can hardly hear you.” Kurt pressed the phone closer to his ear as of he could crawl right through the speaker to wherever Blaine was.

“On my way to the subway, the street's so noisy, hold on a second...”

Kurt waited, listening to the noises fade until it was mostly Blaine breathing into the phone he was hearing.

“Better now?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“Just stepped into one of the stores for a second. But I have to run soon, I'm already running late as it is.”

“I was just calling to ask you if we could do Sunday brunch instead of Saturday this week. Or maybe Saturday dinner followed by Sunday brunch? It's just that I have a surprise rehearsal for a class project this Saturday...”

He broke off when he heard Blaine sigh on the other end. “I don't think I can do Sunday morning. My parents are actually coming to the city on Sunday and I have to meet up with them.”

“No, god, of course you do.” Kurt felt a little disappointed at even less time with Blaine to look forward to, but of course he couldn't expect him to ditch his own parents to meet up with his boyfriend. “But Saturday night?”

“Sounds good.” Blaine sounded rushed, a little stressed, and Kurt wanted nothing more than to be wherever in this goddamn city Blaine was right now to hug him and rub his back and tell him everything would be okay.

“Do you want me to come over? If you have to be up early on Sunday it should be me who does the traveling all over the city.”

“That would be great, Kurt. I know your apartment is cozier than my dorm room, but I'll at least tell the roommate to get lost for the night so we have some alone time. Or we'll go out and...” Kurt waited for Blaine to continue, his fingertips itching to reach out and run his hands through Blaine's hair. He hadn't seen him in days. “Could you... stay over? I mean, I do need to get up early on Sunday and I know it's the one day you like to sleep in, but...”

“Absolutely, yes,” Kurt interrupted. “I will. I miss you. I'll stay over.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now run. I'll see you Saturday.”

**

“Hey.” Kurt tried to control his breathing, having just sprinted from the bathroom back to his bedroom as he'd heard his phone ring. He'd been getting ready to take a shower and had only taken the time to quickly wrap a towel around his waist, holding it up with one hand as he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hi,” Blaine answered. “Sorry I missed your call last night, I was out with friends and didn't hear...”

“It's okay,” Kurt assured him, even though it wasn't, not really, but he didn't want to be that kind of a boyfriend. “I was pretty tired after rehearsal anyway. Just wanted to say goodnight.”

“We can talk now,” Blaine offered. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Kurt sighed, cursing their timing which seemed to be forever off these days. “But I have class in an hour and I haven't even showered yet and – ”

“Oh, no, all right. It's fine.” Blaine sounded disappointed, and Kurt hated it. Two weeks since they had last seen each other.

“I'll call you tonight, okay?” Kurt tried to sound cheerful, failing miserably.

“Yes, okay. Talk to you then.”

“Blaine? I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Kurt dropped his phone on the bed, making his way back to the bathroom quickly before one of his roommates realized it was free and beat him to it. He was already late and needed to get going.

**

“It's just... I know it's incredibly last minute, but it was the only time we were all free and...”

“But you weren't free tonight, Kurt, we had plans,” Blaine insisted. “I thought you _wanted_ to see me.”

“I do, but we have this big project we're working on...”

“Stood up for a study group. Great.”

“I can come over after and we can hang out, okay?”

“I have an early class tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“This sucks.”

“I know.”

“Well, I guess I'll see you whenever, then.” Blaine sounded angry, and Kurt could feel the frustration and hurt rise up in his throat. This really wasn't his fault.

“I guess,” he said coldly. “I'll call you tomorrow after class.”

“I might be busy tomorrow after class. Sometimes I have plans of my own, you know?”

“Fine,” Kurt snapped. “Whatever.”

“Fine,” Blaine echoed. “I'm sure you have a lot to do, so I'm not going to bother you anymore. Bye.”

Kurt resisted the urge to smash his phone against the wall, instead just dropped it onto his bed before sinking into his desk chair, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Whatever,” he repeated, his voice sounding rough and strange in his ears. This wasn't his fault.

**

“So he fired the entire cast?” Blaine laughed into the phone, the sound sending a pleasant shiver down Kurt's spine.

“Well, you know how Jesse gets when something doesn't go one hundred percent his way. He re-cast all of us twenty minutes later, though. Apparently he was just 'trying to scare us'.”

“Oh my god, I wish I could have been there,” Blaine said, a smile in his voice.

“I wish you could have been there too. I wish that all the time,” Kurt answered. Maybe it was silly; they usually saw each other almost every weekend. They met up during the week whenever their schedules allowed. It was just that this semester, their timing just never seemed quite right and once again it had been only phone calls for well over a week now.

Blaine was silent for a minute before saying, so quietly Kurt barely heard him: “I have to cancel Saturday, by the way.”

It was Kurt's turn to be quiet now as disappointment swept through him. Not wanting to be too pushy after their last big fight, he tried to keep his voice level as he spoke. “Why?”

“I have... Kurt, it's actually a good thing. I wanted to tell you tonight, but since we won't see each other...”

“What is it?” Kurt could hear the hint of excitement in Blaine's voice and he wished so badly he could be there to see his face right now.

“Two things.” Blaine took a deep breath. “One: David got me an audition. On Saturday. It's a small production and my chances of getting in are next to none, but, Kurt, I've finally started. This is a step in the right direction, isn't it?”

“Blaine,” Kurt breathed, all thoughts of feeling unappreciated forgotten. “That's... wonderful, I'm so happy for you...”

“That's not all, though,” Blaine interrupted. “Two: you know that cute little club just off campus I took you to last time? I have a gig there Wednesday night.”

“What?” Kurt actually jumped up at that, unable to suppress an excited little squeal. “That is amazing. Oh god, Blaine, that is... so amazing. When?”

“9 p.m..”

“I'll be there.” Kurt didn't even need to think about it – of course he'd be there.

“You have rehearsal Wednesday night.”

Kurt shook his head. “Ask me how much I don't care. They can do without me this one time. There is no way I won't be there to see you play for the first time. A real gig. A real gig making music for other people, Blaine!”

“I know. I can't quite believe it.”

“I can.” Kurt sat back down on his bed, wiping at his eyes where they were tearing up a little. “I always believed it. Always believed in _you_. I'm so... I'm just so _proud_ of you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

“You mean a lot to me. You know that, don't you?”

“I've suspected something like that,” Blaine said and Kurt could picture the wide grin on his face so clearly.

**

Kurt had to actually not only ditch rehearsal, but also skip his last class of the day to be on time for Blaine's first gig at the club, but he found that he didn't mind one bit. He was nervous, almost as much as he was any time he had to go on stage himself, and at the same time ridiculously excited and so proud he was close to bursting with it.

He took special care assembling his outfit for the night, not that he didn't always, but tonight it had to be perfect. Blaine deserved perfect, and nothing less.

It only took him about an hour. Everything finally in order, he left early, making a last stop at the flower shop around the corner to pick up a beautiful bouquet of red and yellow roses for Blaine. He just wanted to have something for him – something to tell him _I love you so much and you deserve this more than anyone I know_. Sometimes, he just didn't have the words to explain the things he felt for Blaine.

He knew how long Blaine had waited for a chance like this, how long he’d hoped for the opportunity to finally pursue his dreams, and this was such a big step for him. And Kurt had every intention of giving Blaine nothing but his full support, being there every step of the way. Because he knew in his heart that it wouldn't end here. Blaine was just so _insanely_ talented, and he was ambitious too, in his own way – kinder and gentler than Kurt and Rachel in his approach to his dreams, but no less passionate. Kurt loved that about him; Blaine was just... he was so _good_. It was a sad truth that the kind souls in this world often went without being noticed for the fact alone that they didn't believe in shoving others out of the way to get where they knew they belonged. But Blaine was truly amazing, too much so to go unnoticed forever and Kurt... he just felt so, so happy. Blaine deserved the world. He couldn't give that to him, but he could bring him flowers and be in the audience, supporting him every step of the way. Just like Blaine had always done for him, would always do for him. He'd be at that club tonight, Blaine's first and biggest fan, from now until the day he died and after that still. It would never, never change. He'd never let it.

He and Blaine had agreed to meet at Blaine's dorm and take the short walk to the club together. Kurt arrived fifteen minutes early – he hadn't wanted to wait a moment longer than necessary to see Blaine again. They really hadn't spent much time together lately.

Blaine opened the door seconds after he'd knocked, his face lighting up as always as he saw Kurt standing before him, flowers in his hand and a matching smile on his own face. He looked a little stressed, a lot nervous, and really, really excited.

“Hi,” he greeted him. “Finally.”

“I know. Hi.” Kurt looked him up and down, wondering how after more than a year of friendship seeing Blaine could suddenly take his breath away every time they met. Or maybe it had always been like this and he just hadn't been paying attention. “I brought you something,” he said, offering the flowers to Blaine.

“Kurt.” Blaine took the bouquet, inhaling the sweet scent for a moment before looking back up at him, eyes shining. “I... Thank you. You didn't have to.”

“I just... I wanted to let you know how happy I am for you. How proud I am to be with you.” Kurt reached out, taking Blaine's free hand into his own. “Because I really, really am.” He leaned in, pressing a short, chaste kiss to Blaine's lips. After almost two weeks apart, the brief contact shot sparks of tingling pleasure through his veins.

“Let me just put those in a vase and then I can greet you properly,” Blaine whispered, their faces still close enough together that Kurt felt his breath against his cheek.

“Okay.”

It turned out Blaine didn't actually own a proper vase, but they found a large water glass and minutes later the yellow-red flowers were decorating Blaine's night stand, right next to the framed picture of them Rachel had taken at her New Year's party, showing the two of them in Rachel's basement, Kurt hugging Blaine from behind, cheeks pressed together, huge smiles on both their faces.

“So.” Blaine turned towards him, sliding his arms around his waist. “Here we are now.”

“Yes.” Kurt wrapped his own arms around Blaine's shoulders, the warm and solid feeling of Blaine's body making a shiver run down his spine after days of nothing but phone calls. “And I believe I was promised a proper greeting. I'm still waiting for that.”

“Well, you see,” Blaine's hand was rubbing small circles into his back, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his bright smile. “I have this amazing boyfriend and he showed up at my door early tonight to give me flowers. I got a little distracted over that.”

“He sounds like a great guy,” Kurt said. “I hope he makes you happy.”

“The happiest I've ever been,” Blaine said, his voice so serious all of a sudden, breaking slightly on the last syllable.

Kurt closed his eyes, resting their foreheads together. “You make him really happy too, by the way,” he said. “I know for a fact that he's insanely in love with you.”

Blaine responded by kissing him, long and wet and a little hungrily, and Kurt kissed him back and just held on, heart pounding in his chest the same way it had on the Dalton stairs on Christmas eve. He hoped that feeling would never go away.

**

“Are you nervous?” Kurt felt like he was bursting with tender affection for this boy whose hands were shaking as he opened his guitar case, a focused expression on his face, the smile spreading there a little too forced as he turned his head to look at him.

“No,” Blaine answered immediately. “Yes,” he corrected himself a moment later, laughing shortly. “Ridiculously.”

“Don't be.” Kurt rubbed his shoulders comfortingly, kissing his temple. “I know you'll be so great, Blaine.”

“It helps that you're here.” Blaine leaned against him, taking a deep breath and Kurt couldn't control the fluttering of his own heart.

“There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now. Or ever.”

“It's been a while since I performed for a real audience. Not since the Warblers Christmas concert.”

“Don't forget open-mic nights,” Kurt reminded him, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin under Blaine's ear as encouragement.

“Not the same,” Blaine pointed out.

“They are going to love you. I don't see how anyone couldn't.”

“You're a little biased, though, you have to admit.”

“Doesn't mean I'm wrong.” Kurt let go of him then, nudging his shoulder with his own. “Now go be amazing. I love you. So much.”

“I love you too.” Blaine smiled at him, real this time, less nervous than before, and started tuning his guitar.

Kurt stayed close to the stage – the club wasn't crowded, but there was definitely an audience. Blaine wasn't the only one playing that night, so it was mostly his own friends from college plus the friends of the other artists playing, plus a few stray students who had decided coming here tonight was preferable to hanging out at the library cramming for upcoming tests and sweating over papers. Kurt knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that some of them would come back the next time Blaine played somewhere. He just _knew_. There was no way at least some of them wouldn't see what he saw every time he looked at Blaine. How breathtakingly wonderful he was. How very worth coming back for. Hell, Blaine was worth _everything_.

And then Blaine hopped onto the stage, taking his time adjusting the microphone, and Kurt could see him settle back into his own skin, could feel him taking himself to that place where he knew how to do this, watched his smile get more and more confident as he fiddled with the microphone, adjusted his guitar strap, that spark returning to his eyes as he finally looked up to glance over the audience.

“Good evening,” he said, his eyes finding Kurt's as he struck the first chord on his guitar and Kurt couldn't have been prouder of him if he'd tried.

Over the course of the evening, Kurt watched the people in the club as much as he watched Blaine, watched them break apart from their little groups and migrate closer to the stage, humming along to the songs they knew, more and more of them clapping and cheering for Blaine after every number. He won them over one by one, talking to them, laughing with them between songs, so confident and relaxed now. So... in his element.

This was where he belonged, Kurt realized, not for the first time, but it never quite hit him like this before – Blaine made people happy. He had a gift. The gift of bringing joy to others and Kurt would never get tired of seeing it, hearing it, feeling it. And he would be damned if he'd let him waste it any longer – anything he could think of to get Blaine onto a stage more often, he'd do it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seem Blaine like this: so comfortable, so excited, so... happy. Happy about what he was doing. This was what he loved to do. This was what he was best at. This was what he _had_ to do with his life, regardless of what his parents or anyone else seemed to think about it.

Even if the songs he was playing were still other people's now, one day they'd be his own. One day, he would be on a bigger stage, surrounded by people who were there to see him and only him, would pay money to see him, Kurt was sure of it. Just as sure as he was of the fact that he'd still be there himself, backstage or in the audience, wherever Blaine needed him. He would be there, with Blaine. Kissing him for good luck before every performance, being in love with him as much as he was tonight. And Blaine would do the same for him – be there for all of Kurt's opening nights, calm him when he needed it. Like he already had in the past, before they had even been together. Kurt hoped (knew) that this aspect of their relationship was never going to change. Together, they would make it. Both of them, through everything.

“ _All of these lines across my face / Tell you the story of who I am,_ ” Blaine began his last song, locking eyes with Kurt and he smiled, touching a hand to his heart, mouthing the words “I love you” up at him.”

He couldn't believe his luck sometimes. After Lima, after his awkward attempts at dating since he'd come to New York, and then suddenly there he'd been, Blaine, _his Blaine_ , and he hadn't known being in love could feel like it was part of your soul, the feeling itself like a missing piece, like he was more himself now he'd realized that loving Blaine was part of who he was. “ _Because even when I was flat broke / You made me feel like a million bucks,_ ” Blaine sang, and Kurt didn't care about the audience anymore, he was just glad that this was Blaine's last song, because he needed to kiss him. He needed to wrap him up in his arms and never, never let go.

“ _And they don't know what I've been through like you do / And I was made for you._ ”

He saw it with such clarity: the rest of his life. With Blaine. And maybe he was getting ahead of himself, because they'd only known each other for not even two years, and after only a few months, their relationship was still fairly new (even if it didn't always feel like it), but still. He couldn't see this ending, ever. Any kind of end to this would break him. Maybe that's why the concept of forever had been invented in the first place.

Blaine was still looking at him, and Kurt shuddered at the intensity of the moment as the whole world narrowed down to the sight of his slightly sweaty, very happy boyfriend up on that stage. 

_But these stories don't mean anything_  
When you've got no one to tell them to  
It's true, I was made for you 

Blaine's smile was bright enough to be almost blinding and Kurt could hardly hear the cheers of the crowd over the pounding of his heart in his ears. He knew he was clapping, his vision blurry with tears, his own grin so wide his cheeks hurt. Feeling in love, so in love.

He waited for Blaine who was packing away his guitar, making friends with the band who'd played before him. They had stuck around to listen and were apparently asking him to sing with them some time. He could see the excitement radiating off of Blaine. And Kurt was glad, so glad that this night had been a success for Blaine. It was a crappy little college bar, but still. It was a start. And a great one at that, because everyone had _loved_ him.

“Hey,” Blaine greeted him, guitar case slung over his shoulder, looking tired but energized at the same time, a feeling Kurt knew all too well from the aftermath of each of his own performances (at school or at New York's smallest, most run-down theater-slash-community center).

Lost for words, he just wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders instead and kissed him, soft and slow. “You're a star,” he said against his lips once he found his voice again. “You're amazing.”

“It felt so good to get to do that again,” Blaine admitted. “I've missed it so much.”

“You have to do it again,” Kurt answered. “Soon. Promise me you'll do it again. You're too good not to.”

“I don't think I could stop now that I really remember what it feels like.” Blaine pressed his head against Kurt's neck. “Thank you for being here tonight. With me.”

“Always,” Kurt promised, and meant it.

**

There were other fights over the next few months, and there was a time right around finals when they simply didn't find the time to meet up in more than three weeks except for a quick cup of coffee twice.

But the next time Blaine landed a gig, Kurt was there, a proud smile on his face and generous with his words of praise, his love and his support.

Blaine was there for the opening night of Kurt's second musical, took him out to dinner later before they returned to Kurt's apartment where they made love until the early hours of the next morning.

When they found a little time to visit their families in Ohio during the summer, they planned it so that they were on the same flight both ways. Before they had even left the airport in Ohio, Blaine had been invited by both Burt and Carole independently from each other to come over for as many family dinners as he wanted.

Kurt got to meet Blaine's parents at last, something he had dreaded and really wanted in equal measure. It was awkward, but not unpleasant. Blaine had assured him they had no problem whatsoever with him bringing a boyfriend home, and he'd been right about that. Kurt was welcomed with open arms into their family. What they did have a problem with, though, was their son admitting to them that he was planning to pursue a music career – there was arguing and begging and reasoning and endless remarks along the lines of “don't you remember how difficult it was for your brother with his acting at first.”

Blaine had told Kurt about this – as proud as his parents were of his brother now, it had taken them some time to come to terms with his life choices. Being away from home a lot of the time, they had always wanted to know their children somewhere safe, and that included career paths, apparently.

“It's just such a big risk to take,” his father explained, “I thought we had discussed this several times after your graduation. We know you're good, Blaine, but that's not all it takes to make it in that business.”

Blaine hated making people unhappy and Kurt held his hand while he defended his choice, assuring them he wasn't going to drop out of school to do it and he'd still attend his classes and everything, he could still be a music teacher if all else failed, so could they please, _please_ support him and accept this about him, until his mother sighed, making Blaine promise one more time to not miss too many classes over rehearsals and all of that, and then asked Kurt to at least record Blaine's next performance for them so they could see him. They probably wouldn't be able to be there themselves since they were rarely ever home. Of course he agreed, and then stayed until late at night, holding Blaine's shaking body as he cried with relief over everything.

They had been dating for almost half a year and Blaine had spent countless afternoons and nights at Kurt's apartment when Jesse finally started calling him Blaine and seemed able to remember the name. They had karaoke nights with Rachel and David, and on the other hand both kept doing things with their own friends, not wanting to become one of those entirely co-dependent couples.

And suddenly, Kurt found, that he could handle not seeing too much of Blaine for a week or two, just maybe a half hour for coffee one day and an hour for lunch a few days later, if they were both busy with other obligations. Because he knew, deep down, that he would still be there once their schedules cleared. He would always, always be there, waiting for Kurt. Just like Kurt would always be waiting for him.

**

It was a month after their one-year anniversary.

They lay on Blaine's single bed, on their sides, legs tangled under the covers and Kurt couldn't stop stroking his hair, his face, kissing his eyelids, his nose, his mouth. They were silent now, all the words of love and affection already whispered into each other's skin earlier. And yet there was one more thing he wanted to say, a few more words he wanted to get out before they fell asleep.

“I want us to move in together.”

Blaine, who had been close to drifting off, opened his eyes, the surprise and hope in them making Kurt's throat feel tight with affection.

“Really?”

“Yes.” He had thought about this a lot, and come to the conclusion that it was where they were heading anyway. He didn't want to wait any longer. He wanted his best friend, his boyfriend, his _Blaine_ all the time. “I'm not saying we should move in together next week. We should find a place that's an equal distance between our schools and that we can actually afford. And I have to give Rachel and Jesse a fair amount of time to find a new roommate they can both live with. But I want this. I want to come home to you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I want all of it. With you.”

“I want that too,” Blaine breathed, shuffling away a little so they could properly look at each other. “I want that so much. But... are you sure? This is a big step.”

Kurt nodded. “I'm sure. If you are. We can wait a few more months... or years, if that's what you prefer. I just wanted you to know. That it's what I want. That you are what I want. To come home to. Not just random nights and weekends.”

“Kurt.” Blaine touched a hand to the side of his face, eyes welling up with tears. “Of course. Of course, yes.”

“Okay.” Kurt reached up to put his hand over Blaine's where it was still resting on his cheek, holding it there. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Blaine echoed, before closing the rest of the distance between them, kissing Kurt, who kissed him back like his life depended on it. In some ways, he thought, it did. “This is great. Can we paint the bedroom walls orange? I always wanted orange walls but you can't do that in a dorm. Oh god, I'll never have to miss you again,” he added.

“Never,” Kurt agreed. “The same thing goes for the orange walls, by the way. Never.” He laughed at Blaine's pouting face, threading his fingers through his boyfriend's curls. “We'll be seeing so much of each other, we'll be sick of each other within a month.”

“Never going to happen.” Blaine laughed, his breath warm on Kurt's face.

“So, we'll just... we won't rush it, we'll just keep looking for a place that's right.”

“And once we find that...” Blaine slipped an arm around his waist, burying his face against Kurt's chest.

“Once we find it, we'll be living together.” He couldn't believe it.

“Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“I really, really love you. So much sometimes I can hardly breathe.”

He closed his eyes, feeling warm and safe and happy and calm all over. “Oh Blaine.” If only there was a way to put it into words, the love that swelled up inside of him until it felt like there wasn't enough room inside of him to contain it all. So he settled for “I love you too,” hoping that Blaine would understand the full meaning of the words anyway.

**

And shortly before classes started again in the fall they finally put both their names on a new lease form and were handed the keys to their first place together, halfway between their schools. It was small, it was on the fifth floor without an elevator and there was a weird smell of soup lingering in the stairwell, but to them,, it was all their dreams come true. It was the place where they'd come home to each other every night.

After a last night of drinking, talking, laughing and singing with Jesse and Rachel and a teary goodbye between them and Kurt, they left for their new place together in the morning, with the last of Kurt's stuff from the old apartment. Kurt was nervous, excited, happy, strangely exhilarated all at the same time, and even though he didn't say it out loud he could feel that Blaine was going through the same stages from the way he clutched his hand tightly in his own as they climbed up the stairs to their floor together.

_The beginning of the rest of our lives_ , Kurt thought. He was looking forward to every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Blaine is singing at his gig is "The Story" by Brandi Carlile. If you don't know it, do yourself a favour and listen to it: <http://youtu.be/dYyn2rZ_QYI>. The song reminds me of Kurt and Blaine. Besides, it's really beautiful and everyone should know it, yo.


	16. Epilogue

“Are you sure you packed the books I put on the coffee table?” Kurt asked for the tenth time, and Blaine rolled his eyes, a cross between a fond smile and an amused grin on his face.

“Kurt, you reminded me a hundred times. I swear, I packed them.”

“It's just that we're going straight to the airport from here and I've never had any time for reading lately and –”

“Well, I'm not sure you'll have much time for it now, I was kind of planning on keeping you—busy. If you know what I mean. You will _not_ be spending our entire honeymoon reading, you know I have ways of distracting you. Or...” he bounced in his seat, face lighting up like he'd just had the most brilliant idea ever, “you could just read naked, that way we'll both get something out of it.”

Kurt laughed at his suggestively raised eyebrows, reaching across the table to slap his shoulder playfully. “You're impossible, I swear I don't even know why I married you.”

Blaine caught his hand, held onto it as he leaned over to place a soft kiss against Kurt's lips. “You needed someone to keep you away from coffee when you have an important audition coming up.”

“True.” Kurt leaned back in his chair, sighing loudly. “It's a valid reason. And I know that you only married me because you needed someone to pick you up off the living room floor when you fall asleep there and carry you to bed.”

Blaine gasped, feigning indignation. “That was _one time_ , Kurt!”

“It might happen again.”

“I had a ten-hour dance rehearsal that day. I was exhausted.”

Kurt shook his head, thumb running gently over the back of Blaine's hand. “It was adorable, though.”

“I wasn't really going for that,” Blaine pouted.

“You never have to try. You just are.”

Blaine frowned, pretending to think about Kurt's words. “What about the underwear I keep leaving on the bathroom floor?” he asked.

“Well. That's a reason to file for divorce, of course,” Kurt answered, lifting his husband's hand to press his lips to the back of his fingers.

“Of course,” Blaine hung his head, shrugging. “I was afraid of that. Dammit. Could you just... maybe wait a day or so with that? I'd like to be married to you for more than three hours.”

Kurt sighed loudly, making a face like he'd been asked to take out the trash during the best scene of his favorite movie. “Ugh, really, that's asking a lot, you know that, don't you? But, fine, I'll think about it.” He was about to lean in for another kiss when Rachel dropped into the chair next to him.

“Why aren't you two dancing?” She asked, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “This is your wedding. And here you sit like a sixty-year old married couple.”

“Oh my god, we have been up on that dance floor for at least an hour already,” Kurt answered, rolling his eyes at her. “Just let us take a little break. _Please_.”

“She's right, though.” Blaine nodded, playing with Kurt's fingers on the table. “We should be dancing. It's our _wedding_ , Kurt. How often do you get to dance at your own wedding?”

Kurt shrugged, eyes locked with Blaine's. He just couldn't stop smiling. “I was kind of hoping that this was my only opportunity of doing that,” he answered.

“Same here.” Blaine sighed, running a hand over his face like he was close to collapsing with exhaustion. “All of this planning is just _so_ much work. I'm never doing that again.”

“Oh god no,” Kurt agreed. “Well, but there goes my beautiful plan of leaving you tomorrow for someone cuter and richer. Oh well,” he said, trying his best to look resigned despite the huge smile on his face “I guess we'll just have to learn to live with each other, then.”

“I guess so. However will me manage?” Blaine shook his head slowly, the effect of his attempt at seriousness a little ruined by the way the corners of his mouth kept twitching upwards.

“You know what?” Rachel chirped in. “If the two of you ever leave each other I'm fully prepared to give up my Broadway career and become a truck driver. With flannel shirts and a secret second family in Canada and everything.”

Kurt and Blaine turned in their seats, looking at her blankly at which Rachel only laughed, rolling her eyes at them. “Because it will never happen,” she explained.

Blaine looked incredibly touched at that, Kurt felt a wave of affection and gratitude for his friend who had, after all, played an important part in the beginning of everything that Blaine and he had now. “Thank you, Rachel,” he said, voice soft. “That's... incredibly sweet of you.”

“So, are you going to dance with me now, or what?” Blaine asked, sitting up again with a renewed gleam in his eyes. “I really want to show you off to all of my friends.”

Kurt cleared his throat. “Honey, I think you already got that covered when we went through this entire ceremony earlier. You know, the one where you promised to love me forever and ever? You remember that? I was the guy in the suit standing next to you and holding your hand?”

“Well, yes I do, but _they_ might have forgotten,” Blaine explained. “Can't hurt to remind them. Plus, we _are_ being a little boring right now, I suppose."

“Well, my feet hurt,” Kurt complained. “And Finn's on the dance floor, I'm afraid we'll get injured.”

“Hey!” Rachel punched his shoulder. “He's not that bad. Well,” she added, casting a quick look over to her boyfriend who was either dancing by himself or very impressively pretending to be a human helicopter. “He's a little out of practice, I guess, but... oh, whatever.”

“Who's out of practice?” Jesse dropped into the chair next to Rachel, eyes hidden behind a dark pair of sunglasses.

“Will you take those off already?” Kurt asked. “It looks ridiculous. And we're _indoors_.”

“I don't want to be recognized,” Jesse explained for the hundredth time. “I'm here to celebrate with my friends, not to hand out autographs to the adoring masses.”

“Jesse.” Blaine's voice was soft and calming, like he was speaking to a little child. “All the people in this room are our friends, and therefore your friends as well— ”

“—Because you are still doing your best to worm your way into every aspect of our lives, seriously, you're just _always_ there,” Kurt interrupted.

“So they have all seen you before and we promise you can take those off without being harassed in any way.”

“What about—”

“There will be no one fainting over recognizing you either.” Kurt held up a hand, cutting off Jesse's protests before he had a chance to really get started. “They will behave and there will be no fainting whatsoever. We promise.”

“Oh, fine.” Jesse dropped the glasses onto the table, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the light. “For you, I will risk it. By the way, did you get my gift?”

“The free tickets to the opening night of your show?” Kurt rubbed his leg where Blaine had just kicked him, ignored the whispered _be nice_ his husband of a few hours hissed into his ear. “Yes, we did. That's so—” he cast a sidelong glance at Blaine, melting a little at the silent plea in those tender eyes. Okay, if it was so important to Blaine, he'd even be nice to Jesse today, “thoughtful of you.”

“Yes, thank you,” Blaine added. “We can't wait to see it.”

“Just...” Jesse looked around before leaning across the table conspiratorially. “Don't tell anyone or they'll all want free tickets. I got those _just for you_. That's why I also got you the blender. It's a cover, in case anyone asks what I gave you. You never know who's working for the press or mentions something to the wrong people...”

“Really, thank you so much,” Blaine repeated, cutting Jesse off at seeing the way Kurt's ears started turning red from holding back replies. “We appreciate it.”

“I suddenly do feel like dancing again,” Kurt decided, tugging on Blaine's hand. “Care to join me?”

“Like you even need to ask.” Blaine's grin was so bright, Kurt felt his heart flip over in his chest, even after all these years.

He got up from his chair, only to suddenly find himself face to face with Ted. “Kurt, hey.”

“Oh, hi, Ted.” He accepted the offered hug, waited until Blaine and Ted had greeted each other as well. “Thank you so much for coming today.”

“I wouldn't have missed it.” Ted laughed, patting Kurt on the back. “Remember when we broke up? I told you I'd be there when you and Blaine got married. You called me crazy.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows, taking a step closer to Ted and looking very interested. “Tell me more about that,” he said. “My husband said getting married to me was a crazy idea?”

“Well, he needs a while sometimes.” Ted sighed dramatically. “At least he figured it out eventually. Everyone else knew ten years before either of you did, seriously.”

“It did take him a rather long time, didn't it?” Blaine agreed. “I think maybe you and I should talk some time, I get the feeling that you could tell me some interesting stories.”

“Oh god, would you stop?” Kurt hid his face behind his hands, blushing slightly. “We all know I was the oblivious one here. Get over it. I did marry you, after all.”

“Only three hours ago. It could have been a year and three hours ago if you had listened to your friends,” Blaine pointed out.

“Oh my god, really?”

“Just saying.” Blaine shrugged. “I'm not complaining, you know, the weather this year is definitely better than it was last July, but—”

“Shut up.” Kurt silenced him with a kiss, threading his fingers through Blaine's and leading him away to dance, weaving their way through the crowd of their friends. Rachel had rejoined Finn by now, holding his hands firmly—probably more aimed at keeping him from flailing them around wildly than because it was a comfortable dancing position. Luke was there, dancing with his current boyfriend, smiling at him as they walked past.

“Oh, hey, there's Patrick,” they heard Jesse calling in the background. “Hey, Patrick, hold up. There's something I wanted to talk to you about. It's because I'm writing my autobiography right now and I was wondering...”

“Is it weird that we invited all of our ex-boyfriends?” Kurt asked.

“All three of them.” Blaine laughed. “Ted, Luke, Patrick... Hey, two thirds of them are actually yours. You and your reckless past, all those boys while I was waiting patiently for you to notice me... Oh my god. What did I marry?”

Kurt spun him around, pulling him to his chest to begin slow-dancing.

“Do I really need to apologize for that again?” Kurt asked, burying his face in Blaine's curls. “Because I will, you know? As often as you need me to, for the rest of our lives.”

“I know, and you don't,” Blaine answered, voice soft. “It wasn't like I saw it much sooner. I'm just kidding, you know that. Just the obligatory 'our ex-boyfriends are dancing at our wedding' humor.”

“I didn't know that was a thing,” Kurt said, holding Blaine tighter so he could feel his laughter vibrating against his chest.

“I don't think it's weird that they're here, though,” Blaine continued. “It might be, if we weren't still friends with them. Then it would be _really_ weird, actually.”

“Your thoughts are especially deep tonight.” Kurt laughed.

“Well, I might have had a drink or two earlier. It was a special occasion.”

“Really? What did you do today that was so special?” Kurt slid his arms down Blaine's back, shivering as Blaine pressed his lips to the side of his neck.

“I love that that's going to be a part of our days now too, you know?” Blaine asked. “That question. _Hey, honey, I'm home, how was your day_.”

“Blaine, that's been part of our lives for years.” Kurt grinned, his skin tingling with love and happiness and the promise of forever that they had finally made official in front of all of their friends. “But yes, I know what you mean.”

“I love you.”

Kurt nodded, resting his face against Blaine's, his breath against his lips like a series of the softest and most tender kisses. “I love you too.”

They kept dancing with their arms tight around each other for the rest of the song, more swaying to the music than anything else. It was still overwhelming, Kurt thought. There had been a time when he hadn't believed he'd ever find someone he truly wanted to be with, or who would want to be with him this way, this much.

And today, he had married his best friend _and_ the love of his life, the most wonderful person he'd ever met who happened to love him back with such intensity Kurt could feel it in his very bones. It _was_ overwhelming. It was more than he had ever expected to have or had ever believed to deserve and he had never been one to think of himself as undeserving. Still... with everything he had achieved, everything he had gained, Blaine was still what surprised him the most. He just couldn't get over the feeling of loving so completely, so unconditionally and knowing that the feeling was returned in equal measure.

The music stopped and they both looked up, seeing Rachel climb up onto the stage and commandeer the microphone. “I know you all want me to sing now, but there's a little something left on the agenda before we come to the fun part of the evening,” she announced. “I know most of you know Kurt and Blaine pretty well, or else you wouldn't be here. And we are all here today to celebrate these two, who, let's face it, are so ridiculously and sickeningly cute together, none of us will ever really have the chance to compete with that. And I know we've all made our fair share of jokes about it throughout the years, but, guys?” She looked at them directly at those words, a kind, affectionate smile on her face. “You do know we only joke about it because we're jealous, right?”

Blaine curled into Kurt's side and Kurt caught his father's eyes across the room, his heart warming at the happy, approving smile he saw there.

“Anyway. Today, we're here to show them how happy we are for them. Those two are the proof we all need sometimes that happy endings are, in fact, possible. That's why I, in my capacity as one of the best men,” she nodded to David, Blaine's best man, who was waiting by the side of the stage for his turn, “would like to tell you the story of how they met and how they just didn't get it right for over a year. To remind you all that while they have progressed in record time to that matching-ties, holding the door for each other stage that you usually only see with couples over seventy or in really bad movies, they have had quite a journey getting there.”

Kurt shook his head, hand finding Blaine's. “I knew I'd regret asking her to be my best man. I should have asked Finn.”

Blaine leaned up, kissing him softly. “Come on, it sounds like a good story. And I already know the ending. I don't want to give away too much, but I think you'll like it.”

“Oh, I definitely will.” Kurt reached for Blaine's face, holding it between both hands as he kissed him back, a long, slow kiss that promised a lot of the same and more for later that night. “I have a feeling that it's the kind of ending I've always dreamed of.”

“Okay,” Rachel started. “So, Kurt and Blaine grew up only two hours apart, but never met until the day they both left for college in New York... I mean, what are the odds of that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My biggest thanks to queenofthemambo, who betaed this entire thing for me.


End file.
